Disclaimer: This is not owned by me. Rather by a group of people that I don't know or care about.

A/N: Ok, this story is probably the dumbest, silliest, most out of character thing ever, but I am just getting way too much of a kick out of it to care. So, boo hiss to those who don't like it. (Also, I realize that Eric probably wouldn't curse this much but I think it adds a bit of… flavor.)

CHAPTER 4 (Eric/Kelso Part II):

I am sick. Deathly ill. Flu, tonsillitis, pneumonia, freaking EXZEMA, I don't care, but I'm sticking with the story that I'm sick.

Okay, so my mom's a nurse and can see right through me. Okay, so I'll have to face everyone eventually. And, OKAY, so Red will put BOTH his feet up my ass if I try to skip school another day. I am going to sit in this goddam bed as long as I can.

My friends suck. They barge in even when I'm supposed to be sick. Hello, ever heard of CONTAGIOUS. They're all idiots.

Donna was the first one. She dropped by after school to give me my homework. She didn't seem to know anything, but that girl is damn good at hiding stuff. She petted and mothered me for awhile before I finally told her that I needed to get some rest.

Next was Jackie and Fez (seriously, why are they ALWAYS together?)

They really didn't care, I don't think. They were probably mostly bored. Well, whatever, they just bugged me for awhile and messed up my Star Wars figurines (damn Vader had been glaring at me ALL morning, it's not MY fault the plan got screwed up. Damn Hyde. Vader's telling me that I WAS in his room, well, kind of. Dumbass me.) But, yeah, then they left.

Then there was Kelso. God, I was dreading this. I seriously didn't think that he would come by at all. I thought he would hide out for awhile, and then we would be all awkward, and then, I don't know, we'd just forget about it or something.

So, yeah, he's in my room and he's standing over me and stuff and he just looks so damn tall. I finally notice how damn TALL he was. He had to be at least a few inches taller than Hyde, Fez, and me. God, he is having trouble talking.

"Um, Eric. I just wanted to… er… tell you…"

He pauses for like an hour. I wonder if the sexy maids were back. Bad Eric! Very bad Eric!

He sits down at the end of the bed. "Okay. Here's the thing, Eric."

Another pause. Oh, God. He's sexy sometimes, but then there are times when I really can't stand talking to him.

"Um. Erm. I'm not… you know. It was just those damn Swedish girls… in their high-heeled shoes and their tight uniforms and their huge knockers…"

"Um, Kelso. Get to the point, please."

He comes back from Kelso-land. "I'm sorry about what happened. I was just… you know. And you were all… you know. But I really don't feel that way about you. I don't like guys that way at all."

"Yeah, I know, Kels. I'm sorry. And… I'm not gay either. It was just… a stupid moment. And, hey, buddy. You know no one can turn you down."

Well, okay. That one part was a flat-out lie, but I was SO not coming out of the closet anytime soon. And I was hoping that I would flatter him enough that he would forget the incident entirely.

"I KNOW, Eric! Nobody understands how hard it is for me! I am just so goshdarned pretty, nobody can keep there hands off me, guys and girls alike. And I feel bad, but I just can't please everyone, you know?"

Good, ole Kelso. He is just so predictable, I love it.

"Yep. You certainly are a charmer."

He goes over to my mirror and admires himself for awhile, flipping his luscious locks this way and that. Ha, it sure is a wonder why I thought he was gay, hunh?

"Ok, so no harm done then?" He asks after getting every single hair into place.

"Oh, nothing could ever come between us, Kelso." I respond, more pacifying him then anything.

"Friends till death." I tell him.

He smiles, and he doesn't look too dumb at the moment. "Friends till death."

"See ya, Kelso."

He looks so goddam happy. He may act like an idiot sometimes, but you can't say that he doesn't care about his friends.

"Bye, Eric!"

And he rushes out of the room with the grace of a drunken orangutan and an expression that made him look like one. Oh, he does amuse me so. I'm glad that everything isn't ruined between us.

A/N: Review please!