Intimacy

Hermione put her toothbrush into her overnight travel bag and zipped it up. She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She knew she wasn't going to have sex with Ron tonight. Her parents knew she wasn't going to have sex with Ron tonight. Everybody who knew Ron knew he wasn't going to be having sex with her tonight.

They were taking baby steps and the first baby step was going to be a sleepover. She was going to sleep in Ron's room, on Harry's bed, while Harry spent the night on the settee downstairs. Such an innocent, little thing felt so intimate, though. She would be able to bid him goodnight, watch him sleep, and be there if he woke in the night. That meant a lot to her.

Ron was feeling like an inadequate boyfriend because he couldn't give her what he thought she wanted from him, a physical relationship, but all she wanted from him was his relaxation in her company.

She would never forget their first, post-capture kiss in the hospital. It broke her heart. He wasn't ready and he was shaking so hard but he had to go through with it to exorcise the Puppet Master from his mouth. To see him and feel him so scared at such a wonderful, intimate moment made Hermione hurt more than she could ever articulate to another person and she had vowed to take their physical relationship so slow that it would make their five year courtship look like a spontaneous whirlwind romance.

"Hermione, love?" Her mother was tapping on the bathroom door tentatively.

"I'm finished now, it's free," she called as she pulled open the door and stepped out with her toiletries bag clutched in her hand.

"I don't need to use the loo. I wanted to make sure you were up to this."

"Oh, come on, Mother, it's Ron. It's no hardship spending time with Ron." She smiled cheerily.

Her mother's lips pressed tightly against each other before she sighed worriedly and took Hermione's hand.

"Hermione, love, he really should be seeing somebody."

Hermione stuck out her chin and lifted her head high.

"Instead of me?"

"As well as you, as well as you and everybody else. He needs to see somebody who can help him get over what that man did to him. I'm worried he's forcing everything to the back of his mind, out of sight for you all but it will still be there, Hermione."

"I know he needs a release and I'm going to try to help him find it but you can't expect Muggle therapy to be of any use to him. It'll upset him mum. I know how he is and..."

Her mother shushed her and pulled her into her arms for a comforting hug.

"I know I can't understand, but the point is neither can you, my girl." She pushed her daughter's mass of bushy hair back away from her face and smiled sadly. "You once told me that when Ron is stressed, he lashes out at people or he begins to turn his frustration in on himself."

"He would never hurt me, Mum," Hermione said with determination. "Never!"

"But Hermione, what if he hurt himself?"

Hermione shoved her mother away as if she had suddenly turned into Dolores Umbridge and stared at her in horror.

"How could you say that? After everything he did to stay alive, how could you even think that?"

"Sweetheart, no, I didn't mean hurt himself like that I just meant..."

"He has people all around him trying to get him to open up or let go and get over it and I will not start pushing him towards something he doesn't want and isn't ready for."

"So what are you going to do tonight?"

"I'm going to be there for him," Hermione said, fighting not to blink and send tears squeezing out of her eyes. "I want him to know he's safe when he's sleeping and I want to be with him when he wakes up."

"But I thought you said only Lee could settle him?"

Hermione was amazed her mother had paid such close attention to everything that was going on.

"Lee needs to take care of himself and his mother and leave Ron to learn to cope without him." Hermione finished speaking and turned to leave but her mother grabbed her arm and held her back.

"Ron won't be coping on his own, though will he?" her mum said with a frown. "He'll be replacing Lee with you and going on the same as he is now."

Hermione bit the inside of her lip and tried to think of something to say that wasn't what she was about to let leave her mouth.

"But at least he'll be with me again."

Ron stood in the doorway between the living room and the hall and watched Harry draping a blanket over the settee and plumping up a pillow in preparation for bed. Harry glanced up and saw his best friend watching him. He smiled and tossed the pillow against the armrest.

"You alright, mate?"

Ron nodded and frowned down at Harry's bed for the night.

"Y'know, you could get your own place? You can afford it and I know you must want a home of your own after all this time living under other people's roofs."

"You asking me to move out?" Harry said, looking deeply hurt.

"No!" Ron shook his head hurriedly. "It's just...I'm not asking you to stay. You don't have to stay for me."

Harry swallowed and puffed out his chest.

"No, I don't, but I'm going to. When I move out, you'll be moving out, too."

Ron smiled doubtfully and looked away from Harry and down the hall.

"Mum'll never let me leave," he joked half-heartedly.

"So you leave one prison for another?" Harry crinkled his brow and tilted his head.

"This is my home," Ron said, offended that Harry had just compared his safe haven to the place that had become hell on Earth to him.

"And you eventually leave it to make your own home, not your mum and dad's, not mine, yours."

Ron shifted his shoulders uncomfortably.

"Not ours?" He blinked.

Harry's expression was changing from one of fake confidence to a look of surprised hope.

"You think you might want to...share a place with me?"

"I understand if you don't want to, though," Ron said, pausing to clear his throat and trying not to blush at the tips of his ears. "I mean you've shared with me for years now, it's only natural that you'd...you'd want your own space."

"No!" Harry said, sounding shocked at his own eagerness. "I thought you'd want to, if you did want to that is, I thought you'd want to...get a place with Lee."

Ron stared at Harry and blinked before swallowing and trying to process what their crossed wires had just uncrossed and revealed to the pair of them.

"You...You think I should live with Lee?"

"I thought you'd prefer to live with him, with somebody who understands, y'know?" Harry shrugged and bit his lip and he began fussing with his temporary bedding.

"So you don-don't understand me anymore?" Ron scowled inwardly at himself for slipping into his nervous stutter when he really needed to clear up all the things he and Harry had never said to each other clearly.

Harry forced himself to look back at Ron and his shoulders fell heavily with his sigh.

"I wasn't there for you like he was. I can't ever come close to the kind of bond you have with Lee. I just figured you'd...I mean he's always coming over here to be around you. I know he'd want to live with you."

"He worries, that's all it is, it's just worry. He doesn't know how to turn it off after fretting over me for so long. I'm not, he's not...He's Fred and George's best friend and you're mine. We haven't ch-changed like that." Ron moved into the living room as he spoke and Harry waved for him to sit down with him on top of his settee-cum-bed.

Ron sank down onto the squishy cushions and tried to read Harry's expression anxiously.

"I want you and me to get a place together when you're ready," Harry said unsteadily, "but I don't think, I didn't think, you would want to anymore."

Ron pressed his lips together and crumpled his eyebrows together in deep thought before shifting around in his seat towards Harry.

"I won't always try to hit you, y'know?"

Harry laughed and gave Ron a shove without thinking. Immediately, his face fell and he apologised repeatedly while struggling to keep himself from touching Ron even more. Ron chuckled sadly and shook his head before shoving Harry back.

"If you never touch me again, I'm never gonna get over this crap, am I?" He smiled and shrugged.

"I know but," Harry looked pained as he spoke, "I don't want to make you get over it."

Ron shifted a little closer to his best friend and nudged him with his elbow.

"I don't wanna be the person nobody ever touches. I don't wanna be a mess." Ron held up his finger as Harry opened his mouth to protest. "I don't want you to have to look after me but I don't want you to back away from me, either."

Harry looked crestfallen.

"I..." Ron slumped and shook his head, "I don't know what I want from you but I just know I don't want you to g-go away."

Harry lifted his hand and held it above Ron's shoulder for a moment before very slowly lowering it and giving his friend a reassuring pat.

"I'm not going anywhere, not ever, not unless you're there waiting for me."

Ron's smile returned, wider than before, and just as he was about to say something there was a loud crack outside the front door and he jumped off the sofa completely.

"That'll be Hermione!" Ron said, "I b-b-bet...er let her in."

"It'll be okay, Ron," Harry said confidently. "She's not going anywhere, either. Don't wind yourself up about tonight. She just wants to be with you."

Ron nodded rapidly and hurried for the door.

Hermione walked back into the bedroom and set down her toiletries bag, smiling at Ron as he lit the bedside lamp and set it beside her bed for the night.

"I thought you m-might wanna read." He smiled nervously.

"That's very thoughtful of you, Ron, thank you."

Ron turned and drew the curtains shut and then looked down at his neatly made bed. He ran his fingers through his hair and bit his bottom lip. Hermione did her best not to stare at him as she crossed the room to her bed and pulled back the covers. She heard Ron doing the same, pulling the sheets loose and rumpling the bedding completely in that way of his, and turned to glance at him at the same moment he had done the same to her.

They both laughed self-consciously and relaxed a little more. Hermione began to unbutton her blouse and Ron turned away to preserve her modesty.

"You've seen me undressed before, Ron," Hermione called to him softly.

"Um, yeah but..." Ron shrugged and the back of his neck grew pink with the blush creeping around from his face.

"Can I..." Hermione didn't know if she would be pushing him or not. "Do you mind if I watch you?"

Ron looked over his shoulder and started at her in surprise before shaking his head. Hermione smiled kindly and turned to face him full on as she pulled her blouse off her shoulders and let it slide off.

"Turn and face me," she said to Ron, who was gripped by the sight of her but also incredibly tense-looking.

He drew a deep but shaky breath and turned around. He yanked off his t-shirt and threw it to the floor. Hermione folded her blouse and placed it at the foot of the bed. Ron licked his lips and his trembling fingers began fumbling with his belt. Hermione moved her hands to the zipper on the side of her skirt and slid it downwards.

Ron gulped and toed off his untied trainers as he slid the belt out of the loops and suddenly shuddered.

"We can stop," Hermione said urgently.

Ron's eyes shone brightly but she could see he was fighting whatever it was trying to shake him and soon he threw the belt across the room and sat on the edge of the bed to pull off his socks. He focused on his feet as he spoke to her with a constricted voice.

"Just...the be-belt, he used a belt on L-Lee and the sound it just made wa-wa-was..."

"Look at me, Ron," Hermione said again, not moving from her spot across the room from him. "Don't let your mind wander back there, stay here with me. Look at me standing here in your bedroom with you. Look at me like this."

Hermione waited until Ron's eyes lifted to peer through his copper hair at her before she let her skirt fall to her ankles and stepped out of it. She stood before him in her underwear. Ron drew in a bracing breath and stood up again. He unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down. He shook his legs out of them and kicked them aside, biting his lip as he looked at her looking at him.

"Je ziet er prachtig uit," Ron said breathlessly.

"What was that?" Hermione leaned in a little and cocked her head to one side.

Ron shook his head as if trying to shake the intruding language out of his mind and reset it to English.

"I said you look b-bea-beau-"

"Say it again in Dutch!" Hermione said, tears welling and pride bubbling over inside her.

"Je ziet er prachtig uit!" Ron said with a laugh of apology at only being able to complement her in a language she didn't understand.

"Thank you."

Ron ducked his head bashfully and one corner of his mouth curled upwards as he watched her lift her hands behind her back and unclasp her bra. He drew in a sharp breath and held it as Hermione rolled her shoulders and let the straps slide down her arms. She dropped her simple cotton bra onto the bed behind her and lowered her hands to slip both thumbs into the elastic of her knickers. Ron whispered something she couldn't quite make out and moved his hands to ease down his crumpled boxers.

The both bent over and removed their underwear, eyes fixed on each other, and when they stood up straight once more they were both completely naked.

"I..." Ron said before holding his tongue and looking determined for a second before continuing, "l-ove you."

"I love you, too," Hermione said softly with a contented smile.

She kissed the air before her and Ron laughed a little before lifting his right leg forward and nudging the side of her calf with his big toe. It was almost as good as a great big cuddle at that moment and she turned to pick up her nightshirt and pull it over her head while Ron climbed into a pair of too loose and threadbare pyjama bottoms and then into his bed.

Hermione tied back her hair in a ponytail and settled into her own bed.

"G'night, Hermione." Ron called across to her as he set his head upon his pillow.

"Not yet," Hermione said with a smile, "give me your pillow."

Ron lifted his head again and frowned before grabbing his pillow and throwing it across the space to her. She caught it and put it to her face, inhaling deeply and humming with satisfaction, and then set it down on the bed to rest her head upon it.

"Can I have yours?" Ron asked with a grin.

Hermione tossed it to him and he caught it without taking his eyes off her.

"So it's like we have each other if we need each other," Hermione whispered and hugged the pillow to her.

"Yeah," Ron agreed as he nestled his head into her pillow before sniggering. "Only you do realise this pillow smells of Harry!"

Hermione huffed and giggled and then hurled her dressing gown at him, covering his cackling face.

"And you tell people you're different now," Hermione sighed while smiling widely.

They looked at each other while their giggles died down and eventually Hermione leaned over to extinguish the lamp.

"Goodnight, Ron."

"Night."

The belt buckle tore into his back and he screamed in agony and thrashed against the wall.

'No more! Stop, please, no more. I can't stand it,' Lee begged.

'You made your choice, Mr Jordan,' the sickeningly detached voice of the Puppet Master purred lazily into the side of his blood spattered face. 'You chose to take your punishment to prevent me from taking what I want from my Firebrand.'

Lee forced his eyes tightly shut and choked on a sob.

'What was that, Mr Jordan?' The Puppet Master leaned in even closer, a sickening smile spreading across his face as Lee cracked one eye open to look back at Ron, stripped to the waist and chained to the table.

'Please, stop,' Lee whimpered, 'no more lashes, I'll do anything just stop the lashes, please."

The Puppet Master leaned back out of view again and left Lee with the sight of Ron, bent over the table face down and legs forced apart, a leather gag in his mouth and he heard himself saying the words he didn't want to say.

'You can have him,' Lee said as he hung limply from his shackles and began to cry. 'Do whatever you want with him just leave me alone.'

He felt his stomach churn at the look him Ron's eyes across the torture room and looked away. Ron's chains began to clank and the table groaned. The Puppet Master was murmuring things to Ron in Dutch and suddenly Ron screamed from behind his gag and Lee screamed with him.

His whole body shook and his arm flew out and sent the lamp on the bedside table crashing to the floor. Legs flailing and sheets billowing in the darkness Lee sat up and drew his arm back, ready to throw a punch, and yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Get off him!"

The darkness was broken by a rectangle of light and he squinted as the room became recognisable again and the source of the light grew larger until it was moved to one side and his mother's concerned face was before him.

"Lee, honey, it's okay, you were just dreaming." His mother's voice brought him back home, back into his bed again, and he tried to steady his breathing while throwing himself forward into her arms and hiding his tear-streaked face in the side of her neck.

"I let him...I let him take him..." Lee panted and wept. "It was too much Mum. He was fucking flaying my back and I just wanted it to stop so I...I..."

"Lee, stop, it was a nightmare," his mum said firmly as she ran her hand up and down his back.

Lee squirmed under her touch and she soon stopped and put her gentle hand on the back of his head protectively.

"He was all over him, Mum, I told him to do it," Lee said tremulously. "I gave Ron up!"

"Lee no, you didn't, did you? I saw it in the Pensieve and if you think about it you'll remember that you didn't, did you?" His mother spoke softly and began to rock side to side with him slowly.

Lee grabbed two handfuls of her dressing gown as tightly as he could and sniffed his running nose.

"I just wanted him to leave me alone."

"He's gone now, hasn't he? He'll never hurt you like that again, honey. Shush now, come on."

"I have to see," Lee said suddenly, pulling away from his mother and wiping his face with the back of his hand. "I have to see that he's all right."

"What? You mean Ron?" Lee's mother blinked in shock. "But it's the middle of the night! You can't go to the Weasleys' house at this time."

"I have to!" Lee said, voice straining to remain strong as he struggled out of bed. "I have to be there with him."

"Lee, no," his mother said firmly as she tried to follow him but stepped upon a fragment of the broken lamp and hissed, falling backwards onto the bed and pulling the sharp piece of glass from the sole of her foot.

Lee winced as he saw the blood dripping from her foot and made a hesitant move towards her before jerking backwards and turning to rush for the door again.

"I'm sorry! I have to go to him before anyone touches him. I can't let them touch him!"

"Lee!" his mum called after him, sounding fearful for his sanity.

But Lee was already jumping into the Floo.

Hermione woke with a start and took some time to remember where she was. She slumped into the pillow and snuggled down into the bed sheets to go back to sleep when she heard something, probably the very thing that had made her wake up in the first place. She heard a laboured squeak.

Well, it sounded like a squeak at first. Then as she sat up in bed, she thought it was more like a stifled giggle. She peered through the darkness to Ron's bed and listened.

"Ron?" she whispered. "Are you awake?"

Again she heard the squeaky, breathless laugh and swivelled around on the bed to face him.

"What's so funny?" she called out as low as she could so she didn't wake anybody else.

Then she heard a sniff and more of the shaky noises and realised Ron wasn't laughing in his sleep at all--he was crying. Hermione bit her lip and wondered what to do. Did he need comforting or leaving alone? Should she wake him or not? Maybe, if she just lit a candle so he wasn't in the dark. Maybe, if she began reading aloud it would sink in to his subconscious where he was and who he was with.

Ron choked on another wave of stifled distress and all Hermione wanted to do was to go to him and hold him to her.

She knew she shouldn't do that, though. She knew her instincts were wrong and that subtle, subliminal, comfort was what was needed. She pulled back the sheets and slipped her legs out and off the bed, letting them dangle over the side, and swallowed as she wondered if she should cast a charm over him to ease his sleep. She reached for her wand and knocked it with her fumbling fingers.

She heard the wood rolling against the surface of the bedside table and tried to grab the wand before it fell off the edge and clattered to the floor. Gasping, Hermione lunged and knocked a glass of water over and cringed as it tinkled but didn't break. The water began dripping over the edge and Hermione felt the end of her wand and grabbed it as she stood up to clean up the spill on the floor.

Just as she was standing, something at her feet moved and let out a sound of discomfort.

"Ugh!"

She jumped in shock and sparks flew from the tip of her wand, momentarily lighting the room like a tiny red lighting bolt, and she saw two huge eyes turning on her from the floor. She screamed and aimed her wand down at the intruder.

"Don't you fucking touch him!" the intruder yelled as he threw himself at Hermione's legs and she was sent crashing to the floor.

There was a fearful shout from the direction of Ron's bed and a pounding sound growing louder outside the bedroom door. The door burst open and a lit wand illuminated the room. Harry's voice came from behind it and sounded absolutely furious.

"Stupefy!"

Hermione screamed and flattened herself to the floorboards. She saw the person she had been struggling with do the same and the room filled with bright light she recognised him.

"Lee!" she yelled. "It's Lee Harry, stop!"

Lee was in the process of swinging his wand around towards Harry as if it was a club when he froze and stared at Hermione lying on the floor beside him.

"What? Hermione?" Lee looked up at the panting figure in the doorway. "Harry?"

There were more thundering footsteps now and the huge figure of Charlie dressed only in his boxers slammed into Harry's back and aimed his wand at the ready.

"Arthur, Arthur, what is it?" Molly screamed as Mr Weasley appeared behind Charlie.

"Lee, what the fuck are you doing here?" Harry roared. "I could have fucking killed you!"

"You coulda killed Ron!" Lee yelled back defensively, struggling to his feet and glaring at Harry.

Hermione gasped and turned to look in the direction of Ron's bed. He was standing on it, looking like a fox cornered by a bloodthirsty pack of hounds, and brandishing the shelf he had torn from his wall in the commotion. All his Quidditch collectibles were scattered on top of the bed where they had fallen.

"Ron are you al--" Hermione began.

"Get out," Ron snarled angrily.

"It's okay." Harry tried to smile reassuringly to his best friend through the panic and anger he was clearly feeling.

"It's just us," Lee said as he turned to take a step towards Ron and held out his hand to help him down from the bed.

"GET OUT!" Ron roared as he gripped the wooden shelf and drew back the improvised weapon threateningly.

"We're leaving, Son," Arthur said immediately, gripping Charlie's shoulder and pulling him away from the door. "Everybody's going to leave you alone now, all right?"

"Just go," Ron said through gritted teeth, body still tensed up like a tightly coiled spring.

Hermione's throat constricted and her eyes stung with tears. She could hear Molly expressing her reluctance to leave Ron alone in his room after such a scare. Charlie let himself be forcibly removed by his father, while Harry and Lee were both glaring at each other accusingly.

The fact that the evacuation from Ron's room wasn't done with as much urgency as he needed it to happen, Ron swung the splintered lump of wood into his Quidditch World Cup souvenirs on the window ledge and smashed them to the floor while bellowing at them all.

"Get the fuck out of my room and leave me the fuck alone for one fucking second!"

Hermione grabbed hold of Lee's sweatshirt and tried to drag him towards the door with her but he knocked her hand away and lunged for Harry, shoving him at Hermione and fuming with anger at the state Ron was in.

"You heard him, get out!" Lee scowled. "You're suffocating him! He doesn't need all this."

Harry was about to rage at Lee that this whole upset had been caused by him sneaking into Ron's room in the middle of the night when Ron threw the broken shelf down to the floor between them and fixed his wild eyes on Lee.

"All of you."

"But...Ron," Lee blinked in confusion.

Ron leapt from his bed and threw himself between the pair of them, shoving them bodily towards the door and hitting them both as he did.

"Get out, get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!" he ranted.

"Please," Hermione choked as she pulled the two boys out with her, "just do what he says…leave him alone to calm down."

Harry tripped over the end of the rug and fell backwards into Hermione who slammed into Charlie's solid chest behind her just as the bedroom door was slammed in Lee's face. He flinched and stood staring at the little plaque that said 'Ronald's Room'.

"Well done, Lee," Harry said angrily.

"No!" Arthur said as he grabbed Harry by the back of the neck and steered him towards the stairs. "This was all a big mess and we need to make sure it doesn't happen again but you two will not fall out over this."

"No," Molly agreed, voice trembling, "Arthur's right. I won't hear of it."

Charlie put his arm around Hermione's shoulders and gave her a gentle hug as he guided her after his parents and a white-with-fury Harry Potter. Hermione glanced over her shoulder to see if Lee was coming with them and saw Ginny, who up until that moment had been invisible to her, taking Lee's hand and pulling him along behind her.

"You can't force Ron to let you look after him, Lee. Come on, let's go downstairs and have a cuppa. Maybe if we give him some time he'll pull himself together and join us."

"I didn't mean to...he knows he can trust me, why did he ask me to leave?"

"He asked all of us to leave," Ginny reminded him.

Hermione turned around at the top of the stairs and fixed Lee's eyes with a look that told him she knew exactly what Lee's problem was.

"Ah, but Ginny, Lee's special…Lee's better than us."

Lee stared at Hermione for a few second and then looked down at his feet.

"I don't think that," he mumbled.

"Well, maybe you want Ron to think it," Charlie said before he prodded Hermione into setting off down the stairs after the others. "C'mon."

A/N I know a lot of you were asking after Hermione in previous chapters so I hope you liked her appearence in this chapter. I thought a slow build up was in order seeing as she's trying to take it slowly with Ron.