Author's Note: I wove some of the details from Oedipus Hex into this chapter because it brings in more of Lindsay's past. Needless to say this contains spoilers for Oedipus Hex. After this chapter however no more episode rehashes, I promise!

DISCLAIMERS: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Jerry Bruckheimer and the wonderful writers for CSI: NY. Any resemblance to scenes from the episodes is included for clarity and continuity and I do not claim any of those as my own work. However everything else is mine.

A Distraught Mother

A week past and Lindsay was managing to put one foot in front of another each and every day. Things were very passive between her and Danny but she knew he was watching her. She tried not to think too much about it. She just went in, did her job to the best of her ability, came home, took a sleeping pill to block the nightmares and slept. One day was just like the next, only the victims and circumstances surrounding their deaths were different. She was essentially numb until one night they were called to the murder of a young girl. The girl was lying face down but her face was turned to the side so Lindsay could see that she was very young, maybe 18 or 19, definitely no more than that. She was supposed to be photographing the victim but all she could do was stare. How sad for this young girl, for her life to be taken so early and tragically. And emotions began to well up in her.

Danny was standing behind her sensing her hesitation. "You okay with this?" he said quietly. He always seem to know these days when she was in angst and in this new quiet way of his, he was supporting her, getting her through. He may not have realized it but she was thankful for it.

"I'm okay," she replied. She choked back her emotions and began photographing.

When they arrived back at the lab, she did not go to the morgue to hear Sid's M.E. report but instead began processing the evidence which was more benign than seeing the body of that young girl all cleaned and processed. They always looked so much younger and more innocent in that state and she just couldn't handle it, not with this victim.

Danny came in to check on her. After discussing her findings thus far, Sid came by and told them that the victim's mother was here. They looked at one another in surprised and Danny asked her to handle it.

"I can't handle distraught mothers, please do this one," she said.

"Why not?" he asked concerned.

"I can do fathers all day long, just not distraught mothers. Please," she pleaded.

"Okay" he said quietly.

At the end of the day she had gone home exhausted but instead of taking her customary sleeping pill she had pulled out the shoebox. She hadn't had it out since the night she had received the anonymous phone call about Laurel. She hadn't heard from the caller since then and no murders of women fitting his M.O. had come through the CSI office so she was beginning to think she had imagined the whole thing. It was probably someone from back home who was playing a prank on her. Anyone who had lived in Bozeman at the time of the murders and read the papers would have enough information to say what they had said to her on the phone the other night. That must have been it. I mean the murders had stopped suddenly after Laurel's death. There was no real explanation for that. So it was probably due to some freak thing or blessing from God depending on how you looked at it. The killer probably had been killed in some freak accident. Serves him right! She sighed. She would probably never know who Laurel's killer was or what happened to him or why he did what he did. All she could do now was go forward with the present. Let go of all that baggage.

Even if she had justified the anonymous phone call and the unknown whereabouts of Laurel's killer, the wounds from Laurel's death were still fresh in her mind and heart. That was something she still had to deal with. She began to sift through the contents of the box. There was one particular photo she was looking for. When she found it, she caressed each face in the picture as if they were there with her. "Oh how I wished things could have turned out differently," she whispered to the people in the picture.

"Mr. and Mrs. Monroe we are very sorry to have tell you this but your daughter, Laurel was murdered last night," the lead detective on the case said to her parents. Lindsay watched as her father's face registered shock and her mother's crumpled. "What?" her mother said in disbelief. "How, where, why?" her father's voice broke on that last word. "I'm very sorry for your loss," the lead detective said sympathetically and then he continued. "If it will be easier for you I'll let Lindsay speak to you about the details while we continue to work the case." They nodded mutely.

Lindsay recalled that next to finding her younger sister murdered in her own apartment in Bozeman, that that had been absolutely the worst moment in her entire life.

"Mom, Dad," she began softly. Her own emotions were close to the surface threatening to spill over but she wanted to do this, to offer any comfort she could while they processed through the horrible details of Laurel's death. She would only tell what she thought they needed to know at this point but it was still going to be painful. "The detectives are working around the clock to try to find Laurel's killer. We are very hopeful at this point that we will have the suspect in custody soon." "Where did they find her?" her mother implored tearfully. Lindsay gulped. This was going to be one of the hardest details. "They found her in my apartment." "What!" her dad asked incredulously. "Why wasn't she with Chad?" "Chad had to leave suddenly on business in Denver and she decided to stay with me rather than be alone in their apartment." "I don't understand," her mother said, "Where were you?" "I got called away on a case about 11 pm," she replied. "No, no, no" her mother cried hysterically. "I can't do this, I can't bury my daughter. Lindsay why did you let this happen to her? She had her whole life ahead of her." Her mother continued to sob hysterically and her father hugged her tightly. "I think that is enough for tonight, Lindsay. I'm taking your mother back to the hotel. She needs some rest," her dad said grimly. Lindsay's eyes filled with tears, "Mom, Dad I'm so sorry." She put her hand on her mom's shoulder but her mom violently shrugged it off. Her haggard face looked blankly into Lindsay's as she said, "Don't touch me Lindsay! This is your fault; you should have never left her alone." Lindsay was stricken with disbelief and grief. She could only stare at the retreating backs of her mother and father as they left the interrogation room. Then she sat down at the table, put her head on her arms and cried.

Lindsay thought about her mother. She didn't have much of a relationship with her these days. She tried but her mother seemed to block every attempt Lindsay made to reconnect with her even now two years later. Her mother was stuck in her grief and blamed Lindsay for Laurel's death. Lindsay didn't want to be there, didn't want to become a mere skeleton of the person she once was. She wanted wholeness and happiness in her life. The only way she could do that is if she began to heal herself. Then maybe, just maybe she could talk to distraught mothers, maybe even her own.

She looked back to the box and a Mickey Mouse watch caught her eye. She smiled as she remembered how Laurel had loved that watch. She had saved her allowance for two months one summer and when they had all taken a family vacation to DisneyLand that summer, she had proudly bought the watch. She had only been seven years old. Lindsay turned it over in her hand. It probably still worked. All she had to do was put a new battery in it. Maybe she would do that tomorrow. Maybe it was time she started having some reminders of Laurel around. She kept the watch and the picture of her and Laurel from Laurel's wedding out and placed the rest of the items back in the shoebox. Tomorrow would be a different day.

The next day, Lindsay caught up with Danny in the hallway on the way to the interrogation room to speak to the victim's mother that she had refused to speak with yesterday. A video tape made by the victim for her mother explaining her feelings towards her mother had been recovered from the victim's apartment. As part of the wrap up of the investigation they were going to allow the mother to view it. It had a very positive message and they felt it would help the mother in her healing process.

"I'll take the mother today," she said to Danny as she took the video out of his hand.

"Are you sure?" he was searching her face for any explanation in this change of attitude from yesterday.

"Yeah," she said confidently. "It's part of the job." She didn't know what else to say. Any other reason would have required much more explanation. She just knew it was something she needed to do for herself.

The mother was waiting dejectedly and as she watched the video, her face crumpled and she began to sob. The daughter stated how much she loved her mother and how she was following her dream to do the things her mother had never done. Lindsay put a hand on her shoulder in comfort and the mother gripped it tightly in appreciation. Lindsay bowed her head lost in her own emotion and prayed that some day she would be able to put her hand on her own mother's shoulder and it would be appreciated.