True to her word, Minerva did not mention the issue again during the next few days. First thing on Monday morning, she went to Harry and apologised for shocking him with her idea, but without explaining what she thought now. Harry had in the meantime had enough time to recover from his initial surprise and told the Headmistress that he did not think much of the incident.

Minerva knew that he was lying. He and the others treated her extra careful and friendly, almost as if they expected another breakdown any time. Painfully, Minerva realised that there would be no way of convincing them of her opinion any time soon. In their eyes, she had gone from highly-esteemed Headmistress to potential mental patient.

Poppy Pomfrey was the only one who did not tread on eggshells when around Minerva. In fact, she openly suggested they talk the matter over again, and challenged Minerva on her feelings for Dumbledore. They spent one long afternoon discussing Minerva's opinion and options now.

Minerva was glad that she had her friend to confide in. Poppy was one of those rare persons she could talk to openly, after all, their friendship went back a long time and Poppy was one of the small number of people who had actually known about the relationship between Dumbledore and his deputy. Although many had suspected some kind of romance there, very few had known the truth.

Two days later, Poppy and Minerva together entered Harry's memory again. This time, Minerva emerged from the Pensieve crying so hard that, for a couple of minutes, even Poppy could not comfort her. Minerva had loved Albus Dumbledore with all her heart. Witnessing his death over and over again already was more pain than she could bear; and seeing her friend Snape do the actual killing only increased her agony.

Minerva collapsed on the floor and wailed in grief while Poppy held her. Whenever she thought of Snape now, she only saw Dumbledore's dead body and the fatal green light coming out of Severus's wand. She hated Severus Snape for committing this act, and she knew that she would never forgive him.

But she also maintained her interpretation that Severus Snape was no traitor. Whatever his reason for killing Dumbledore had been, he had not acted on Voldemort's orders or according to plans of his own. He had only done what Dumbledore had asked him, had, in fact, begged him to do.

For two more days, Minerva pondered what to do. Then she made up her mind to speak to the others again. She would once more try to explain her position.

Maybe one or the other of them would agree with her now that they had also had a few days to think it over – and even if that was too much to hope for, they would at least see that she was not out of her mind. She had, after all, convinced Poppy of that fact. While the school nurse did not agree with her friend, she had admitted that Minerva's understanding of events was one possible way of interpretation and thus not a totally insane suggestion.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The members of the Order were eager to meet again when Minerva owled them on Friday evening. Everyone agreed to meet in Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, on Saturday. Minerva arrived early and met half the Weasley family there already. Molly was preparing dinner in the kitchen, but Fleur, Ginny and the twins were upstairs.

Minerva went upstairs to chat a little with Fleur, but found her sleeping on the sofa in one of the upstairs living rooms. Careful not to wake the young woman, Minerva tip-toed down the stairs again and was just about to enter the kitchen when she heard that Arthur Weasley had arrived in the meantime. He and his wife were discussing Snape again. Fully aware that it was not polite to listen, Minerva stopped before opening the door.

She sneaked closer to the half-open door and stole a look into the kitchen. Arthur threw off his travel cloak and went to prepare some tea.

"Where's Minerva?" he asked.

"Upstairs. She wanted to check on Fleur," Molly replied.

"Good." Arthur nodded. "I am glad they spend time together."

"I know what you mean," Molly sighed. "A young woman expecting a baby is a symbol of hope. I think Minerva needs some hope in her life."

Minerva pressed her lips together. While she whole-heartedly agreed with Molly that she could have done with some hope in her life, she was not quite sure if she liked Molly to voice that opinion.

"Do you want some?" Arthur asked, pointing to the tea.

Molly shook her head. She stirred vigorously in one of the pots on the stove.

"I wish there was something we could do for her," she finally exclaimed.

"Me too," Arthur agreed. "She's been beside herself with grief ever since Dumbledore's death, but this new development… this is not good. She has gone from sorrow to denial."

Through the door crack Minerva saw Molly sit down at the table next to her husband. The pots on the stove simmered quietly, and Molly started cutting some more vegetables for the soup.

"It does look like it, I am afraid," she said. "Seeing that memory was painful for every one of us, but it must have been worst for Minerva. I hope it has not done too much harm."

"We should not have allowed her to witness it."

"I agree, but how could we have done that? Who could tell Minerva McGonagall that she is not allowed to do something? – And after all, we could not have foreseen this happening. It might just as well have done her good."

"How so?" Arthur asked, surprised.

"Well, in a sense of saying goodbye. I could not really grasp the fact that Gideon and Fabian were dead until I'd seen the bodies. Minerva did see Dumbledore's body, of course, but I thought maybe it would do her good, you know, basically to be with him in his last moments."

"And to see Snape."

"Yes, that is the other part. Minerva is such a kind person under all that stern appearance. When Snape pretended to return to our side back then, she welcomed him back. She became his friend. It must have been such a shock to her that he actually was the one who did it."

Arthur poured himself some more tea. He appeared lost in thought for the moment. Molly got up and stirred in one of the pots again.

"I think you're right," Arthur slowly said. "Do you remember, that night when it happened? Minerva held herself up fine even after she'd learned of Dumbledore's death. But when Harry told her that Snape had done it – that's when she broke down. Quite interesting, isn't it?"

"Yes. It's so sad, really. Minerva lost two people that night. When Snape showed his true colours, she lost the friend she had trusted – well, and Dumbledore."

"More than a friend."

"We've always wondered." Molly almost whispered. Her voice was very sad again.

"We've always suspected that they were more than friends. Well, one simply has to watch Minerva now to learn the truth. Her heart is broken."

Minerva swallowed hard. She did not much appreciate of the way the Weasleys talked about her, but she had to admit that they were very close to the truth. While she had always managed to be discrete about her relationship to Albus, she knew that she had shown her mourning too openly in the weeks since his death – and Molly also was right about the fact that Minerva had lost two persons that night. No matter what she now thought of Snape's allegiance, she would not regard him a friend any more. Never.

Arthur got up from the table and moved to stand behind his wife. He hugged her from behind while she continued preparing the food.

"I wish there was something we could do for her," he repeated the words Molly had said earlier.

"But what can we do?" Molly sighed. "Seeing what happened that night was too much for her. She has gone from simple mourning to denial. If she does not understand that Snape is on You-Know-Who's side even after she has basically witnessed it, how can we make her accept this fact? She has seen the truth with her own eyes, but we cannot force her to understand it with her mind as well."

"I know. This is just so unlike her. I mean, stern, strict, brilliant Minerva would not have reacted like that. Something inside her broke when her love died."

Minerva quietly backed away from the door. She had heard enough. The conversation between Arthur and Molly Weasley clearly showed that although they did care for her and wanted to do what the right thing, they would not trust her judgement any more.

She moved to the small window next to the entrance door and looked out into the warm summer evening. Five Muggle children were playing a ball game outside. Minerva smiled sadly. She had always wished for children of her own, but fate had not left that option for her. When she and Albus had become a couple, they had decided that they were too old to become parents, and that their lives were too dangerous for a happy family life anyway.

One of the children kicked the ball up high and started running after it, but a young woman with bright pink hair caught it first and threw it back to the kids. Tonks and Remus Lupin had arrived. While Remus wore his usual, slightly shabby Muggle attire of corduroy trousers and a woollen sweater, Tonks wore bright pink trainers, a patched denim skirt and a very tight white t-shirt with the words 'wicked witch' embroidered across the chest. Minerva almost laughed out loud. Tonks knew perfectly how to fit in with Muggles.

Tonks got into the ball game with the children and kicked the ball into a group of shrubs next to one of the houses nearby. The children ran after it, and Tonks drew her wand out of her pocket and spoke something in their direction. Lupin grinned and took Tonks's hand. When the children were gone, they swiftly walked towards Number Twelve.

Minerva opened the door for them. Still laughing, both of them came rushing in.

"What was that spell you did out there?" Minerva wanted to know.

"Oh, that –" Tonks smiled. "I just made sure they'd find some chocolate while looking for the ball. Didn't want them to come back and see us disappearing."

"She's an expert at benevolent Muggle-baiting," Lupin explained fondly. "She keeps them occupied by giving them some bait they will take, that's how she manages to do so much magic close to Muggles."

"Everybody here already?" Tonks wanted to know. She sounded more serious now.

"The Weasleys are," Minerva replied. "Let's go into the kitchen."

They settled down in the kitchen and shared some of the tea Arthur Weasley had prepared earlier. Minerva deliberately avoided Molly's gaze and had the impression that Molly did likewise. Although they chatted about neutral, every-day issues, Minerva sensed the rising tension.

One by one, the other members of the Order arrived. Minerva was painfully aware of the curious looks they shot at her when they thought she did not notice. She stirred in her tea and tried to act as if she did not notice. She had made up her mind what to say.

Finally, Harry, Ron, and Hermione came in accompanied by Moody. They sat down with the rest after greeting them all, then everyone went quiet. They were ready to begin their meeting.

Moody cleared his throat, but Minerva interrupted him quietly.

"I would like to say something, if that's alright, Alastor."

"Certainly."

Minerva looked at the many faces staring at her. She knew what they expected her to say, and was sad that she would not be able to fulfil their wishes.

"I know that I must have quite shocked you after we watched that memory together," Minerva spoke up. "I do apologise for that. What I saw in Harry's memory appeared so obvious to me that I could not understand how anyone could interpret it differently."

"That's alright, Minerva," Tonks said reassuringly. "Really, you do not need to apologise. We knew you were in shock. All of us were."

Heads were nodded around the table. Minerva drew in a deep breath before she continued.

"There is something else we need to discuss. It's about how we will go on here, with this group we've called the Order of the Phoenix."

"What do you mean?" Lupin asked.

"Since… since Albus's death, we have not had a leader any more. Alastor and I have tried to keep this Order going, but not whole-heartedly. We need a Head of the Order to centre around – or rather, you need one."

Minerva broke off for a moment, but no one responded.

"I'd suggest Alastor for that job, but it really is not my business any more. I will leave this Order."

"What?" – "Why?" – "No way!" – "Why would you do that?"

Everyone spoke up at the same time. Tonks half jumped from her seat and knocked her tea over in the process, and Molly reached across the table to take Minerva's hand.

"Dear, why would you want to do that?" she asked.

Slowly, the excited voices grew calmer. Hermione muttered a spell under her breath and directed a rag to fly to the table and wipe the tea off. The action was absurdly distracting for Minerva. This seventeen-year-old Muggle-born girl really was one of the most talented students she had ever had.

Minerva forced her attention back on the subject.

"It is quite simple. I realise that with the opinion I voiced a few days ago, I have become a burden to this Order. You cannot afford to have one member who most of you think… well, a little out of her mind."

"We don't think you out of your mind," Lupin said gently. "I think we agree that you were a bit mistaken, but now…"

"I have not changed my mind, Remus," Minerva said with quiet defiance. "Let me be very clear on this. I hate Severus for what he has done. But I have realised that he did not betray us. Whatever his reason for killing Dumbledore was, he did not act on You-Know-Who's orders."

"You really believe that?" Harry spoke up. "But that's insane!"

The young wizard's voice was full of rage and contempt. Minerva did not like the way he stared at her. She remembered the polite and friendly eleven-year-old boy he had been – a friendly child who had even been a little scared of his teacher. Now the young man he had become gazed at her with a mixture of anger, pity, and disdain. It was obvious that he did not respect her any more.

"Yes, Potter, I really believe that," Minerva replied. "And that is the reason why I cannot remain a member of this Order any longer. I understand that you do not trust me any more. You think my judgement insane – ergo anything I know of this Order is a security risk to you."

"Minerva, don't say that." Molly was almost begging. "You are our friend, don't leave us like that –"

"Molly, I did not say I was not your friend any more. Although I must admit that it does hurt to be considered a mental patient."

"But – "

"But what?" Minerva's voice was sad. "I did hear what you said about me – something about going into denial because of too much sorrow, and too little hope in my life, wasn't it that? And that I cannot accept the fact that someone who I thought to be a friend has become a murderer?"

Molly had blushed a little and looked helplessly at her husband. Arthur Weasley looked at Minerva.

"Yes, we did say that," he confirmed. "And it is what I believe. Minerva, I think these past few weeks have been too hard for you, and as a result your judgement is not as reliable as it used to be. You are mistaken in what you believe."

Minerva got up from her seat.

"Thank you for being honest, Arthur," she said earnestly. "I do prefer that to whispers behind my back. But I have also made up my mind. I know that I am not mistaken, and as a consequence, I will walk out of this house now and not come back."

A new round of protests erupted, but Minerva cut them off.

"Please, don't – I do know what you think of me, after all. Do me the favour and don't pretend otherwise now. I would still love to see you all as my friends, but let us not discuss this question any more. And do not tell me anything you – as the Order of the Phoenix – plan and do."

"If that is your wish…" Lupin was very reluctant, but she knew he would agree in the end.

"I will come to visit you in Hogwarts," he finally said.

"See you then, Remus," Minerva replied.

She walked out of the room, careful not to look back. It took her only seconds to put on the Muggle coat she wore over her usual robes and leave the house. She went quickly, afraid that one of the others might have decided to follow her. She did not want to see anyone or speak to anyone right now.

Around the next corner, Minerva saw the playing children again. Two of the little boys had traces of chocolate smeared on their faces. They raced after their ball and kicked it high into the air again. The ball fell into a little fountain in front of one of the houses. Water soaked the children and one girl squeaked with mock disgust, but she immediately started playing with the water and splashed it at the boys. All of the children laughed, and Minerva smiled. It was a beautiful late summer day, after all.