A/N: Hello everyone!! Again, I want to thank you all for your amazing reviews. I know some of you have mixed feelings about what's going on here with Naley but hopefully this chapter will clear a few things up. Originally I had several chapters written ahead of time but as I slowly run out of them faster than I can write them, updates should be every other day instead of each day. Hope that's okay. And I hope you like this chapter, the next one will be a little more light hearted after the drama you're about to read ;)

Chapter 17 - Hold Her Closer

So hold her closer when she cries

And hold her closer when she feels she needs a hand to hold

Someone who'll never let her go again

And hold him closer when he's down

When his world is upside down

Turn it around, turn it around

Out in the sand with nothing but a quiet calm between them, Lucas was loathsome to break the silence. He wanted to just enjoy the moment with Brooke but he also knew that there things that needed to be cleared up first. Thinking about the expression on her face back at the card table nearly broke his heart.

Lucas could guess that the others only saw anger but he looked past the obvious emotion and found fear lurking not far behind.

Taking her hand in his, he gently tugged to get Brooke to stop walking once they were far enough away from the house. "I never would have taken Theresa up on anything. Whether you and I were together or not," he said quietly as she stood in front of him.

"I never meant for it to sound like I thought you would," Brooke replied tiredly. He knew she was nervous by the way she rubbed the palm of her free hand against the denim of her jeans. "I just really need you to understand that my world isn't nearly as nice or pleasant as yours. Everything is a game to everyone and we all know how to play it well. Some more than others." There was that word again that had always seemed to come up after he first joined the team. The Game. The problem was that Lucas didn't understand its meaning now anymore than he did then.

"So then help me understand."

"It's ugly," Brooke shrugged and bit her bottom lip contemplatively.

"All the more reason for me to understand," Lucas gently replied.

Brooke had always told herself that one day she'd explain it to Lucas. If he decided to stick with the team, he'd eventually find out about it all anyway. She figured it would be best if it came from her though. Now that the time had come, she wasn't so sure she could get through the whole explanation. At least not without possibly losing Lucas in the process.

"Well I guess to start with… the premise behind it all is power. The question is how do you get it and the answer is through loyalty," Brooke began a bit uncertainly. "That's where it becomes tricky and where it gets very ugly." Reigning over the others alongside Nathan meant that Brooke had seen more than her fair share of broken spirits. She watched the guys break the newbies until they bent to their will. Then they learned to hide it, just like the cheerleaders placed masks over their insecurities. Masks made of sarcasm, alcohol and promiscuity.

Brooke knew it well. After all… her mask had been thicker and tighter in place than anyone else's.

"Typically, a person is supposed to earn loyalty and respect based on the way they treat the people they want it from. But it doesn't work that way in our group," she continued, albeit reluctantly. For his part, Lucas listened attentively and hadn't shown any hints of disgust yet which Brooke took as a good sign. "So we use fear. Everyone gangs up on the newest member and we find a way to either scare or embarrass them. From that point, someone is usually so anxious to be left alone that they'll do anything to be accepted." As she said it, Brooke was the one who was embarrassed.

As the seconds ticked by, she could imagine that Lucas' opinion of her was considerably lowering.

Brooke didn't blame him though.

During her own freshman year, she had been appalled by the concept. Brooke couldn't imagine how everyone just accepted it for what it was. How they just allowed it to happen. Looking back, she had even been more shocked and angered by the process than Haley had when she learned the truth about it all.

"Go on," he said evenly.

Brooke wished he would look at her but a part of her was glad that he didn't. Having to look into his expressive eyes would have made it too difficult to continue.

"So, that's the initiation process. For some it stops with one night and with others… well it's more of a constant battle," she quietly concluded, thinking of all the little things Nathan and the other athletes had done to make Lucas feel out of place. All the things they would have continued to do if Nathan hadn't made his promise. "Loyalty and fear kind of become intertwined. For the most part, the person with the most power is usually the one that the others fear most."

His eyes had darkened, Brooke noticed. Even with only a faint hint of moonlight shining down on them, she could still see the way his jaw tightened reflexively. She felt him release her hand before stuffing both of his deep into his pockets. It was strange how she began to feel cold from the loss of his simple touch. "So what's the other way?" he asked in a quiet, controlled voice.

"What?" Brooke asked, confused by the sudden question.

"You said that for the most part, it's how they got the power," Lucas repeated. "So what's the other part?"

"Oh," she said, knowing that he had caught on to something she'd prefer not to delve deeper into. "That." Brooke wanted to stall for time and pushed the errant strands of hair out of her face as the wind blew them across her eyes. "It's either instilling the most fear… like I said. Or it's taking the most hell without breaking."

Nodding, Lucas looked out in the distance, taking in all this information that seemed so clichéd he almost laughed. But it wasn't funny. Not by a long shot. Not when he got the impression that plenty of people had been broken along the way. The basketball team and cheer squad alone had more than twenty students. Lucas could guess that the initiation process wasn't anything new so it was likely that more than hundreds had participated over the years.

And now… Nathan and Brooke had way too much power over their peers for it to not have happened regularly amongst their squads.

Lucas had no doubt that Nathan had played his part perfectly. It was Brooke that he wasn't so sure of.

Despite everything she just told him, he couldn't imagine her standing by and watching it happen. Her heart was too big. So he asked.

"So how'd you get yours?"

Brooke had been afraid he'd ask it. She had even expected it but it still didn't make it an easier to answer. "The second option, actually. I didn't break, not that they didn't try their damndest to make me." What she didn't say was that Nathan had unknowingly been the reason why she held on. Brooke figured it wasn't something Lucas would want to hear. "When everyone keeps pushing you to the ground and you keep standing up… they start to realize it isn't as fun as it once was. So they stop pushing but you never get the chance to stop fighting."

Two years later and she was still fighting only now it wasn't her peers. It was phantom ghosts that carried with them memories of the girl she used to be.

"What did they do to you?" His voice was considerably softer. Lucas still looked so uncertain about everything but Brooke could see the relief in his features. His jaw finally relaxed and his hand reached out for hers again. She didn't blame him for needing to hear that she hadn't acted like the others. She would have wanted the same assurance if their roles had been reversed.

"Some day Lucas… but not today."

It wasn't the first time she had said those words to him and Lucas could only guess that it wouldn't be the last either.

He looked down and saw that Brooke's eyes were pleading, silently urging him to accept her inability to open up about her initiation. Even though she understood his curiosity and acknowledged that sooner or later she'd have to tell him the truth… Brooke couldn't bring herself to do it just then. Not when there was party raging on nearby. Not when anyone could lurk in the shadows and listen to a tale that wasn't meant for their ears.

"Luke…" But whatever it was that she had intended to say was silenced when he tugged her a little closer and pulled her into his embrace.

His arms were warm against her wind chilled skin. Try as she might, Brooke couldn't describe the feeling of security she felt every time he held her. The steady beat of his heart pounded against his chest and echoed in her ear as she leaned against him. Like everything else about Lucas Scott, it was soothing.

He had buried one hand in her lustrous hair and closed his eyes as she molded herself to his body.

"Why do you stay?" It was a whisper against her ear. A question that Brooke had assumed would eventually come.

"Because sometimes I have a chance to do some good," Brooke said from where her head was buried against his chest. The words were a little muffled but Lucas heard them none the less. "Like with Peyton. I made sure that it wasn't half as difficult as mine was. I tried to make it easier for a lot of the girls." Although not everyone would consider it easy, Brooke knew that it was when measured against her own hazing. And Nathan's too for that matter.

"So then you knew about mine?"

It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement.

Brooke also refused to lie to him. She realized that it wasn't fair considering the fact that she had asked Haley to do it. But Brooke was desperate to get as much of it out in the open as possible. She wanted to let go of the baggage she carried around with her each and every day. Being honest with Lucas seemed like the only way to do that.

"Lucas… the truth is that Haley didn't just overhear some conversation in the cafe," Brooke quietly admitted. Pulling back, she wanted to see his eyes. She wanted to know if he'd be able to forgive her once he knew more of the truth. "I knew what was going to happen and I also knew that there was no way I could prevent it on my own. So I went to her."

It seemed like such a life time ago to Brooke. It was hard to believe that it had only been a month.

"It took a lot of convincing before she finally believed that I was being honest. But when I did get through to her, she agreed to help," Brooke softly continued. "Then between the two of us we managed to get you back home long before the rest of the team knew you were gone. And afterwards I asked Haley not to tell you I was involved. She wanted to be honest… but I wouldn't let her."

Processing it all was going to take longer than the few minutes they had been out side. So Lucas put everything aside for later consideration and instead focused on the latest revelation. "Wait, what do you mean? What exactly did you do?" Brooke noticed that he still didn't seem angry at her. Just confused. She was grateful for it, hoping that it would continue to last as more pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place.

"You were basically passed out in the woods. I knew the spot they had left you in," Brooke said simply. It was always the same spot every year. "So Haley and I drove down there and carried you into the backseat of my car," she shrugged. "We drove you home. Then while Haley stayed in your room to watch over you, I went back to the party like I was supposed to and pretended to be just as surprised as everyone else when they realized you were gone."

More questions were expected but what Brooke hadn't anticipated was what Lucas said next.

"That was before we were friends." He said it, almost as if he was talking to himself. "That night, I mean. It was before we started talking." Looking back, Lucas remembered how Brooke had pushed herself between him and Nathan two days later at school. How she flirted and teased him to get him away from his angered brother. A boy that she didn't seem to be at all afraid of. Unlike the majority of the people he knew.

"I've told you once before that I've liked you for a long time now, Lucas." She murmured the words quietly, wondering offhandedly how things managed to get so serious so quickly. It was strange as Brooke considered that a drunken mass of people continued to party nearby while they stood outside discussing the ins and outs of Tree Hill High's initiation process. "But that wasn't the only reason," she added. "I've known Nathan for a long time. Well enough to have realized that he'd never give you a fair shot. So I took things out of his hands."

She had risked plenty but Brooke never came out and said so. There was really no point. Lucas didn't need to feel like he owed her something and Brooke didn't want it either. She just needed to know if his opinion of her had changed since they first walked outside. Could he see past her colorful background unlike most people she knew? Or would it just be too much for him to deal with?

"Say something. Please."

But he didn't answer at first. With a questioning gaze still adorning his face, Lucas led Brooke further down the beach.

The air seemed to get quieter but cooler with each step.

Brooke had no idea what to expect from him next.

In its entirety, the truth was overwhelming. For something as silly as a high school hierarchy, there were many layers. Each a little worse than the one before it.

"I wish you trusted me enough to tell me everything," Lucas admitted quietly as they sat side by side on the sand.

"It's not about trust," Brooke insisted. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to stop the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. "I do trust you, Lucas. So much that it scares me. I just…" she trailed off, unable to admit that she was scared he'd stop wanting her if he knew everything.

"But why does it scare you," Lucas persisted.

The wind continued to blow and Brooke shivered. Close to the water, the air had chilled and she wished she'd reached for her jacket before they walked out. "Because…" she whispered helplessly. "Lucas there are so many things in my life that I'm not proud of. So many mistakes. But that never really mattered to me before because I didn't care what other people thought. I had my reasons and that used to be good enough but it's just not anymore," Brooke confessed and turned her eyes to stare at the water. But instead of looking at it, she could almost see through it. "I didn't care before but I care now. About you," she whispered softly.

"Well that's good, Brooke," he said and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. In an instant, he chased away the cold that had settled within her. "Because…" gently he turned her chin so that she looked up at him. He wanted her to look in his eyes because he needed her to see the emotion behind his words. "Because I care a lot about you too. And I want this to work between us. You just have to let it."

But the words couldn't chase away the fear she felt inside, no matter how beautiful they sounded.

"But how do I know?" she whispered sorrowfully as the tears gently escaped their confines. Hazel eyes looked into blue and for a moment she felt her breath catch in her throat. He was beautiful and she was scared that she didn't deserve him. "How can I be sure that you won't walk away when you finally hear it all? Not that I'd blame you for doing it."

Lucas didn't have a promise or a definitive answer to give Brooke. He wasn't sure that either of those things would have made her feel better anyway. So he was honest and said what he could. "Just trust me, Brooke. Trust me and I'll trust you."

Because if they had trust, everything else would eventually fall into place. Lucas knew that. He just needed for Brooke to realize it too.

-----

Looking around, Haley searched for a tall head of blonde hair or a long brunette mane.

The last time she had seen them, Lucas and Brooke were enjoying a game of strip poker in the corner of the room. But by the time she finally managed to escape Tim's advances, the couple had disappeared from sight. Haley wasn't sure who to ask about them either since the people at the party were hardly the type she'd talk to in school. Or that would talk to her.

"Having a good time?" a voice asked. He leaned down close behind her and his breath tickled her skin. But when she turned, Haley smelled alcohol on his breath and couldn't help but feel a stab of disappointment. "I wasn't sure you'd show up but I'm glad you did." He smiled and she was tempted to return it.

"It's not so bad," Haley lied and continued her silent perusal throughout the room.

"Who're you looking for?" Nathan questioned as his eyes followed hers.

"Lucas or Brooke," she answered off handedly. "You haven't by any chance seen either of them, have you?"

"Outside a few minutes ago," Nathan nodded, gesturing towards the sliding glass doors at one end of the room. "I figure they're heading down to the beach." He shrugged but his voice was quieter, almost pensive. Haley wondered why and felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as it occurred to her that maybe Nathan had a thing for Brooke. Then just as quickly as it appeared, the thought vanished into the deepest recesses of her mind. There was no way that Nathan could like Brooke and keep it a secret. Especially now that she was dating Lucas.

"Right," Haley nodded back.

"So, do you want to…"

"I'll see you later," Haley interrupted before Nathan could say or ask anything.

She had no idea what to expect from him and was scared to find out.