An Author's Note: Oh, so it was Rene Descartes who I quoted in that last chapter! Thanks for telling me, Agent! I can never get all those philosophers straight. I don't know why. As for Raven returning B.B.'s feelings…lets just say she hasn't quite realized that she doesn't have to keep everything bottled up inside now that she has not powers yet. So she's going to be slowly going out of character the further I go along with this (at least that's what I'm planning, lets see if I can do it!). However, he won't be confessing his love quite yet. Sorry, but I have to make room for the fantasy stuff, you know, magic, swords, wandering around random contrysides for hours on end looking for a mystic something-or-other, running from ogres, that sort of thing. Yes, eventually there will be smooching, but I won't say exactly when said smooching will occur.
Um, Vegeta247? I'm not quite sure what you mean by "double meanings". That elf section was meant to do two things: one, it was to show everyone what Halfbloods have to go through with some people on Azarath (once they actually get to Azarath you can expect more shouting racists bigots and maybe even get to see Cyborg stomp them, God I love making fun of those jerks!), and two it is going to be part of the reason for one of my original characters (who will be appearing…eventually) personal psychosis, and it's a pretty good psychosis.
Might as well reiterate this. Since I am basically going by the cartoon and the cartoon alone I will be making a bunch of stuff up about Azarath and what actually happened to it. I also will be changing Trigon to…something else, in order to fit it in with the Flario thing. Gotta love creative license people! And since no one in the cartoon bothers to explain exactly who this Azar person IS, I will be making stuff up concerning her as well. Hope you enjoy my completely original take on Raven's past! It will be coming at you in little bits and pieces thanks to the glory of flashbacks! Yippee flashbacks!
Oh, and give me your opinions about the dragon Raven has been dreaming about. She is one of my favorite OC's in my fiction and I am eager to know what everyone thinks of her! You'll be learning who she is…eventually.
Once again: On with the show!
Chapter Nine
Bad Dreams, Worse Memories.
Beast Boy held Raven, feeling highly uncomfortable with the situation. It was not that he did not want to comfort her, but crying girls always made him uncomfortable. In fact anybody crying tended to make him uncomfortable. He preferred laughter to tears. Normally he would have tried to make Raven stop crying by joking, but even he could tell that it was much better for Raven if she just let all of this out of her system. Still, it was strange seeing one normally so calm burst into tears on your shoulder.
And that was not the only thing. He was still suffering from the Dreaded Influence of the Male Pubescent Hormone. Said hormone was screaming at him. Very loudly. Most of the things Mr. Hormone was suggesting were quite inappropriate, for the situation and for other things. He managed to ignore it (he was becoming better at this with experience). Raven needed understanding and comforting, not a male under the influence of his biological chemicals.
Eventually Raven's sobs started to taper off. She looked up at Beast Boy, and the hormone's influence over him increased abruptly. Good grief those eyes were gorgeous! Dude! He thought that stupid old romance novel clique is right! I do feel like I'm drowning in them! Funny, this never happened with Terra. Even the fact that they were a little on the red and puffy side from all the crying, they were still beautiful to Beast Boy.
"You tell anyone I was doing that and I'll, um. Drat, I can't send you to another dimension anymore." Raven said.
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." Beast Boy said. His voice was oddly serious, and very honest. Raven knew he was telling the truth.
There faces were close, very close. And for some reason neither of them could explain, they were getting closer.
In fact…
It would be hard to describe Raven's feelings at the moment, for women can be very complicated, especially in this kind of situation. So…
In Raven's mindscape, commonly known as Nevermore, this was what Raven's emotions were saying and doing at that particular moment.
Love, the purple one who was the most thrilled about this, was jumping up and down like a Mexican jumping bean, repeatedly bellowing "YES! YES! YES! KISS HIM YOU IDIOT! NOW NOW NOW!" She was joined in this chant by Happy, the pink one, who really didn't need an excuse to act like a Mexican jumping bean, as she did that all the time, but it was nice to have someone to do it with.
Timid, the one in grey, was hiding behind a rock. She was chanting to, but she was saying "What am I doing! What am I doing! Oh Azar, what if he doesn't like it! I've never kissed before! What am I doing?" Well you get the point.
Rude did not care. Really. Not at all.
Brave, the green, was shaking her head. "Just do it already! It's not that hard! Just smack him one!" She thought about smacking all the time, no matter what the situation. But this time was not thinking of a physical blow.
Wisdom and Knowledge…were not there. At all. They had gone to place most sensible parts of a woman's personality go when in love right before the big smooch. Who knows were that is, but they took with them a good part of Raven's common sense.
And what of Rage, the most unpredictable emotion of them all? Strangely she was not mad at Beast Boy at all. In fact, she was kind of looking forward to this. She just hoped that he was good, or she would have to kill him.
However, right before lip connected with lip, the door opened and Cyborg walked in. Although he was still grumbling about elves, he did not miss the fact that he had just intruded upon the beginnings of a make out session.
In Nevermore the wailing and gnashing of teeth was heard, expect by Timid who was relived. Strangely it was not Love who wailed the loudest, even though she came close, it was Rage. Rage spent the next ten minutes screaming in, well rage, and vowing to do horrible and painful things to Cyborg. Wisdom and Knowledge reappeared again, but they did look slightly disappointed in not being able to experience a first kiss.
Raven and Beast Boy quickly pulled out of kissing range, Beast Boy looking greatly embarrassed and a bit angry. Raven just looked grouchy. Cyborg pretended not to notice any of this, although he was no fool. He would have to talk to Beast Boy, and right now. But first…
"You're up." He said, not knowing what else to say.
"No," Raven said sarcastically "I always sleep with my eyes open in an upright position."
She must be feeling alright, she has the energy to be sarcastic. Cyborg thought. Aloud he said. "Mind if I take a look at you, Rae?"
"As long as it's just medical." Raven said.
Usually Raven was the "doctor" of the Titan's, due to her healing ability. But since that ability was gone, the job fell on Cyborg. He was not a medical expert, but he did know enough to get by, and what he did not know he left up to machines. Due to the fact that most of the team was not human they rarely went to hospitals.
Cyborg, however, knew where his limits were. He did not try to look at the littler scratches. Instead he fiddled with monitors and computers for a bit, making sure all of the bones were setting correctly. He thought that since they healed fast they needed to be checked often, just in case. He also examined Raven's hurt ankle, although it was swollen and looked like a golf ball, it seemed to be getting better. Lastly he asked to check Raven's slashed side. This one the one injury he needed to look at visually. He had to make sure the stitches had not moved or anything while the wound healed itself.
"I need to take a look at your side, Raven. Do you mind?" Cyborg asked.
She nodded. Cyborg looked, making sure his eyes stayed on the stitches alone. The gash showed a few weeks worth of healing, but from the way Raven winched a little it was obviously still painful. Normally Raven did not get scars due to the healing trance, but it seemed like she would have one now. A big one in the shape of a small mouth. However, the stitches looked alright, so he did not linger.
"Everything looks okay. Are you hungry?" Cyborg asked, seeing a way to kill two birds with one stone.
Once again she nodded. Cyborg looked at Beast Boy, who was still drooping about the ears. "Come on, man, you want to help me?" Cyborg said.
Beast Boy seemed to think about it for a moment, then when to follow his friend. He looked back at Raven for a brief moment, and then continued to follow Cyborg. For a while the two were silent, then:
"Look man I know what is going on." Cyborg said.
"What do you mean?" Beast Boy tried to sound innocent, but his voice cracked, betraying him.
"They way you were acting when she was kidnapped, the way you've been hovering over her, the way you look at her. Come on, B.B. it's as obvious as an elephant in a shopping mall!"
Beast Boy said nothing; he just looked at his shoes.
"And just now, you two were about to kiss!"
"Until you barged in!" Beast Boy said, no longer caring if Cy knew he was angry with him.
Cyborg stopped walking. He looked at Beast Boy seriously. "Look man, you've been my friend for a long time, so has Raven. Now, if you two want to start dating or something that's fine with me. Heck I'll let you borrow the T-Car! But I need you to do something for me."
"What?"
"Think. I need you to think. I know you might have had a thing for Terra, but this is different. I never talked to you about that, but maybe I should have. Now I am. I just need you to think."
"What are you getting at Cyborg?"
"Just this. Raven has had a really bad experience with guys, more than most girls. Most girl's ex-boyfriends don't try to kill everyone they care about. Now, remember what she was like afterwards?"
Beast Boy's ears once again pointed to the floor. "But I would never do that to her!"
"I know and I bet she knows as well, but you got to understand that women don't think like men do. She'll be looking for it to happen again, whether or not she is going out with you or some other guy."
"What are you saying?"
"Just this, before you go kissing her, before you go touching her, before you out or anything make sure she is completely ready. I know you are mister spontaneous, but you can't do that with Raven. She's the kind that needs one of those long lasting relationships. And before you do anything stop and think it through. Make sure it is what she wants. And don't go doing anything while she is sick like this. Right now she needs to focus on healing, not her love life."
Cyborg was right, and Beast Boy knew it. He knew that rushing things would make Raven uncomfortable, and he did not want that. He knew just how much Raven meant to him. He was determined to win her, but he knew also that Cyborg was right about waiting. Raven needed time to cope, and having a lovesick green boy hovering over her was not the way to let her heal.
"I understand, Cy, and don't worry. I care about her to much to hurt her in anyway."
Cyborg nodded and started walking again with Beast Boy at his heels.
"Beast Boy?"
"Yeah, Cyborg."
"Just so you know if you DO end up hurting her I will be forced to bash your face against the walls. Repeatedly."
Beast Boy burst out laughing. Cyborg gave him a stern look. "You think I'm joking?"
"No, dude, that's just it! I've just been given a 'brother threat' from a guy, who happens to be my best friend, for a girl not really related to him, in a big huge T that we and two other teenagers live in. It almost sounds like a plot from one of those lame daytime soap operas!"
"Hmmm, you are right, it kind of does." Cyborg replied.
A pause, then:
"Ewwwwwwwwww, opera!"
As it turned out the most common item of food in the house was leftover pizza and cake from the party, which seemed like a thousand years ago. Beast Boy quickly heated some of the pizza for Raven (it was the freshest thing in the house, frightening, yes?), while Cyborg retrieved some cake. However…
"Dude, why did you put that cake in the freezer?" Beast Boy asked.
Cyborg winked "My mom taught me this little trick. You put leftover cake in the freezer to keep it from going stale. Works with the pizza too, that's why a put a bunch in here as well as cake. Stuff will keep for weeks instead of just days!"
"How does it taste?"
"The cake you mean? Not bad actually. The cake itself needs to thaw a bit before you bite it, but the icing, well taste for yourself."
Cyborg handed Beast Boy a piece of frozen icing. It was hard and cold, but melted in Beast Boy's mouth the moment he tried it. It tasted a bit different than when it had been fresh, but it was not bad. It was almost like…icing candy. Beast Boy shrugged. Who knew?
They took Raven's leftovers, and headed back to the med lab. On the way there they encountered a moody creature that resembled a horse from hell, Mithrah. The big beast had been looking for Raven all day, and so far had not found her. He was confused, and he did not like being confused. Beast Boy, who had a bit of animal instinct even when he was human, looked at the night horse closely. He could tell that Mithrah wanted to take a bite out off Cyborg, but Beast Boy wanted to try something. He concentrated, and turned into a green night horse.
Mithrah did not seemed at all fazed by this. To him this only meant that the green one could talk now.
"Where is mother?" Mithrah asked the green one.
"She has been hurt."
"What! Who dares! I will find them and drink their blood!"
"We do not know where, but we will find him. He was a wizard-"
"I do not care! I will feast on his flesh!"
Boy, Raven was not kidding when she said this guy was nasty! Beast Boy thought.
"She will not like that." Beast Boy whinnied to Mithrah.
"Why not? He would not be able to hurt again."
"The laws of the city say no killing unless necessary."
"Your laws are foolish." Mithrah stamped in agitation.
"Must we really talk about this? Wouldn't you rather see Raven?"
"You will take me to Mother?"
"Yes, but you must not hurt my friend."
"The metal one sounds strange. I do not like it." Mithrah snorted in Cyborg's direction.
"He is your mother's friend as well; hurting him would make her sad."
"You can talk to the metal one? Then tell him as long as he does not touch me I will not bite him. But do not let him touch."
"No problem." Beast Boy changed back, then told Cyborg that all that he needed to do to keep peace around the Tower was not to touch Mithrah. Readily agreeing to this, they three of them completed their journey to the med lab. As soon as he saw Raven on the bed Mithrah snorted and trotted over. The creature laid down near the bed and thrust his head under Raven's arm. For the first time since she had arrived she looked content. She did not smile, but the hard look in her eyes faded, replaced by a much milder face. She stroked her horses' head, forgetting for a moment that anyone else was there.
Amazed at the sight of an animal that looked like a horse but acted like a tame wolf, Beast Boy brought the food to Raven. He wanted to balance the plate on his hand like a waiter and give it to her with a flourish, but he denied the temptation. Knowing him he would probably spill it, and that would be bad.
Cyborg fiddled around at a closet for a while, then emerged with a bunch of pills.
"Rae, I need you to take these."
"What are they?" she asked with suspicion.
"Just painkillers. They will make you sleep too."
Raven didn't feel like sleeping, but she had to admit the pain was nearly unbearable. Besides, it might giver her more time to question a certain dragon. She took the pills willingly with her meal. She had just finished when she started to become sleepy. She felt Beast Boy take the plate away from her. She gently petted Mithrah as she started to slowly drift to sleep.
Her dream did involve a dragon, but not the right one.
There was nothing but darkness here. It was cold and foreboding and Raven hated it. She heard someone approaching, but she could not tell from where. Suddenly a pair of hands that felt distinctly claw like grabbed her wrists from behind and started squeezing. Since she was in the middle of a dream this didn't hurt, but it felt like it should.
"Sweet Raven" came a horribly familiar voice "Do you really think that little green animal cares for you? Fool! He will betray you as I did! He only wants one thing from you, and you know what that is. What else would he want? No one can ever love you, not the way you want them to love you."
"Go away!" she bellowed.
"Oh, dear. You're not going to cry now, are you? Face it, you will always be alone."
She broke free from Malchior and tried to blast him, but then she remembered that she had no powers. Right now Malchior had taken the form of the wizard he had impersonated before, but he was slowly changing to his dragon form. As soon as he was done he let loose with a mighty blast of flame. Raven, not knowing what else to do, ran for her life. She heard the dragon laughing at her, but she did not stop. Eventually she could no longer hear the dragon's cruel voice. Little did she know that she was about to collide with someone just as bad. Literally. Raven was so busy looking behind her she did not notice someone was in front of her until she rammed into said person. She fell down on her back. Raven shook her head and looked up at-
"Terra?" Raven said with disbelief.
"Raven." the other girl replied, her crystal blue eyes narrowed with hate. Terra was dressed the same way as when she been Slade's apprentice. Personally Raven thought that she looked like a mummy trying to be a knight, and thought that it looked ridiculous. However there was nothing ridiculous about the look she was receiving from the former Titan. Terra looked like she wanted to tear Raven apart. In fact, Terra looked like a jilted lover confronting the "other woman". What was the deal with that?
Raven went to get up, but Terra stopped her by placing a foot on her chest and pressing down. Raven knew by now that her powers would not work, so she tried the old fashioned way. Terra never moved an inch.
Terra grinned maliciously "You're not getting mad, are you, Rae? Oh, better be careful. Beast Boy told me all about your temper tantrums."
"What is this? A replay of bad experiences? This is stupid, get off me!" Raven said, trying to sound brave, even though she was scared. She knew how this ended, and she did not want to experience this again.
Terra did not seem to hear her, instead she continued as if Raven had never spoken. "In fact, he did a lot more than just talking. Did you ever wonder exactly what we did the night I left your pathetic team?" An evil little smile crossed Terra's face "It was really fun, but you wouldn't know anything about fun now would you? Does it still sting, Raven? The fact that even though I betrayed them they still liked me better? That Beast Boy liked me better."
Raven closed her eyes, trying to block out Terra's voice. It was true, she knew it. Beast Boy, and everyone else, had like Terra much better than they had liked her. Who wouldn't? Terra was pretty and she did not act like an ice queen. Raven was just a Halfblood with demonic powers. Now she didn't even have the powers.
Raven opened her eyes, but Terra was gone. She got up, not knowing what to expect next. She knew that she was asleep, but she did not know how to wake up. But now what? She had just been tormented by Beast Boy's old girlfriend and her own former lover. What could possibly be-
Oh no, not him!
A hand grabbed her by the throat and yanked her upward. She felt someone's hot breath on her face, but she could not see who it was. But she did not need to see, she knew perfectly well who it was.
"Stupid little girl." HIS voice said "Falling in love with a Fullblood? One of the enemy? Didn't you learn the last time?"
"Sanath! Murder! Let me go!" Raven screamed."
"How many times must I say it?! Fullbloods are the enemy! They make our lives miserable! How can possibly think you can belong with them, let alone love one of them! He could never love you back. You are a Halfblood and he is a Fullblood. In their eyes we are scum! Nothing you can do will change that."
"I'm not going to listen to you anymore. You killed Hadiran you bas-ulk." Raven gasped as the hand clinched tighter.
"The only reason he looks at you is because he doesn't know the truth. As soon as he learns he will walk away and never look back. Why did you think the dragon rejected you? If Beast Boy knew he would treat you like all the others did!" The voice continued.
"He's…not…like….that." Raven said, gasping between each word.
"Really? Then why don't you tell him the truth?" her tormenter asked as he snapped her neck.
Raven awoke trying desperately to hold back a scream of horror. It was not just the fact that the dream ended in her death. The memories that the dream had resurfaced stung worse than her many wounds. Especially the last one. She had thought she had gotten over the memories of Hadiran and Sanath. She had been a fool to trust Sanath, just as she had been a fool for trusting Malchior, but with the dragon it had been only her who had been really hurt. Sanath had done much worse; he had taken Hadiran's life. Hadiran, who was one the nicest people Raven had ever met. Unbidden and unwanted, a memory started stirring inside Raven's mind.
"Oh come on! It wasn't that bad a party!" Hadiran said.
"Yes it was." Raven replied.
The two of them were walking down the long hallways of Falcon's Eye Tower, the home and training ground of the Makhar. They were the only two Makhar apprentices, mainly because they were the only two people interested in becoming Makhar. Now they had just graduated, and they were both full-fledged Makhar. Of course Hadiran, who had tons of friends, had insisted on having a party to celebrate. Why in Azar's name he had asked Raven to come she would never know. Not many people liked her, some because she was a Halfblood, others because of Trigon, and others because she was not very friendly and a few did not like the fact that she was the youngest High Priestess ever to live. Or sometimes it was just a combination of all of that. But Hadiran, who not only considered her a friend but a best friend, had practically dragged her there.
"There must have been something you liked! The music?" he asked.
"Not really."
"The people-"
"Tried to pretend I was not there."
"Dancing?"
"You know I can't dance. Why you insisted on doing it with me I will never know."
Hadiran sighed. Honestly, she was just so hard to deal with sometimes.
"You spend too much time alone; you needed some time with friends."
"Hadiran, only you, Twainisa and Sanath are my friends. Why would I want to see anyone else?" Raven asked.
"If people get to know you they will like you. Besides, you spend too much time with Sanath." Hadiran frowned at the mention of the other Halfblood.
"You still don't like him?"
"He's creepy, Raven. All that talk about Halfblood rights is all well and good. On that I completely agree with him, I like his vision, but I don't like him. Raven there is something seriously wrong with him."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"Aright, let's talk about the party some more! There must have been something you liked. The food?" Hadiran persisted.
Now it was Raven's turn to sigh. If she did not answer then he would go on all night.
"Food was good."
"HAH!" Hadiran bellowed and jumped up in victory. Finally he had gotten her to say something nice.
They reached her room. She turned to Hadiran with a stern look. "You may have danced with me, but you are not coming in with me."
"Of course, I know that." Hadiran smiled his cocky little smile, but then he eyes grew serious. "Raven," he said "Have you decided? About coming to Earth with me?"
"Hadiran, I'm fifteen. Soon as I turn sixteen I might have to destroy Earth because of the prophecy. How can I go to Earth when I'll just end up becoming the portal?"
"Raven, remember what the General says. He says that prophecy is never a sure thing. It can be stopped. Changed. I believe him, why don't you? Please come to Earth with me. We're Makhar; we are supposed to help people. Earth has villains running all over the place! You know it will be more fun than Azarath!"
"Hadiran, I just don't know."
Hadiran shrugged. "Well, I'm going. I hope you'll come with me, but it's your decision." Then he did something strange, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
"Why in Azar's name did you do that?!" She asked, feeling angry.
Hadiran shrugged again "I just felt like it." He said, then he turned to leave.
That was the last time she saw him alive.
Raven shoved the memory away. She didn't like thinking about Hadiran. Time and time again her fellow apprentice had told her that there was something wrong with Sanath, but Raven had ignored Hadiran. Now he was dead. Sanath had killed him, and it was all her fault. If she had never gotten involved with Sanath than Hadiran would still be alive. He might even be a Titan like she was. It would have been great to have had him on the team. Hadiran had been a powerful fighter, a loyal friend, and nice guy. In fact, he was a bit like Beast Boy, only Hadiran had known when to stop nagging Raven. If only she had listened to him!
While she was wallowing in self pity and guilt, a familiar face walked in. it was Robin and he looked very serious.
"Raven," he said "We have to talk."
An Author's note: Seriously, that cake in the freezer thing really works! Try it next time you get too much cake at a birthday party. Not everyone likes the frozen icing, but I do! My family thinks I am strange. Well, they are right in some ways!