Author's Note I: One would think that I would be capable at this point of writing 2200 words on my own but alas I am not! So thank you to MariaLisa for keeping my English proper and removing that illplaced comma! Thank you to BrilliantMadness for keeping my English improper and italicizing that significant word! Thank you to Sparkles for being a reflective beacon of my soul! Big Hugs

DISCLAIMERS: I do not own any of these characters from CSI:NY however any other characters are mine!

The New York Experience: Part III

Suspended neither aft nor fore but amid

Floating on a turbulent sea between two

Worlds, that threaten to collide and sink

The vessel, upon which the future rests.

-Sally Jetson

With an arm securely around Lindsay's shoulders, Danny settled into the back of the taxi sliding his other hand over her abs, deftly pulling her sweater out of the waistband of her jeans to caress her warm and silky skin. He wanted to touch her intimately to reassure him of their connection. The evening had gone about as he had expected. His parents had loved Lindsay, the meal had been excellent and the tension between him and his dad had been thick, as usual. The conversation about his Dad and the Mafia concerned him. He held his lips in a gentle kiss against her forehead willing her thoughts to enter his mind.

Lindsay, craving her own sense of reassurance, leaned against Danny allowing his heartbeat to calm her. Her mind whirled through the events of the evening alighting on that final revelation about Danny's father. There were so many questions and not enough answers. What if Danny didn't have the answers? What if he had answers but she didn't like them?

"Danny?" she murmured, deciding to ease into the subject, "I enjoyed meeting your parents."

"They enjoyed meeting you," he returned softly.

"Tell me more about them."

"Well, my ma is… special. I wouldn't be who I am today without her. She never let up on me when I was growing up, ya know, keeping me in baseball and off the streets, cooking all the time."

"You really like her cooking." she teased

"Hell, I dream about her cooking. Think ya could learn to cook like her?" he pulled back so she could see the hopefulness in his face.

Lindsay teased, "You know I don't have an Irish bone in my body!"

He nuzzled into her neck, "Oh I could help you with that part!"

"Messer, you have a dirty mind!"

"Admit it Monroe, you love me for my dirty mind."

She pressed kisses along his jaw line until she made her way to his ear and murmured, "You're pretty full of yourself aren't you?"

The conversation stalled into a tantalizing exchange of kisses and caresses until the taxi arrived at the ferry terminal.

An icy blast of wind greeted them as they exited the taxi and dashed into the terminal building. Once cozily seated next to each other on the ferry, Lindsay's thoughts drifted back to the evening with Danny's parents and that one word, Mafia.

Danny, lost in his own thoughts, tried to figure out the best way to broach the subject that had caused him so much trouble and heartache throughout his life.

"Danny, Lindsay" they both spoke at the same time.

Uncertain, azure blue eyes interlocked with questioning, soulful, brown eyes.

"Lindsay," he intertwined his hand with hers. "There are some things I have to talk to you about but I don't know where to start."

"Tell me about your dad." she stated simply.

He took a deep breath as he rubbed his hand along his jaw.

"Not much to tell, he's my dad but we don't have much of a connection."

"Why not?"

"I don't measure up to his standards. He's a shrewd, business man who cuts deals with important people. When I was a kid I wanted to be just like him but turns out I was just a dumb kid who didn't know his ass from a hole in the ground."

"Aren't you being hard on yourself?"

"Nah! When I was a kid I did a delivery job for a wise guy. Of course I didn't know he was a wise guy, I just recognized him as one of my dad's clients and I'd seen Louie do the same thing for the guy before. At dinnertime, when I showed off the ten bucks I just knew my dad was gonna be proud. But when Dad's jaw dropped and Louie kicked me under the table, I knew somehow I'd screwed up."

"Danny, you were just a kid."

"Ya know; I just never understood why it was 'bad business' on the street but in the shop it was 'good business'. The more questions I asked, the more frustrated Dad became. That was another thing my dad didn't understand about me…the questions, I always asked questions until I was satisfied with the answer!"

"But that's what makes you such a great CSI!" Lindsay began to feel a bit defensive on Danny's behalf.

"Answering questions is not my dad's style; he's the one who likes to ask the questions. Anyway, my parents had it out that night, and that's when my ma put me in baseball with my Uncle Sal, who coached a recreational team. Soon baseball became my life. Hell, I spent more time with my Uncle Sal than I did with my own dad." Danny said bitterly.

"Danny, I'm really sorry."

He stood up and walked to the window, hands shoved in his pockets, staring out at the lights of the approaching skyline.

"That's not the worst of it though."

"Are you talking about the business with the Mafia?" Lindsay's stomach knotted when she said that word, Mafia.

"Dad claims it's all above board."

"But you don't believe him?"

"How can I? All my life I've seen those guys on the street and in my dad's shop. I went to school with their kids. After a while, you get to know who is who and you get to know that you don't do business with them without becoming involved. Their idea of life and business are interconnected; they don't make a distinction."

"But that doesn't prove that your dad is doing something illegal."

"No, but it goes back to that old, Italian saying: Dimmicon chi vai chi ti diro chi sei."

"Which means?"

"Literally: Tell mewho you go with and I'll tell you who you are, or in other words, a man is known by the company he keeps."

Lindsay rose from the bench and stood beside Danny.

"I can't tell you how many times I have had to go up against that. I had to battle my way through the Police Academy; apparently the name 'Messer' rang some 'bells' especially with that asshole, Gerrard," Danny hissed

Lindsay nodded. She'd had a couple of encounters with the cantankerous, mean-spirited Captain Stanton Gerrard. He was old school NYPD and had little regard for CSI's or women for that matter.

"Dad's shop has been under surveillance more times than I can count and the NYPD and the FBI have files on him."

"How do you know about the FBI files?"

"I have friends from the Academy who entered the Bureau and they've done some unofficial checking for me. Nothing is pending against Dad but clean people don't always come out clean in these investigations."

Danny let out a slow breath before continuing.

"The thing that scares me the most is that one day he might get a subpoena to testify against one of these guys and suddenly he and our whole family become a target. I mean you saw what happened to Louie when he went up against the Tanglewood boys."

His voice hitched on Louie's name.

She laid a hand on his arm and said, "Louie did what he did because he loves you."

His voice was tortured, "I know but seeing him the way he is now…. I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone else that I care about. I think it would kill me to lose anyone else."

He rubbed the back of his neck vigorously as he bowed his chin to his chest.

"I feel like I'm trapped between two worlds; one that I don't care to go back to and one that I've never quite fit into."

He dropped his hand and looked at Lindsay, the pain and worry evident in his eyes.

"I've always managed to keep them separate because anyone who has ever meant anything to me has always been firmly in one world or the other…until now…"

Her heart flipped at the enormity of the meaning held within his words.

His voice grew very soft as he splayed his fingers across his chest, "Lindsay, I'm serious about you… about us but I can't let it go any further without you knowing the truth about my family and the risks of being involved with me.

"Danny," she began but he hushed her with a finger on her lips.

"Lindsay, I don't want you to say anything right now because I want you to think… I mean really think about this. If you have the smallest doubt or any hesitation whatsoever, let's end this now… before either one of us gets hurt."

She felt the tears gathering in her eyes as she turned away and tried to focus on the lights of lower Manhattan. The stunning beauty was lost to her though as the lights of the buildings blurred into their reflections shimmering on the water.

She leaned her forehead against the icy glass as the scalding tears cascaded down her cheeks. When Danny realized she was crying he tried to pull her back against his chest but she whirled around to face him.

"So that's it! That's how you want the fate of this relationship to be determined? Because you don't want to take a chance… a chance that you might get hurt later on."

She didn't know where the anger was coming from but it was forcing its way out of her body via her mouth as though it had a life of its own.

"Lindsay, please…"

He had expected her to get upset about the Mafia connection, not about their options for the relationship.

"Danny, I always pegged you as a fighter not as someone who avoids something over the possibility of some hurt feelings, but if you want to talk about hurt feelings, I'll give you hurt feelings. I'm hurt that you aren't willing to put your trust in me…. that you don't trust me to be there for you as you've been there for me. That hurts!"

"Lindsay, I'm trying to do the right thing."

"The right thing?" she challenged, "Okay, Danny, I have doubts… let's see you end it."

"Lindsay, you're not being fair! You haven't even had time to think about it yet."

"I'm not being fair?" Her voice softened, "Danny, are you really giving us a chance? Have you thought about that?"

The docking of the ferry and the ringing of Danny's cell phone brought the conversation to a halt.

"Damn!" he exclaimed as he looked at the caller id.

"Mac, whaddya got?"

He nodded as he listened to the instructions issuing from the other end of the phone.

"I'm on my way."

Lindsay gave him an understanding nod when he sighed and said, "C'mon I'll get ya a taxi."

They walked in silence until they reached the curb outside the terminal and Danny hailed a cab.

He opened the door for her and as she bent to get in he said, "Lindsay, I….I don't know what to do about us."

She straightened and turned, standing between the opened door and the taxi.

"Danny, it can wait… go do what you have to do… we can talk about this later. But I want you to know I've made my choice. I want to be with you."

She leaned over the door, laid her hand along his cheek and pressed her lips against his tenderly and his heart swelled in joyful expectation that this could work out. But once she slipped down into the taxi and it pulled away from the curb his confidence faltered.

As he turned and looked out over the yawning blackness of the bay the menace of his old life threatened to surge forward and drown the promise of his new life with Lindsay. He wanted a brisk walk to clear his mind, but a frigid wind whipped off the water so he consoled himself with a short jog to the subway stop.

As he wearily sank into a seat on the train, he ran his hands up over his face and through his hair leaning his head back against the glass. Once again he cursed himself for getting involved with a complex woman. She had worked her way into his heart, allowing him to hope that he could have a life with her. But he knew now even if he had to physically let her go, his heart would always belong to her and there was nothing he could do about that. He had absolutely no fucking idea what he was going to do now.

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Author's Note II: I should have personally replied to everyone that reviewed. If I missed you it was clearly an oversight.For all you out there reading but not reviewing, here is a big Thank You!!