a/n: so i realized two things...

1) i update at the weirdest times, they're always like in the middle of the day or night. like right now it's 12:40 in the morning. brilliant huh?

2) i write a lot of chapters where i have to beg for you not to hate me. this is one of them

disclaimer: i am not shonda i do not want to be shonda because if i was then i would have to fear for my life, because i've made so many people mad with my television show.

Alex and Holli were driving back to Addison's place sitting in silence. Holli was staring out the window and Alex couldn't stop fidgeting. "Would you stop that?!" Holli nearly yelled when Alex started to tap his fingers on the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry, I'm just nervous."

"Look, why don't you drop me off and then go and head to Joe's. That's where Addison is. Okay?"

"Okay," he answered. They continued to drive in silence until they arrived at Addison's house. "Do you have a key?"

"Yeah. Thanks for the ride."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come in for a minute?"

"Karev. Stop stalling. Go propose to her. It'll all turn out fantastic, I promise."

"Alright. See you later."

"Just go!"

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"Oh God. Is he still looking?" Addison groaned, completely miserable.

"Not only is he still looking he's walking over here," Callie answered.

"Damn it," Addison muttered to herself before laying her head down on her arms.

"Hello ladies," Mark greeted the two with his signature McSteamy smile.

"Go away, Mark," she ordered, lifting her head from the bar.

"Now is that any way to greet the man you gave up your husband for?"

"Way to hit me where it hurts, Mark. No. Just no. Whatever it is you want, no."

Callie was getting extremely uncomfortable and was quickly losing the nice buzz she had so she got up and announced, "I'm going to go over there and get drunk by myself. Goodnight."

"Great. Just fan-frickin-tastic," Addison muttered.

"Aw, come on Addi, you know you want me," he said, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"No, Mark. I don't," she tried to push his hand off her shoulder but it wouldn't budge.

"Addi-"

"Would you stop calling me that?" she hissed.

"We've slept together; I think I get to call you by your nickname."

"Just leave me alone," she whispered, looking to his eyes, which were a little hurt, but she knew he'd get over it.

"Addison?" She looked over her shoulder and realized that Alex was standing right there. And then she realized just how she must have looked at the moment. They were looking into each other's eyes and Sloane's hand was on her shoulder and her hand was on his. Sure, her hand was straining to get him to stop touching her, and sure, the eye contact was the only way to get her point across, but none of that would matter.

"Alex, I- It's not what it looks like," Great, now she looked even guiltier.

Alex laughed bitterly, "Then what is it? Because you two sure look cozy. I'll just leave you two to get a room or whatever it is you do when you cheat on someone," he said icily and turned on his heel and walked away.

"Wait, please, Alex!" she called after him, tears glistening in her eyes. She tried to go after him, but Mark's hand was still on her shoulder, holding her back, "Damn it, Mark! Let me go!" she screamed. She knew she was making a scene, but she didn't care.

"Addi, calm down," he said soothingly. So she did. Her voice dropped deathly low and she whispered,

"Let me go now."

"What is with you and him?"

"We're dating," she answered. "And it may be more."

"He needs time."

"No Mark, he doesn't. He needs me. And I need him. And I sure as hell don't need you. And I swear to God if you don't let me go after the love of my life I will never speak, look, or even be in the same room as you ever again."

"You- you love him?" Mark was clearly hurt.

"More than anything in the world," was her answer. "And if I lose another love because of you…"

"Just go," he took her hand from her shoulder.

"Thank you," she said and then ran as fast as she could after Alex.

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"Alex! Wait! Please, just stop! Let me explain!" she yelled as she chased him down the street. It was a beautiful night and the stars were out. It was not a night that anyone should break up and she wasn't going to allow it.

He whirled (yes, whirled) around, not really because he wanted to hear any pathetic excuse she could muster, but because he loved her, and that was reason enough. He looked at her and realized that she was probably the most vulnerable and most beautiful he had ever seen her. Her mascara was running and her eyes were completely swollen, so he gave her a chance, "Alright, you want to explain, explain."

She took a deep breath, "Callie and I went to get drinks. We got a little drunk, and he came over and-" but she was cut off.

"I knew this would happen! I knew it!"

"Knew what would happen? What are you talking about Alex?"

"You did this to Shepard too! You get drunk and you do stupid things. You cheat! You lie! You become a completely different person! And yet you don't stop! I knew that you would get drunk and cheat. I set myself up for this. Why did I? Why did I let myself fall in love with you Addison? I never should have let myself! I should have just stayed uninterested and away from you. But no, I was stupid, and thought 'oh, I'll be different, she really loves me, and she wouldn't do that to me'! I guess I was wrong."

"Alex, it wasn't like that at all!" she sobbed, tears ruining any dignity she had left, but that didn't matter to her anymore, all that mattered was that he wasn't mad at her.

"Give me one reason to believe you. I'm not a moron, Addison; I've seen the way he looks at you. I just hoped I would be enough to stop you."

And then Addison got mad. No, not mad, furious. He was jumping to conclusions and assuming that she was capable of cheating anymore. Hadn't they had this conversation before? She wasn't! Was he just not paying attention or something? Why was he so fucking insecure? "There is nothing to stop me from Alex Karev! Because there is nothing there! Don't you get it? I have never once even thought about cheating on you! And you want to know why? Because I loved you! But seeing this side of you? I don't love you so much anymore. So you know what? Do me a favor and have a nice life without me, okay?" And then she walked away, leaving Alex alone, fingering the jewelry box that was in his pocket.

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Tears blurred her vision the entire way home, but she managed to make it home safely. She struggled to get her key in the lock, but it wasn't working because she was sobbing so hard. So she just sank against the side of the house and cried.

Holli was inside, watching TV waiting to see what had happened. She had assumed that Addison would be ecstatic and want to talk, which is why she was so surprised when she heard sobbing outside the door. She walked over and called out warily, "Hello?"

"Holli? It- it's Addison," was the reply. That freaked Holli out, because there were about a million really bad reasons Addison would be outside crying. She unlocked the door as fast as she could and took in the scene. Sitting outside, illuminated by the porch light was the most disheveled Addison she had ever seen. She was curled up into a ball, her knees pulled against her chest, rocking back and forth. Her cheeks had multiple tracks of black running down them, and her eyes were so swollen that she could barely open them. Her hair was all over the place and she was crying so hard she was shaking like she was having a seizure.

"What? Addison, what is it?" Holli asked, getting down on her knees to be on Addison's level. Approximately one million scenes were running at warp speed through her head, although not one of them came close to the truth. In her mind, Addison and Alex together was the one thing that couldn't be messed with. They were perfect and golden and happy. "Addison, please talk to me, you're scaring me," she said when all she got was whimpering noises and sobs.

"Alex…" she couldn't get it out.

"Is he hurt? What is going on, Addison?" Holli was starting to freak out, really freak out. Addison was sobbing and Alex was nowhere to be found.

"Alex and I… we…" Holli thought for a second that maybe Addison was just happy. But then she looked at Addison's eyes and those were not tears of joy running down her face.

"Addi, you need to pull it together, now. You're really scaring me," Holli ordered, knowing that sometimes Addison needed a stern command to get started.

"We broke up," she managed to get out before breaking down again.

"No! But… that's just not possible!"

"Well, it obviously is," Addison snapped.

"Oh, Addi. I am so sorry!" Holli exclaimed before pulling her godmother into a hug. This was a little strange; Holli wasn't used to being the one giving the hugs. She had always been the damsel in distress, the victim. She wasn't used to being the one to comfort someone. This was probably the scariest thing Holli had ever faced. She could feel every shake and shiver that rocked Addison's body. She had never seen anyone besides herself look like this and she had no idea what to do, so she just did the same thing Addison had done for her, months ago, back when she was in the hospital. She hugged her fiercely, rocked back and forth, and whispered soothingly "It's okay, it's gonna be okay."

"No, it's NOT!" Addison wailed. "I just… I… I love him Holli. More than I have ever loved anyone else. He makes me feel like me. And now he's not there, and I don't even remember who I was before him! What am I going to do? I can't do this! I don't remember how to be without him!"

"Addison. You are going to make yourself sick if you keep this up. What you need is sleep and then tomorrow, you're not going to work. You are going to stay home and rest," Holli directed firmly. She had been in breakups like this, well maybe not this intense, and she knew exactly what was needed. When Addison started to protest to staying home she pointed out, "There are other doctors who are perfectly capable of taking care of your patients tomorrow. In this state, you're just going to do more harm than good, so I don't care, I will lock you in your room if that's what it takes to get you to stay home."

"Okay," Addison gave in. So Holli helped her up to her room and into her pajamas, because she was still shaking so badly.

"Goodnight, sweetie," she whispered, turning out the lights.

"Holli?" Addison could barely muster a whisper because her throat was so raw from sobbing.

"Yeah?"

"Could you- do you think that you could stay in here tonight? I- I don't want to be alone," Holli had never heard Addison sound so sad or like such a five year old and it was the most pitiful, heartbreaking thing she had ever heard.

"Sure, but if you kick me in your sleep, I'm leaving," Holli carefully joked, trying to lighten the situation a little bit.

"Fair trade off," Addison answered as she scooted over to the left side of the bed. Holli got under the covers and got comfortable.

"It will be okay, Adds, I promise," she whispered.

"Okay," whispered Addison, before her deep, steady breaths signaled Holli that she was sleep.

soo, here's how it's gonna work. i seem to get more reviews when i blackmail you (hmm wonder why) so the more reviews i get the faster i write... i get no reviews, i don't post. yes i know i am a mean person. i have accepted it and moved on with my life. you should to. a great way to start is by clicking that little button in the corner!