A/N: Wow! We got past the 50-review mark! I'm happy :D especially cuz that took 10 chapters with my other story, The Difference. That one ended up with 120 reviews at 17 chapters. Well, this story gets an average of 10 or 11 r. a chapter, and it's gonna be more than 17 chappies… so… yay! You all kick major ass. (Review responses at the end of the chapter).

The name change: Thanks for your suggestions! So far people said Mrs. Hubblekins, Mrs. Fluffers, Vile Love Dorr, and of course Avada Cruimperio. I haven't decided yet, so if you think of anything else, tell me! I love hearing what you guys think.

Voldemort Discover Some Unpleasant News About His Horcruxes

Voldemort lay back in his reclining chair. This was the life. Good thing he was immortal, or he might never finish the extremely humongous martini he was sipping.

Immortal... It rang a warning bell in the back of his head. Yes, he was immortal due to his Horcruxes… nothing new about that. He shook of the feeling that something was wrong and took a large slurp of his drink.

How fun. How relaxing. If only Mr. Fluffers was here to enjoy it with him-

The alarm bell went off again, and Voldemort realized what was wrong. Oh damn.

He stormed into the kitchen to find Snape prodding the figures on the back of the cereal box with his wand.

"Snape!" he thundered. "I'm going to kill you!"

"Yeah, yeah," Snape was used to receiving daily death threats from the Dark Lord.

"No, seriously, this time I really am!" He pointed his wand at Snape. "Levicorpus!"

"That's not fair!" Snape protested, now hanging upside in midair by his ankle. "I made that one up! You can't use it against me!"

"Too bad. I did."

"What was it for this time?" Snape asked, exasperated.

Voldemort's eye gleamed redder than they already were. "Remember how you turned Mr. Fluffers into a live animal?"
Snape snickered. "How could I forget?"

"And remember how we had to kill him before he stomped on us and we died?"

"Yup."

"Well, guess what?"

"What?"

"HE WAS A HORCRUX YOU IDIOT!"

"Oops."

"Crucio!" But in Voldemort's anger, he forgot that it's rather difficult to curse someone while they are already under a spell. It reflected off Snape and hit Voldemort square between the eyes.

"Ow! Ahhh! Pain! Help! Stop! Make it stop, Snape! Owie!"

Snape laughed.

"Damn it, Snape!" Voldemort stopped shrieking long enough to realize he was holding a wand. "Finite Incantatem!"

His body relaxed as the curse was lifted.

Voldemort glared at Snape, who was unsuccessfully trying to hide his laughter.

"This is just great," Voldemort muttered. "First that stupid Potter idiot kills my diary, then Dumbledore burns my Slytherin ring, and now this? I've only got three Horcruxes left!"

"I thought you were supposed to have some from the house founders?" Snape asked, his face beginning to turn red.

"I did," Voldemort said shortly.

"But how…"

Voldemort sighed. "Duh. The ring from Slytherin, the cup from Hufflepuff, the sword from Gryffindor-"

"How did you do that?"

"Idiot, don't you remember anything? Did you forget that my most faithful servant was at Hogwarts four years ago?"

"Crouch?"

"Yes, Crouch, fool. I had him take that little bottle 1/7 of my soul was in, and turn that sword in Dumbledore's office into a Horcrux."

Snape furrowed his brow. "So you have the diary, the ring, the locket, the cup, the sword and Mr. Fluffers?"

"Had, Snape. Had. I had the diary, the ring, and Mr. Fluffers."

"So now you've got the cup, the sword, and the locket? And, of course, yourself?"

"Yes. Snape."

Bellatrix burst through the door. "Hi everyone! My Lord, the sixth book has arrived!"

Voldemort jumped in excitement. "Good! Liberacorpus!"

Snape's body hit the table. "Ow."

FIVE HOURS LATER

Voldemort screamed. "Dammit dammit dammit!"

Bellatrix rushed downstairs. "What is it?"

"I just finished Half-Blood Prince, and I find out that another one of my Horcruxes is destroyed! All I've got left is the sword and the cup! I'll never be immortal at this rate."

Bella, who had finished the book two hours ago, had been prepared for it. "Do you know who R.A.B is?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Obviously! Why do you think I killed Regulus Black?"

Bella was grateful she was right. "Do you remember what they said in Book 5 when Harry was cleaning the Order headquarters? Remember, he found a locket that he couldn't open?"

Voldemort nodded.

"I'm willing to bet that if there is an unopenable locket in the house of the guy who said he'd destroy it, chances are that he didn't.."

Voldemort grinned. "You know what this means?"

Bella smiled.

"We're going on a trip!"

Lucius stuck his head down the stairwell. "Ooh, are we going to Starbucks? I could use a mocha latte right about now!"

An hour later, Voldemort and several Death Eaters walked outside of Starbucks, sipping coffee.

"Is everyone done?" he asked.

"Yes, My Lord," they chorused.

"Good! Now, we shall go steal my Horcrux!"

They Apparated to the outside of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place.

"Here we are!" Voldemort rang the doorbell.

A loud screaming could be heard from inside, and Voldemort tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for the stupid Order idiots to shut the screams up and answer the door.

Finally, the door opened a crack, and Voldemort saw two green eyes staring out at him. Joy. Potter.

"Who is it?" he asked suspiciously.

"It is I, Lord Voldemort! Twahahahahaha!" Voldemort threw his head back and laughed.

"Oh, really, is it? What do you want?"

"I want to come in and steal back my Horcrux that that blood traitor Black stole from me!"

"What's the password?"

"Password?"

"Yup."

"I don't know."

"Oh. Okay. Then I can't let you in. But I'm going to yell at you."

Voldemort's red eyes widened. "You're not going to…"

"Oh, yes. I am."

Bella let loose a scream.

"I don't get it. What's so bad about Potter yelling?" Rodolphus scratched his head.

"It's not just Potter, yelling. It's Potter yelling."

"Huh?"

"He's gonna go all Caps Lock on us." Bellatrix covered her ears, as did Snape, Lucius and Wormtail. They had heard this before, and damn, did it hurt their ears.

"I HATE YOU, VOLDEMORT! YOU THINK YOU'RE SO GREAT JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALL THOSE STUPID LTTLE DEATH EATERS AND ALL YOUR HORCRUXES! YOU THINK YOU CAN KILL PEOPLE ALL THE TIME? WELL, YOU CAN'T! BECAUSE OF YOU, I HAVE NO PARENTS, AND NO REAL LIFE!"

"That's for sure," Snape muttered. "First kiss at fifteen, what a loser."

"I HAVE HAD TO SUFFER SEVENTEEN YEARS OF COMPLETE SHIT BECAUSE OF YOU, AND- AND…" Harry began to run out of words.

"That's all very well, Scarhead, but we really need to get inside." Lucius flicked some dirt from under his nails at the Boy-Who-Lived-For-Far-Far-Too-Long.

"I'M NOT DONE YET! NOW THAT I THINK OF IT, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THOSE STUPID BOY-WHO-LIVED THINGS! YOU PROBABLY MADE UP HALF OF THEM-"

Snape was absentmindedly rolling off a list. "Boy-Who-Just-Wouldn't-Die, Boy-Who-Lived-To-Make-My-Life-Hell, Boy-Who-Lived-Just-So-J.K.-Rowling-Could-Become-A-Billionaire…"

Voldemort rolled his eyes. "And you think that those He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named ones aren't bad?"

Snape switched lists. "He-Who-Must-Get-A-Better-Name-Than-Lord-Volemort-"

"YEAH? WELL MINE ARE WORSE, YOU STUPID, MEAN, DUMB, UGLY GUY!"

Molly Weasley showed up behind the Boy-Who-Lived-Long-Enough-To-Realize-That-Those-Boy-Who-Lived-Names-Are-Really-Quite-Frusterating-But-According-To-Voldemort-Will-Not-Live-Much-Longer. "Goodness, Harry, what were you going all Caps Lock on?"

Harry pointed. "Him."

Molly squinted. "Now, now, dear, that's a visitor! We must let him in!"

"Mrs. Weasley, I don't think you understand. We can't let them in-"

"Nonsense, Harry."

"Excuse, me ma'am." Rabastan spoke up. "We're from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry. Now, no one hear is in trouble or anything, but we heard that you were having some trouble with some old Dark Items, and so we thought we'd stop by and take care of them for you."

"Of course! You said you work at the Law Enforcement?"

"That's right, ma'am."

"Then you must know my husband, Arthur! He used to work at the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office, and a couple years ago he was promoted to Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects. Have you met him?"

"Um… I don't think so. We're pretty new around the office." Rabastan crossed his fingers behind his back. "Anyways, we really need to go take care of that stuff for you."

Mrs. Weasley let them in. Harry looked shocked.

"Mrs. Weasley, they're lying! It's really Volde-"

"Yes, Harry, it is cold. So cold, I think you're sick. You pronounced cold like it was Vold! You should drink some tea or something." Lucius smirked, following the others up the stairs.

Voldemort hastily ran into the room and grabbed the locket that was sitting on a counter. "Yes! My Horcrux! It lives! Ha! Potter, you are such a fool for believing it destroyed, when really, it's right under your nose!Here, Wormtail, put it in your pocket for me." He handed it to Peter.

Wormtail grinned happily. Yay! Voldemort was trusting him with orders again! He was so worried he'd never get to do anything again after the PS2 special moves incident…

He took it from the Dark Lord, and went to put it in his pocket, when….

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! HOW COULD YOU LET LORD VOLDEMORT IN THE HOUSE?" Mrs. Weasley's yell could be heard throughout the whole house.

Wormtail shrieked and dropped the locket. It fell to the floor and shattered into a million pieces.

Voldemort's eyes blazed. "I am going to KILL YOU!" he screamed.

Wormtail yelped and hastily Disapperated.

Voldemort followed suit, and soon found Wormtail cowered underneath the couch back at Vile Love Dorr.

"First," Voldemort seethed. "that damn Potter brat destroyed the diary. Then, Dumbledore got rid of my ring. Snape makes Mr. Fluffers alive and we had to kill him. I could live with that. I still had three left. And then I read Half-Blood Prince, and discovered Black, the blood traitor, destroyed my locket. Imagine my happiness when I discovered it was, in fact, still safe. AND THEN YOU RUINED IT!"

Wormtail whimpered.

"This is the last straw. The threats I have been making for the last ten years are not empty.
"P-please, Master, I beg of you-"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Come, one, come all, see Wormtail, the acrobatic bear!" Voldemort called out, handing a flyer to a confused passerby. "See the great grizzly fly through the air on a trapeze!"

Wormtail sat on a platform a hundred feet in the air. Curse that damn Transfiguration.

Review responses:

Sea4Shoes: I'm glad you liked it! It was tough, trying to decide what h.a.s.b.e.e.n.s should stand for, I must admit.

Elfbrat18: I'm happy you like my HBP-ness, and I hope you like the Horcrux related stuff in this chapter. I was surprised that you thought I got Rita right, I thought I screwed her up really badly.

Gemma: Thanks for the 'donations', lol. Voldemort will be so happy to know that someone supports his charity. Thanks for the name suggestions .

Blondiluvbanana: I was originally going to do the HASBEENS with other ex-dictators and such, but I figured it could possibly offend people, so I changed it.

Caramel: Thanks! They don't call me the Abbreviation Queen for nothing… well actually they don't call me that at all. I agree with you, Hubblekins is possibly the world's best last name.

Starrysthestral: Thank you! I like thinking I'm a genius (pats self on back). I'm very easily amused too... don't shiny things rock?

Hogwartsgirl52: Thank you! I am very happy that you liked it.

AinoMinako: LOL, I'm happy that you do like it. I have to say; it took my a few tries to figure out with TotP stood for… yeah being off of school has slowed my brain. I got that it was the Order though… see I've got brains?

Iluvryan: Yay! Another familiar name! I'm happy that you like my stories. I have to tell you, that 'truly amazing writer' thing made me smile for like, twenty minutes.

Ciararocks: Glad that you liked it, even if it wasn't as funny as before, sorry about that. Yeah, my math skills aren't the best, but I figured that Harry's parent's were killed in '81, and that since that was the year of his demise, '80 and '81 were like, the REALLY bad years for everyone. Ah, well.