Disclaimer: not mine.

A/N: Again, slash. All this story is is a bunch of random slash, that I had to make Eric a bit (or a lot) OOC to create.

CHAPTER 3 (Eric/Kelso):

I am VERY nervous now. With Fez it didn't really matter much if he turned out to not be gay. Hell, he barely even understands Americans to begin with. So he may not have even realized I was making a pass at him.

Ok, so Kelso is definitely a few short up in the old cranium, but he would definitely make a WAY bigger deal out of it than Fez did. Eh, I could probably use some Jedi mind tricks to get him to think I was… I dunno… checking for lice or something.

This time I am definitely not doing it with Hyde around, though. He's had his diabolical, conspiracy theorist look this whole fucking week. God, I can only imagine the torture he would inflict if he found out.

Again, I am off on a tangent. Kelso. Wow, I'm going to come on to Kelso. A little strange, but I can deal. He's as pretty as a girl, anyways. And I've been with girls (erm, kind of) before, so it's not like it would be much different.

This time… subtlety is key. Although, with Kelso subtlety usually doesn't work too well. Ah, screw it… I'll just wing it.

THAT70STHAT70STHAT70STHAT70STHAT70STHAT70STHAT70STHAT70S

Finally, Hyde's gone. He said he was going to the Hub or somewhere. Donna, Jackie, and Fez had left awhile ago. Why is Fez always following them around and doing girl stuff with them? Since he isn't gay, which is painfully obvious to me now.

Hyde had seemed suspicious. But, wait, Hyde is always suspicious. I guess I have nothing to worry about then.

Kelso probably would have left too; it's usually not just us two down here. But my mom had brought down a huge plateful of brownies down right after Hyde had left.

So, there he is, devouring practically the whole thing. Getting chocolate all over his face, crumbs getting all over his shirt. I notice that he's wearing one of his tighter t-shirts. One of the ones that stick to him so much that they show his abs. Hm, maybe this wouldn't be too bad, after all.

He reaches up to push back his hair and a huge streak of chocolate is left in its wake. I laugh and grab a paper towel.

"Dammit, Kelso, you just should not be allowed near food. At least not without your own team of people to follow you around and clean you up." I tease as I start wiping his chin and mouth and forehead.

He laughs and thanks me for the burn. Another strange one. Why did I become friends with these people again?

"Hey, that would be so cool! Ooh, better yet, if I had a team of GIRLS follow me around. And they could be in little French maid uniforms and… oh my God, Eric, they could be SWEDISH!"

Oh, that's right. They amuse the hell out of me.

I get up to throw the paper towels out and I notice that he's off in la-la land with his Swedish French maids. He is getting seriously aroused too. I can tell because his face is all flushed and he's fluttering his eyes all girly and every once in awhile he'll do this delirious giggly thing that he does whenever he's thinking something dirty.

Ooh, Kelso is being much more helpful with my plan than Fez was. I should have gone to him first.

Okay, time to be bold, Eric. Deep breaths. Stay calm. Only Kelso.

After watching him for a moment I go to sit down on the couch. Like I had with Fez I sit close enough to be slightly touching him with my knees, but far enough away so as to not be suspicious.

"You still thinking about those girls, Kelso?"

There's the giggling again. Annoying (cute) as hell.

"Haha. Yeah. There's this one named Victoria who's giving me a sponge bath."

I mumble something and he continues to tell me… completely unguarded, mind you… about his little fantasies. He really reminds me of a little kid sometimes. He would tell you anything.

As the scene gets dirtier and dirtier I find myself leaning in closer and closer. By the time Victoria is moving her hands downwards, my hand has found his way to his knee. I slowly move my hand upwards so it's resting on his thigh. Gently, I graze my thumb so it was in between his legs. I notice that he is starting to get turned on. I also notice, disappointedly, that he still does not have a clue.

By this time I do sadly realize that he is not getting, erm, happy in the pants because of me, so much as the slutty maids he is envisioning. But, also, by this point I am so turned on I think my fucking head will explode.

I'm starting to think that he's still a bit stoned from the circle from earlier. I really do not care though.

My vision is starting to get cloudy as he tells me all the naughty things that were going on in his mind. I get even more excited as I start to feel his erection near my thumb. He is seriously excited now. And, as I glance down, so am I.

I run my hand through his silky hair as my other one moves up so it's rubbing against his groin. I move it up and down, up and down. Wow, he's hard.

Finally I get his attention. I could swear he's so lost that he's thinking that lovely Victoria has hopped out of his dreams and is ready to fuck him here in real life. I hear him moaning and his head tosses back against the couch.

I unzip his jeans and slide them down to his knees. He's only in his itty-bitty tighty whities now. I kneel down in front of him, glad to give him what he wants. But then the fucking door opens.

I am such a dumbass. A goddam idiot. As bad as Kelso. Stupid door. I blame Victoria.

Hyde just stands there, thumbs in his belt loops, smirking like hell. "Hey, man. I knew you were desperate, but KELSO?"

Smirk away, funny man.

"Holy shit! Eric? Oh my God!" Coming from Kelso, who has finally come back down to Earth.

Kelso muttered some more and attempted to run out the door, only to find that his pants were around his ankles. He trips all over himself and falls straight on his face. I see him trying to get his pants up but finds it hard to zipper them up when he's still so hard. He gazes down at his zipper like he's just been told 2 + 2 6. He'd probably believe that, actually.

Hyde's laughing his ass off while I'm sitting there feeling like my face is on fire and I'm going to seriously puke from embarrassment. I'm also trying like hell to get my own… problem… to go away. Kelso finally ends up leaving with his pants askew and little Kelso out waving to the world.

That evil Hyde, all calm and relaxed, just walks across the room and sits in his chair. I stare at my hands.

"So, Forman, care to explain this one?" He's trying to put on his Zen face but a few giggles escape. Idiot.

I mumble something about lice (damn, that plan doesn't work as well in real life) and run as fast I can up to my room. I can just imagine Hyde telling the rest of the gang and falling over himself, cracking up. This is the kind of stuff he dreams about rubbing in people's faces. Ah, shit.

A/N: Review, even if this is just a bunch of random silliness that probably sucks!