Chione: -singing- look at me, I'm beautiful and glamorous in rubber gloves. Look at how my tiara can be bent back to the shape it was. I can do the laundry and make supper while I'm on the phone. Look at me, I'm sexy as the devil when I mow the lawn!
Everyone: o.O
Chione: --.-- it's a song, called God Bless the American Housewife by SheDaisy. And it's freakin hilarious! Not quite as hilarious as The Truck Got Stuck by the Corb Lund Band. Ain't that right, Bakura?
Bakura: -singing- The Chev got stuck, and the Ford got stuck. And the Chev unstuck when the Dodge showed up. But the Dodge got stuck in the tractor rut that eventually pulled out the Ford.
Joey: -sings- with some difficulty.
Bakura: -sings- More rain than we've seen in a thousand years caused financial joys and biblical fears. It caused some laughs, it caused some tears, but more to the point of our story… For the first time in the collective mind that old brown prairie that had been so dry for so long was very muddy. Boggy and sticky.
Kaiba: --.-- yeah, yeah, we get the point…
Chione: but that's not even the best part!
Bakura: this is! -sings- truck after truck, we all got stuck. 'Cept the big ol' 4x4 Hutteright truck. We all thought, "Lord, are we in luck!" but he wouldn't come anywhere near us! Mighty neighborly… mighty neighborly…
Kaiba: --.--# -just leaves-
Chione: well, someone's crabby…
Yami: let's just get on with everything!
Chione: fine… -to the readers- guess what! I'm a working girl! That's right, I've gotten a job at the Zellars here in Regina. I'm not sure if they have Zellars in the states, seeing as it's part of HBC (Hudson Bay Company), and that's a purely Canadian business. I think…
-cricket sounds-
Chione: anywho, me having a job can mean one of two things: 1. The chapters will take even longer to get up because I'll be working a lot and have barely any time to write between school, work, and homework. Or 2. The chapters will start pouring out because I have to have one of the most boringest jobs in the world, and all I do is stand there, maybe help a customer or two, and daydream.
Yami: damn, I don't know which is better, no chapters or a lot of them…
Chione: I hope it's the second one, personally. I could use a good bit of inspiration. Speaking of inspiration, the chapter after this is in fact inspired by me working. So, enjoy! And to do the disclaimer is… Richard Nixon!
Dick: I am not a crook! -holds up two peace signs-
Chione: just get on with it, Dick.
Dick: Chione does not own Yugioh, and that's pretty much all there is in this chapter.
Chione: I don't think this chapter is too funny. I'm too tired right now for funny, but this has to happen for the next part of the story to work. So, forgive me if you don't laugh!
"Look at this place!"
Yugi stood in the doorway of his apartment, gawking at the state of it. It was a completely mess, with food packages, clothes, and things Yugi didn't even want to know what they were, scattered over the furniture, floors, and even stuck to the roof.
"We're gone for only four days," The short young man said, entering the apartment further and pulling Yami in behind him. "And you turn this entire place into a pigsty!" He gave a hard look to the perpetrator, Joey. "What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Uh…" Joey sat in the out-of-place chair and stared blankly at Yugi. "We're out of milk?"
"And every other kind of food we once had." Yami said from where he stood, looking into the cabinets and the fridge.
It the week after Halloween had been a long weekend (for reasons unknown…), and the college students had gotten both Friday and Monday off. Most of the young people had decided to go home, Yugi and his friends being some of them. But Joey had decided to stay, to "take care of Kuriboh" (even though the monster had stolen away in Rebecca. But Yugi knew it was because Joey didn't want to go home and have to listen to his sister make her wedding plans.
"Well, you made the mess." Yugi said sternly. "You have to clean it up. Before Kaiba and Marik get here."
The blonde pouted in his chair. "I don't wanna…"
"Too bad, young man. Now, get to your room and clean yourself up. No parties for you for awhile."
Grudgingly Joey stood and shuffled to his room, closing the door behind him.
"And have a shower!" Yami yelled at his friend's room. "You smell like you died!"
Yugi sighed and sat down at the kitchen table, taking in the mess of things. "I don't like how Joey's been acting. It's as if he doesn't care what happens to himself anymore. He's stop going to classes, and taking care of himself."
"And showering." The former Pharaoh added. "He smells REALLY bad. If he doesn't shower soon, I'll tackle him into any body of water with soap and a shower puff…"
Yugi was too busy being concerned about his obnoxious friend to notice what Yami had said. Though it was true; Joey hadn't bathed for nearly two weeks now. He never combed his hair, and he was now growing a beard from lack of shaving. His clothes hadn't been washed in a long time, and were stained with various things that Yugi didn't know could stain a shirt, so half the time Joey was walking around in smell dirty clothes. If he even remembered to put any on…
"I really think we should do something about him." Yugi told his counterpart.
"I think so, too."
"You do Yami?"
Yami blinked from where he stood beside the fridge still. "That wasn't me…"
"What? Then who was it?" Yugi looked around, trying to find the source of the other voice.
"Me. Down here."
Both of them looked down to see Tristan lying on the floor under the table, with only his head poking out. Yami and Yugi stared, lost for anything to say. Then Yami asked the most obvious question-
"What are you doing down there?"
"I've been here for the past two days." Tristan told them matter-of-factly. "Me and Joey were playing hide-and-go-seek. He never came to find me. And I've just been too lazy to get up."
Yugi blinked. "That… strangely makes sense."
"Have you been here all weekend, too?" Yami asked, leaning over the kitchen counter to see his stupid friend.
"Yeah."
"Why didn't you go home like everyone else?"
"Joey wanted me to stay. And," Tristan's face fell. "I don't have a home…"
"Yes you do." Yugi told him. "I've met your parents and your brother."
"Yeah… but they don't like me."
"Now you're just exaggerating."
"No, they seriously don't like me. The day I had to leave for college, they all held this huge party because I was leaving. And when I asked if I could party with them, my dad chased me to the bus stop with a shotgun and told me never to come back…"
To this the two spiky haired young men had nothing to say. They just sat there, quietly, and stared at Tristan.
Until someone attempted to open the door, but couldn't because Yugi locked it with the dead bolt. However, the person on the other side kept attempting to open the door, and shouted, "Open the damn door!"
"It's Kaiba!" Yugi cried, jumping up from his seat and grabbing Yami's arm. "Get into my room!" And before the former spirit could react, Yugi had shoved him into the room and closed the door tight. When he noticed that Tristan hadn't budged to open the door, Yugi crossed over and unlocked it for his angry roommate.
"It's about damn time." The brunette growled as he entered, his younger brother right behind him. "What took so long? And why was the door locked in the first place?"
"Because it was." Yugi told him. "Why didn't you have your key?"
"I forgot it…"
"And if none of us were here, how would you have gotten in?"
Kaiba was silent for a moment, then he said, "I'd break the door down."
The spiky haired young man opened his mouth to say, "No you wouldn't", but stopped when he saw the look on Kaiba's face. A look that said, "Yes. Yes I would."
"What happened to this place?" Mokuba asked, making everyone glance around the apartment.
"Uh…" Yugi began, but Tristan beat him to it.
"Joey is what happened to it."
There was a smug look on the young CEO's face. "Is that dog sinking lowering into depression? If he doesn't get his act together soon, I'll personally kick him out of the apartment."
"You can't do that, Kaiba!"
"Yes, I can."
Before Yugi could argue more, the door to Joey's room opened and the young man in question came out, holding a towel under his arm and his face looking vacant.
"Joey," Yugi said, giving a large, fake smile to his friend. "Are you going to have a shower?"
The blonde took in Kaiba, the faintest sign of hatred in his dazed eyes, then at everyone else in the room before speaking. "Yeah."
From Yugi's room, he could hear a faint "Yes!"
"What was that?" Mokuba asked, quickly looking around.
"Uh, must have been a breeze, I left the window in my room open." Yugi said quickly, crossing over to Joey and grabbing his arm. "Now, let's get you into that bathroom."
"Sure…" Joey mumbled, not really caring.
Kaiba, on the other hand, was going through the letters that had piled up over the pervious four days. He frowned when he came to a couple marked in red.
"What are these?" He asked, holding up the red lined envelopes.
"Letters." Joey told him. "I'd expect someone like you to know that, Kaiba."
"I mean what's in the letters, mutt."
Joey shrugged, though Yugi could feel his body tense up when Kaiba said "mutt".
"I don't know what's in them. Does it look like I opened them?"
At this Yugi quickly pulled Joey towards the bathroom. Kaiba opened the first of the letters, and quickly read through it. Just as Yugi was about to shove Joey into the bathroom and lock him in, Kaiba let out a shout.
"What the hell is this!"
Yugi released Joey and spun to his other roommate. "What?"
"This." The brunette held out one letter, and Yugi took it as Kaiba opened more and read through them.
They were letters from the apartment building manager, saying that their last two rent payments hadn't come to him. And if they didn't pay him soon, or pay the next month's payment, they would be evicted.
"They all say the same thing, though not as pleasantly as the first." Kaiba said, handing the rest of the letters to Yugi. "I gave you my part of the rent."
"I know." Yugi told him. "So did Marik. And I gave both of those, and my quarter, to Joey to give to the manager."
Everyone froze, then turned to Joey who was slowly swaying where he stood in the bathroom doorway.
"Joey…" His friend said in a calm voice. "Didn't you give the last two months rent money to the manager?"
It took a few moments, but finally Joey spoke. "Nope."
Yugi took a deep sigh, trying not to loose his composure. "Then, what did you do with it?"
"Spent it." The blonde's response was plain, as if it wasn't a big deal at all. But both Kaiba and Yugi were fighting the urge to jump at Joey and strangle him.
"What did you spend it on?" Yugi tried to keep his voice calm and even, which was the completely opposite of how he felt.
Joey bent down and grabbed a bottle off the floor. The bottle was still half full of booze, and the blonde stroked it with his face. "A reason to live."
Finally Kaiba snapped. He launched himself towards the ignorant young man and began to choke the life out of him. Both Yugi and Mokuba lurched forwards to try to rip Kaiba off his prey, while Tristan remained lying on the floor and hummed a little tune.
It took the two smaller people a couple of minutes before they pulled Kaiba off his roommate. But the taller man was still fuming and he paced back and forth quickly, ranting about what an idiot Joey was. Though he didn't use nearly as pleasant words.
"I am not paying for the same rent twice!" Kaiba finally spat out, red in the face from his fury. He pointed a finger at Joey dangerously. "You. You spent it all. You're going to pay it back. All of it. Every last cent."
"I don't have to." Joey said, still rubbing his swore neck but giving Kaiba a defiant look. "Right, Yugi?"
"Uh…" Yugi slowly moved away from his friend and closer to Kaiba. "I have to agree with him, Joey. What you did was reckless. You have to pay for it yourself."
Joey gaped, then said, "How! I don't have any money!"
"Then you should go kill yourself now, seeing as you can no longer buy your reason to live." Kaiba said coldly.
Yugi's mouth dropped to the floor. "Kaiba!"
Tristan finally jumped up from the floor. "I call his room!" And he ran over to Joey's room, went in, and closed the door behind himself.
"Tristan!" Yugi called after his friend, but knew it was a lost cause. Quickly he turned to Joey and patted his shoulder. "Don't listen to them."
Slowly Joey raised his eyes from the floor and met Yugi's gaze. "…huh?"
This caused the small young man to fall to the ground. When he got up he smiled in exasperation, a couple of sweat drops forming on his head. He patted Joey's head like he was a small child.
"Never mind…"
"He still needs to get the money." Kaiba uttered, making the others turn to him. "One way or another. It doesn't matter to me how he gets it, he could rob a bank for all I care. Just get that money."
"You sound like a mob boss or something…" Yugi told him in a low voice.
Kaiba said nothing, just gave him a look. It made Yugi shiver, and it was like he pretty much had said "Maybe I am." For some reassurance, the short young man turned to Mokuba, but the teen only gave Yugi a similar look that said "Maybe he is."
"Well… uh, that's nice." The spiky haired young man mumbled. He then turned to Joey. "You do realize what this means, don't you?"
Joey shook his head, making Yugi sigh.
"Joey, it means… you have to get a job."
A look of sheer horror crossed the young man's face. He fell to his knees, hands clutched in fists, eyes filling with tears, and to the roof he cried, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Yugi patted Joey's head as his friend began to cry hysterical tears. Kaiba shook his head in disgust, and Mokuba looked confused.
"Uh…" The teenager mumbled, watching Joey's crying fit. "Over dramatic much?"
Ignoring him, Joey grabbed onto Yugi's leg, his eyes pleading. "Not that! Please not that! It would completely kill my irresponsibility! The very foundation of my personality! My very core! I'll do anything you want, anything! Just don't make me get a-a-" He took a deep breath, unable to go on.
"Say it Joey." Yugi ordered. "You have to say it."
Joey shook his head frantically.
"You must get used to saying it if you're going to have one."
"Never!"
"Joey…"
"I-I can't say it, it's just too horrible a word!"
"But you need to have one."
"I'll never have any use for a-a-" He looked up at Yugi from where he was groveling on the floor. His eyes were pleading, but Yugi just gave him a hard look. "A- job." Once the word was out of Joey's mouth, he began to cry in hysterics again.
"This is what has to happen, Joey…"
"But-but there has to be another way!" The blonde crawled over to Kaiba, huddling at his feet. "Don't make me get a job! I'll do anything! I'll dress up in a dog costume and be your slave!"
Kaiba gave him a harsh look. "It's tempting, but no."
"Please! I'll call you "master" and do tricks like sit and stay! Please, Kaiba, please!" Joey kissed Kaiba's shoes.
"What they hell are you doing!" The brunette cried out. He kicked Joey in the face, sending him across the room. "Don't you EVER do that again, you dirty mongrel!"
Joey landed in a heap across the room, where he curled up into a ball and cried some more. Sympathetically, Yugi went over to him and got him to his feet.
"This is what has to happen, Joey." He told his friend as he moved Joey with ease towards the bathroom. "Let's get you cleaned up, we'll start job hunting tomorrow…"
Joey didn't say a word, just allowed Yugi to take him into the other room to prepare of his death sentence.