Chione: --.-- yes, yes I know. I'm behind. It's January 5, and there's no Christmas special up. Leave me alone! I have a life, I can't be writing every single day!
Yami: well, you could…
Chione: (glares at him) who's side are you on!
Yami: my own side!
Chione: …right (pushes him off a cliff) anywho, between going to a wedding, work, and family events, I wasn't left with a lot of time to write-
Random person: LIAR!
Chione: (throws a shoe at random person) alright, I admit, I had plenty of time to write, I just had a major case of Holiday Laziness. And we all know that's the worst kind of laziness around! So, I apologize for the extreme lateness of the Christmas Special, but there will be one! This is that one! But, because of my own tardiness, I've decided that the Yugioh cast doesn't celebrate New Years. So, there will be no New Years special.
Joey: damn, no getting drunk!
Chione: --.-- like you need an excuse. Also, I've decided that I'm no longer doing holiday specials, because they're too much of a hassle. Also, you all should be forewarned that after this, I probably won't update again in awhile because Semester Finals will be going on, and I'll have to be studying my ass off for them.
Yugi: this is the most depressing pre-chapter thinger EVER!
Chione: I know, a lot of bad news… anywho, as I promised a couple chapters ago, to do the Christmas Special Disclaimer is Jack the Pumpkin King from the Nightmare before Christmas!
Jack: Chione doesn't own the Grinch, Hanukkah, Christmas, Marilyn Manson, Minime, Father Christmas, Baby Jesus, the Egyptian Gods, snow, Charlie Brown, Chuck Norris, Hilary Duff, any gift card companies, the Westerner's God, the Bible or the Church, the Three Wise Men, Weird Al, or the song The Night Santa Went Crazy.
Bakura: can't you just tell it's going to be an interesting chapter by all the stuff Chione has disclaimed?
Chione: and now, Ladies and Gentlemen, you get to read the much awaited Christmas Special!
"And now for our Holiday Special, How the Grinch Stole Hanukkah, with Marilyn Manson as Father Christmas, and Minime as Baby Jesus."
Yami raised an eyebrow as he stared at the TV screen. What's so special about this time of the year? He wondered. This was the fourth two hour Holiday Special he had seen that day, and still no one had explained to him just what a Holiday Special, or a Holiday Season, was.
Outside there was snow, which he at first thought was a curse from the Egyptian gods (remember, he's Egyptian, he's never seen snow), then he thought it was a blessing. That was until Bakura got him right in the face with a snowball packed in with hard ice, so now snow is back to being a curse.
He also wondered why there was a pine tree in the corner of the apartment, and why Marik and Yugi were decorating it with strings of glittery stuff and shiny balls, as well as a large star. Yami shrugged, supposing they were getting the tree ready to be sacrificed in an effort to get rid of the dreaded snow...
The apartment door burst open and Joey entered, grinning ear to ear with a bags in his arms. Yami had noticed that the blonde's moods had been getting better, even though he had indeed sold his soul to Satan. It had taken time, but everyone in the apartment had gotten use to the sight of Joey in an apron…
"Hello, my brothers!" The blonde cried in a regal way as he set his burden on the kitchen counter. "I bring good tidings, and eggnog!"
"You can't have Christmas without good old eggnog." Yugi said from the tree, a large smile on his face. "Pour us all a glass, will you?"
Joey glared at his best friend. "Hey, I may be Kaiba's bitch, but I'm not yours. You don't pay me."
"I've saved your life!"
"I've saved yours. And you still never pay me."
"Good grief." Yugi gave a sigh, then went and poured himself a glass as well as one for everyone else.
As Joey took his glass from Yugi, he ruffled the short young man's hair. "And a Merry Christmas to you, Charlie Brown."
When Yugi handed a cup of eggnog to Yami, the former spirit only gazed at it in question.
"It's eggnog." Yugi told him encouragingly. "It's good. You can't celebrate the holidays without eggnog."
Yami only wrinkled his nose at it and slowly raised it to his lips. But before he could take a sip, there was a scream from across the hall. Within seconds Rebecca burst into their apartment holding Kuriboh arms length away from her.
"Ten times!" The girl cried. "Ten times this little RODENT has gotten into my makeup and ate half of it! How many times do I have to tell you guys? Whoever is responsible for this needs to keep it on a tight leash!"
"Yugi's responsible for it." Joey, Marik and Yami all chorused before Yugi could blame someone else. This caused him to sigh and take the little critter from Rebecca.
"Sorry, Rebecca. I thought he was still in the apartment with us." He handed the monster off to Marik. "Can you wash him up?"
Marik frowned. "Why should I have to?"
"Well, Joey's Kaiba's servant, so I can't make him do it. And Yami's a Pharaoh," at this Yugi rolled his eyes. "So he won't do it. So, you can."
Marik pushed Kuriboh back towards Yugi. "No."
The spiky haired young man sighed and looked to Yami. "Will you?"
Yami nodded in understanding. "Servant, clean the shadow creature." He demanded. Instantly Marik was on his knees, uttering apologizes of utmost sincerity, then grabbing up Kuriboh and running into the bathroom to clean it.
Rebecca blinked in amazement as the sound of flowing water and Kuriboh hissing came from the bathroom. Yugi, Joey and Yami merely smiled.
"I wish we could do that to Bakura…" Rebecca uttered. "At least then it would be worth having him around."
Yugi only nodded and went into his room, coming out with two jackets and his wallet.
"Where are you going?" Yami asked, sitting straighter.
"To the mall to buy Rebecca new makeup." His old host said as Rebecca squeaked in happiness and latched onto him. With a bit of a struggle because of Rebecca's clinginess, Yugi tossed the second jacket to Yami. "And you're coming with."
Yami glared at him, not wanting to go into the cold. Slowly he put on his jacket, grumbling to himself, and followed the shorter two out of the apartment.
"Why is it so busy?"
Yami watch as people rushed around him with a confused look. He had never seen the mall this cluttered. There was also something else he hadn't seen; a red miniature house with a big chair before. There was a man in a funny outfit in the chair, and children lined up to sit on his lap.
The former Pharaoh pointed at this scene. "Who's the obese man in crimson?"
"That's Santa Claus." Yugi said with a laugh as they continued to the store to buy Rebecca's makeup.
When Yami only gave the pair a confused look, Rebecca smiled. "It's Old Saint Nick. He knows if you are sleeping…"
"And he knows when you're awake." Yugi chorused.
"He knows when you've been bad or good."
"So be good for goodness sake!"
Together Yugi and Rebecca laughed and continued on their way, but Yami stopped and looked over at the mall Santa in horror.
"Dear Ra!" He cried. "He's some strange type of stalker pedophile! I have to save those little children!"
But before he could make his way over to the happy scene of kids, Yugi and Rebecca noticed that look on Yami's face and grabbed him.
"You can't send Santa to the Shadow Realm!" Yugi hissed as the two smaller people pulled Yami the other way.
"But-but the children!"
"He's just a holiday gimmick, Yami." Rebecca insisted. "He's not real. He's just a way to make the holiday seem magical for kids. And for the gift card companies to make a few extra hundred million dollars."
Yami blinked at them both. "So… this "Santa" is just a way for "gift card companies" to steal from the poor!"
Yugi cuffed his other half over the head. "No! He's a good guy. A good guy. Santa is suppose to make children happy. He doesn't steal anything."
"Alright…" The former spirit said slowly. "Tell me the story of this "Saint" with nicks people with his claws…"
By the time they got through the crowds and into the drugstore and Rebecca had found most of the stuff she needed, the two shorter people had told Yami everything he needed to know about the man in red.
"So…" Yami uttered from where he was leaning against a shelf. "This… fairy like man-"
"Elf like." Yugi corrected.
"Elf like man… goes into people's houses late at night… to leave presents for them… and then he flies away on his reindeer… to where he lives… at the very top of the Earth… correct?"
"Correct." Yugi said, smiling at Rebecca who smiled back. They had finally gotten through to him.
But there was a dark look on Yami's face. "Who the hell would believe that story? Did someone on cocaine make it up? Do you take these children as complete idiots? It's the most unrealistic story ever!"
"So is a story about a five thousand year old Pharaoh saving the world from a card game," Yugi muttered. "But you don't see us complaining…"
Yami spun around to face him. "What was that?"
"Oh, nothing. Let's just pay for this stuff and get out of here."
The three pushed their way to the checkouts. Yami gazed around at all the people. Still no one has told him why it was so crowded!
"It's because it's Christmas Eve." Yugi explained when Yami finally asked. "They need to finish their Christmas shopping." When Yami just looked more confused, Rebecca and Yugi explained to him what Christmas was.
"So…" Yami uttered once they were done (and they had only moved a few inches forward in line) "This woman… who was a virgin… was impregnated by the Westerner's God… and had a son… and angels sang… and three kings said the child would be king… and today is the day of that birth… correct?"
"Correct." The short spiky haired young man said.
"…is the Westerner's God a pedophile?"
"What is with you and pedophiles? Are you that paranoid?"
"Well, it's true! He picks a nice, young girl, and-"
"You know what, let's just drop it." Yugi decided, clamping a hand over Yami's mouth. "We'll talk of this no more."
They continued to wait in line in silence. Yami had his arms crossed and was mumbling to himself darkly. Yugi was rolling his eyes whenever he could make out something Yami said. Rebecca was scanning the crowds, trying to see if there was something else she had to pick up.
Then suddenly, she grabbed Yugi's arm, making him jump.
"Bec, what is it?"
"Look!" She pointed to a figure that was shoving her way through the front of the line. "It's Hilary Duff!"
And she was right. The pop sensation was pushing people out of her way, saying, "Out of the way. Do you know who I am? Let me to the front!"
"We have to do what she says!" Rebecca murmured. "I've heard that people who go against the will of Hilary Duff are never heard from again!"
Yugi nodded, having heard something like that as well. Slowly the two moved out of the way before the popstar reached them. But Yami, who was completely oblivious to who Hilary Duff was, continued to stand where he was, which was right where the young lady had to go to get to the front.
When Hilary reached Yami, and he was the only one not cowering in fear, she scowled and put her hands on her hips. She then tapped him on the shoulder. Hard.
"Yes?" Yami asked, turning to look at her.
"Um, could you move? I have to get to the front."
The former spirit blinked. "Why?"
"Because I'm a celebrity. That's what I do."
He blinked again. "A what?"
"Oh come on, you cannot say you haven't heard of me!" But Yami just continued to look at her blankly, which made her go white. "You mean, you haven't heard of me?"
"Can't say I have… Who are you?"
She looked over to her agents, a scared look on her face. "How is it that he hasn't heard of me? Everyone's heard of me! I am famous!"
"Are you?" Yami said, still confused. "Just tell me your name, maybe I have heard of you."
She smiled brightly. "I am-" Out of nowhere came a large drum roll. Lights began to flash and fog began to circle around everyone's ankles. "Hilary Duff!" There was large explosions in the back of the store, and fireworks started to go off.
Yami cringed at all of this. "Wait, I have heard of you."
Hilary began to jump up and down with happiness, until Yami said-
"You have that clothing line, Slut Wear for Kids."
At this the blonde's face went dark, and when she spoke it was like the voice of demons came through her lips. "What did you say about my clothing!"
Yami shrank back in fear. "It's not my fault! Rebecca said it to me first!" And he pointed a finger at his friend.
"Yami, you idiot!" The girl screeched. "Don't drag me into this!"
"But it's true, you did say that to me!"
Before Rebecca could retort, Hilary Duff had turned her demonic eyes on her. "You dare insult the brilliance of Hilary Duff!"
"Well, uh…" Rebecca fumbled for words. "Maybe I wouldn't… if you were a decent roll model for children!" When she saw the Duffmonster flinch, she continued. "Yeah, yeah, that's right. You're not a good roll model! You're teaching little girls that all they need is sluty clothing and makeup that makes them look like whores! You're the reason why today's youth is going to the dogs, and becoming dogs!" (A/N: I don't like Hilary Duff, and this is my honest opinion of her and what kind of role model she is.)
"Lies! All lies! I inspire them!"
"Yeah. To be sluts and think that no one will notice them unless they have more than fifty per cent of their bodies revealed. All you celebrities are like that!"
"No!"
"And what's more," Rebecca leaned in for this part. "I don't even think you're that pretty."
Hilary Duff let out a long hiss of agony, and then she cried, "My minions, get them!"
Out of nowhere an army of little brainwashed little girls appeared, hissing and clawing at the air. They began to charge towards the trio.
"Now look what you've done!" Yugi cried, grabbing Yami and Rebecca's arms. "Let's get out of here!" And he continued to haul them away, dodging around people in a desperate hope to get away from the psychotic minions.
"And they chased you all the way outside?"
Ryou was amazed by Yugi's story. The trio had made it back to the apartment safely, and now Ryou, Bakura, Duke, Joey, Marik, and Kuriboh were listening to their tale about their run in with Hilary Duff.
"Yep." Yugi said as he drank some hot cider. "The fresh air and sunlight seemed to break her control, and the girls all started crying because they didn't know where they were."
"How terrible!" Ryou said.
"Brainwashed children…" Bakura mumbled, rubbing his chin. "Now why haven't I thought of that? It's the perfect army! They can hide better than adults, because they're smaller. And who's honestly going to hit a child? It's bloody brilliant!"
Yugi just shook his head, then let out a large yawn. "Well, I'm going to turn in for the night. Tomorrow's Christmas, and we can't have Santa Claus knowing we're still awake." He gave a wink to Yami, then headed off to his room.
Slowly, the rest of the gang filtered to their own rooms until only Yami and Bakura were left in the living room.
"So, has Ryou explained to you about all this Christmas stuff?" Yami asked as he watched the log fire on the TV screen.
"Yes." Bakura mumbled. "Bloody confusing, isn't it?"
"Very. Today's mortals are so odd. They have to make stories for everything. I mean, a baby getting gifts from "Three Wise Men", come on!"
Bakura blinked. "There's Four Wise Men."
"No, there's three."
"No, four."
Yami gave the thief a questioning look. "Who's the fourth?"
"A man named Chuck Norris. He gave Jesus the gift of the beard. As time went on, the other Three Wise Men could see which gift Jesus favored, so they paid off the Church to write Chuck Norris out of the Bible. It's all a conspiracy."
The former Pharaoh nodded, as he could see that happening.
Tired of watching the log fire on TV because it never did anything interesting, except send off a spark every now and then, Yami changed the channel until both yamis decided on a show, which was called The Night Santa Went Crazy, based on the song by Weird Al.
Eventually, the two slowly fell asleep and were out cold by the time Santa was eating all his reindeer.
That was, until they heard a thump on the roof. Both sat up with a start, staring at the ceiling.
"Did you hear that?" Yami asked.
Bakura glared at him. "No, I woke up because I had a bloody dream about man eating buttercups. Of course I heard that!"
"There's something else…" Yami's eyes squinted as he strained to hear the soft noises above. "Is that- no, it can't be… bells?"
"Probably a bloody burglar. Well, no one thieves from the Thief King! Let's go!" And Bakura was up and out the door before Yami could react. Slowly, and not without some grumbling, Yami got up and followed him.
The hallway was dark, all the lights out. Slowly the two fumbled through the darkness, cursing when they hit something in their way. As they moved to the stairwell and began to proceed to the roof, they could hear whatever was up there making its way down.
"It's coming close!" Bakura muttered over his shoulder. "Get ready!"
Yami nodded and moved up another step. Sadly, he missed the step and fell forwards, crying out as he did. This made Bakura yelp and spin around.
"What are you bloody doing?" He demanded.
"I fell!" Yami barked back. "And I'm fine, thank you very much. No need to worry, and thanks for your concern."
"Oh, don't be such a baby." The thief told him. Then he sighed and outstretched a hand. "Come on, get up."
Yami grabbed it and waited for Bakura to pull him up. It didn't happen.
"Bakura, what are you waiting for? Help me up."
"Yami…" Bakura's voice was low. "Is that your hand on my shoulder?"
"No…"
"AHH!" Bakura cried out. He turned around and punched whoever was holding onto him in the face. The other person let out a painful cry, fell back against the railing of the stairs, and fell over. Both yamis heard whoever it was hit the ground below.
Quickly the descended the stairs to the very bottom, but since it was so dark they still couldn't see who it was.
"Go get a flashlight." Yami ordered.
"Why should I? You go get one."
Yami sighed in aggravation, then quickly headed back to the apartment to get a flashlight. He then returned to the stairwell and shouted down to Bakura.
"What?" The thief called back.
"Catch." And he let the flashlight fall. Much to Yami's pleasure, it landed right on Bakura's head.
The pale young man began to curse, and his curses resounded in the stairwell as Yami made his way down. The former Pharaoh heard a click of the flashlight turning on, and below he could see the glow of the light.
"Who is it?" Yami called, quickening his steps.
"You won't believe it…" Bakura answered. "It's an incredibly fat man in a red suit."
Yami's eyes went wide, and he jump the last couple of stairs until he made it to the bottom. And he saw it was true; the figure lying in the bottom of the stairwell, illuminated by the flashlight, was a really large man in crimson.
"Bakura…" Yami's voice was low and slow. "You killed Santa Claus."
The thief scoffed. "There is no Santa. It's a burglar dressed that way."
"No, it's Santa!" He crossed over to the figure and poked its belly, which jiggled. "See? It jiggles, like jelly… and look! Rosy cheeks!" He poked the dead man's cheeks.
"It's cold outside, you idiot. Anyone's cheeks would be rosy!"
"But what about the bells? And how did he get on the roof?"
"I don't know, a latter? Besides, if he was Santa, wouldn't he come down a chimney?"
Yami glared at him. "None of the apartments have chimneys!"
Bakura stared at the dead old man for a moment before saying, "Well… I killed Santa."
"You've sunk down yet another level." Yami said with a sigh. Then a thought occurred to him. "What do we do with the body? What will people think if they found out you killed Santa?"
"They won't think of anything, because they won't know." He said matter-of-factly. "We'll get rid of the body."
"How?"
Bakura thought for a moment, then smiled. "He's too big to eat," Yami suddenly felt sick. "And the walls and floors aren't made of wood, so we can't pry them up and hide it there. We'll hide it outside. Help me, will you?" And he grabbed one of Santa's arms and attempted to lift him up.
"Outside?" Yami questioned, but grabbed the other arm. Together they struggled to pull the fat man out of the apartment.
"Yes. You've seen those men made out of snow, haven't you?" Yami nodded. "Well, we just making this guy do a pose, and then cover him in snow. No one will be the wiser."
Yami frowned. "And what do we do when the snow melts?"
"We'll deal with that when we get there."
Finally they reach outside. With a struggle they got the large man to stand up, then put him in a cheerful pose. Quickly, before anyone could see, then went about packing snow over the man's features. Within half an hour they finished, and it just looked like someone had made a huge Santa snowman.
"What do we do about them?" Yami asked, pointing to the roof. Standing there, watching them with confused expressions, were Santa's reindeer.
"I got it…" The thief then crouched down and gathered snow into his hands. As he stood, he patted it into a ball. Slowly he aimed, reached back, then threw the snowball at the front most reindeer.
The snowball hit the animal's shiny red nose. It reared in anger, then took off into the air, forcing it's fellow reindeer to follow it. Soon, the animals and Santa's sleigh were out of sight.
Bakura dusted the snow off his hands, smiling. "Well, that's taken care of. Let's go get some sleep."
"Are Yami and Bakura still sleeping?"
It was early the next morning, Christmas Day, and the gang was gathered in the apartment and were just about to open gifts when Ryou had noticed the missing yamis.
Yugi just shrugged. "Let them sleep. Christmas isn't anything special to them."
As they all started to exchange gifts and open them, Tea rushed in, flushed.
"You guys, you won't believe it!" She said. "Last night, someone made this life sized snow sculpture of Santa. It's so cool!" Everyone quickly got up to check it out, leaving the room empty.
Yami entered from the room he and Yugi shared, rubbings his eyes. He saw the hoard of half-unwrapped presents.
"Where is everyone?" He asked the empty room. Then he shrugged, and returned back to his bunk bed to sleep.