Chapter Six
Having spent the night on a small cot, Padmé woke up the next morning feeling achy and tired. She did not care that Anakin had spent the night in a chair, where he probably got no sleep at all. Serves him right, she thought bitterly as she went to the fresher to get cleaned up. She still did not understand why he was so reticent to go to her parents' house, unless…and then she realized what had happened. She had wondered how he was able to find her at the Lake Retreat; had he been to her parents' house first to look for her? Cold fear started to spread though her as the considered what this meant. How had he learned of her location? Had he tortured her parents? Killed them perhaps?? Was that why he was reluctant to return there? Panic beset her as she thought of all this, as the thoughts of her parents perhaps lying dead in their own home ran rampant through her mind. I have to get to them somehow! She thought frantically, the irony of her situation smacking her in the face. While off helping Anakin rescue his mother, she may very well have allowed her own parents to die. No, this can't be…they have to be okay…
Padmé nearly ran into Anakin on her way out of the fresher. He could see by the look on her face that she was very upset, frightened even.
"What's wrong?" he asked simply.
She looked up at him, not wanting to get into this with him, not prepared to face his anger right now.
"You wouldn't care," she said as she pushed past him.
"I didn't say that I would," he retorted, taking her by the arm. "But I still want to know."
"How did you know where to find me?" Padmé asked at last. "How did you know about the Lake Retreat?"
"What difference does it make?" Anakin replied. "What does it matter?"
"It matters to me!" she cried angrily. "You went to my parents' home, didn't you?" she declared. "What did you do to them?"
"I did nothing to them," he replied simply.
"Why don't I believe you?" she asked.
"Probably because you don't trust me," he replied.
"And you've given me so much reason to do so, haven't you?" she retorted. "First you …rape me psychically, and then you come to my home to try to kill me, and…"
"You're still alive aren't you?" he countered, starting to get angry with her accusations.
"Yes," she admitted. "Though I'm not sure why."
"I'm beginning to wonder that myself," he replied. He looked at her, knowing that she was worried about her parents, something he could relate to quite easily. "I read your father's thoughts," he told her. "That is how I learned of your whereabouts. I did not harm him or the two small girls who were there also. So you can stop worrying."
Padmé was taken aback by the frankness of his response, and didn't quite know how to respond. He could so easily have tortured her parents for the information; but he hadn't. Just as he could have killed me, but did not.
"I believe you," she said at last.
Anakin looked at her for a moment, half surprised by her statement. "I'm delighted," he said as he walked past her. But he was stopped by her hand upon his arm. He looked back at her.
"Thank you," she said.
He wanted to offer her a curt reply, but the gentleness of her tone and the softness in her eyes stopped him cold. All he could do was watch as she walked away, leaving him to grapple with the emotional chaos that was growing within him.
Deciding to think no more about it, or her, he walked into his mother's room. Shmi was awake, and turned when she heard the door slide open.
"Good morning," Anakin said, pleased at how much stronger his mother looked.
"Good morning, Ani," she replied as he kissed her cheek. She looked up at him. "You look tired," she remarked. "Didn't you sleep?"
Anakin shrugged. "A little," he replied. "Did you sleep?"
"Yes," Shmi replied. "A lovely deep sleep. I feel so much better today."
"I'm glad," Anakin replied. "Perhaps they'll release you earlier than expected."
"Perhaps," Shmi replied. "It was very kind of Padmé to offer me a place to stay. She's just as lovely as I remember her."
Anakin's only response was a nod. Shmi knew her son well enough to see that he was preoccupied, and she had a feeling that she knew why.
"How is it that she came with you to Tatooine?" she asked. "The last I heard she had no idea where you were."
"We…we met again only recently," he told her.
Shmi nodded. "She must care a great deal about you to be doing what she is for me," she commented.
Anakin frowned. "She cares about you, Mom," he said. "Not me."
Shmi regarded her son closely. "Anakin, what is going on with you?" she asked.
"I don't know what you mean," Anakin said, walking across the room and looking out the window.
"I think you do," Shmi replied. "You are so …different, Anakin," she said, unsure how to put into words what she was feeling.
"I'm a man now, Mom," he pointed out. "The last time you saw me I was a boy."
"I realize that," Shmi replied. "But it's more than that," she said. "It's like you are a different person now. What has been going on? Aren't you happy being a Jedi Knight?"
Anakin did not know how to reply to her question, not without breaking her heart. How do I tell her that I am not a Jedi? That I am the antithesis of all the Jedi represent? And that I have spent the past eleven years virtually ignoring her existence?
Luckily for Anakin, he was spared the ordeal of telling his mother the truth by the entrance of the duty nurse.
"Time to check your vitals, Mrs. Lars," she said. She looked at Anakin. "You'll have to step outside for a few moments, I'm afraid."
"Very well," he said. "I'll be right back, Mom," He told her.
Shmi nodded, making a mental note to pursue this conversation at a later time, and watched her son as he left the room, wondering what it was that had changed him so much from the boy she had loved so many years ago.
Anakin found Padmé in the hospital refectory. He sat down across from her, and the two of them sat in silence for a few awkward moments before she looked up at him.
"How is Shmi?" she asked.
"Better," he said.
"Good," she replied, returning to her breakfast. "You must be very relieved."
"Yes I am," he said. He watched her as she picked at her breakfast, wondering if there was a male in the galaxy of any species who understood the female mind. "Thank you."
She looked up at him. "What for?"
"For helping me find her," he said.
"I didn't do that," she replied. "You found her, Anakin, not me."
Anakin sighed. "True," he admitted. "But you encouraged me to go."
She studied him for a moment before she replied. Is this his way of apologizing for being such a miserable jerk earlier? Or is he truly trying to thank me?
"I know how much your mother means to you," she said. "No one should have to suffer the loss of a parent so horribly."
"Even me?"
Padmé frowned. "Will you stop putting words in my mouth?" she replied tersely. "Is it possible for you to have a civil conversation without resorting to sarcasm and cynicism?"
"I…well, yes," he stammered, her comment totally taking him off guard. "Of course it is."
She watched him, her dark eyes not leaving his blue ones for a moment. "I don't believe you," she stated flatly.
"Well…" he stopped, realizing that the next words out of his mouth were sarcastic. "If you…" he stopped again, starting to think that perhaps she was right.
She smiled at him. "Told you so," she said, standing up. "I'm going to see Shmi. Enjoy your breakfast."
Shmi was released from the hospital late the next afternoon. Anakin and Padmé brought her at once to the Lake Retreat on Lake Varykino.
The beautiful scenery in the Lake District took Shmi's breath away. She had never seen such mountains, and the lakes were beyond her imagination. Anakin watched her as she took in each glorious vista. He couldn't help but smile, feeling as though he were seeing them again for the first time himself.
Padmé watched as mother and son interacted, both so engrossed in being together that they were seemingly oblivious to her presence. Anakin was so different when he was with her, he was the young slave boy again, the boy he had been so long ago, the boy who had been lost for so long.
"There it is," Padmé said, pointing out the house to Shmi as the gondola drew close.
Shmi could hardly believe the sight before her. "That is where we are going?" she asked.
Padmé smiled. "Yes it is," she said. "This house has been in my family for many years," she added, looking up at the retreat. "It's one of my favorite places in the galaxy."
"I can see why," Shmi said. "It is beautiful up here; so quiet, so peaceful."
"A perfect place to recuperate," Padmé said. "That is why we're here."
"And I appreciate it so much, Padmé," Shmi replied. "And so does Anakin, don't you, Ani?"
Anakin looked at Padmé, seeing the hint of amusement in her dark eyes. "Yes," he replied.
She smiled. "It's my pleasure," Padmé said. "I'm just so happy that the two of you found one another again. I'm sure it wasn't easy being apart for so long. When you love someone it's never easy to be separated from them."
"No, it isn't," Shmi said, looking back at Anakin again. She took his hand. "This is going to be the start of a new life for both of us, isn't it?" she asked her son.
Anakin did not reply immediately, for he was utterly at a loss what to say. A new life? How could he explain to her that his current life had no room for her? How could he tell her something that he himself refused to accept?
Padmé watched him as he struggled with his thoughts, knowing how conflicted he was becoming. Shmi did not have any idea what sort of a man her son had become; it was only a matter of time before the reality of his life was made known to her. And then what? What would Anakin do? Would he change? Was it even possible for him to do so even if he wanted to? The only thing Padmé know for sure was that if anyone could motivate Anakin Skywalker to change, it was his mother.
Night had fallen over the Lake District, and Shmi was sleeping in a comfortable bed having enjoyed a fine meal. She had decided to watch her son closely, particularly in his interaction with Padmé. It was her opinion that something was going between the two of them, even if neither of them were aware of it just yet. Shmi was not blind; she could see the way her son looked at Padmé when he thought no one was looking. The tension between them even when they weren't bickering was palpable. And yet, Anakin had denied having any personal relationship with her, which made Shmi wonder what exactly had brought the two of them together at this particular juncture of their life. She was, however, a determined woman; and knew it was only a matter of time before she would get the truth about everything from Anakin. He had never been able to hold anything back from her, after all; surely this time would be no different.
A cool breeze was coming off the lake as Anakin stood looking out at the still dark waters. His life had changed so much in a matter of days that he scarcely knew what to think any more. When he had set out to rescue his mother, it had never occurred to him that she would turn his life upside down. And yet, Shmi had always had a profound influence over her son, it was only natural that she would even now.
And then there was the Senator. Anakin still did not completely understand what had stayed his hand when he had her life in his grasp. Why had he been unable to kill her? Was it just the words she spoke? Or was there more to it than merely her efforts to appeal to what little conscience he had left? It perplexed and annoyed him that she had shown virtually no fear of him since then; in fact, she had even taken to challenging him every chance she got. And if that weren't bad enough, she seemed to actually enjoy it. Didn't she know who he was? He was Anakin Skywalker, the right hand of the most powerful man in the galaxy, the most feared, most powerful Force sensitive the galaxy had ever known. How was it that she didn't seem to see any of that?
"Shmi is sleeping like a baby."
Anakin turned to see Padmé.
"Good," he replied. "She needs her rest."
"Yes she does," Padmé agreed. She leaned her arms on the railing and looked out at the moon's reflection on the lake below. "So now what?"
"What?"
She turned to him. "Now what?" she asked. "What are your plans?"
What indeed? He reflected. "That is not your concern," he said at last.
"Well, I think it is," she said, turning to him. "I'm at least entitled to know if you plan on carrying out your original plan."
Anakin frowned. "Original plan?"
"Are you going to kill me, Anakin?" she asked him, looking him straight in the eyes. "Because if you are, I'd just as soon get it over with."
Anakin turned to her. "If I was planning on killing you, don't you think I'd have done so by now?"
"I don't know," she replied. "Perhaps you'll come to me as I sleep one night. I'd just like to be prepared."
Anakin shook his head, a slight smile upon his face. "If I came to you in your sleep, it wouldn't be to kill you, Senator," he told her, enjoying the shocked look on her face.
Padmé was shocked, her face growing warm under his appraising eyes. She was reminded of the way he had looked at her that night of the ballet, and what he had done to her mind shortly thereafter….
"I had the impression that you …rather enjoyed it the last time I paid you a visit," he said, enjoying her shocked silence.
Padmé felt a flash of anger as he taunted her. "How sad that the only physical pleasure you can obtain is through the sadistic invasion of a woman's mind," she retorted angrily.
It was Anakin's turn to grow angry. He walked towards her, his eyes narrowing, forcing her to back up against the railing. "I promise you, Senator," he said, using his considerable physical stature to intimidate her, "that I need not use mind control to take what I want from you or any woman."
Padmé forced herself to match his stare with her own, willing herself not to be afraid, although she was very much afraid at this moment. "No, I'm quite sure you can take what you want," she replied at last. "But having a woman give herself to you willingly, that is another matter. If you'll excuse me," she said, pushing his aside and running into the house.
Anakin watched her go, her words bothering him more than he wanted to admit.