Chapter 33:
A Travesty of a Papery Sort
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She stared in silence at it. This…this-
…Well, it was a slip of paper. But honestly, did Snape have nothing better to do?
I am an annoying little know-it-all. I will keep my exceptionally bushy head out of other's business. I will not throw my tart self at any students from the Slytherin House or any other.
She had to write that one hundred times?!
Harry must have heard her disgruntled gulp, because a second later he was popping his scruffy-haired head over her shoulder and snooping over her lines.
'Busybody,' she muttered inwardly, feeling just a tad cranky.
"Oh, that's too bad Hermione," he sympathized, patting her back absently. "I only have I am an insufferable twit who should keep his mouth shut."
Hermione growled and threw a murderous glance to the brunet Slytherin in the back of the room. Bastard…it was his entire fault anyway. If only he weren't so…there, she wouldn't be so…bugger.
She sniffed irritably as he glanced up to meet her stare. 'What is it?' she could see him mouth, but Hermione simply huffed once more and whirled in her seat. It was a very dramatic action and carried her point across winningly, even if it did nearly knock her to the floor.
Draco sneered as he loosened his hold on Ron's arm- weren't the lovebirds sweet? The smirk became a leer as he felt the Weasley muscles beneath his hand flex, the other boy beginning his lines. All evil, manipulative, and Slytherin-ish thoughts flew from his mind and he melted. 'Oh…'
Pothead in front of him squirmed in his seat; Draco could see his neck turning slightly green-tinted and snarled, effectively wiped of his Hot-Weasel induced daze.
Right- so how to break up bush-head and Zabini? It would be difficult as Zabini was utterly besotted, but there had to be a weakness there somewhere! Draco tapped a finger to his chin thoughtfully and oh-so-innocently shoved his parchment and lines off of the table.
Hmmm…so there was setting Zabini up with someone else. But he was pathetically hung up already so that wouldn't work. Then Granger? Ugh- but who would take her? Draco shuddered in revulsion, 'New idea…'
So then- he could kill the fluff-ball? Oh…that was no good either- he smirked and snuggled closer to Ron- it wouldn't do to make his Weasel upset…
All of a sudden the answer to his trouble flashed obnoxiously across his thoughts. 'DiViDe AnD cOnQuEr!!' flashed in neon green lettering, making him blink as the afterimage disappeared and he realized the supreme genius! of the plan.
'Muahahahaha hahaha hahaha…'
Ron held back a whimper as his arm was nearly ripped from his body. Dear lord…when would he be saved?
Draco Malfoy was up to something Ernie decided. He'd called this special meeting of the E-P-L ("Geez- it stands for Ernie-Parvarti-Lavender, you dope!") society for just that reason. The club's three members and the reluctant boyfriend of their President ("You'll be the First Husband!") were sitting in a misshapen circle to discuss their opposition's moves.
"Malfoy was seen approaching Harry Potter on the day of March thirteenth at precisely 12:22 pm. It should be noted that Ronald Weasley was present at this meeting and the meeting preceding it on the sixth of March at 5:57 pm." Parvarti recited in a bored voice- this summary of events was merely for the benefit of their newest member.
"We have little knowledge of the events of the sixth of March, as that was before we began thorough surveillance of the activities of Malfoy, but we do know, according to an eyewitness, that the meeting was incited by Malfoy through some sort of note sent to the others.
"There have been two meetings so far, but we have reason to suspect that they are corresponding through mail as well. Overall, it is apparent that they have allied against our cause. We now have at least three enemies."
Malcolm's mouth was still agape, though he shut it violently when Ernie gave him a suggestive look, licking his lips. "You…did a lot of research."
Ernie seemed offended. "Of course! This is a life-and-death matter!"
"Right…"
Lavender interrupted them, shoving a stack of papers in to the center of the circle. "Here are the letters we were able to acquire."
Malcolm blanched…again. "H-how did you-?"
"We rooted through Ron and Harry's trash. Harry tears up the letters, but Ron just folds them up before he tosses them."
"Huh…" Bloody hell, these people had gone nutters…
Weasel-
I've sent Pothead a note already so don't bother telling him- we need to meet again. Tomorrow at 12:20 or so, when everyone else is at lunch, come to the Room of Requirement.
On another note, how about continuing our scene practice? You know, for the History of Magic project? I feel like I haven't truly captured your character…
-Your Lovebunny
Malcolm blinked, more than a little disturbed. "'Weasel'? 'Pothead'? 'Lovebunny'? Do they have code names or something?"
"Of course! Any self-respecting group does!"
"…Do we?"
Ernie clucked sympathetically. "Naturally. Parvarti is 'Gossip Princess', Lavender is 'Rainbow Pony', I'm 'King Sneaky', and you, love of my life, are 'Cuddle Bear.'"
Malcolm passed out- the horror was too much to bear. Hehehe…'bear.'
Cuddle Bear,
I hope you're feeling better! You gave me quite the scare fainting like that. I suppose I was too rough on you…? Just kidding, sweetkins! Anyway, the E-P-L-M (do you see how we added your name?) is going to be due for another meeting. Come to the empty classroom in the Charms corridor tomorrow at 7 am. I'm so glad that you want to help! Your suggestions regarding Plans A, F and T were greatly appreciated!
Love,
King Sneaky
Malfoy,
I don't know what the hell you're up to, but you are going to owe me a lot once this is all over. I talked to MacMillan about their plans (yes, more than one) yesterday. The main one involves them locking Zabini and Granger in a closet, so I don't think you need to be worried. Though, I am a bit concerned about what lengths they're willing to go to. They rooted through Weasley's trash for letters and have been following all three of you around all week. I have a feeling they are all mad, so good luck!
-Malcolm Baddock