Disclaimer: Not mine. Deal.

A/N: Eric's POV.

CHAPTER 2 (Eric/Fez):

Oh, what a beautiful day it is. A perfect day for taking a walk or getting high or outing your friends, perhaps. But who to start with, hm?

As I look around the circle I ponder over this. Who is most likely to be gay?

On my left is Hyde, he is saying how the government invented cameras for the sole purpose of spying on people and gathering information to use to create an elite force of killers that they'll send to go assassinate all the rest of the world's leaders so that America can TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!! Oh, and there is apparently a car that runs on water, man.

Somehow, I think that Hyde is not the guy that I am looking for.

Next up is Kelso. At the moment he is wearing the quintessential Kelso expression. Oblivious, dumb, and slightly psychotic. One of these days I expect his pea-sized brain to fall out if he keeps smiling with his mouth open like that. Not to say I don't love the guy.

Back to the point. It doesn't seem like a total impossibility, but then again he's slept with about every female in Point Place. And as far as I know, gay guys tend to not spend the majority of their time sleeping with a variety of lovely ladies.

Then there is Fez. I have always wondered about him. A strange kid, that one. And out of the three definitely the most likely. I mean come on- he's half in love with Kelso, he even had a sex dream about him, for God's sakes. He likes dancing and always looks all made up. He is overly fond and affectionate with all of us. And he is way too good at doing hair. He was most definitely the one that Buddy was talking about.

Ah-ha! Now I know. (Actually, now that I think of it, there was really no question.)

But, now all I need to do is PROVE IT!

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It has been 24 hours since I have come up with my master plan (so geniusly named- ERIC'S MASTER PLAN.) All I have to do is use my sexual wiles on him and he would admit all. And then everyone will be all like "Eric, you're such an evil genius! Come make dirty love to me on all your genius awards, you handsome fellow!"

I mean, I was cute, right? Everyone says so. I dated the hottest girl in school, until she dumped me, of course. And my poor, old heart was left shattered. But now is my revenge. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I tell my master plan to no one but my Darth Vader action figure (who else to help me with my diabolical plans?) I got it all planned- now to put it into action!

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The basement is full today. Jackie is lecturing Michael about something. What, I do not know (or care to know) but I heard the words "stuffed animals" somewhere in there. Donna is entertaining herself by listening to some records in the corner, and Hyde seems engrossed in some TV show. Good, everyone is fully occupied, which helps my plan.

My target, Fez, is sitting in the middle of the floor with hundreds of jigsaw puzzle pieces strewn all around him. A complete befuddled look makes its way on his face as he tries to fit two pieces together, rotating them and twisting them left and right, to no avail.

I go beside him behind the couch and sit down cross-legged. He ignores me even though we are practically touching; only concentrating on his puzzle.

"You should try to do the edge pieces first."

He finally directs his attention to me. "Yes, Eric, I know. But I just want to put together Princess Leia, and she is not in any of the edge pieces. She is so beautiful, it has been a dream of mine to put all her pieces together."

He smiles. Strange kid. He tosses the box at me before going back to work on those same two pieces. I finally notice that the pieces are from my collector's Star Wars jigsaw puzzle. Dammit, it took me forever to find this.

Ok, calm down, Eric. Anger does nothing for your master plan. It's now or never.

I reach out to take the pieces away from him, letting my thumb brush over his hand very SLOWLY before bringing it back. He doesn't suspect a thing, though. "Why do you take her away from me, Eric! She was mine!"

I pat him on the shoulder and mutter an apology. Shoot, this isn't working. Maybe I was being too subtle. So, what I do is, I position myself so I'm behind Fez, his back in between my knees. I was hoping I was far enough away so as to not be too noticeable, though. I lean in so my mouth was near his ear. "I don't think those two pieces fit together, Fez." ( I know, such sexy words, right?)

I blow into his ear lightly before leaning back and repositioning myself. I try to figure out his expression but it looked normal. He was still just focusing on his puzzle. This was harder than I thought it would be.

I am going to have to be brought to whore-y levels (I should have gone to Laurie for advice, now that I think of it.) I take a puzzle piece and fling it so it goes on top of his lap. It falls off to the floor, though. So all I do is lean over him to pick it up, kind of stroking his leg on the way up.

He just looks a little annoyed now. "Why do you keep on getting in the way of me and my lady!"

He puckers out his lower lip as he pouts at me. Out of the corner of my eye I see that Hyde is staring at me with his eyebrow raised and an incredulous (and very amused) expression. Shit, shit, shit! My plan sucks. I blame Vader.

Okay, it is obvious to me now that this is going nowhere. I just totally gave him my best moves: the cute smile, the bedroom eyes, the slight caresses. He was so not gay.

I guess next up is Kelso.

A/N: Reviews make the world go round.