A/N: Hey guys! I've been planning this for a long while… mucho thanks to Becca (AppleNamedBob) for ideas and planning on this story (even if she didn't let me type for ½ of it). Also… this chapter is PG-13. It's drunk Death Eaters- what did you expect? Reviewer responses at the end.

IMPORTANT:

Today is my birthday! Yay! And, seriously, the best present in the world that I could get is if everyone who reads this chapter reviews it. I know it's asking a lot, but all you have to do is click the little "submit review" box, and type in "good" or "bad". That's all I ask:-D You guys rock.

The Death Eaters Go To A Bar And Get Completely Smashed

After the initiation ceremony, the Death Eaters were feeling pretty bored. So, they did the only sensible thing-they headed to Hogsmeade and got rip-roaring drunk.

Voldemort lifted his 14th shot of fire whisky. "To the Orderer!" he slurred.

The Death Eaters who weren't passed out yet raised their bottles. "Amen to that, brotha!" Lucius called out.

"Voldemort, how many times do I have to tell you to not get drunk?" Snape asked, still sober.

"I swear to drunk, I'm not god!" Voldemort accidentally tipped his glass over.

"Yeah, right."

"Fine, I'll admit it! I'm drunk on aljicohole!"

"What the hell is aljicohole?" Snape roared.

"This is!" Voldemort happily dumped the whole bottle onto Snape's head.

"Have a nice shower, Snapie-poo! But wait, you aren't in a bathing suit!" Voldemort snapped his fingers as best he could (it took him a couple tries) and immediately Snape was clad in naught but a bright red Speedo. (A/N: Sorry for that mental picture.)

"Must be that time of the month again, eh Snape?" Voldemort commented. "Or maybe one's swimsuit just turns that color after being on a rainbow for so long?"

Just then Lucius staggered over. "Hey look guys! Narcissa came!" He pointed at a tall coat rack.

Voldemort stumbled over to it. "Nice to see you again." He offered the coat rack his hand.

The coat rack did not shake his hand.

"Giving me the cold shoulder, eh?" Voldemort shouted.

Snape desperately looked around for a sober person. He didn't find any, but he did see Bellatrix and Rodolphus snogging in a corner.

"Who's the designated driver?" someone called out.

"You know who it is, it's me, it's always me! ME ME ME ME ME!" Snape screamed.

Voldemort ambled over. "Why, Snape, I had no idea that you were so conceited!"

Snape tried to protest, but Voldemort interrupted him by jumping up onto the table.

"I will now sing my most favorite-ist song evers! A one! A two! A one, two, four, five!

"Little Bunny Foo-Foo hopping through the forest, found a bunch of field mice and BOPPED them on the head-come sing with me!"

A chorus of Death Eaters joined in for the next verse: "DOWN came the good fairy, and she said: Little Bunny Foo-Foo, I don't want to see you, finding all the field mice and BOPPING them on the head!"

Voldemort came in for a solo: "I'll give you three more chances-"

Snape cut them off. "Listen, guys. I'd love to listen to your renditions of Muggle nursery rhymes, but we've gotta go. I told Draco that we'd be back at midnight, and it's already 11:45, so-"

"Nonsense!" Voldemort roared. "We're not leaving until you get up on this table, in a tutu, and do the Macarena!"

"Then we're never leaving!"

"Yay!" the Death Eaters cheered.

Snape slapped his head with his palm. "No. We're leaving!"

"Never!"

"Yes!"

Voldemort smirked. "Little Bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest!"

The remaining Death Eaters started a conga line and everyone-including Snape- was pushed into a single file line and started to sing ("they can make me dance, but I won't sing!" muttered Snape) "Da, da, da, da, da, hey!" (Kick!) "Da, da, da, da, da, hey!" (Kick!)

"Get me out of here!" Snape yelled. "I don't want to die!"

Voldemort laughed. "We won't kill you! Just let down your hair!"

"It's already down! Look! I've haven't worn it in a ponytail since the 80's!"

"Loosen, up, Snape! Have a fire whisky!"

"I can't! I have to safely drive you drunken idiots home tonight!"

Rodolphus (who had apparently detached himself from his wife's lips) strolled by them. "Hey! Watch who you're calling a drunken idio- OW!" He had tripped over a chair.

Snape snorted, and just then, something caught his eye- literally.

"Hey!" he said, snatching his eye back from Rabastan, who was doubled over with laughter. Apparently some people certainly relaxed with alcohol. "That's not funny! Levitating parts of people's faces, I ask you…"

"I thought it was hilarious," Mulciber choked out.

"Well, it's not. Accio Eyeball." Snape carefully put his eye back in its socket and stormed away from them.

"Boo!" Someone grabbed his shoulders.

"Ahhh!" Snape screamed like a girl. He whirled around to face Voldemort. "Stop doing that!"

Voldemort blew him a raspberry.

Lucius ran up to them and tapped Voldemort on the back. "Vold, I made up a joke!"

"What is it?"

"What did the mollusk, say to the doorknob?"

"I dunno."

"I'll EAT cha later! Ahahahahahaha!"

"That's hilarious!" Voldemort cracked up.

"Must…not…lose…sanity…" Snape muttered, looking for an emergency exit or perhaps a window to jump out of.

"You know what? Firewhisky rearranged is…" Voldemort leaned in and whispered in Lucius's ear. "Whiskfirey!"

"No way!" Lucius looked shocked.

Voldemort nodded solemnly.

Snape began to bang his head on the table.

I should stop him, Voldemort thought.

So he jumped on Snape's back.

"Damn it, Voldemort, that is it! We are leaving! All Death Eaters, to the parking lot, NOW!"

"DA DA DA DA DA HEY! DA DA DA DA DA HEY!"

"AND QUIT WITH THE GODDAMN CONGA-LINE!" Snape thundered.

As all the Death Eaters filed out into the parking lot, still conga-ing, Snape ushered everyone into the company mini-van. He was about to get into the car when Voldemort drunkenly shouted, "Snape, you're too drive to drunk! Wait… what did I say? Let me reread it." He snatched the page two of chapter 8 of MFBFTDE out of the sky and read:

Voldemort drunkenly shouted, "Snape, you're too drive to drunk!

Voldemort scoffed. "That's stupid. It would be better phrased as ""Snape, you're too drunk to drive!" Voldemort drunkenly shouted."

"Listen, buddy, too bad. Get back in the story!" the author shouted.

"Geez. Sorry. Snape, I order you to get out of the car, cause I'm driving!"

"Voldemort, I'm not going to let all these Death Eaters die just because you want to drive." Snape sighed.

"You wanna mess? Huh, Snape? Do ya? Let's go, right here, right now!"

"No, Voldemort, I don't wanna "mess" or so you call it. I'll tell ya I want, what I really, really want."

"So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!" Rodolphus chimed in.

"I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigzag ah." Bellatrix sang.

"If you wanna be my lover-" Voldemort began, but Snape cut him off. "We don't have time for the Spice Girls! We've gotta get home." A chorus of 'aww's could be heard from the car.

"Okay, let's make sure we've got everyone," Snape sighed. He counted: "Voldemort, Bella, Ro, Rabastan, Mulciber, me, Crabbe, Goyle… wait. Where's Lucius?"

"He's still inside." Crabbe noted.

Snape ran back in. "Lucius! Stopping kissing the coat rack!"

"It's not a coat-rack, it's Narcissa."

"We've got to go."

"Okay!" Lucius attempted to pick up his "wife", who was cemented into the ground.

"We'll come back for her in the morning." Snape assured him.

"But then how can we-"

"Lucius, I do not want to hear about what you and Narcissa do at night."

"Well, in case you want to know-"

"We're going!"

"Fine, you big old poopy-head."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"We're home!" Snape called, pulling Voldemort (who had passed out in the car) through the doorway.

Draco was impatiently tapping his foot. "Where have you been? Do you know what time it is? You are an hour and a half late! What took you so long?"

Lucius stumbled through the doorframe. "Who's that?" he asked, squinting at his son.

"It's me, Draco."

"Hi, me Draco. Nice to meet you!"

"What's wrong with him?" Draco asked. "Mum's coming in a minute, by the way."

"He's drunk," Snape said shortly.

Rabastan, Bella, and Ro walked in, with linked arms. "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!"

"Gotta get with my friends!" Bella's timing was off.

Crabbe and Goyle dragged Mulciber (who had also lost consciousness on the drive home) inside, dropping him on the couch, and proceeded to conk out on top of him.

At that moment, Narcissa Apparated into the room. "Lucy!" she squealed, hugging her husband.

"Why's a coat rack hugging me?"

Reviewer responses:

BigFatBirdWithNoLegs: Wow! I'm glad that you check every day to see if I've updated. . Your vote has been counted.

.-.Shesshy-Kun'sMate.-.: I was totally in shock when I read that your friends read my story and talk about it anywhere that's not in front of a computer screen… tell them I say hi! and You all rock!

iluvryan: Glad you liked it! I thought that part was funny too.

Elfbrat18: Those grandmas are enough to make anyone cower under the bed in fear… thank goodness mine isn't obsessed with a greasy-haired git from England…

FanFictionFantom: I like the name too (your vote has been counted) Crumpet is such an entertaining word, I agree. BTW, I've started to read your Harry Potter parodies (I'm almost done with Sorcerers Stoned). They're good! Although Rabid does frighten me so…

Hogwartsgirl52: LOL, I laughed so hard at that list. It was hilarious. Your vote for my penname has been counted.

Ophelia: Glad you liked it! Your vote for my penname has been counted.

Gemma: LOL, glad you like it. I agree, Narcissa must make more appearances. Hee hee… don't mind me, just another evil idea brewing…

LoonyLuna48: Yeah, it was a little short. Glad you liked it! Don't worry, Blaise is done with the TMI.

ciararocks: Evidence? Evidence? There is no evidence! I'm not hiding it behind my back! Really! I don't think Draco's a Death Eater, because I'm rereading HBP now and I think that he was going to be one if he succeeded in killing Dumbledore. But too bad, he is in my story now. I'm having some writers block on LWP, but you should see an update like… now.

hisinspiration: Glad you liked it! It was nice to see a vote that wasn't or Avada Cruimperio, mind you. I think Mrs. Hubblekins is good, too. Well, I like them all, but too bad. You were so close on the thing! I mentioned the name of ALL the pennames in my story, not just that one. So close!

Perilous: If I could do that… I so would. I think it's a little bit too long though, lol.

Wockygal: Mrs. Fluffikins? Do you mean Mrs. Fluffers? Or Mrs. Hubblekins? Or both? My brain hurts…

Sea4Shoes: Glad you like it! Your vote has been counted.

blondiluvbanana: Evidence? You shall see… you shall see.

AinoMinako: Yeah, just a little bit TMI… as for a plot, it sorta has one. Ish. There's a lot about Horcruxes in here, isn't there?

THE VOTES ARE IN!

Tied for third are…: Mrs. Fluffers and Vile Love Dorr, with 0 votes each.

Second is Mrs. Hubblekins, with 1 vote.

And the winner is… AVADA CRUIMPERIO! With a total of four votes. Yay!