Chapter 8:

The Parlor of Doom, Bloody Shoes, and the Color Blue

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Blaise smiled while leading Ernie down a dungeon corridor.

"Goyle, you've been acting odd lately, more so than usual. I mean, hanging around Granger? Surely you have standards man!"

Ernie gulped nervously- he knew this wasn't a good idea. Glancing hurriedly at Zabini and then at the room they had stopped beside, he nearly wet his pants.

Blaise laughed uproariously as he noticed Goyle staring in horror at the torture chamber- or as he affectionately dubbed it 'the parlor'.

"Don't worry, I won't tell Draco about your little girlfriend. Besides, even if he did somehow find out I'm sure he wouldn't mind…much."

Chuckling to himself, Blaise shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and strode down the hall to the Slytherin common room. Whispering "defaeco" to a portrait of a serpent coiled around a fruitful tree, he motioned absentmindedly for Ernie to follow. After slipping through the entry and into the common room he cleared his throat and called for Malfoy.

"Draco, you moping brat! I've found your lover-"

Ernie gasped and clutched his heart before cowering in a nearby corner.

"Eh, sorry mate. I must have given you a nasty shock. I'm kidding about the lover comment."

"S'alright," wheezed Ernie.

"Well I was quite disturbed myself, Blaise. Don't do it again."

"Of course, cap'n"

After sneering at the slightly taller boy, Draco sniffed indignantly and proceeded to turn on Goyle- or rather Ernie- next.

"And you, what's your excuse? The-boy-who-lived-to-be-a-pain-in-the-arse and the Weasel cornered me today….and I was missing a protector. And another thing-" Ernie blinked stupidly and tuned him out; who knew Malfoy was such a whiner.

"-and I, and I chipped a nail! And I got blood on my new shoes!" He wiggled a foot at Ernie. "I really like these shoes too. They were an early be-initiated-into-a-group-with-smelly-dark-robes present."

Deciding he wasn't winning any sympathy, Draco plopped on the couch and pouted.

"You don't respect me, Goyle."

Ernie choked on his own saliva and stumbled over his words.

"Um…sorry?"

Draco smiled gaily and latched onto Ernie.

"You do care!"

Blaise snorted in disgust and decided to interrupt their disturbing moment.

"Draco," he began. "I caught Goyle earlier with…"

Sniffing loudly, Draco batted his eyes wildly.

"I can take it Blaise. Go ahead; with whom? Another-" He sobbed loudly. "Another man?"

Ernie decided to visit his corner again as the water works were turned onto high.

"With…Granger!" Blaise finished with a flourish.

Draco stiffened and flung an emerald green pillow at Ernie.

"Damn you! We're through!"

Blaise exhaled happily as his blonde friend ran up the stairs.

"Don't you just love a happy ending, Goyle?"

Ernie nodded hysterically still a bit spooked by his encounter with a real, live psychopath.

The two boys settled on the couch and sat in an awkward silence. Ernie, deciding 16 years was long enough to live, coughed and scratched his head.

"So," he ventured. "What's your favorite color?"

'Oh dear Lord, this is the end.'

Blaise cocked his head at Ernie, who was currently scampering under the couch opposite, and uncrossed his legs.

"I haven't really thought about it. Blue, I suppose."

"Oh," Ernie blinked. "That's interesting." Bounding back onto the couch across from Blaise, he pulled out a notebook and scratched his chin.

"You got a quill?"

"Sure."

Now equipped with a quill, Ernie began rapidly firing questions at Blaise while looking at the clock frequently.

"Ideal girlfriend?"

12:59 p.m. – Only 28 minutes left.

"Allergic to cats?"

1:04 p.m. – 23 minutes.

"Favorite subject?"

1:09 p.m. – 18 minutes.

"Astrological sign?"

1:13 p.m. – 14 minutes.

"Ideal number of children?"

1:16 p.m. – 11 minutes.

"Muggles?"

1:21 p.m. – 6 minutes.

"Lovely chatting with you, Zab-er…Blaise. But, I need to…go eat. Yes, that's right. I'm hungry."

Ernie sprinted to the door not even pausing when Blaise spoke.

"Goyle, I'm sort of hungry too. Maybe I'll join-"

"Sorry! Starving, got to go!"

And with that, Ernie raced out of the Slytherin common room through the dungeons all the while chanting directions in his head.

'Left, left, right, left, and right. Up the stairs- don't forget to jump the 13th step. Left, right, pass the dancing armor, and left again. '

Finally he burst into the deserted Girl's bathroom Hermione had told him about and ducked into a stall already morphing back into himself.

Arms shrinking and hair growing, along with other various changes he leaned against the stall door and looked at the doodlings on the wall.

Waiting for the transformation to end, he read: "Veronica Myers is a-".

"Ernie!"

Recognizing the tones of everyone's favorite bookworm he shrugged out of the spare robes he'd procured and into his own while mumbling "Mmmm mmm mmmmm."

Not even bothering to clarify his mumbling, he stepped out of the stall and promptly checked his hair in the mirror.

"How did it go?"

"Alright."

"Ernie…"

Forgetting his cool, calm, exterior he sobbed and fell into her arms.

"It was horrible Hermione! They had sharp, pointy objects and I think Malfoy made a move on me!"

"Oh…"

Sniffing, he grabbed a conviently placed tissue box and dabbed his eyes delicately.

"But, you got the information, right?"

"Yup!" His demeanor changed abruptly. "His favorite color is blue!"