White Ceiling Chapter 3: Cureless, an ever 17 fanfic

Disclaimer: All characters and likenesses contained herein are the intellectual property of KID. This is a fan piece designed for the sole purpose of entertainment, so please enjoy!

Spoiler Warning: This piece of fanfiction contains spoilers relating to Tsugumi's scenario in EVER 17. It is recommended that you play through her scenario before reading.

EVER 17:
White Ceiling
by Andrew Glasco

Chapter 3
Cureless

I discovered that something more was afoot.

Three years passed. I was fifteen, and many realizations had come to me in the past few years. First of all, I was certain that I was not in a hospital. I was in some sort of research facility. Once I suspected it, it wasn't very difficult to figure out. There were no visitors. Very few of the patients, none of whom I had bothered to get to know even after three years, ever left the facility. We were ushered back to our rooms hurriedly like caged animals. We were, in fact, just like those caged animals to our oppressors.

I was being studied. The reason was also becoming clearer to me. Saying that I was "sick" may have been something of an exaggeration, but I did have some kind of strange disease. This disease, however, didn't threaten my life, nor did it limit me physically. In fact, it had somehow strengthened me. In the darkness I could easily make out objects that emitted heat. My body was very mobile and strong. My eyes and ears worked perhaps better than ever. My wounds were healing at a swifter and swifter rate. The only thing that the disease had harmed in me was that I was now far more sensitive to light. The white ceiling of my room that I had been staring at for well over three years now sometimes seemed blinding. The sun shining in through the window was even worse. The staff, who I now knew to be researchers, were eventually forced to place thick curtains up in the windows to block out the sunlight. They knew of the discomfort that the sunlight caused me, yet...

"Just lay there and look up at the light. Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit."

A part of my testing for some time was to gauge the degree of light I could withstand before it became painful. They pretended to care about my discomfort...

"Does it hurt? Okay, we'll turn it down just a bit. Bear with it and tell us when the pain goes away."

It was all a lie. The researcher who ran tests on me, the very same man who had claimed to be my friend, lived the lie of being a compassionate human being day in and day out. His lies were at last clear to my eyes.

"You're going to help many people once we figure out how to cure you."

I laid on a cold examination table, staring blankly up towards the light. There was a tube running into my arm. It was a dull ache. I ignored it. The researcher sat beside me, watching some monitor and taking notes. But I didn't really care what he was doing, just as I knew that he didn't really care what I was thinking. I simply stared ahead. I wasn't thinking of anything. This was just how things were. I didn't have to like it. I was simply living. Was I looking ahead, hoping that tomorrow might be different?

No.

At that time, I had but one person who was my thread of hope. I had but one person that I could trust. It was because of him that I could endure this. I would always return home to him, no matter how unwelcoming home may be.

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EVER 17 -you are in the infinity loop- EVER 17
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I returned to the room late. Even if the thick curtains hadn't covered the windows, it would have been dark in the room. My arm still ached, but I hardly felt it. I had grown used to having aches from needles and tubes that they stuck in me day after day. As I stepped into the room, I brushed my bangs away from my eyes. My hair had been growing for three years. If we wanted to cut it, we had to do it ourselves. The researchers wouldn't bother themselves with such a trivial matter. My line of sight clear, I cast a glance in the direction of the boy's bed. It was still, and my strange vision allowed me to easily see that he wasn't moving aside from the steady rise and fall of his chest with his breathing. A faint smile rose upon my pale features. It felt unnatural. I didn't smile that much nowadays. In fact, I hadn't smiled at anyone besides the boy in a long time. He was the only one that made me feel like smiling.

"Good night," I whispered quietly towards his bed as I sat down upon my own.

But I received an answer, startling me enough to keep me from lying back upon my bed. "Night, Tsugumi."

Embarrassment quickly struck. "You should have said something if you were still awake!" I chided him, a bit flustered.

An amused laugh sounded out as the boy rolled over and sat up, grinning over at me in the darkness. "Sorry, sorry. I wanted to see if you'd say anything. By the way, what took so long today?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. Frankly, I didn't care. "I didn't really listen."

"Oh," he shrugged. He didn't really seem surprised. I guess my apathy for the researcher was pretty obvious by now. Of course, he didn't really seem to care for the researchers either, so I wasn't alone in my feelings. "Anyway, I was waiting for you to come back."

"Why?" I asked, genuinely surprised. We would usually talk, but I doubted he would wait up late just to talk. We'd see each other tomorrow, after all. It isn't like we were leaving.

"Because there's someone I want you to meet," he explained with a new grin.

"Someone?" I repeated, confused. I didn't see anybody else in the room, and we'd never gotten any visitors. I don't think there were any 'visitors' in a research facility, after all.

The boy hopped out of his bed stepped over to mine before sitting on the edge. He then grabbed his right sleeve and pulled it loose. A moment later, a black, furry little head popped out from his sleeve! For a split second I thought it was a bug, but I quickly noted the fur and realized it looked like some kind of little mouse. A gerbil, maybe? It was mostly black on the top with a stark white underbelly. It had cute little eyes and a pointy nose with short whiskers. My expression changed from slightly fearful to love-struck in a matter of seconds.

"Aw, it's so cute!" I exclaimed with girlish delight. "Is it a gerbil?"

"Ha, ha, ha!" he laughed, obviously pleased with my reaction. "Nah, it's a djungarian hamster...I think." He scratched his head, obviously not quite as certain as he'd originally sounded. It didn't bother me. The kid turned up his palm and the little hamster leapt onto his hand. "I snuck him out of the storage room with the animals. There are a lot of different animals in there now."

"Djungarian hamster, huh?" I asked, not thinking about what I was saying at all.

I hardly even caught the fact that he'd gone back to the storage room with the animals. We'd been back to that room together only twice in the three years that had passed. The first time the animals were all gone. We'd been worried about them, but there was nothing we could do. The second time we'd come back, however, there had been even more animals than before. It was strange. The kid had been caught on our second trip, however, so we'd been scolded once again and they'd been careful to keep us away from the animals. But I suppose that after three years, they had stopped really worrying about it. So had I, frankly.

"Hey, can I hold him?" I asked, finally looking up at the kid.

"Sure," the kid replied. He held out his hand with the little hamster, and I held out my hand just below his. The kid tipped his hand to the side and the hamster slid onto my hand. The hamster instantly spooked, this long, unfamiliar platform frightening to him. His teeth bared down hard on the side of my index finger.

"Ow!" I cried, startled. A thin stream of blood began leaking out from the new, small wound on my finger. The hamster hadn't pulled away from the fresh wound. "Let go!"

"Hey, stop it!" the boy chided the little furball. He reached over and poked the hamster in the side with his index finger. It surprised the critter enough to cause him to release his hold, running quickly to the other side of my hand. "Sorry, Tsugumi. He didn't act mean at all..."

"No, it's okay," I assured the boy. "He was just scared. Besides, it's not bad. It'll be completely healed before morning."

"Before morning?" the boy asked. He knew that something like that wouldn't heal in just a few hours. Or...it shouldn't.

"Yeah," I replied. I wasn't lying. I knew that my body would heal itself long before the morning light shone over the horizon. He didn't have to believe me. And though it was selfish, I didn't want to explain. Even though he could see the future and certainly wasn't normal himself, I still didn't want the boy to know what a freak I was becoming. He accepted my words without question, as he so often did.

"Here," the boy stuck out his hand. I handed the little critter over to him without complaint. I raised my bleeding finger to my lips and sucked the blood from the cut gingerly. It just stung a little, but I didn't want to get any blood on my sheets.

"Does he have a name?" I asked. My voice was a bit muffled by my finger as I spoke, but my words were clear enough.

"A name? No. I mean, he isn't ours—"

"He isn't theirs either!" I challenged him, pulling my finger away from my lips. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand thinking of this little hamster being bullied around by those researchers. I was sure that all of those animals were expendable to them. If we gave him back, just how long would this little guy even survive? "Listen...I don't think that you don't have to own something to give them a name. Do parents that have children "own" their kids? No. Children are completely dependent on their parents, but the children are completely independent as an individual simply by the virtue of having life. Ownership only relates to possessions. Objects. People and animals aren't like that. No one owns this little guy. But we can give him a name like parents would...because he can depend on us, right?"

I guess the boy was a bit taken aback by just how strongly I felt about the situation. He just stared at me for a few moments before he finally replied. "Y-you're right."

"So," I began, my expression softening. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Hmmm," the boy pondered. "How about Djungi? He's a djungarian hamster and all."

"Djungi?" I repeated, my tone incredulous. "That reminds me of...well, garbage somehow. Let's think of something else."

"Garbage? Uh, okay. Do you have any ideas?" he asked. Thankfully, his expression showed that he didn't take any offense to me shooting down his name.

"Well," I thought for a few long moments before it hit me. "How about Chami?" I clapped my hands in satisfaction. Chami...I thought it was perfect!

"Chami?" he repeated with a look of confusion. I guess he didn't understand where the name came from.

"Chami, because he's charming." I explained. "Charming...Chami. See?"

"Heh," he grinned. "I get it. I guess that makes sense. I like it. Chami, huh?" The boy turned his eyes down to look at the little hamster once more. It was staring up at him with curious eyes.

"He is charming," I smiled, admiring just how cute little Chami was.

The boy just nodded, silent. He stared down at Chami as well, but his expression had tightened a bit. I waited for him to say something...but he remained silent. Over a minute of what seemed like a slightly uncomfortable silence passed before I decided to speak once again.

"What's wrong?" I asked, turning my eyes from the hamster to him.

"Oh, nothing really," he replied. But it was obvious that it wasn't nothing. "It's just...I wonder what I was called by the people that were supposed to take care of me...but didn't. Did they even bother to give me a name? I wonder just where I was before I came here, anyway..."

I hadn't even thought about the fact that this boy didn't have a name while I stressed my desire for Chami to have a name. I was just so used to the fact that he had no name after three years that it no longer seemed unnatural. Of course, I didn't want him to lament the fact that he couldn't remember his name. But more than that, I didn't want to give the boy a nickname just for convenience. When and if he regained his memory, having another name would only cause him more confusion. I'd thought about this early on when I strongly felt the desire to give him a nickname. I had decided then that it was best just to leave it alone, and I didn't want to change that now. I needed to take his mind off of these negative thoughts.

"Hey," I called to him softly. "Look at me."

The boy obligingly raised his eyes to look at me. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks once again. What was I doing...?!

But even as I wondered, I raised a hand and brushed his bangs aside. I raised my other hand and dipped his head downward, softly pressing my lips to his forehead. It was a quick peck...on the forehead no less, but I still didn't know that I'd ever felt quite so embarrassed. My cheeks burning, I pulled away and returned my hands to my sides. I looked to him to gauge his expression and found that he appeared no less embarrassed than myself, his eyes turned downward. I followed suit.

A long silence passed between us.

"Th-that was a thank you," I explained in a small voice. "For everything."

"A thank you?" he asked as he cast a bashful glance my way.

"I don't know what you were called, but it doesn't change who you are," I swallowed. "Who you are...to me."

"Tsugumi," he whispered.

Chami was running around the boy's hand without a care. I, on the other hand, was sure that I would die from embarrassment.

We embraced, wrapping our arms tightly around one another. It was only then that I realized that we probably both wanted this sort of comfort for a long time. For myself, there could be no doubt. The proof was the wetness that had risen within my eyes, tears that threatened to fall. I didn't blink them back. Let them fall now. I felt safe releasing my contempt and despair within his arms. I felt Chami leap up onto my shoulder as I tightly closed my eyes, pulling my head closer against the boy's chest. We held one another for a long time, sharing our grief and sorrow without a word and comforted by the simple knowledge that the other understood.

The bite on my finger had vanished before our embrace's end.

It began the following day.

"Morning," I called over to the boy, feeling rather chipper in spite of the coming day of tests.

"Nnh," he answered vaguely, offering me a simple nod of the head in greeting.

Huh? Hadn't we shared a special moment together last night? He usually was the enthusiastic one in the morning instead of me. It seemed a little strange. I felt a bit put off, but ultimately decided not to worry about it. He may not have slept well, or perhaps he had a bad dream. Nonetheless, I sensed that he didn't want to talk and thus left our greeting at that. As per normal the boy was taken soon thereafter by the researchers to poke and prod him with whatever they felt like that day. I didn't think much of it. I stayed in our room and read one of the books that I had been given. The researchers did give us some things to read or mess around with every now and then. We'd gotten a couple of new books within the past week, and so I was content to read more of the mystery book that I'd began the previous day. I became engrossed by the story, and time passed quickly.

The boy returned several hours later. He looked a bit tired, but more than that, he looked more downtrodden than usual. I wondered if he was feeling ill? He didn't look very good.

"Are you okay?" I asked, mildly worried. "You look a little sick."

"I'm fine," he replied brusquely. "Just...mind your own business."

"Huh...?" I spoke before it even fully registered with me. My stomach turned at his words, and suddenly I felt a bit ill. What was that about? I hadn't said anything to make him mad today, had I? No, I'd only greeted him earlier today. Was he mad about the hug last night for some reason? But...I could tell that he was comforted too at the time. Had he changed his mind all of a sudden? "What's wrong...? Did I do something?"

He was silent for several moments, his eyes refusing to meet mine. "No...no, it's not you, Tsugumi. Just...leave me alone, okay?"

"O-okay," I whispered. I turned my eyes down to my lap, puzzled and hurt. What was going on...? In three years, he'd never been this moody. I'd seen him in a bad mood before, but it was never this extreme. Maybe he really did have a dream that disturbed him this badly? I had no way of knowing. I could only do as he asked. I left him alone, reading my book once again. Actually, my eyes skimmed over the words, but I didn't retain much of what I was reading. My mind was preoccupied now. I was worried. And somehow, for a reason I couldn't yet explain, I was afraid. But I had no way of knowing that fear was only a prelude of what was to come.

I would soon discover the true fear of being alone.

The gap between us continued to grow. It was a slow, but gradual process. A month had passed since our embrace, but we were now nearly as distant as strangers. It felt as though we were simply two people with nothing in common sharing a room. He had gone to great lengths to push me away and isolate himself. It was now to the point that I hardly saw the point of trying to talk to him anymore. I still didn't know why, and in spite of his withdrawal, I still cared deeply for him. His behavior was incomprehensible to me, but I had trouble pushing him for an answer. How could I ask him? If he no longer liked me for whatever reason, I felt that by asking him I would be throwing my last shred of dignity into the garbage.

It's funny to think just how easily I threw away my dignity then, fishing for a single grain of happiness.

We had just been served our dinner and were eating together. Well, perhaps not eating together. I was seated on my bed eating my meal while he sat upon his bed and ate his food. There was no conversation. Really, we just happened to be sharing a room while we ate. I'd submitted to the fact that things were this way for now, but that didn't mean that I'd given up finding out the reason why and mending our relationship. This boy...he was the only support that I had now. Well, except for Chami, and Chami wasn't exactly going to understand my troubles.

I put a few peanuts and sliced cucumbers from a few days ago aside for Chami. He seemed fond of cucumber, though I knew not to feed him too much from past experience. He seemed happy with his meal, eating next to me on the bed sheet. When I looked at Chami, it was actually easy to forget that I had so many problems bearing down on me. I was grateful for that, but I also knew that I was going to have to face up to the most glaring problem very soon.

It turned out to be much sooner than I expected.

"Uah...!"

I jerked my head in the direction of the sudden cry. It was the boy. His tray, along with most of the food that had been brought to him, clattered to the floor with a loud crash. He was holding his head in his hands, his eyes tightly closed. His expression showed clearly that he was in pain. Panic washed over me immediately. I pushed my tray aside, which also crashed to the floor, and was beside him an instant later.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked in one quick breath. I placed an unsure hand upon his shoulder and stared at his pain-stricken face. What was happening...? I'd never seen anything like this before from him.

"I-I'm okay..." he managed through unsteady, ragged breaths. He certainly didn't look okay.

"What happened?" I searched his face for some kind of explanation. All I saw was pain. His eyes wouldn't focus on me.

"N-nothing..." he replied quietly.

That was it.

"It's not nothing!" I yelled, swinging my hand from his shoulder. "You don't scream and put on a face like that for nothing! Why don't you trust me anymore?! Why don't you talk to me anymore?! I'm just worried about you! If you don't like me anymore...just say it! Tell me that you hate me, but at least explain why! I won't understand if you don't at least tell me why!"

Finally, I'd managed to say it. Tears brimmed in my eyes, but I didn't let them fall this time. I angrily blinked them away, challenging him with an angry glare. If he was going to say that he hated me, I would withstand his words. I would face the reality, I would accept it, and if I needed to...well, then I would cry later.

"It's...not like that," he whispered, the pain in his face slowly fading. His eyes, however, now seemed to hold a sorrowful glimmer. Perhaps it was only my imagination.

"Then what is it like?" I challenged, trying to remain angry. If I couldn't remain angry at him, I knew I probably would end up crying.

He didn't raise his eyes to look at me as he spoke, his voice low. "I...don't want you to get hurt anymore, Tsugumi. So I can't—"

"Don't you understand that you're hurting me now?!" I shouted. It was the truth. Why did he think that he was going to hurt me? I knew him. I knew that it wasn't like him to hurt anyone. So why was he acting like this? It didn't make any sense.

"Tsugumi...it's because I know..." his voice trailed off. I waited a moment for him to continue, but his lips didn't move.

"You know what?" I demanded. My fury had subsided a bit, but I refused to let it show.

"I know what's going to happen," he muttered. "I saw it."

"What's going to happen?" I asked. I thought that I was beginning to understand what he was getting at. He'd seen something in the future – something bad. Yet even now, I hesitated to believe it.

"So please...try and understand," he begged. "We can't get any closer, Tsugumi."

My heart ached. I hardly felt the outer wounds anymore, but this hurt more than I could have imagined. Had I forgotten real pain? Perhaps somewhere along the way I had acquired a false sense of invincibility. That was now shattered. Biting my lip hard, my face curled into a sneer to hide the hurt. I turned my back to the boy, afraid that tears might fall from my eyes. I wouldn't show my tears to a boy like him...a boy who would worm his way into someone's heart and throw them away when doubts crept upon him.

"Fine," I whispered, desperately trying to keep my voice from quivering. "I get it. Haha...I'm so stupid..." I reached up and wiped the tears brimming in my eyes once again. "But...at least I'm not a hypocrite like you."

"Tsugumi—" the boy whispered, reaching out to take my hand.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled, jerking my arm away from the boy. I folded my arms tightly about my chest, my voice fading to a whisper. "Don't...touch me..."

I walked away from him, stepping out into the hall without caring. The researchers would find me and bring me back soon enough. Until then, I just wanted to get as far away from him as I could. His words haunted me, and deep down I knew that perhaps I wasn't being completely fair. He'd seen something bad...but that didn't change the facts; I had been jilted. I couldn't stand it. I had been betrayed again. Why? How could these people throw around the word 'friend' so easily? A friend was someone who would offer you support, and I could clearly see that the boy would no longer do so for me. The guilt in his eyes was irrelevant to me at that time. I felt that I was alone once again.

Ironically, I still had yet to discover what true loneliness was

Author's notes:
Hope you enjoyed chapter 3! I had a good time writing it. I particularly had fun with Chami's introduction. It was one of the few scenes where I didn't have to play up the drama too much, as I'm sure that Tsugumi fans just wanted to hear about her little hamster for a short while. I'm quite sure that Tsugumi never mentions how she met Chami, so I thought it might be an interesting little twist to say that she met him back in the research facility, nine whole years before the LeMU incident in this story.

Of course, I'm also taking liberties in the story with just how long the boy was around. It is hinted that he disappears when she is young, but it is never explicitly stated so. Further, the game goes from the kids looking at the lab animals to the researchers telling Tsugumi to leave in a single scene. Considering that would leave at least a 6 or 7 year gap (judging by how Tsugumi was still acting), I felt that the timeline in regards to the boy's longevity in the research facility was free game. I doubt anyone cares that much, but I did my homework to make sure there wasn't a clear contradiction.

Once again, I hope that the story has been enjoyable so far. Please leave me a review letting me know what you think! In closing, please enjoy the conclusion of "White Ceiling!"