A Way Home

Chapter 16 – A Sincere Apology

"I felt my heart beating faster I never saw it coming!/ Gavels from gun barrels expose me as far less than what I need to be/ The sentencing will be dealt swiftly...It's too late to mend my treachery.../ Shots ring out as my last milliseconds unwind.../ Time bloats with fresh gun-smoke forcing me to review what I've done with my life/ Too late to change, too soon to die/ Life is still warm on my lips/ What can I expect from all of this?/ I'm trembling at the mighty feet of mercy - guilty; it's true, but no less sorry/ Too late to change, useless to weep for years of sin weighed on scales accurately/ Interrogate, assassinate, take the lead for justice' sake/ Change of heart, repentant faith only count in mercy's wake.../ … I've debauched and deceived, and destroyed families... I've taken all/ Given none, and received judgment from the objective eye of a gun/ I'm guilty, it's true, but remorseful, no less. I'm sorry!/ What becomes of me, but death deserved, received?/ What of a crooked man's desperate plea seeking The Good Judge's mercy?"

- Gavels From Gun Barrels, Staple

-

"That was a good idea you had, Henri," I commented as the police clapped AM2 in irons. His head hung in defeat, the realization finally sinking in.

The whole group was there, my whole family, plus Henri and Philippe. We all knew (except for maybe Dominique) that the only punishment that AM2 deserved was death. We also knew that, although we might not agree with that, me being a strict pacifist in that area and all, it was necessary. He did the crime, and now he had to do the time.

Those thoughts caused me to remember when Erik had been caught, and put on trial. We were lucky he had even been put on trial. Henri had done so much for us, and I knew that we would never be able to repay him. Heck, any time we tried, he would shrug it off and say, "I'm getting old, and have no children to pass my money on to. So, why not use it all up?"

Every time he said that, I wondered why he didn't think of his niece, Lynaea.

I was brought out of my thoughts by Erik asking a question.

"Should we go watch?" He asked.

"I don't think so," I replied. "I don't think it's appropriate for Dominique."

"Hey!" She protested. But before she could say anything more, Henri interrupted.

"We will go and watch the event," he said, sounding as though he didn't agree with his words. "Because, afterwards, we have to meet someone."

"Can't we meet that person now?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No. She is busy at the moment, and if we bother her, it will take longer for us to collect the item she has for us," he replied, and with that, he whistled to his driver, who brought the carriage closer and jumped down, opening the door to the cab of the carriage. He handed me and the girls in and tipped his hat to Erik, Henri, and Philippe.

Even with only three of us in the carriage, it was tight. When Erik, Henri and Philippe entered, it was even more crowded. We had to sit three on each side, with Dominique crushed in between myself and Charity, and Erik, being the slightest, crushed between Henri and Philippe.

I knew that I wasn't going to let Dominique see the actually hanging. I planned on covering her eyes, so that she missed the actual act, as I knew that it would be too gruesome for someone of her age. After all, she was only ten years old.

We arrived at the place where AM2 would be hanged soon after he did. Already, a crowd was growing, and we had to push through to the front. I knew from history classes when I was in the 21st century that the hangman's noose was a step up from what they had used in Marie Antoinette's time. I was glad that they still weren't using Mme. La Guillotine at the Place de la Concord. It would have given me bad dreams, I figured. I probably would have imagined Marie Antoinette walking to her death, with her children close behind.

I shivered at the thought, and I wrapped my arm around Dominique, who had been older than Marie Antoinette's children when they were beheaded by the Guillotine.

I knew that AM2 deserved what he was getting, but I still didn't like the idea of anyone being "hung by the neck until dead". On the other hand, AM2 needed to know the consequences of his actions.

He also needed to know something else.

Letting go of Erik's hand, and unwrapping my arm from around Dominique, I headed for the steps to the hangman's noose, wanting to speak briefly with AM2.

The policeman standing there stopped me and told me I couldn't go on.

"I would like to say a few last words to him," I said.

The man raised an eyebrow, but then nodded and let me pass. "Don't take too long," he said. "You only have a few minutes."

I nodded, and climbed the steps to stand in front of AM2. When he looked up at me, I saw bags under his eyes that hadn't been there last night. He had a bleak expression on his face, and his facial features were filled with despair.

"Maintenant, c'est fini," I said, and then reverted to English. "Never again will you hurt me or my family. Never again." I paused, then added, in French, "Jamais encore."

"S'il vous plait," he whispered back, and raised his head to look me in the eye. He had a pained expression in his eyes, as though even speaking hurt. His lip was cut from when I had punched him the previous night. He changed from French to English, as I had. "Please, don't let them kill me for what I am," he begged.

I sighed. "You're not being hung for who you are," I said, stressing the word, 'who', "but for what you've done."

"But I was just trying to make life easier for others like me," he whispered. "Je regret tout." He hung his head again.

"There's no reason for me to forgive you," I said, and I glanced down at my hands. I could see that he was sincere in his apology. "But I do forgive you," I added. "I know why you did it, and I can understand why. But that doesn't make it right. No matter how sorry you are, you have to face the consequences." I moved to leave, then, as an afterthought, I turned back to him and said, "Puis Dieu donnera clémence à votre âme." Then I turned to go.

"Attende," AM2 called softly, his voice pained.

I turned to face him again. "What?" I asked in English.

"Maybe there's a way I can make amends," he said, also in English.

"How?" I asked.

"Go to the Opera Populaire and ask the owner for directions to the shop of Danton le tailleur. Ask to speak to Danton, and tell him that" – here he lowered his voice, as if everyone watching could understand what he was saying, even though they didn't know a word of English – "Eric sent you."

I stiffened. No wonder people had thought that AM2 was Erik. He had been using the same name.

"Tell him, too, that Eric wants you to have the object. He will give it to you," AM2 continued.

"What's the object?" I asked, making a mental note of his instructions. I knew what he had done to my family, but I also knew that he was sincerely sorry. I had to check it out, just in case.

"Just ask for the object, and he will give it to you," AM2 replied evasively.

"But what is it?" I repeated.

"It's something that could alter all that has happened since you found the manuscript," he replied, still not completely answering my question.

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, searching his face for anything like deception. I couldn't find any. I decided to trust him, just this once. I had an idea of what the object was, but I didn't want to say anything until I actually had it in my hands.

"Alright," I said, and then climbed back down the stairs and returned to Erik's side. He tried to ask me what AM2 and I had been talking about, but I shushed him with the promise that I would tell it to him later. Now was not the time.

I covered Dominique's eyes as the priest was reading AM2 his last rites. She pulled my hand away just in time to see AM2's body fall as the ground caved in beneath him. She immediately grabbed my hand and covered her eyes again with it, not even peeking until the crowd was dispersing, and AM2's lifeless body was being taken down.

I shuddered at the limpness of his body, and was glad that I wasn't the one having to touch it.

We all turned away then from the scene and climbed back into the carriage. Dominique didn't let go of my hand until the place of AM2's demise was out of sight.

"Are you going to tell us where we're going now?" I asked Henri after several minutes of silence.

"No," he replied bluntly.

"Okay," I said, a little confused.

"You will find out soon enough," he added, and I felt like I was sixteen again, with my mother making up a rule that said she wasn't going to tell me what her idea was because she didn't feel like it.

I sighed. Sometimes, grownups could be so frustrating.

A/N: Here are the translations:

1. "Now, it's finished." (Rebecca)

2. "Never again." (Rebecca)

3. "Please" (AM2)

4. "I regret everything." (AM2)

5. "May God have mercy on your soul." (Rebecca)

6. "Wait." (AM2)

Review, please, and let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is welcome, but no flames, please.