DISCLAIMERS: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Jerry Bruckheimer and the wonderful writers for CSI: NY. Any resemblance to scenes from the episodes is included for clarity and continuity and I do not claim any of those as my own work. However everything else is mine.

Going Home

After the fight, Lindsay broke into a run as soon as she was out of sight of all those prying eyes. So much for that old fight OR flight reaction she thought embarrassingly to herself. She did a bang-up job of both fighting AND fleeing. How was she ever going to face all her coworkers again? How was she ever going to face Danny? She had totally lost it with him. Even if he had betrayed her, she hadn't needed to go off on him like that. Her emotions were hanging by a thread at the moment. She swiped her eyes furiously with her hands to stem the tears that threatened to flow down her cheeks as she burst into the locker room, yanked her gear out of her locker and exited the building as quickly as possible.

Outside she hailed a taxi, gave the driver her destination and melted back into the seat. She couldn't think; her mind was swirling with faces and snippets of conversations. If there was anyway she could block the last hour of her existence she would. Hell, if there was anyway to obliterate the last two years of her life that would do, go back to the point in time when Laurel had come back from her honeymoon. Laurel had been so happy. She had been bursting at the seams to tell Lindsay all about her honeymoon and had come to stay with Lindsay overnight when Chad had suddenly been called to Denver on business. They were having such girlish fun talking about the honeymoon, her and Chad's plans and Lindsay's future. Lindsay remembered thinking that one day she hoped there would be a 'Chad' in her life too. And recently until her past had come back to haunt her in full force, she had thought she might be going down that path with Danny. Well, she could just kiss that little pipe dream goodbye. She was sure he was breathing a sigh of relief now that he had found out what a total nut job she was and what a tainted past she had. When she got back from Montana, she was going to put in for a transfer to… to… to anywhere. She didn't care if she ended up in po-dunkville. She just wanted out of New York. She forced herself to concentrate on what she was going to do to block all this pain and guilt.

When the taxi stopped and the driver announced his fare, she must have had the most bewildered look on her face because the driver said, "Are ya alright, lady?"

She shook her head in amazement. They were sitting outside of her apartment building. What? She must have been so distracted that she had given the driver her apartment address by default. Okay, think, what time is it? She looked at her wrist but the Mickey Mouse watch was not there. She felt that familiar tug of panic when she discovered one of her last mementos of Laurel was not where she thought it was. Quickly she pulled out her cell phone. No, this cannot be happening! The display read 9:45. There is no way she could get to the airport in time. Absolutely no way!

"Are you gonna pay me or what?" demanded the taxi driver from the front seat.

"Um, okay, here you go," as she handed him the money and stepped out of the taxi. Well, I might as well pick up that bottle of wine. She walked in a daze to the corner market. Why the hell not, she thought, as she picked up two bottles of wine. What did she have to do for the next week anyway? Her heart caught in throat however when she saw the prosciutto and provolone cheese in the cold food section. This must have been where Danny had picked up the groceries when he had stocked her refrigerator that night he had fixed her dinner. Stop it Lindsay! It's over. You told him that yourself in no uncertain terms. She paid for the wine, hurried out of the market and back to her apartment.

Back in her apartment, she lapsed into the pain numbing routine she had gone through the night before: steaming hot bubble bath, full bottle of wine, sink into oblivion. She didn't know how long she was in the bathtub but she was brought back to the present by the ringing of her cell phone. Dammit all to hell she swore. As soon as she could safely get out of this tub she was going to turn that thing off but right now her head was spinning too wildly. And she felt sure her legs wouldn't reliably support her if she tried to walk down the hall. Then she heard message beeper go off.

"Can't you see I'm trying to escape from my life," she shouted in frustration at the phone. "Don't remind me that I'm still in it!"

And then she sank back into oblivion.