Scratching his head furiously, Tommy breathed deeply. His guitar was placed in his lap, and he was bent over a stack of sheet music with a pen behind his ear. The bags under his eyes showed exactly how exhausted he was, but the fire in his eyes showed signs of frustration. A second later, Tommy was crumbling the top piece of sheet music in his hand and tossing it across the room. It would've landed nicely in the trashcan if it weren't for the massive mountain of paper balls that had already formed. "Stupid!" Tommy mumbled loudly in an angered fashion.
Jude walked into the room and saw what a mess it was, even Tommy. All she could do was let out an exasperated, "Whoa…" as she shuffled her feet through the chaos of sheet music and abandoned instruments. She made her way over to Tommy's side and leaned back against the soundboard. She simply stood there with her arms folded, trying to read the situation.
Knowing that look on her face, Tommy shook his head. He didn't want to tell her how his head was running a million miles a second, or why all of this meant so much to him. Sometimes he wished she could just know without him having to tell her, but he also knew that he was often a closed book. He threw his head back, not knowing where he wanted to go with his music, or with Jude. "This is hopeless," he stated.
Just wanting to know what was causing Tommy so much trouble, Jude lowered herself slightly and kept her voice quiet as she asked, "What is?"
Tommy continued to shake his head, not wanting to get into it. He hated having to put himself out there time and time again. He had already gone through all of this with Peyton, and for a second she was able to make him feel better, but he was right back to where he started. If he went there again, he didn't know where Jude would leave him, and that was possibly what scared him most of all. But looking up into her deep blue eyes, Tommy knew he had to tell Jude what was going through his mind. Her eyes always asked for something from him, and he didn't always know what, but the spoke volumes. "I want to be able to write something original for the benefit," he explained simply, hoping that'd be enough to drop the subject soon.
Raising an eyebrow, Jude looked at him curiously. "You're in?" she inquired with a touch of confusion. She thought they had just discussed the benefit, and Tommy had decided to drop out. It wasn't that Jude thought the problem was if he was still performing or not, but she needed to get all her facts straight before she could make sense of things. Still stuck on a past subject, Jude continued, "I thought you said—"
Shaking his head quickly to interrupt, Tommy knew where Jude was going with her words. They had just talked about him dropping out, and he hadn't told Jude that he was back in yet. "Peyton changed my mind," Tommy explained. He even shrugged slightly, thinking that maybe this was the end of the conversation.
"Oh…" Jude let out, a little taken by the fact that Peyton was able to change Tommy's mind so easily. Even Jude had tried to get Tommy to reconsider, but was an utter failure. It hurt to know that maybe she didn't know as much about her producer, or wasn't good enough with him to know how to get into his head. "Well that's good for Peyton," Jude remarked, trying not to let her jealousy or pain show.
Pressing his lips together, Tommy nodded slightly. "Yeah," he agreed. Tommy took his guitar off of his lap and set it gently on the ground, propping it up against the wall as well. He exhaled deeply and stood, stating, "It just seems like everything I come up with is lame."
Jude glanced over at Tommy from the corner of her eye. It was like she didn't even have to pry further to finally get him to say more about his real troubles. Jude shrugged her shoulders as she released her crossed arms. She turned slightly to face Tommy as she offered, "Take a break from the lyrics and work on the melody."
Tommy immediately shook his head as he leaned over the soundboard. "I have been for the past hour," he confessed. He let his head hang down and he looked at al the colorful buttons beneath him. He brushed his fingers over a few of them, wanting to go back to when music was easy for him. When he was a producer, he knew he was good at it. He could help his artists write, and he'd give them hell as well, but all the pressure wasn't on him. He was just the producer, and he never felt like the world was on his shoulders and his shoulder alone. Exhaling deeply, Tommy tried to get his mind off of wanting to be someone else and turned around. He leaned back on the soundboard and commented, "All I need are words."
Nodding, Jude glanced into the empty recording booth. It was weird for her not to be inside there, singing her heart out and taking orders from Tommy gladly. This little break they were taking for the benefit changed a lot of attitudes and random things in G Major, even the work schedules. The second that Jude returned her attention back to Tommy, she noticed he was watching her over his shoulder. Feeling like she wanted to make that connection they had while working together, Jude offered, "Maybe I could help." She looked into his eyes timidly before he looked away. Jude wasn't exactly sure what good she could do, especially when he had been pushing her away more than ever in these past few days, but she wanted to be on his side. A thought suddenly hitting her, Jude got excited and exclaimed, "We could do a duet!"
His eyes darting up, Tommy looked at Jude with shock. He knew it sounded like fun, and that it would take some weight off not having to do a solo performance, but he also knew it felt like he was cheating it out somehow. "Peyton already has out slots set up," Tommy explained, trying not to flat out say he didn't want to do the solo. The facts were true, and he didn't want to cause anymore trouble for the benefit. "You should probably work with SME on your set," Tommy stated, nodding for Jude to head out of the studio. He smiled faintly at her, hoping she would just listen and let him have his space. "I'll get this," he reassured.
"Alright…" Jude replied glumly, taking slow steps away from Tommy. She didn't know what had just happened. It seemed like they were finally going to get back into the studio together, but he didn't want anything to do with her. Jude was honestly worried about where Tommy's head was at, not wanting to lose her producer or her friend.
Reaching out for her hand, Tommy took a step closer to Jude. He hated that he had just made her so sad, but he really did need to do this on his own. He looked into her eyes and softly stated, "I'll be fine." He let a small smile take his face before he let go and sat back down in his chair. He reached for his guitar, still with his eyes on Jude's, and remarked, "I just need a little inspiration is all."
Still wanting to do anything she could, Jude kindly asked, "Can I help with that..?"
Shaking his head with a look of dissatisfaction on his face, Tommy broke all eye contact. He positioned his guitar on his lap, ready to play as his back was now facing Jude. "I don't know…" he replied, not knowing if that was exactly the truth or not. All Tommy really did know was that nothing in the past few days had been enough inspiration for a song. It was like all his usual surroundings just were too familiar and ordinary to spark anything in his mind or heart. "I don't think so," he finally answered, placing his fingers gently on the strings.
Jude blinked slowly, afraid tears would escape from her eyes. She never exactly thought she was Tommy's muse, or that there was anything about her to make faceless men write songs about her, but it was like a dagger though her heart to know that she did nothing for Tommy and it was simply dirt off his shoulders. "Yeah…" Jude muttered quietly in a defeated manner. She took a few more steps back and swallowed hard. "Good luck, Quincy," she let out somewhat bitterly.
"Jude!" Tommy called out, feeling that he had just let Jude down again. He kept his eyes on the empty recording booth, which was just dark enough to catch Jude's reflection in the glass. He could see that she didn't bother to turn around either, another sign that his words had really hurt her. He didn't mean to be so angry, or seem like he didn't want her around, but he just needed time. "I'm just…" he started, not able to find his words. It's like he couldn't put any of his feelings or thoughts out into words, let alone lyrics. "It's hard," he finally admitted with the only thing he could think of to say.
Still facing the exit of the studio room, Jude nodded noticeably. She didn't have to face Tommy to know that he wasn't looking at her. She wanted him to see her reaction to him, and how she couldn't bear to face him, but it was just another stab at he that he didn't care enough watch her. "I know," Jude remarked, even though she knew Tommy was way more distant than he'd let on. She was finally able to explain, "I just wish you'd let me help you like all the times you've helped me."
Tommy exhaled deeply, knowing that she had more than a point. "Any words of wisdom then?" he inquired, knowing it was the best way to let her know she mattered. He glanced at her slightly over his shoulder, the reflection not giving enough definition to make out her stance.
Turning slightly, Jude moved just enough to glance over her shoulder at Tommy. Neither of them were positioned well enough to see where the other one was looking, but they did realize that both of them were making an effort to reach each other.
Jude thought to herself for a moment before she cooed, "Someone once told me that 'writing a song is like falling in love'…" She paused to take a deep breath as she smiled to herself. It was a warm thought in her mind, even if it was after an exhausting day and performance. It was the moment that renewed her faith and love for the music. And even more importantly, it was shared with a person that has a very special place in her heart. Jude continued, "Maybe you need to use that heart of yours to get the words right." Shrugging her shoulders, Jude exhaled deeply to blow her bangs out of her eyes, and try and wipe the dopey grin off her face. It wasn't exactly a time to be smiling, but sometimes she couldn't help herself. "That's all the inspiration you really need."
"Thanks, Jude," Tommy replied softly with a lighter note in his heart.
The smile returned to Jude's face for all new reasons. It was good to hear him thanking her for something instead of always being the one doing the thanking. "You think that'll help?" Jude questioned, hoping she did him some good.
Letting his head hung down once more, Tommy strummed a note on his guitar. "Not really," he answered truthfully. But still, he said it with a happy disposition. His reply wasn't meant to put Jude down, and it wasn't in any way negative. Tommy just couldn't imagine that love that would make him write a song that touches people. Maybe that's what he was really missing in his life to write beautiful music. He simply smiled to himself and continued, "But I'm glad you tried."
Standing in the doorway for a moment, Jude thought about what Tommy said. It shocked her at first, but at the same time, she was glad he could be honest. And even if he didn't think it would help all that much, he was still somehow able to turn it around into a compliment. "Good luck," Jude repeated as she walked out the door.