Treat The Wounded

"So what's the plan?" Murdock asked, clutching his arm and trying not to whimper with the pain.
Face laid a comfortaing hand on his shoulder. Murdock looked closely at his friend, saw the numerous bite marks that covered him, the pain in his eyes and the charred flesh.
He had to smile, he was so much more attractive than Face now. He could start getting some of the action.

Hannibal turned to his men,. Seeing them gather comfort from one another was truly touching. He burst out laughing . "Hey BA, look at these two pansies! Oooh, look at us, we've been bitten and it's all painful. Poor us."
BA sniggered too, they did look funny.

Hannibal cleared his throat, going back to serious mode. "OK, the most important thing is to clear the zombies out of the mall, we can't have any fun until they're gone."

"But how?" BA asked.

"Well, it won't be easy, but I think I've got an idea. We need to build a Tardis."

"A what?"

"Er, a van, the van. We need to re-build it in here and use it to, you know, round up the zombies and get 'em out."

"Did you just make that up?" Face asked.

"Yeah. So whatta ya think." Hannibal pressed.

"Actually, it's one of the better ones." Face said, looking at Murdock and BA who nodded their heads in agreement.

"You know, it's such a shame that we have to re-build the van. If only we could, I don't know, have a special van that we were connected to via a wristwatch or something and it would drive to us."

"Murdock, that's ridiculous! I mean, I know you're insane, but that's pushing the boudaries of plausability." Face mocked, trying not to laugh.

"I guess it understands us and talks back too!" Hannibal added, laughing.

BA stayed quiet. He remember that auction only to well. He'd spent his money on a stereo for the van and had been out bid on the same sort of technological advances Murdock mentioned by some big haired guy, Michael Noon, or something like that. If only they knew that it was possible. But anyway, enough of that.

There was still something much more important here, something that seemed to have been forgotten in all the emergency first aid being given to the wounded.
"Hannibal. My shirt." BA reminded them all gently. He tried to hide his pain, but it was so hard.

The laughter coming from Face and Hannibal died almost immediately.

Hannibal took out a cigar from thin air and lit it. "BA, I promised you no matter what, I'd get you another shirt and God damn it I will."

BA looked the man in the eye. "Ok, fair enough. As long as you haven't forgotten."

"Hey Hannibal." Murdock said, looking at his leader with his large puppy dog eyes which he'd burrowed from Billy. "Do you think we'll be able to, I don't know, maybe get me a new hat?"

"No chance. Let's face it, you're a goner, no point wasting time keeping you happy."

"Er, Hannibal, you know Murdock's the only way out of here, don't you?" Face reminded the colonel, adding quietly, "At least for you two." He thought back to the poll at the Shrine that had sealed his fate and all those people who had wanted him and Murdock to die.
Sick bastards, he'd teach them a thing or two!

Hannibal seemed to freeze for a moment. "Of course, I was just joking. By the way Murdock, before you get too sick you wanna show me how to fly that thing?"

"Sure thing, Colonel." Murdock said, brightening up. He loved to fly.

As the plot seems to be going nowhere fast, we'll fast forward a little.
They talk a little more before heading off to a store so they can
build the van. They then spot some dodgey old cars and decide to use one of those instead.
Face being the most wounded of the lot, has to be the one to hotwire the car and sit, groaning in pain as the others get the cool job of driving around in a car in a mall and killing zombies. So much fun (believe me, I've done it)

More boring stuff with the clear out of bodies and a little retail therapy where they steal some money (once a bank robber, always a bank robber, eh!), get some food shopping and then play some games.

By this time Face's condition has deterorated quite badly. The others are doing the best they can to keep things normal.
Hannibal decides to board up the stairs to where they're hiding so no one can find them, and paints the coridoor from military grey to ocean grey, or is it ocean grey to military grey? Anyway, from one to the other.
Murdock and BA sit around and argue quite a bit.

So, with the dull bits over, we pick the action back up again.
The team have cleared out all the bodies and are now looking over the mall, their kingdom, and wearing some rather attractive fur coats. And smoking big cigars.
The atmosphere is rather bleak, whereas the game Atmosfear is fun (previously video board game, now on DVD!).
We can still hear the noises the zombies are making, as they try to get back into the mall.
Damn it's a little creepy!

Face looks towards the main entrance, towards the monsters that have more or less (but more) killed him.
"What are they?"

"Thet're us, that's all." Hannibal answered. So wise.

"You know, that's really chilling, that. It says so much about the state of the world today and the society we live in but mostly, it makes me think that the human race, as we are today, are more like monsters than these ... these.. zombies."

"No Murdock, I meant they're literally us. We've no budget, that's why we use so much stock footage, we can't affored any thing other than some cardboard cut-outs of us."

"Oh yeah! I can see me!" Murdock said excitedly!

"Er, Hannibal, is that Captain Kirk standing next to you, over by the fountain?"

"Yeah."

"You know, my Grandaddy was a priest in Trinidad. Voodoo. He said; 'When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.'" BA said.

The others all clutch their fur coats a little tighter around themselves.

Sadly as that scene is left behind, we have to come to the first death scene.

Poor Face has been getting in a more serious condition, I just didn't wanna talk about it, it was too hard!
But now, he's at deaths door.
The others, having already discussed Face's useless plight to get better, have decided that the best thing they can do is watch their friend suffer needlessly, rather than put him out of his misery.
Sounds fair enough to me.

"Hannibal, when I go, I'm gonna try not to come back." Face said, laying in his bed surrounded by the bits and pieces he'd picked up from the mall whilst shopping.

"Ssshh, Face, save your energy. Try to get some rest." Hannibal soothed, using a damp cloth on Face's face.

"Really, I'm ...I'm gonna try real hard."

Murdock appeared at the door. " Can you keep it down. Trying to watch TV in here."

"Sorry Captain." Hannibal apologised as Murdock left the room again.

"I don't wanna be walking around like that." Face said, seeming to spit out the word that and the image it triggered.

Hannibal couldn't find the comforting words he was looking for, so instead he just continued to dab Face's head with the cloth.

"Those things, have you seen what most of them are dressed in! And the ... the complextion, it's so pale looking. I can't, I can't end up looking like that." Face said pleading with his C.O to agree with him. "Promise me. Promise me you're stop it if I become one, please?"

"Face..."

Murdock reapperared at the door. "Guys seriously. TV. All we can hear is you two yacking on." Murdock left again.

"I'm gonna try not to come back, I'm gonna try ... not to." Face said, laying his head on Hannibal's arm.

Murdock and BA watched the news report, making them aware of the
situation that was affecting the world.

"It's gone quiet in there." BA said.

"Yeah, hopefully we'll be able to watch some TV in peace." Murdock
said.

A gun shot was heard to come from the room.

Just one shot.

The two men looked at each other and slowly and quietly got up.

It could mean only one thing.

They both made their way out the room and down towards the mall.
There was no way they were helping Hannibal clean up brains from the
walls.
Again.

More notes from the author First off, quick thank you to my reviewers, JFM, Nash Carter and Kitsunemajin. I appreciate you guys letting me know what you think. Comedies quite hard to get right, you never know if people will read it the same way as you write it and humour is many different things to a lot of people. (I mean, some people think Jo Brand's funny for goodness sake!)

To all the things I've ripped off in this chapter (Knightrider, Dr. Who, Red Dwarf), I'm very, very sorry. They aren't mine and I didn't ask.