Chapter 9:
Molina Bannock, cat allergies, and Eric- No, Edmund- Eh, It Starts With an E.
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"Blue," Hermione voiced. "Huh, I never would have thought that."
"Yes," he shuddered. "It really was traumatizing though. You owe me like 20,000 favors!"
"Uh huh." While shrugging off his comments, Hermione leafed through the notebook containing Blaise's likes and opinions, courtesy of Ernie Macmillan.
"Ideal girlfriend is Molina Bannock? What is this Ernie?" She gripped the pages with the statement in question, breathing heavily. Of course Zabini would want to date the supermodel gracing the cover of Wizard Daily- Witch Weekly's exact opposite and rival magazine.
"Eh? Oh, yeah. I think he was kidding about that one. Bloke wouldn't answer my questions straight."
Resigning herself to his ineptness, she settled more comfortably into her chair and continued to read the dialogue between Blaise and Ernie. Luckily when the latter asked for a quill, Blaise had absentmindedly handed him a Quick Quotes Quill (sold at a book store near you!), and so the whole encounter was documented for Hermione's eager eyes.
'Ideal girlfriend?'
'Molina Bannock, most definitely. Now really, Goyle what's this all about?'
'Not sure what you're talking about- allergic to cats?'
'No. Wait. Why did I answer that?'
'No idea, maybe you have a split personality. Favorite subject?'
'Arithmancy. Are you feeling alright, Goyle? Maybe I should take you to the-'
'Feeling fine, thanks. Astrological sign?"
'Aries- are you sure? You're acting odd. A bit like that odd twit in Hufflepuff.'
"H-Ha, which odd twit? Um…ideal number of children?"
'2-3 maybe. Eric? No, Edmund. Eh, something with an E.'
'W-Well, that's interesting…muggles?'
'Hmmm, don't mind 'em. Depends I suppose on the person…'
"And…that's where you'll stop reading," stated Ernie nervously as he snatched the paper from Hermione.
"Why?"
"He starts rambling about random muggle women. Here, I'll read part: 'Ami Ecke, some French model is…'" Ernie swallowed loudly. "Well, I won't read any more."
"Anyway," he continued. "I did some extra research on your compatibility."
"I see," Hermione interjected, eying the crumpled newspaper in Ernie's vacated chair.
"Yes, anyway you're a Leo and he is an Aries." Ernie plopped down on his chair, further crumpling the newspaper, all the while looking smug.
"Right. That's a bit vague, Ernie."
"Ugh." Rolling his eyes, and then adopting the wow-she-is-stupid-isn't-she look, Ernie painstakingly pulled the newspaper from beneath him and thrust the horoscope section into her face.
"See, it says right here." A pause. "You don't see it? My goodness, give that here."
Frightened and cowering behind a pillow at his slight manic obsessiveness, Hermione surrendered the paper to him.
"Ahem, you are 'Generous and warmhearted, broadminded, faithful-'"
Hermione beamed with pride, slowly relinquishing the pillow to the sofa.
He continued: "-loving, bossy, interfering, and patronizing.' Wow, they've got you down pat, haven't they?" With a growl from the girl opposite him, he squeaked and decided to move onto Zabini.
"Um, here we are. Zabini is 'adventurous, energetic, courageous, confident, and quick-witted.' He is also 'foolhardy, risk taking, selfish, impatient, and quick-tempered.' Hey, that's a pretty good description of him too! How do they do it?"
"Get to the point, Ernie!"
"Alright, alright! It says later that Leo and Aries are compatible because of the fiery personalities or something like that."
"Oh, that's a nice image."
"Yeah," Ernie smiled oddly. "I thought so."
Clearing her throat and making a note to never again ask Ernie for help with boys, Hermione stood and extended a hand to Ernie.
"Well, thank you for all of your hard work Ernie. I really appreciate the time you've invested in stalking Blaise Zabini for me."
"Y-you mean," Ernie also stood quivering with tears forming in his eyes. "I'm fired?"
While shaking his limp hand Hermione tried to reason with him. "I simply don't have the funds to keep you on any longer. I'm terribly sorry."
"What? You weren't going to pay me…"
"Oh, right."
Silence enveloped the room in its awkward embrace.
"So…does this mean I'm not fired?"
A shrug and then: "I suppose."
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