Chapter 4
He had been staring at the messy page for what seemed like hours.
Roger needed to write this song. The quicker he wrote it, the quicker it could be recorded. Then he could go home.
He still wasn't sure whether to go home or not but he figured he should write the song, just in case.
He shut his eyes tightly, hoping the right words would come to him.
As usual, he could only see Mimi. This time it was Mimi on the day at Angel's funeral - when they said goodbye. He remembered every little detail about that moment. Her eyes especially. They had looked so wide, so sad, so full of emotion when he had walked away from her and left for Santa Fe.
His eyes snapped open and he opened his notebook to a random, clean page.
Your Eyes he wrote in his rushed script, determined to get everything down before he lost his train of thought. It felt right to him. Writing a song for Mimi.
He paused, chewing on his pen, as he thought about how to word the next line.
As you watched me leave.
"No." He said to himself scribbling out the line whilst inwardly slapping himself. "That's stupid. It doesn't fit."
Roger sighed, his eyes falling shut once again.
When they had said goodbye to each other, it had been the hardest day of his life.
Wait.
He wrote down the words that jumped into his head.
As we said our goodbye's.
Can't get them out of my mind -
The phone ringing cut through his artistic breakthrough.
"Hello?" He answered focusing on the words he had already written and thinking up the music that could accompany it.
"Finally!" Came the voice from the other end.
"Mark?"
He didn't know why he'd been expecting anyone else, really.
"You realise," Mark sounded angry, "that you never actually gave me the name of where you were staying, right?"
"Um -"
"Or a number in which to contact you?"
Roger smiled. Oh yeah. He knew he'd forgotten something.
"I have been ringing up every hotel in Santa Fe looking for you." Mark continued his rant. "Do you know how many hotels there are in that city?"
Roger chuckled.
"I'm sorry," he laughed down the phone. "I didn't think that you'd actually need to call me."
"Really?" Mark asked sarcastically indicating that he knew Roger's thoughts had been somewhere along that line.
Roger rolled his eyes at his best friend's remark, even though he couldn't be seen.
"Must've been important though," roger thought out loud. "Otherwise you wouldn't have tried so hard to get hold of me."
Then his gaze focused on the page he'd been doodling odd words on - possibilities for the song he had started to write - and he remembered asking Mark to ring him if he had any news.
"Mimi?" Roger asked almost hysterically, all the humour now gone fro his tone.
"Still no sign." Mark spoke sadly. In the months Roger and Mimi had been together, Mark had become quite fond of the girl that was no missing.
"Then," Roger was puzzled, "why go to such great lengths to find me?"
Roger's gaze travelled towards the window as he asked this question, the moonlight he saw reminded him of Mimi. All alone in New York. I wonder how she is.
He jotted down the word moonlight onto the page. He could use that.
"We found a note."
"What?" Roger stopped what he was doing immediately.
"Maureen and I," Mark explained, "went back to search through Mimi's apartment again. We found a sealed envelope addressed to you."
Roger swallowed audibly, scared of what this note might say.
"Have you …" He was stuttering and his voice was cracking. "Have you opened it?"
"No," Mark sat down on the couch sorrowfully. "We wanted to wait for your permission. It is yours after all."
It didn't take him long to reach a decision.
"Open it."
"Sure?"
"Yeah," Roger paused. "It could help us find Mimi. Open it."
Roger waited with baited breath as he heard the sounds of an enveloped being ripped open and a piece of paper falling out. Then there was silence as Mark was undoubtedly reading it.
"Mark?" Roger asked quietly, a bit hesitant of breaking into the other man's thoughts. "What does it say?"
"It says," Mark cleared his throat as he prepared to read out Mimi's letter. "'Roger, I'm sorry but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't be strong for you when you wasn't even here to help me. I wasn't strong enough to stop. I'll miss you Roger. Goodbye.'"
Roger felt tears wash down her face. Mark's voice had cracked when he read out the word stop. Which could only mean that Mimi was using again. He brought a hand up to swipe at his tears.
Please don't let her have given up. Please let this letter just have been a moment of weakness.
Mark stayed silent after he had finished reading it aloud, waiting for Roger to say something. He felt tears stinging at the back of his eyes - his thoughts mimicking Roger's.
"I got an offer, you know." Roger said finally. "To record a demo with a record company."
"Well, you should go for it."
"Yeah?" Roger retorted almost callously. "And what about Mimi?"
"Oh," Mark realised what was going through his friend's head.
This must be so hard for Roger.
"Yeah," was the response Mark received for his 'Oh.'
"You know," Mark began cautiously. "We could look for Mimi - like we have been doing - while you work over there. We'll call you as soon as we find her."
Roger smiled at Mark's optimism.
"Really?"
"Yeah, of course we would." Mark said. "We love her too, you know. Just not as much as you."
Roger laughed again, the sound sounding foreign to him despite having laughed only a few minutes ago.
"Thanks, Mark." He replied. "I'll think about it."
"Alright," Mark started, pausing before finishing his sentence. "Congratulations on the job, by the way. Bye."
"Thanks," Roger replied. "Bye."
Roger hung up the phone and turned his full attention back to the words he'd written on the page throughout the conversation. He caught a glimpse of the moon from the corner of his eyes.
Once again, Mimi's face jumped into his head.
He smiled as the perfect words jumped into his head straight afterwards, moulding to one of the word's he'd already written down.
Where there's moonlight, I see Your Eyes.