A/N: Thank you all so much for reviewing! I was so happy that my birthday chapter got us over 100! My long-term goal for this story is to get over 200 reviews. Which, considering we have 107 with 8 chapters, doesn't seem like it'll be that hard to accomplish. Anyways, I'm not going to respond to everyone that review, simply because I don't want to take this story off the web, but at the end I have a few personal responses. I'm really sorry about that! I love you all, and responded to your reviews in my head. But Big thanks go out to BigFatBirdWithNoLegs, The Cotton Candy Kisses, hisinspiration, Perilous, FanFictionFantom, AinoMinako, Ash Coffin, Gemma, ciararocks, LoonyLuna58, Seas4Shoes, wockygal, Ophelia, and jESSS for reviewing. (underlined names names of cool people who wished me a happy birthday!)
A/N 2: By the way, just thought I'd mention that for my b-day, I got tickets to see Wicked, which is the best musical ever! If you live in the Chicago or New York area (or I think Las Vegas, it might be heading there next) and you've got the $ (it's pretty expensive) go see it!
ALSO: I will be officially changing my name soon. I just have to put up a chapter of my OC story warning people that I'm doing it, and then the chapter after that it'll be done. Basically I should have it changed by next week. However, in this story I am referred to as Avada Cruimperio.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Thank God for that, I don't want to have to deal with some angsty, Caps Locked kid who wants to kill my precious Death Eaters. Don't worry, I won't let him, Voldy.
Those Horcrux Things Are More Trouble Than They're Worth/ Today Is Not Severus Snape's Day
Voldemort paced. "I am pissed. I am very, very pissed."
"Why, My Lord?" Wormtail piped up.
"Because I have one Horcrux left. One! Uno! All I've got is that sword."
Draco cleared his throat nervously. "Yeah, about that…"
"What?" Voldemort snapped.
"Well," Draco said uncomfortably, "you know, last year, McGonagall became Headmistress, and she cleaned out Dumbledore's office, and the sword was in there."
"And…"
"And she gave it to Potter."
"WHAT?"
"There's more."
"THERE'S MORE?"
"Yeah. It was all dusty and dirty, and Potter like, held it out to Moody, and was like, "Can you get someone to clean this?" but Moody thought that Potter was trying to attack him with it, so he grabbed the sword and destroyed it."
Voldemort froze.
"Sorry 'bout that one, Voldy," Rodolphus said, clapping him on the back.
Snape turned with narrow eyes to Draco. "And just how do you know all this?"
"Hermione."
"I don't believe it."
"So go ask her."
"Where is she?"
"Probably at my house."
"Why would she be at the Manor?"
"Not the Manor, didn't you know? We bought a cute little cottage together."
"Cute little cottage, yeah right." Blaise scoffed. "More like a giant freaking huge enormous mansion, that's what it is."
"Whatever. I'm going to go ask her." Snape turned to Apparate.
"I'll go." Voldemort interrupted.
"Are you sure?"
Voldemort scowled at Snape, and Disapparated.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hello? Anybody home?" Voldemort asked after appearing in Draco's (and Hermione's) kitchen. "You there! House-elf! Get me the Granger girl!"
"Liddy cannot help yous, sir, for Liddy is not on duty!" the house-elf squeaked.
"Not on duty? What the hell are you talking about, elf?"
"Today is Liddy's day off, sir, for every Wednesday and Sunday Mistress Hermione and Master Draco has given Liddy the day off!"
"Elf! Do not lie to me, for I- what's that in your pocket? Is that a Galleon? I'll tell Draco that you've been stealing from him-"
"No, no, sir, yous don't understand! Master Draco has given Liddy this Galleon! It is part of her salary!"
"Salary?"
"Yes, sir, Liddy gets thirty-five Galleons a week!"
"Thirty-five Galleons a week? Is he mad? I trust that he tortures you if you burn his toast though, right?"
"No, sir, Master Draco makes his own toast. Liddy makes her own toast too! Liddy very much likes rye bread! Ah, yes, those wonderful Saturday mornings, eating toast and watching the Quidditch game on television with Master Draco…"
Voldemort nearly had a heart attack.
"Liddy? Who's that?" a voice called.
"Sir is not telling Liddy his name!" Liddy called back.
Hermione entered the kitchen. "You should have ask- OH MY GOD!"
"What in heavens name are you yelling for?" Voldemort asked, wincing.
"You- you- you're- Lord Voldemort!"
"It's He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!" Voldemort snarled.
"Too damn bad."
"You suck."
"Why the hell are you in my kitchen?"
"Because," Voldemort said peevishly, "I have a question to ask you."
"I'll answer you if you never kill anyone again!"
"Too bad. Not gonna happen. So anyways, is it true that the sword of Gryffindor is gone?"
"No."
"Ha. You're lying. I love Legilimency!" Voldemort Disapperated with a crack.
"So, is it really gone?" Rabastan asked as soon as Voldemort had sunk into a fluffy armchair.
"Yeah."
"Damn!" Snape swore. "I'll kill Potter for this!"
"Isn't is Moody's fault?"
"Yeah, but I hate Potter."
"Oh. Okay then."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Snape knocked on the door at Grimmauld Place.
Potter opened it. "Snape! Get the hell away!"
Snape swept inside. "Hello, Potter. You're looking quite mentally unbalanced this evening. Having more Caps Lock attacks, I heard?"
"At least I haven't been on a rainbow lately." Potter sneered.
"WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP WITH THAT ALREADY?" Snape screamed.
Harry looked apologetic. "Sorry, man, I just do what Avada Cruimperio tells me."
"I'm beginning to think that she has some personal vendetta against me!"
"Couldn't have been for killing Dumbledore, now, could it?"
"Oh yeah… I gotta go."
"Have fun on the rainbow!" Harry called after him.
Snape stormed from the house, and something hit him on the head. "Ow. What is this?"
The mailman smiled and waved. "More letters!"
Snape unopened it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Snape burst into Avada Cruimperio's bedroom. "I am going to kill you!"
"Could you at least knock?" she asked, not bothering to look up from the computer.
"Fine." Snape went outside and banged on the door twice.
"Who's there?"
"You know bloody well who it is!" he snarled.
"You know bloody well who it is who?"
"What?"
"That's not a very funny joke," she remarked as Snape crossed over to her. "What do you want?"
"I want you to stop making everyone have those stupid rainbow jokes about me."
"You mean like "Look! There's a rainbow! Snape, I won't keep you any longer, we know you're itching to go on it.""
"Yes. Like that."
She laughed. "No."
Snape glared at her.
"What made you come here now, all of a sudden?"
"I thought that Potter joking about it had crossed the line, but then I got this." He whisked out the letter that had hit him on the head. "It's another one from the old psycho in Pennsylvania. And next time you're on a rainbow," he read, "take me with you."
Avada hastily turned her laugh into a hacking cough after seeing the look on Snape's face.
"Do you know this lady personally?" she asked.
"No. And you already know that! You write the damn story! You make my life hell! It's you! You you you you you!" Snape exploded.
She patted him on the back. "Mmm-hmm. I see. And how does that make you feel?"
"Like I want to rip your brain out and deep fry it in chocolate sauce."
"And, could you tell me, when did those dreams start?"
"Stop acting like a bloody shrink!"
"Wouldn't it be fun if I was one? I'm considering it, you know."
"The day that you become a psychologist will be a very depressing one indeed."
"That's not very nice."
"I'm not a nice person."
"I've noticed. Killing Albus Dumbledore was not on the top of my "Reasons-Why-Snape-Is-A-Kind-And-Polite-Person" list. Anyways, I'd love for you to stay and chat, Severus, but I really have to get back to what I'm doing. It stinks, you know. School. Back to hours of homework and less time to update."
"I don't care! I'm leaving!"
"Good."
"Fine!"
"Alrighty then."
Snape Apparated back into Vile Love Dorr.
"I hate her! I hate her!" he fumed.
"Who?" Lucius asked, folding his copy of Wizard's Weekly shut.
"Her! Avada Cruimperio? She's an evil, knieving bitch."
"I'd watch what I say about her, if I were you."
"Why should I? She can't hear me, that foul, twisted, horr-OW!" A heavy book had fallen out of the ceiling and hit him square on the head. "What's this?" He picked up the volume, and looked at the title. "Alge… Al-geh-bra. What's Al-geh-bra?" he asked.
"I think it's Muggle math."
""Stupid damn author, dropping her textbooks on hy head, she's so stu- OUCH! Those metal things hurt! What is it this time?" He grabbed the large blue five-subject spiral notebook. "Math Notebook."
"It probably goes with the Al-geh-bra thing," Lucius noted.
He opened up the textbook to see a large yellow sticky piece of paper on the inside:
I told you that this homework takes up a lot of my time, which means I've got a bunch of heavy books at my disposal. Be nice to me or they'll all end up shoved up your ass!
Selected reviewer responses:
The Cotton Candy Kisses: I made up that joke about a year ago, under the influence of sugar. My parents blush and pretend they don't know me whenever I say it out loud, so I'm glad I've shared the legacy to someone who get it.
FanFictionFantom: I'll review the next chapter of CoS.
Gemma: I'm an idiot who laughs at drunk people too, especially since I was as good as drunk when I wrote this, and laughing my ass off at myself…
LoonyLuna58: I laughed so hard when I read your review about the dancing monkey, my mom wanted to know if I was dying or something.
jESSS: Your review kind of confused me.. did you have the Caps Lock on? Tsk, tsk.. you know how much we reprimand Harry for that. As for the length, I'm not planning on finishing it anytime soon. I don't want to be murdered by hoards of any fans, thank you very much.