Chapter 8: The Apology
"Hey Billy, it's Maddie." I crossed my fingers and hope he wouldn't mind the phone call.
"Why are you calling so late?" His voice sounded cross.
"I…" Don't chicken out now Madeline! "I wanted to talk. But if you're going to sleep I'll talk to you tomorrow."
There was silence.
"Okay, well I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye Billy." I made to hang up the phone.
"Mae, wait. Don't hang up." Billy quickly said. "What did you want to talk about?"
"I… I was wondering what you would do about C…her if something were to happen between us."
"Is this relevant in making your decision?" I could hear him smile over the phone.
"What do you think? You should know that I'm not going to play mistress for you." I replied sarcastically. "I don't want to be strung around by you. If you aren't serious about this, I'm not going to waste my energy thinking it over."
"No, Mae, I'm serious. You know I am. I haven't changed that much." I heard him sigh into the phone. "You don't believe me, do you? You think I'm just going to break your heart again."
"Well, can you blame me? We don't have the greatest relationship right now."
Billy laughed resentfully. "Yes. That's my fault." Suddenly, his voice changed. He sounded so sad. "Can I see you? We can go somewhere; I…I just need to see you."
"Do you want to come here? That way we don't have to find a restaurant that's open."
"Sure. I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?"
"Okay. Bye Billy." "Bye Mae."
I hung up the phone and slid to the floor. "Am I doing the right thing? Do I really want to give my heart to him again?" I stood up and put on a pot of water for tea. Just as the pot whistled to let me know the water was ready, there was a knock on the door. I moved the pot from the burner and went to open the door.
"Hi." I said, opening the door. "Come on in, I was just going to make some tea, do you want some?" Billy walked in and shut the door. "I'd love some."
I fixed the tea and placed it on the table. I took a seat, brought my cup to my lips and took a sip.
"Well, Madeline, what would you like to talk about?"
"When did we move to using full names, William?" I said softly.
"Well my dear, I don't know what to call you. You won't let me use Mae, not that I blame you; Maddie is what your friends call you, and I don't know if you even consider me that anymore."
"Billy, what are we going to do?"
"About what? The name situation?" I saw him smirk. Lord he's still handsome. WHAT?! Where did that come from!
I took a deep breath. "No. Us. You told me you loved me, and you kissed me. Now this wouldn't be bad, if you hadn't just dumped me and you didn't still have a girlfriend."
Billy sighed and shifted position, all the while stirring his tea. "I don't want to be with Cestria anymore. She doesn't make me happy. She can be so inconsiderate and she says she loves me, but…" He looked up from his teacup and met my eyes. "It's hard to tell if Cestria wants me for my gentle personality," he laughed bitterly. "Or just my mind. I always knew which it was with you."
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I should be happy. This is all I wanted, Billy to come back and still love me. But now it was at the expense of another girl's feelings. Why do I feel so guilty?
"Mae…I'm sorry. Maddie…wow this is awkward." I nodded, unwilling to trust myself to speak. "You accepted me for what I was, even when I was a geek. You loved me even though half the time, no one but you and Trini understood me. You never loved me just because I was smart and you could help with your homework. Nor did you love me because I was so gorgeous." We both smiled at his small attempt at a joke. "On Aquitar, it seemed logical to become involved with Cestria. We were at similar intelligence levels and we understood each other. I never thought I'd be able to come back to Earth and I knew if the roles were reversed, I wouldn't want you to be unhappy and alone." Billy stood up and moved his chair next to me. He took my hands and bent down to look me in the eye.
"Mae. Do you still care about me? Or is this a lost cause?" I stared into his eyes.
"I…" I struggled to speak; there was a large lump forming in my throat. "Of course I still care about you. Billy, I probably always will. I just…I don't know if I can do this again. You broke my heart." I pulled my hands from his and turned away.
"You really enjoyed that kiss, didn't you? It felt right, like everything was back to normal and the way it should be?" I turned back to face him. Through my tears, I smiled. "How did you know?"
"'Cause I felt it too. Mae, I think this was meant to happen. I think we're supposed to be together. I just wish I wasn't so stupid and probably ruined any chance I had at getting you back." He turned away from me and rested his head in his hands.
"You're not stupid. I probably should have moved on. I probably should have started to date other people, I just couldn't. Although, I think I may have started to attract Adam, even though I don't want to." It was my turn to look away.
"I'm supposed to leave with her tomorrow, but I'm not going." He turned back and faced me. "I'm going to tell her to go on without me. I'd like to have a second chance with you, if you'd have me. I know I've messed up, but I want to make it up to you. Please?" Billy slid out of the chair and knelt on the white kitchen tile in front of me. "Please? Madeline Ariel Ross, I want a second chance."
My eyes welled with tears and all I could do was nod.