a/n: another chapter! but i gotta beg you not to hate me again. thanks for the reviews guys!

Tomate: i love cliffhangers... when i'm the one writing them. when i'm reading them, i hate them as much as the next person.

Everyone else: i'm sorry that alex made you so mad, but doesn't it kind of seem like something he would do? whether or not it does, the throwing things at me has got to stop! -dodges flying chair-

oh and may i just apologize in advance if addison scares anyone in this chapter.

disclaimer: don't sue.

Holli woke up the next morning, disturbed by the sun that was shining through Addison's window, hitting her directly in the face. She checked the clock, 8:00 in the morning. Far too early to be up she thought to herself (is there really any other way to think?… I suppose out loud, but that's still to yourself…). She rolled over to go back to sleep and realized that Addison was gone. So she got up, a little frightened, because with the way Addison had been acting last night, as horrible as it was, she wouldn't have really been surprised if she had to call an ambulance to come get Addison, either because she had made herself sick or because she had done something that was too terrifying for Holli too think of. Neither reason would have really surprised her. So she ran downstairs and gasped when she saw Addison…

Making breakfast. "Morning!" Addison chirped when she saw Holli standing in the doorway, shocked.

This was actually stranger and more frightening than anything else. She was so chipper. Freakishly, Izzie Stevens on crack, chipper.

"Uh, morning," she replied warily.

"So what do you want for breakfast? I've got chocolate pancakes, blueberry pancakes, sausages, bacon, hash browns, waffles, chocolate chip waffles… and, yeah I think that's it."

"Just how long have you been up?"

"Oh, and fruit salad and bagels. I think I've been up since around four. Somewhere around there."

"You got home at two. You only got two hours of sleep?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Hmm… that's strange, I don't feel tired at all, and I haven't even had coffee this morning."

"You're so chipper," Holli commented.

"Really? I didn't notice."

"Do you even remember what happened last night?" Holli asked, concerned that Addison had hit her head or something.

"Yeah, Alex and I broke up. No big deal. I'm over it."

"You were pretty scary last night."

"Well, that's not very nice!" Addison exclaimed with a scary-happy grin on her face.

"Addi, you're scaring me more right now than you were last night. It's me. You can talk to me. Please. You don't have to put up that front with me."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Addison Forbes Montgomery, don't even think about pulling that on me. You wouldn't me give it to you way back when my mom was still my mom, and I am certainly not letting you pull it now. You need to talk about this. You will drive yourself mad if you keep this bottled up inside."

"Do you think that maybe you could just leave me alone, Holli?" Alleluia, scary-chipper Addison finally disappeared.

"Addison, you just broke up with a guy who you yourself said that you loved more than anyone or anything, you need to talk! You need someone here for you. And I intend to be that person! So, no, I'm not going to leave you alone."

"Holli, I'm fine. You just need to leave me alone."

"Addi-"

"No. Stick your nose in someone else's business because it's not wanted here," Addison snapped.

"Fine… Fine. I'll leave. Bye, Addison. Good luck," Holli said very calmly, even though she was a mess of fury, grief, and sadness inside. And then she turned around, grabbed her jacket and her iPod (she never went anywhere without it) and walked out the door.

"What? Holli where are you going?" Addison called after her.

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Addison had waited not so patiently by the phone, hoping that Holli (or Alex, although she wouldn't admit it to herself) would call. It was getting dark out and she was starting to worry. She knew Holli and Holli was too stubborn and proud to come back. Not when she had been so angry in the first place.

She was so relieved when the phone rang she nearly started to cry, "Hello?" she asked.

"Hey Manhattan," Callie greeted, "Just calling to check in. Have you heard from Holli?"

"No," Addison sighed, frustrated. "Callie, I'm really starting to get worried. This isn't like her at all."

"It's going to be okay," Callie consoled her.

"She said the exact same thing last night," Addison choked back a sob, "Why am I such a screw up? In the span of eight hours I managed to lose the two people I care most about," and then she couldn't hold back the sobs.

"Addison, you are not a screw up. And you'll get them back."

"No I won't!"

"Addison, listen to yourself, you sound like a sniveling brat," Callie snapped, a firm believer in the 'tough love' school of thought.

"I'm sorry! I can't help it!"

"Yes, you can. Addison, you can do this."

"Callie, I've got to go, someone's on the other line," Addison lied, not in the mood to be consoled anymore. Well that, and she was afraid that she would alienate Callie too. So she hung up.

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Three weeks later and Addison still hadn't heard from Holli or Alex and it was starting to show. She ran around the hospital on autopilot, more like a ghost than a doctor. She began to look like a ghost too. She was eating only the minimum amount of food required to survive and she had become unhealthily skinny because of it. She was pale and you had to call her name at least three times before she would react, even if you were yelling in her ear. She never smiled and was a robot in the O.R. She never lost anyone, thankfully, but she never talked except to give orders. In fact, she rarely talked at all, and even then it was the shortest answer possible. But the scariest part was that she went to work looking like a mess, in jeans and a t-shirt. She didn't wear makeup except to cover the black circles under eyes from countless sleepless nights. Well, she could count them since they had started the night she and Alex had broken up, and she could name the time that had passed since then to practically the minute. And she only wore that makeup because she didn't want to scare everyone (more than she was anyways). She didn't really see anyone who talked to her, she just looked right through them. There were only two people who could snap her out of this, and she had managed to scare them both off. Never mind that the break up wasn't her fault; that was entirely Sloane and Alex's fault, Sloane for starting the fight and Alex for being so insecure. In her mind it was all her fault, she should have moved when Mark touched her or done or said something, anything, to make Alex believe her.

Alex saw the change in Addison and it scared him. He had seen Addison sad, and this was not it, this was far worse. And he knew he was the cause of it. All he wanted to do was to hold her in his arms again, but anytime he tried to even think about talking to her, his pager would go off or someone would talk to him, so he never got to.

The two of them, too stubborn and proud to apologize, steadily grew more and more miserable together. Neither was sleeping well and both lost their appetites. Only Callie knew for sure why both were so depressed, but everyone was speculating.

Addison started pushing food away when it was offered. Alex wouldn't sleep until he literally collapsed. Both were falling apart and neither knew where Holli was.

Then one day, Addison was walking down the street. Even though she had never really walked home before, it felt fitting that her thighs were screaming and her shoes were giving her blisters. No one got in her way or bumped into her, because most people, when they saw the look on her face and the blankness in her eyes, crossed to the other side of the street to get away from it.

Looking across the street Addison saw a mass of black curls bobbing through the crowd, so she quickly crossed the street. "Holli?" she called after the girl, who kept walking. "Holli? Please talk to me! I'm so sorry!" Finally the girl turned around, but it wasn't Holli. Addison blushed profusely and apologized and continued on her way.

don't hate me! or throw things at me! -huddles in corner-

but don't forget that i'm still blackmailing you, so review people!!