A Way Home

Chapter 14 – Fear and Loathing

"I climbed the stairs/ upon my knees/ penance of glass/ a drop of peace/ Nothing I can do/ can fill this hole;/ can clear this storm/ can give me hope/ This crown of clouds/ I wear alone/ This dust of rain/ stays on and on."

-Stop the Rain, Atomic Opera

-

I lay awake listening to an owl hooting in the dark outside the window. Erik stirred briefly beside me, and then went back to sleep. Carefully, so as not to wake him, I removed Erik's arm from around my waist, and climbed out of bed.

I went over to the window and opened it, sticking my head out and breathing in the fresh night air.

I felt as thought I no longer belonged with my family. At least, no while they lived in the nineteenth century. But there was no way for me to return home, and, either way, I would never leave them behind. And taking them with me would probably result in a disaster. They had been born and raised in this century, and taking them out of it would be like taking a cat, and making it learn how to swim. It might eventually adjust, and then again, it might drown and die.

It wasn't like my children or husband could learn English, either. I had had an advantage when I had come to the nineteenth century. I had already known some French, and so it hadn't taken long for me to learn the rest of it. My children and husband would have no such advantage, even if there was some way that we could actually go to the future.

There was no way that anyone in my family would fit in the twenty-first century. Erik would probably want to get plastic surgery for his face, and then when he found out that it cost a ton of money, he would be crushed. Besides, Erik without his deformity is like a bird without wings. It just doesn't make sense. And Charity would never adjust if she couldn't learn to wear pants.

I glanced over at Erik's sleeping figure. His eyes were closed, but he wasn't fooling me. "I couldn't sleep," I said. "What's your excuse?"

He smiled with his eyes closed, but said nothing.

I came over to his side of the bed and crouched down beside him. I put a hand to his right cheek, which was bare, and stroked the mottled skin.

"Erik?" I asked.

"Hmm?" Came his reply.

"Does it feel strange to you? With me still looking exactly the same as I did when ten years ago, and all?" I asked the question innocently enough, but is seemed to have bothered him.

He caught my hand as it made its way up his cheek, and he opened his eyes. Pushing himself up on his elbows, he tilted my chin up with his hand.

"You know I love you," he said, and I nodded, "and that's all that matters."

I lowered my gaze. I still loved Erik with my whole being. It was just that it felt so strange not having changed at all, and him having changed so much.

He had lots of gray in his hair, and the laugh lines beside his eyes had deepened, making him seem very old.

"What is it that's really bothering you?" He asked, the concern evident in his voice.

For a moment, I said nothing. A tear escaped my eye and gently rolled down my cheek.

"Rebecca?" Erik asked tenderly, brushing the tear away with his forefinger.

I rubbed my cheeks angrily, but it did no good because I had begun to cry and it was taking all of my self-control not to start sobbing.

Once I had gained some control of my emotions, I spoke, "It's just that everything is so different now," I said. "You're different, Charity and Dominique are practically adults. I mean, the whole city seems to have changed overnight, when really it's been ten years." I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "I no longer feel like I belong here," I said finally. It felt good to get my feelings out in the open, but I was worried as to what Erik might think of them. I didn't know if he had changed that much that he no longer felt sympathy for others.

After an agonizing three minutes, Erik spoke. "I don't know what to say to you that can make that feeling go away," he said, "but I can understand how you feel."

I smiled. For some reason, I felt better. "You always know just what to say, don't you?" I said, smiling at him.

"I try," he said, smiling back at me. Then he kissed me gently on the mouth.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he whispered back.

Just then, a loud thump startled both of us. It was coming from in the hall. My first thought was for Charity and Dominique, wondering if they were all right. I glanced at Erik and saw the same concern on his face.

Together, we crept towards the door, hoping against hope that our suspicions were false, and that there wasn't someone in the house.

In one swift movement, Erik opened the door and jumped into the hall, holding the cord used to tie up the curtains of our bedroom window in his hand, like a lasso.

There was no one there.

We checked the girl's bedrooms, and we checked the other empty rooms on that level, but there was no one there.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned and went back into our bedroom – only to be attacked from behind. I heard Erik call my name, and I felt the cold blade of a knife pressed against my throat. I swallowed loudly.

"Let her go," Erik hissed at the stranger.

I could almost hear the smile in the intruder's voice, which sounded hollow and false, as though he were using a device to change the sound of his voice. For a moment, I told myself that it was impossible for him to be using such a device because they didn't have those in this century. Then I reminded myself that the intruder probably wasn't from this century.

"No," he said simply and horribly. "It will be wonderful to finally be able to accomplish what I came here to do. And that can't happen with her here."

I gestured to Erik to forget about me and make sure that the girls were alright. I was surprised that they hadn't woken, but they had obviously inherited my ability to sleep through almost anything. For a moment, I thought I saw a shadow creep past me. But then it was gone.

"And what exactly is it that you came here to do?" Erik asked, his teeth clenched in anger. He was gripping the curtain cord as though it were the intruder's neck. I knew that he wanted to strangle the intruder, but that he wouldn't do it so long as the intruder had his knife against my throat.

"That's none of your business," the intruder replied in his hollow voice.

"But it is mine," another voice said from behind him and, before he had time to react, a loud clanging noise was heard, and the stranger dropped to the floor like a stone, his knife clattering to the floor beside him.

I turned around as soon as his arms released me, and saw Charity standing over the intruder, frying pan in hand, looking menacingly at the man on the floor.

Dominique stood not far away with her hands on her hips. "That's what you get for being a bully," she said angrily to the unconscious man.

With a smile and a half laugh, I pulled Dominique and Charity into a hug.

"My girls are my heroes," I laughed, and I kissed them both, glad that there were safe.

"Mom!" Charity cried out. "You're getting spit on me!"

I released them and smiled. "Sorry," I apologized, knowing what it was like for me when I had been growing up.

Erik came up to me and pulled me into a hug, his limbs feeling weak in my arms. He had been scared for me. He was shaking, and I knew it was from relief and anger at the stranger.

For a moment, in all the excitement, I almost forgot about the man in the middle of my bedroom. Then I almost tripped over him.

"What are we going to do with him?" Charity asked.

Erik smiled mischievously and pulled the second curtain cord off of the curtain. "Do you know anything about knots?" He asked the girls.

A/N: There's chapter 14! Story's almost finished. Review, please, and let me know what you think!