Aight pimps and hos. We are here to paint your toes! Meaning Jess and Jaine are going to tell a story. Again. And you will laugh and be amused or be hurt. No, we're just kidding. Laugh if you wish. Or stop reading. We aren't dictators. Taters! Tater tots! WOOOOOT!

ON WITH THE SHOW.

Disclaimer: We own nothing but our pants...the shirts are borrowed.

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This chapter is the terrifying tale of McDonagall's. Lily and James may grow closer, but probably not. They are not bamboo! Remus may be in this one...last time he was...dead to me...sorta...or you know I forgot him and his HONKING(long story).

Alright. Sit back, keep body parts and belongings inside the window at all times. And we hope you enjoy this. If you fear you are going to die, scream JAINE AND JESS ARE THE BESTEST IN THE WORLD! and we'll be there..on the next train...possibly with doughnuts. If you don't like doughnuts, we'll give you an invisible cookie.

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James: Walking innocently down a hallway.

SIrius: Since when does that happen? I've got an idea!

James: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not you too! Tell me you didn't use the thinking grenades...

Sirius: Maybe...Let's go to McDonagall's!

James: What's McDonagall's?

Sirius: You know, that restaurant McGongall opened up, McDonagall's. It's right on campus.

James: What's campus?

Sirius: I think it has to do with camping...

James: Well where is this McDonagall's?

Sirius: Somewhere on the grounds. Not sure where...but we'll see. Let's use our SPECIAL(Is there any way I can make this word sparkle?) MAP!

James: OK! Pulls out the SPECIAL(sparkles) MAP. It's right over there! Points to building not far to the right.

Sirius: Let's go! I wanna play in the play place! That's filled with grease from the other...kids...students...assholes...playing in it.

Remus: So you're calling yourself a kid-student-asshole?

Sirius: Remus, you are my daughter you son of a bitch!

Remus: WOW. That made so much sense it hurt.

Mr. Muffins: It's hard to argue when you won't stop making sense!

James: punches him out. Where do all of these random people come from anyway? Shows portal. The bananas in pajamas enter followed by gumby. Oh.

Sirius: Well come on! Let's go to McDonagall's!

Lily: Sir-i-pus! That place has a lot of bad food! If you eat there more than twice a week, you'll become fat like those Americans (special note: Don't take this offensively. Jess and Jaine are from America. We just like to make fun of ourselves. Haha we suck!)

Sirius: SO?! Your point? You won't love me if I've got a little extra?!

Lily: Yes. I mean, jeez your so stupid! If it wasn't for your hot bod I wouldn't hang around with you!

Remus: Me neither.

Katie: HEY HEY HEY!!!

Fat Albert: comes through portal. You using my line BITSNACK?

Katie: NO.

Remus: I like men.

SIrius: That's very nice.

Remus: Wow...I thought mayeb if I said that I'd get some attention, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not even from Mr. Muffins! I should become emo.

Sirius: I wish this grass was emo, cause then it'd cut itself.

(Note: jaine is trying to convince Jess to eat sushi. I won't do it! Maybe...)

(Note: Jess is holding the sushi, it's been like... 15 minutes now...and she's still smelling it, licking it, listening to it... feeling it... to decide whether or not to eat it.)

(Note: Jess will try the sushi, but first Jaine must get her some water.)

(Note: Jess thought the sushi tasted like salty rice...but ate it.)

(Note: Sushi rocks Jaines world!!)

After two hours, they finally made it to McDonagall's.

Sirius: This place is awesome! Can I live here?

McGonagall: NO! Now get your food and get out of my drive through!

James: But...no one does this...drive...electronics don't work here...

McGonagall: Actually, that was a lie we told you all so you wouldn't try to bring a cell phone. Now leave!

Lily: Pulls out cell phone. Oh yeah mom, the reception up here is GREAT!

Sirius and James are in AWE.

James: You're communicating with your maternal parent without using an owl?

Lily: Yeah! What of it? This is how I live.

Remus: It is. I would know. Hides his binoculars.

(Note: Jess just spilled cold water on her crotch, fell backwards, and Jaine blinked and missed it all.)

Inside McDonagall's, in teh play place.

Sirius: Lily I gotta go!

Lily: What do you want me to do?

Sirius: Bring me potty!

Lily: I'm not taking you into a girl's bathroom! Get James to do it!

James: Busy staring at Lily. Remus must go with him.

Remus and Sirius are in the bathroom. There is an odd hand sticking out of the one toilet.

Remus: Sirius, I know what you're thinking. Don't do it.

Sirius: Walks casually up, shakes the hand, then turns into a dog and pees on Remus's shoes.

Remus: Why did you want to go the bathroom if you could've just done that?

Sirius: Well, these guys were talking about this sweet hand in the toilet at McDonagall's. They said they'd give me money if I shook it, and to get someone as a witness so I took you.

Hand: Reaches up and strangles Remus to death.

Sirius: Oh my gawd, it killed Remus! Leaves the bathroom. Bye sweetums! Have fun with your hand!

GIrls outside the bathroom: EWWW!!!

(Note: Sorry we're doing a lot of Remus dissing, but someone must be the butt of every joke.)

Back in the McDonagall's ballpit.

Sirius, James, Lily, and Katie swim to the bottom and find a city of dwarves.

Dwarf: Welcome! We are preparing for war! On...you!

Sirius: Whhhhhhhhhaat?

Dwarf: You built this thing points to McDonagall's and it led to all of this! Points to trash in dwarf city.

James: Dude...sorry...can we swim back up now? I"m getting antsy!

Dwarf: NO! You must help us prepare! We need a flask of water from the giant well to get rid of this atrocity!

Sirius: No way! I will not help you destroy McDonagall's!

Lily: Do it.

James: Ok.

SIrius: WHY?

Katie: Gives huge twenty minute speech about the environment and global warming and the greasy food of McDonagall's and how it's going to turn them all into fat lazy slobs.

Sirius: Suddenly I see! Not really, but since Katie said it must be right! Let's go!

It takes them a total of like, three seconds to get the flask of water and then they are rocketed back to the surface of the ball pit.

Sirius: It's been a long day. With all this talk of the earth and global warming, and hippos, an whales, and pigeons, and pole dancing, and dwarves, and wells, and hookers..

Lily: Wait, when did you hear about hookers and pole dancing?

James: You didn't really look at McGonagall, did you?

Katie: Let's go get some subway!