Touching
The back garden and surrounding field of the Burrow was in chaos.
There were flailing limbs, screeching, giggling, swearing, grunting and all that was happening was more people were joining in rather than the number gradually reducing as people gave up.
Ron and Hermione were rolling over and over in the long grass, tying to tickle each other in the side, beneath the chin, and every now and then underneath each other's clothes. Hermione's hands lunged for his tummy and he grabbed them out of the air and held them out to their sides so she wasn't able to do anything with them. He sniggered at her before realising that this position forced their chests together and they were practically rubbing noses.
"Gotcha," Ron whispered into her face as she stared back at him, red in the cheeks.
"Yes you do," Hermione nodded.
It wasn't clear who reached for who but their mouths came together and soon they were snogging as if the other's lungs were their only source of air. They disappeared deep within the long grass and moaned into each other's mouths. Ron's large hand slid along the length of Hermione's arm and then brushed against her breast. She smiled against his lips and Ron chuckled and squeezed her boob.
"Tickle, tickle, tickle!" He giggled playfully.
Hermione's laugh turned into a purr as she raked her fingers down his back and grabbed two generous handfuls of Ron's buttocks and began to knead them as if they were two firm mounds of dough.
"C'mere," Hermione said as she pulled his body flat against hers and then plunged her tongue into his mouth.
Ron began sucking on her tongue and pushing his long fingers into her wild hair. There were stray pieces of dry grass sticking out of it, making her look like a sexy scarecrow, and she was moving her tongue against his while massaging their lips together.
His other hand began to snake its way underneath her top, her soft skin against his rougher palm. Hermione pushed one of her hands under Ron's waistband to feel the soft succulent flesh of his arsecheek. Suddenly something made them jump and push away from each other.
"What was? Was that...you?" Hermione gasped as she looked at Ron's bulging jeans.
His eyes were wide and shocked, he gulped and moved his hips a little, squirming inside his loose jeans, and then he gave an amazed nod.
"It's me!"
Hermione slowly lifted her hand towards Ron's groin and ever so softly cupped the tented area in his jeans.
"Were you thinking about us doing it right here?" Hermione asked him with astonished brown eyes.
"No!" Ron began loudly before lowering his tone and his head so the grass kept him hidden, "My parents and all my brothers are just over there. This isn't really the appropriate place for a hard-on y'know?"
Hermione stared at him for a moment before snorting in a very un-Hermione-like way and clamping her hand over her mouth. Then she choked on a swallowed laugh again. Then she dissolved into fits of uncontrollable hysterics and Ron collapsed into a heap with her and guffawed.
"I think we've got a draw over here!" Harry said as he stood over them, blocking the sun with his body and casting a shadow over the two of them, "You're both out!"
"Okay, okay," Hermione giggled, holding up her hands, "we surrender."
"Well go and sit on the wall then!" a heavily panting Fred said as he staggered past them with George hanging off his shoulders, trying to tickle him and shake him off at the same time.
"Hey aren't you on the same team?" Ron frowned.
"Don't procrastinate so you can sneak back into the game you," Harry warned Ron with a waggle of the finger, "on the garden wall now!"
Ron sat up on his elbows and grinned sheepishly at Harry.
"Would I be able to get up and go over there in a minute or two maybe?" He suggested, "After I've thought a bit about McGonagall teaching History of Magic to Grawp and...got myself together a bit? Maybe?"
Harry looked at Ron's lap and then looked away, blushing furiously.
"Sorry!"
He ran away from the two of them faster than they'd ever seen him move in his whole life and fall right over a flailing Bill. Ron chortled and looked to Hermione.
"Fainites." He smiled.
"Yeah," she nodded and kissed him on the cheek.
Hermione was brushing her hair and struggling to weave it into a plait while chattering away as she watched Ron stroking Pig's feathers.
"...because the thing is with people who have never taken risks or suffered any losses because of that very lifestyle choice is that they don't know how to imagine themselves in your situation Ron. They can sympathise but not empathise; do you know what I mean?"
Ron tickled Pig and the little owl hooted and flapped his wings, landing atop Ron's head and burying his face in Ron's hair. Ron chuckled and looked back at Hermione.
"Who's feeling sorry for who?" He blinked at her, expression content but blank.
"I was just talking about the negative reaction you received from a small minority of the outside world."
"Small but vocal," Ron said with a shrug of resignation before looking up and grinning as the new angle of his head tipped Pig off and set him flapping around and around Ron's head like a feathered brown halo, "like you eh Pig?"
Hermione set her brush down and pulled back the bedcovers, still nattering away as if Ron was being attentive.
"You see I get the feeling they experienced the war, both the big wizarding wars, as exciting news in the Prophet rather than something happening to real human beings and that could ultimately affect their own lives. The fact that it wasn't happening on their doorstep and nobody was targeting or recruiting their family made it unreal."
Ron grabbed Pig out of the air and set him on his perch before frowning at Hermione.
"Is this conversation supposed to have something to do with me or are you just thinking aloud?"
Hermione wriggled her legs beneath the covers and lay on her side, head propped up by her crooked elbow on the pillow.
"I'm trying to understand and explain the public reaction to you, to all the survivors," Hermione said as she gazed at the wall over Ron's shoulder thoughtfully, "There was this thrilling story in the paper and then the thrilling trial and all its thrilling revelations and thrilling hearsay and unsubstantiated gossip and then it was all over and there were four people going back into the world to live as normal people."
Ron snorted and sat down on the bed, kicking off his unlaced trainers and pulling his sweatshirt over his head.
"And there was no more news for those people leading their sheltered boring lives," Hermione said with a frown, "They must have thought that you owed them closure. Maybe to the public...they might possibly have thought that this whole saga needed a proper ending. Not necessarily a happy ending but a conclusive ending."
"Okay, I'm just going to nod at everything you say and possibly fall asleep before you're done so don't get cross alright?" Ron said with a smile as he lifted the covers and slipped underneath beside her.
Hermione kissed him absently on the cheek and snuggled into his side, arms wrapping around him as they settled down comfortably.
"Because you weren't punching the air and whooping over the fact you made it through. You declined the Ministry medals and press conferences and interviews. When news filtered through that you were all having trouble adjusting...well I think the public got cross because that's not how Guilderoy Lockheart told them all true heroes behave."
"Git," Ron grumbled into Hermione's neck.
"Harry had delivered after all," Hermione said with a sad sigh as she remembered how weary Harry had become the perfect model of a saviour, his face on commemorative souvenirs and a day named after him, every baby boy born that year was called Harry and he spent every waking moment shaking hands with important people and becoming a public figure of nobility and heroism until he heard about Ron's capture and told the Minister to sod off and not dare to ask anything of him while Ron's life was in danger.
"Where is Harry?" Ron frowned and lifted his head, blearily looking at the bedroom door as if his question would summon Harry immediately to answer it.
"Snogging Ginny," Hermione said flippantly, "then these four survivors of a huge massacre escaped and came home and brought the last of the Death Eaters to justice and...you didn't play the game. You were hurt and scared and angry and you didn't feel proud of yourselves for killing people, not that Harry was proud of himself for killing Voldemort but that's the spin the public were sold. Murder of bad people is good and should be celebrated and you were all subdued and closed off and you didn't smile for pictures or tell 'your side of the story' to interested parties."
"I told Luna I would give her my recipe for chocolate cornflake nests," Ron said with a lazy smile, "she said she'd save it for the Easter edition of The Quibbler."
Hermione stroked Ron's hair and smiled down at him as his eyes fell closed. She kissed the top of his head and made room for him to snuggle into the crook of her shoulder.
"You are adorable do you know that?"
"Mmm-hmm," he nodded, wrapping an arm and a leg around her body loosely, "g'wan...you were talking about why people are stupid."
"Not all people, not even most people, just the people who take it upon themselves to send Howlers and say nasty things to you on the street. People who have their own guilt because they didn't suffer and didn't contribute anything to the war against Voldemort want to tear into some heroes. People in this country love nothing more than knocking people off their pedestal and nobody's stupid enough to try to bad mouth Harry so they went for you instead, all of you."
"Harry's gonna be the new Merlin...I read that in a magazine last week," Ron muttered lazily, "article sounded really pissed off that he was still alive. Apparently you can't be a martyr if you live happily ever after."
Hermione laughed weakly.
"This is exactly your problem Ron," Hermione said as her eyes flooded, "the whole world would adore you if you'd died in there."
The room was silent and Hermione tried to keep herself from shaking with hurt and anger.
"You had everything a good martyr needed except for the excruciating death. You wouldn't die. You wouldn't give up. You refused to be a legend and stayed a real life human being and God forbid one of the people who saved us all was only human."
"Wi' strawberry jam!" Ron said, brow furrowed in his sleep and finger waving before his face to brush away a stray strand of Hermione's hair that was tickling his nose.
Hermione smiled at her sleep waffling boyfriend and thanked everything she believed in and even several things she didn't that Ron wasn't a martyr at all. Ron was better than that, he was a man.
He was her man.
"So how was last night Ron?" Madam Boo asked him as he poured himself a glass of gillywater.
"It was good," he nodded, "we just talked, well she talked and I fell asleep but it was still good."
Boo laughed and leaned over her desk, flicking a speck of something or other off the blotter before tapping on the desk with her index finger, thoughtfully.
"You know Ron, some believe that putting a desk between you and the person you're talking to creates a barrier between you and makes communication harder."
Ron looked at the desk and his eyebrows knitted together in deep concentration.
"I like it." He said eventually before looking up and nodding to reaffirm his opinion, "I like having something to lean on when I talk to you. If we were just sitting in chairs facing each other I'd get all fidgety...more than usual I mean."
Boo looked pleased with herself and reached into a small pot and lifted out a blunt pencil. She extended her arm and offered it to him.
"Would you like to play with this while you talk? I've noticed you become more open when your hands are occupied."
Ron took the pencil with a smirk.
"So back to the wanking eh?"
Boo rolled her eyes and Ron cackled.
"Did you have a peaceful night together then?" She asked him, getting back on track.
"Yeah, slept like hibernating badgers," Ron shrugged before frowning, "Do badgers hibernate?"
"And in the morning?" Boo pressed on with her questioning.
"Well in the morning we stopped sleeping and started being awake," Ron said, being facetious and loving it.
"Morning glory?" Madam Boo asked, not willing to play games any more.
"Nope," Ron said, gouging the pencil into a groove he'd made in the desk on a previous visit.
"Not even in the bathroom afterwards? Not when Hermione wasn't with you?"
"No," Ron said, "No sex, no sexy feelings, no sexual fantasies, no-"
"Rape flashbacks?" Boo offered up.
"No," Ron said sternly.
Boo sat in silence for a moment, watching Ron pushing the blunt pencil deeper and deeper into the groove as his mouth grew tight and his eyes narrowed with the focus he was putting into his distraction.
"Was it nice to have a break from the pressure to have sex Ron?"
Ron slammed down the pencil on the desk and glared at her.
"I've told you loads of times alread-ready!" Ron snapped angrily, "Hermione has never once pressured me to have sex. She wouldn't, she didn't and she won't."
"I didn't say the pressure was coming from her." Boo said coolly.
Ron sat back in the chair and folded his arms across his chest.
"Any clue what you're going to do about the Death Eater's request?" she said as she took back her pencil and began to sharpen it, avoiding eye contact with Ron who was already looking everywhere but at her.
"Draw lots maybe? Leave him a rope so he ca-can do himself in? Who fucking cares?" Ron growled.
"You 'fucking' care because you're 'fucking' stuttering again," Boo said, looking right at him, her strong gaze not letting him turn his eyes away this time.
"You're not supposed to swear at the patients are you?" He asked; unsure whether he felt defensive or impressed.
"You're not my patient Ron." Boo said as she began to put her things away.
"So what am I?" he asked her, unfolding his arms and leaning forward.
"You're taking your sexual frustration out on me and I'm ending the session for today." Boo said calmly, "Tonight I want you to sleep with your girlfriend again and not have sex. Come and see me tomorrow and we'll try this again."
Ron shifted awkwardly in his seat.
"Are you angry with me?"
"I am not judging you and I have no unpleasant feelings towards you Ron but we have reached a point today that can only descend into damaging territory. I want our talks to be constructive and not destructive."
"Look, I'm sorry bu-" Ron began as he got out of his chair.
"Don't be sorry, don't feel guilty," Boo said as she softened towards him slightly, "just take another day off trying to be sexual and...make a sandwich with three different layers and share it with the first person who complements it."
"What?" Ron exclaimed, looking at her as if she'd cracked.
"Well do something else then but do something different, yet sane, yet innocent. Do something like, weeding the garden, making your mother a cup of tea and talking to her about what you were like when you were a baby, I'm sure she'd love that."
Ron groaned and looked to the ceiling.
"Oh Merlin she'd never stop!"
Boo smiled again on hearing this.
"Lighten the load again and sleep with your girlfriend and then come back and see if you can handle that conversation any better tomorrow okay?"
Ron sighed and nodded.
"Okay."
"and...um...Lynx!" Hermione said proudly, "There you go, that was five words without any vowels I told you I could do it."
Ron applauded and sniggered.
"You know how to impress a man in the bedroom Hermione," he giggled.
Hermione beamed and gave him a playful shove. He fell back on the bed and she grabbed her pillow and raised it to strike before rolling her eyes at the amused look on his face and leaned over to kiss him on his smiling lips. She set the pillow back down and laid her head upon it, still looking at him, and Ron rolled onto his side to face her.
"All right then," she said primly, stroking his fringe out of his eyes so she could see them a little better, "give me five palindromes."
Ron blinked.
"Is that like a dirty limerick?" He frowned.
"No! It's a word which is spelled the same backwards as well as forwards, like the name Hannah, that's a palindrome."
Ron gaped at her.
"That's well hard!" He exclaimed indignantly, "Mine wasn't as hard as that."
"What five words with no vowels is easy is it?" Hermione teased him.
Ron narrowed his eyes and tutted before biting his lip thoughtfully.
"So...you mean like the word poop then yeah?" He asked her as he considered his options.
"Yes, that's number one," Hermione nodded, "poop is the same whatever way you read it."
Ron sniggered and Hermione gave a resigned sigh to his childishness.
"Okay then...um...boob!"
Hermione laughed.
"You know the object is really to strive for more than just four letter words Ron!"
"Fine," Ron said with a mischievous look on his face, how's this for number three then? Wow!"
Hermione threw back her head and laughed just as Harry entered the bedroom and looked at them with a curious smile.
"Hi Harry," Ron said proudly, "I'm being stupid and clever at the same time!"
"Wow!" Harry grinned.
"Indeed!" Ron nodded as he turned to look smugly at Hermione
"Oh get on with it, number four, come on." Hermione dug Ron in the ribs with her finger and Ron squirmed and squeaked at her exploiting his ticklish spot.
"What is it you're doing?" Harry asked as he sat on his bed, watching them.
"Planetdrones!" Ron said while Hermione struggled to correct him while fighting off a giggle fit that was caused by Ron fingers at the small of her back.
"Right," Harry nodded in bewilderment before removing his shoes and socks and gesturing for Ron to turn Hermione's attention away from him as he got ready for bed.
"Number four, come on, the clock is ticking!" Hermione chuckled.
"Wait up; I didn't set a clock for you madam!" Ron huffed.
"And that was your first mistake!" Hermione said slyly.
"Okay, right, two more...um...uhhhh..."
"Tick tock, tick tock..." Hermione said as she waved her finger from side to side before him.
"Tit!" Ron said as he grabbed her finger, eyes sparkling.
"No more three letter words either!" Hermione huffed, "One more and it's got to be a proper one."
Ron thought hard and Harry climbed into his own bed, watching them both with interest. Ron sat up in bed and looked very focused all of a sudden. Hermione glanced at Harry with concern and gradually sat up too, stroking her hand up his bare back soothingly.
"What is it Ron?" She asked him softly.
"Shhh," Ron said as he closed his eyes and concentrated hard on something.
Harry shifted in his bed and drew in a breath to say something but Ron raised a finger and whispered to both of them.
"Stil!"
Hermione paled and her eyes were wide as she looked at Harry and wondered what to do, what she had done to suddenly bring Ron into a regressive state.
"MEETSYSTEEM!" Ron said triumphantly before opening his eyes and grinning at Hermione.
"What?" Hermione asked him as she clutched his hand and looked up into his blazing blue eyes.
"Ron its okay, you're alright mate." Harry said as he slipped out of bed and crossed the room to perch on the edge of Ron's mattress.
Ron looked from one of them to the other with a puzzled smile before tutting and rolling his eyes. He gave a short laugh of resignation and clouted Harry around the back of the head before looking at Hermione with raised eyebrows.
"Meetsysteem is Dutch for measuring system. It's the same backwards as well as forward. I just learned it in advanced Dutch lessons."
Hermione gaped at him and Harry gave a growl of annoyance at having been worried for no reason. The two of them launched themselves at him and wrestled on the bed warning Ron off ever worrying them like that again.
"What's the bloody problem?" Ron complained as he muffled Harry's words with a pillow, "it was eleven letters...that's impressive that is!"
Ron shifted and yawned as the sound of Harry padding out of the room to the bathroom woke him up. He rubbed at his bleary eyes and saw Hermione smiling at him serenely.
"Were you watching me sleep?" he smiled lazily.
She nodded.
"Finally run out of books to read and gone mad eh?" He teased before wriggling forward and kissing her on the end of her nose.
Just as he was about to chuckle and she was about to speak they both froze and their eyes widened. Ron squeaked and Hermione clamped both her hands over his mouth.
"Shh! Don't...you'll scare it away!" She whispered as they both looked down nervously.
They couldn't see anything, they were snuggled against each other and covered with a sheet after all, but they could both feel it.
"What should we do?" Ron whispered back.
"I don't know," Hermione responded with a shrug, "What did Madam Boo say you should do when this happened?"
"She didn't say it was gonna happen at all!" Ron said, struggling to keep his voice as low as possible.
"Well," Hermione thought for a moment before offering a suggestion, "maybe I should get out and leave you alone to deal with it."
"But I don't need to be alone to deal with it. We've dealt with it with you here before, that's not the problem!" Ron frantically spoke in hushed tones.
"Alright then, what if...What if I tried to do it for you?" She offered.
"Oh you old romantic you!" Ron snorted and rolled his eyes.
"Well you deal with it and I'll stay right here with you then. I'm sure you're supposed to do something with it."
"It's not a stray cat!" Ron hissed.
Hermione stared at him for a moment before crumpling into giggles. Ron's shoulders lost their tension too and he sniggered into her neck.
"Oh what are we like?" Hermione sighed.
"A round hole and a round peg who are wondering what to do with each other!" Ron muttered into her hair.
Hermione giggled even more. They stopped laughing and Ron stroked her bushy hair with his large hand. Hermione leaned in close and kissed him on the lips before letting her hand slip beneath the sheets, down his flat stomach and just touched his copper curls before Ron closed his eyes and began whimpering to himself angrily.
"No, no, no you bastard, just a little longer, please!"
As Hermione curled her fingers loosely around Ron's penis is was limp in her hand. Ron groaned and slumped back onto the bed beside her.
"Oh well...easy come easy go!"
Ron bounded into Madam Boos' office without pausing to knock and slammed both palms flat on her desk as he leaned over it and looked into her startled eyes with his own large, pleading ones.
"I got a hard on this morning and me and my girlfriend didn't know what to do with it! We just whispered until it went away. You never said that would happen. You never told me what we should do if that happened. What do I do?"
Madam Boo looked at Ron with more sympathy than he'd ever seen in her eyes before and held out her hand to her left to gesture to something beside them.
"Ron...this is my husband Andrew, Andrew this is Ron."
Ron didn't turn his head. He just stared at Boo with the colour draining from his face and his eyes threatening to engulf his own head as they grew even wider. Boo looked as if she felt very sorry for him and a nervous voice coughed beside them and hurriedly mumbled an excuse to leave.
"Well I was practically out the door already; I'll pick you up at five, nice to meet you Ron. Bye."
Ron swallowed and kept staring at Madam Boo until the footsteps crossed the room and the door closed as Andrew left. Ron whimpered and collapsed into a heap over the desk.
"I can't believe I just did that!" He wailed into his arms as they lay between his head and the desk while Boo conjured a chair underneath him to fall into.
"Don't worry about it Ron, Andrew's fine," Boo smiled consolingly.
"Well good for bloody Andrew!" Ron blurted as his head snapped up, "Of course he's fine, he hasn't just confessed not knowing what to do with his own stiffy in front of a stranger has he?"
"He isn't a judgemental person and he won't laugh about you behind your back." Boo said firmly.
Ron sat back in the chair, slumping down so low he almost unseated himself.
"Oh Merlin's tackle, I never even thought of him finding it funny!"
Madam Boo looked as if she was kicking herself for misjudging her comforting techniques before reaching into her desk drawer and pulling out a bag of chocolate covered ginger pieces and picked out a lump for herself before offering some to Ron.
"Chocolate gingers make everything good and warm and comforting again. Just take one and suck in silence for a while." She said through her mouth full of melting dark chocolate.
"So that's your advice on what I should tell Hermione is it?" Ron smirked as he pulled out a piece and chucked it into his open mouth.
"Shut up and enjoy magical therapeutic healing," Boo grinned.
"So," Ron said thickly, "you wanna ask the usual or skip it and get to my dick?"
"Stutter?" Boo said, covering her mouth with her hand politely.
"A couple of times," Ron shrugged, not covering his mouth at all.
"Thought about the Death Eater?"
"Nope," Ron grinned.
"Any letters from him?"
"From his representative, yeah," Ron said before noticing he'd sprayed a little melted chocolate over the desk and wiping it away with his hand.
"Read them?"
"Binned them," Ron answered nonchalantly.
"Did it feel good?"
"Well," Ron said as he swallowed his mouthful, "all I did was throw a ball of parchment into the bin."
"Not that," Boo said as she picked up a tissue and wiped her mouth, "did it feel good to wake up with your girlfriend and feel aroused?"
"Well I always like waking up with her," Ron said thoughtfully, "but I wasn't doing anything to...it wasn't like we were being sexy."
"You weren't trying to get aroused then?"
"No, you said we shouldn't try, just spend time together and for Hermione to sleep over and that's what we did."
Madam Boo took a deep satisfied breath and pulled out another piece of chocolate ginger from the bag.
"Well do it again tonight and this time," she smirked at Ron, "don't whisper if you wake up aroused. Give it something good to listen to!"
"So say something to me in Dutch," Hermione smiled as she interlaced her fingers with Ron's and rubbed her nose against his while they lay in bed facing each other.
Ron smiled and rolled his eyes.
"I've not got any homework, there's no need to pester me about practising."
"I'm not talking about your lessons," Hermione said as she nudged Ron's foot with hers beneath the covers, "I'm talking about hearing you speaking Dutch. I really like it. I liked the palindrome you came up with last night."
"Oh yeah?" Ron grinned widely.
"Very much yes!" Hermione nodded.
"Lepel," Ron mumbled before encouraging Hermione to roll over so he could spoon with her.
She did as she was told and soon felt Ron's body pressed against her back, his arms curled around her waist, and his breath against her neck.
"Neder sit wort; trow tis reden," Ron sighed, before closing his eyes and inhaling the scent of her hair.
Hermione shivered despite not being the least bit cold.
"More, I love it; you sound so like you but so different. Say some more."
"You don't wanna know what I learnt today!" He sniggered, voice low and chest rumbling against her back.
"I really do." She purred.
"Nette zebra bedreef sex; u leidt die luxe sfeer: de bar bezetten!" Ron said with a laugh, "Which basically means, Decent zebra perpetrated sex; you are leading the luxury atmosphere: occupy the bar!"
Hermione laughed in shock before looking over her shoulder at his amused face and crumpled her brow.
"Why on earth did you learn that phrase?"
"Well it's not actually a phrase," Ron shrugged, "I asked the tutor about Dutch palindromes after I came up with that word last night, very impressed with me by the way, and we learnt dozens. Everything I've said in Dutch so far has been a palindrome."
"Oh Ron you know how to get me going...a foreign language and a word game and you!"
Ron nuzzled into her wild mass of hair and smiled.
"Non-onanie is Dutch for non-masturbation, I thought that sounded better than wank drought, I'll tell people me and Madam Boo are working on a programme of non-onanie and they'll be all proud of me rather than...well how they'd react otherwise."
"More palindromes!" Hermione ordered with a blissful grin tugging at her lips.
"Blimey, you have the weirdest idea of sex talk ever!" Ron scoffed.
"This isn't sex talk; this is sending-me-off-to-sleep-to-have-sexy-dreams-about-you-talk."
Ron squeezed her tightly around the waist and snuggled his head into the pillow, eyes closing and smiling contentedly.
"Tooi die idioot!"
A/N Surprise! Yes, I am updating on a Saturday and hopefully the epilogue will be ready for you tomorrow night and then we're done.
It'll be Monday at the latest so I'm well and truly done before Deathly Hallows comes out.