She tried to weasel out of it but she had volunteered the other day to
drive Jack home and neither Teal'c nor Daniel would bail her out. It
was a very obvious conspiracy. So that afternoon after his company was
gone she arrived back at the infirmary with a pleasant expression
pasted on her face that could easily be mistaken for a grimace.
The trip was quiet with just a minimum of stilted small talk.
When they arrived at his house she offered to run any errand he needed but in fact looked ready to bolt.
He had enough of her nervous pissy attitude and had to ask.
"Okay what the hell is eating you?"
"Sir?"
"God damn it Sam you know what I'm talking about."
She fumed as she gathered the nerve to question him "Are you going out with her?"
"What?"
"You brought this up. Are you sleeping with her?"
"That's none of your business."
"You're right. I should leave."
As she turned to leave, he couldn't help himself.
"Going to go visit Pete in the brig."
"Why would I…"
"That's what I kept asking myself, Why? Damn it, Sam, why?"
He was shocked at the emotion in his own voice.
"Why? Aren't you the one who kept telling me to get a life? Don't you think I ever get lonely? Do you think I wanted to be alone for the rest of my life? Don't you think that I deserve someone to love me?"
"You knew."
""What are you talking about? What did I know?"
"You knew. How can you say you didn't know?" He was just about shouting now.
"When they did the Za'tarc testing it was you, not me that knew what was wrong. It was you that told me to tell them how I felt. It was you that…"
"I didn't know what you'd say. I only knew that you were hiding your feelings."
"Bullshit. You knew and you told me, no, you made me tell them everything."
"You'd rather they destroy your brain trying to cure you of something you didn't have."
"Sometimes I think I would have rather. What about the ice planet?"
"What about it?"
"Don't you remember."
She had no reply.
"That's the problem I do remember. I remember everything about it. But not when I was there. The stripped us of everything, our uniforms, our memories, our lives, but I remembered one thing. One thing, damned thing, I remembered that I loved you. You knew that. You knew that was the one constant in our lives and you threw it away. And you still can't tell me why you could do that without say one word to me."
"I told you I was going out with him."
"Oh yeah, I remember… in the elevator and I asked you and you said it was 'nothing serious'."
"You said you were happy for me."
"What was I suppose to do – press the stop button and fuck you in the elevator?"
Her cheeks flamed at his vulgarity.
"You could have said something."
"As a superior officer it would have been sexual harassment."
"I told you he asked me to marry him."
"Yeah, I remember that to, the day you shoved the ring in my face what was I suppose to do then."
"I don't know. It's not all my fault."
"So you agree to marry him, HIM and you're angry at me for going out."
"You said you'd always be there for me."
"I'm not a god damned door mat. Believe it or not I actually have feeling too. And when the hell did I ever say that."
She took a deep breath and tried to remember. They so rarely had personal conversations that it was hard to put her finger when this could have possibly come up. Then she colored remembering.
"On the Prometheus."
"What? Two years ago with Conrad and Simmons?"
"No, it was when it was lost"
"I was there?"
"I saw you ."
"You were hallucinating, Carter, I wasn't there."
"It was you; you came to help me."
"Okay so I saved you from being lost forever in space and in return you throw away seven years."
"Seven years of what?"
He just stared at her, his lips compressed in a tight white line. "I thought you knew."
"I wanted so badly to have a normal life" her voice shaking with emotion "I wanted some one to come home to, some one to care."
She was softly sobbing now. He enfolded her in his arms. At first her body was rigid. He put his cheek against the top of her head and played with the hair behind he ear caressing her cheek with his thumb.
"I'm not seeing her any more. She told me there was someone else."
"She left you for someone else."
"No. She said that I was in love with someone else."
Her arms slid around him and she nestled against his chest."
"Are you?"
He kissed her hair and tipped up her face to him. Unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. He kissed he eyelids and cheeks, he claimed her lips.
"I thought you knew."
The trip was quiet with just a minimum of stilted small talk.
When they arrived at his house she offered to run any errand he needed but in fact looked ready to bolt.
He had enough of her nervous pissy attitude and had to ask.
"Okay what the hell is eating you?"
"Sir?"
"God damn it Sam you know what I'm talking about."
She fumed as she gathered the nerve to question him "Are you going out with her?"
"What?"
"You brought this up. Are you sleeping with her?"
"That's none of your business."
"You're right. I should leave."
As she turned to leave, he couldn't help himself.
"Going to go visit Pete in the brig."
"Why would I…"
"That's what I kept asking myself, Why? Damn it, Sam, why?"
He was shocked at the emotion in his own voice.
"Why? Aren't you the one who kept telling me to get a life? Don't you think I ever get lonely? Do you think I wanted to be alone for the rest of my life? Don't you think that I deserve someone to love me?"
"You knew."
""What are you talking about? What did I know?"
"You knew. How can you say you didn't know?" He was just about shouting now.
"When they did the Za'tarc testing it was you, not me that knew what was wrong. It was you that told me to tell them how I felt. It was you that…"
"I didn't know what you'd say. I only knew that you were hiding your feelings."
"Bullshit. You knew and you told me, no, you made me tell them everything."
"You'd rather they destroy your brain trying to cure you of something you didn't have."
"Sometimes I think I would have rather. What about the ice planet?"
"What about it?"
"Don't you remember."
She had no reply.
"That's the problem I do remember. I remember everything about it. But not when I was there. The stripped us of everything, our uniforms, our memories, our lives, but I remembered one thing. One thing, damned thing, I remembered that I loved you. You knew that. You knew that was the one constant in our lives and you threw it away. And you still can't tell me why you could do that without say one word to me."
"I told you I was going out with him."
"Oh yeah, I remember… in the elevator and I asked you and you said it was 'nothing serious'."
"You said you were happy for me."
"What was I suppose to do – press the stop button and fuck you in the elevator?"
Her cheeks flamed at his vulgarity.
"You could have said something."
"As a superior officer it would have been sexual harassment."
"I told you he asked me to marry him."
"Yeah, I remember that to, the day you shoved the ring in my face what was I suppose to do then."
"I don't know. It's not all my fault."
"So you agree to marry him, HIM and you're angry at me for going out."
"You said you'd always be there for me."
"I'm not a god damned door mat. Believe it or not I actually have feeling too. And when the hell did I ever say that."
She took a deep breath and tried to remember. They so rarely had personal conversations that it was hard to put her finger when this could have possibly come up. Then she colored remembering.
"On the Prometheus."
"What? Two years ago with Conrad and Simmons?"
"No, it was when it was lost"
"I was there?"
"I saw you ."
"You were hallucinating, Carter, I wasn't there."
"It was you; you came to help me."
"Okay so I saved you from being lost forever in space and in return you throw away seven years."
"Seven years of what?"
He just stared at her, his lips compressed in a tight white line. "I thought you knew."
"I wanted so badly to have a normal life" her voice shaking with emotion "I wanted some one to come home to, some one to care."
She was softly sobbing now. He enfolded her in his arms. At first her body was rigid. He put his cheek against the top of her head and played with the hair behind he ear caressing her cheek with his thumb.
"I'm not seeing her any more. She told me there was someone else."
"She left you for someone else."
"No. She said that I was in love with someone else."
Her arms slid around him and she nestled against his chest."
"Are you?"
He kissed her hair and tipped up her face to him. Unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. He kissed he eyelids and cheeks, he claimed her lips.
"I thought you knew."