Passing open plains and various neighboring cities, Peyton started to long for home. She feared seeing that certain someone, but everything, even that unsettling feeling, was home. Peyton might never admit it, but she loved her familiar surroundings as much as discovering the unfamiliar. She had been gone from home for too long now, and she was anxious to get back as she pressed down on the gas and accelerated a touch more.
So many thoughts passed through her mind. She thought about that moment when the bullet surged through her leg, leading up to her lying in Lucas' warm arms with her body ice cold. She relived the first and last time that Lucas had gotten between Brooke and herself. Her hands tingled with the want to escape into a drawing of anything and everything. And Peyton couldn't shake the sensation that shot up her spine every time she looked into Tom Quincy's blue eyes.
Peyton drove for hours and hours before making her first stop. She pulled up to a gas station and started to fill her tank. It was completely empty, so she let it run while she went inside to get some snacks for the road. She grabbed a few candy bars, a bag of chips, and a pack of energy drinks. She was set for another few hours, and then she'd make another stop for dinner, and she'd drive as long as she could into the night. Even though it was a bit lonely to venture like this on her own, she still enjoyed her time of thought.
At the same time, Peyton was always contradicting herself. She hated taking time to think about all the wrong that was done, and how some things could never be taken back. She knew that there was some damage between herself and Brooke that was beyond repairable, and the only person she had to blame was herself. And when it came to her situation with Lucas, in the end, all the ways that she knew how to think of their predicament, it was her fault as well. All that time to think wasn't refreshing or cleansing anymore, but more of a reminder of why she could never be happy with herself.
With Brooke, things had never gotten as complicated as they did when Lucas came into the picture. Peyton and Brooke had always had the type of friendship that was fun, but supportive. They had each other's back when the other way in need, and they always aimed to make each other smile. They weren't the most similar girls either, but they made their own similarities and connections, trying the best to love. But eventually, their differences caught up with them, pulling a boy's heart into two different directions.
Betraying her best friend, Peyton risked a lot with Lucas. She knew what she was doing, and there was no way she wanted to hurt Brooke. But in the end, Peyton decided to put on that brave face she was so good at, and burry her heart deep down once more. Peyton couldn't possibly lose her best friend when they had stayed together for so long. They had to work much harder, and Peyton knew that her connection with Lucas would stay with or without Brooke.
But they got caught. Brooke realized what Lucas and Peyton were doing, and that she was being made a fool. She always knew in the back of her mind that Lucas and Peyton were those star-crossed lovers you only read about, but she never thought her best friend would be capable or stabbing her in the back.
The pain all three of them suffered through: they loved and sacrificed each other, tried to do the right things to make each other shine, only to lower themselves. No one would want to go through that again. Even if love was worth that risk to one, never would she want to be the cause of all of that once more. It was all too difficult to go through, and she was the pit of confusion.
She pretended like things were alright with Brooke. She acted like her feelings didn't exist and put her best friend first until she reached her boiling point. And obviously, honesty didn't work very well with Brooke. When it came to Lucas, Peyton yanked him back and forth, arguing between her heart and head. She'd act so hot and cold, only because her feelings confused her. And at those moments when her heart is screaming what she already knows, it's always too late.
All the thoughts from Peyton's stupidity and fear had her reaching for her CDs. She wasn't looking for something to take her mind away or calm her nerves. Peyton was looking for a song to share her pain. And maybe that was her real problems. When any emotion would overcome her, she'd reach for an artist she could relate to. And that person or band would never be close enough to be a real friend. Peyton pushed away everyone that was real, simply for the protection of herself.
Peyton continued driving, past dinner time and through the late night and early morning. The way her memories passed through her head, her eyes were bulged open. The bags under her eyes were getting worse with each mile, but she wouldn't stop driving. She wanted to get home as soon as possible to save herself from her thoughts. The drive was still long and many miles until she'd reach Tree Hill. Peyton wanted to straighten things out with all of her friends as well, even if it might be painful. She just couldn't stand torturing herself anymore. It was all too much, but she'd have to handle it sooner or later.