A/N: OMG! 200 reviews! I love you all sooooooooooo much. Incidentally, these last chapters have been getting very few reviews. Come on, guys! Takes you like, 15 seconds to review. Take that 1/4 of a minute to tell me to keep up the good work, or something. I don't care if you just discovered this and don't want to go back and review each chapter: you don't have to. Just start with this one!
Selected reviewer responses:
ms. understood: Yeah, I live in a suburb of Chicago. Not saying which one, though, in case of freaky stalker people, lol.
Crush.Summer.Pink: Why doesn't Harry kill Voldemort/Voldy kill Harry? Simple. If Harry killed Voldy, my main character would be dead. If Voldy killed Harry, in addition to getting angry reviews from random people who love Harry, I wouldn't be able to make any more Caps Lock jokes. And we all love our Caps Lock jokes.
PadfootRoxMySox007: Grr. I am assuming you put a website in the review, but it is gone. Put it in your next review with spaces between each word, cuz I'd love to read your stories.
FanFictionFantom: I'm so glad that you liked that part! My friend helps me think of ideas a lot, and I was on the phone with her, re-reading my reviews (cuz I'm a vain loser) and she goes "If it weren't for me, you'd have like, no reviews," and I read your review out loud and went "Yeah? Well, I wrote that part all by myself!" Also, I'm going to start begging you to write chapter 1 of your Book 3 parody here:. Write it! I command you!
AinoMinako: NOOOOOO! MARY SUE:sobs: Any suggestions on how to parody a Mary Sue?
Red Bess Rackham: I was so happy you liked that part! As I told FanFictionFantom, my friend was bragging about how she comes up with the only stuff people like in my story, and I read her your review and was like, "Yeah? Did you write that one? Didn't think so!"
XPussyWillowKittensx: Glad you liked my story! Draco is such a cool happy person, though. He's a lot better than Slash!Draco or Suicide!Draco or :shudder: Cliché Romantic!Draco. Those all frighten me so…
Also, just thought I'd mention that this is the first chapter since they went on a road trip that is over 2000 words long.
BIG IMPORTANT MILSTONE FOR THIS STORY: Not only do we have 212 reviews, BUT: Making Friendship Bracelets For The Death Eaters is officially the #2 most reviewed Death Eater comedy in all of topped only by Once Upon A Freakin' Time by Evadne (which is an amazing story). How cool is that! I'm so happy!
The formatting for part of this is different than usual. The underlined stuff is the questions the police ask, the xox means that a new person is answering.
ALSO IMPORTANT NOTE: A super good friend of mine, Alex, also known as Paroxysmal Lupine, is starting a new Harry Potter story. It's very funny, and I not only beta'd it, I'm a character in it! Basically, the Death Eaters kidnap her, and she wreaks havoc on them as I go nuts looking for her. And… I am coffee-less. Egads! This chapter also features a cameo from Alex.
Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter nor McDonald's.
The Death Eaters Get Arrested By The Muggle Police
"You know," Snape noted. "It's been a while since Avada showed up."
Voldemort shushed him. "Shh! You'll jinx it!"
"Actually," Draco piped in, "she's still in Harry-Potter-Land. She's sulking with Hermione."
"What're they doing that for?" Bellatrix asked.
Blaise sniggered. "They've both been dumped by boyfriends who turned out to be gay."
Draco turned bright red, but was saved from further embarrassment thanks to the phone ringing.
"Hello, Death Eater Headquarters, Draco speaking, can I help you?"
"You bloody well can!" a voice shouted so loud Draco jumped and held the phone six feet away from his ear.
"Avada has been missing for the last four days and I know you've got her. Whenever she disappears, she's torturing you guys. But I need her! She's in my story, too, you know, and she can't be there and here at the same time! And, her parents are starting to ask questions. They think I've trapped her in bloody Death-Eater-Land, and-"
Draco cut Avada's insane friend off.
"We don't have her."
Silence.
"Hello?"
"Do you know where she is?"
"She's, uh, with Hermione."
"Granger! That bloody witch! I'll kill her!" The line went dead.
Draco stared in shock at the phone, which was now spurting messages such as "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator."
"Who was that?" Voldemort asked.
"Er…telemarketer."
Lucius bounded into the living room. "Oh my goodness, guess what?"
"I couldn't imagine," Snape said dryly.
"We're going to McDonalds!"
"Ew, sautéed lard." Bellatrix shuddered in disgust.
"No! Fried lard." Lucius corrected.
"How would you know?" Bellatrix stuck her nose in the air.
"'Cause I work there."
"No. Way."
"You know what that means!" Lucius grinned.
"MCDONALDS PARTY!"
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Voldemort led the Death Eaters into the fast food restaurant and up to the register where Lucius was working.
"Welcome to McDonal-oh. It's you."
"Hey Lucius!" Voldemort whispered loudly. "Think you can score us some free grub?"
Lucius looked appalled. "Could you have said that any louder?"
"HEY LUCIUS-"
"Shut up! You want to get me fired?"
"Welllll? Can you?"
"Fine," Lucius grumbled. "Just wait til the fry alarm goes off."
Beep. Beep.
Lucius eyed his co-workers, who were busy taking a bath in the fry grease, and hastily grabbed up a bunch of fries and a handful of hamburgers.
"There! Take your food and leave."
"Geez, chill out. We're just taking some burgers. It's not like it's a criminal offense or anything."
Clang. The door opened, and in strode two Muggle police officers.
"Tom Riddle and Company?"
"That's us!"
"I have a warrant for your arrest. Apparently you've stolen some meat from this restaurant. That's a criminal offense. Get over here."
The men slapped handcuffs on each of the confused Death Eaters. "You have the right to remain silent-"
"Well, what if I want to talk?" Rodolphus asked.
The policeman rolled his eyes. "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law-"
"Well, what about this- SCREW YOU, BITCHES!"
"You have the right to consult a lawyer-"
"Well, I don't want a lawyer!"
"RODOLPHUS! SHUT UP!" the Death Eaters screamed in unison.
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The policeman sat them all down for questioning, individually asking them all the same questions…
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What was your purpose at this McDonald's restaurant?
"What was your purpose at this McDonald's restaurant?" Rodolphus shot back.
xox
"If you must know, I had to use the little girl's room. It was urgent." Wormtail sniffed.
xox
"My father will be hearing about this!" Draco shouted.
"Your father already knows about this, dummy."
"Yeah, well… your suit is ugly!"
The policeman looked up, eyes beginning to tear. "That… hurt."
xox
"I am the evil Lord Voldemort! Twahahahahahahaha!"
"Sir, please answer the question."
"Fine. You want to know why we were there? Why we were REALLY there?"
"Yes. The truth, please."
"The truth! You can't handle the truth!"
xox
"It's very obvious." Snape said slowly, as though explaining something to a small child. "We're in an organization dedicated to the stealing of fast food, and using the stolen hamburgers to blow up the world. You'll eat a burger and -poof!- there goes your intestines. Evil people, we are. Evil people."
Why did you attempt to steal the food?
"Why did you attempt to steal the food?"
xox
"I was really hungry, you know, and, um, I wanted a Big Mac, and- DEAR GOD PLEASE DON'T SHOOT ME!" Wormtail cowered under the desk
xox
"You know, I really don't think my father appreciates you interrogating me like this. We're rich, you know. Do either of you have a nail file I can use?" Draco tapped his foot. "Hello? Answer me? You, with the ugly suit! I asked you if you have a nail file!"
xox
"I AM EVIL! EVIL! DO YOU HEAR ME?"
"Yes sir, we understand, but that still doesn't explain why you stole the food."
"Because I am evil! Evil people do evil things! Bwahahahahahaha!"
The policeman jotted down a note on his pad of paper: Subject 4, pale with freaky red eyes, assign to rubber room, accompanied by straightjacket.
xox
"I've already told you! We need the burgers to create implosive devices that, when activated, blow up the organs of the person who ate it! God!"
Is there anything you have to say in your defense?
"Is there anything you have to say-"
"GOD DAMMIT IT, WILL YOU SHUT UP?" the policeman with the mustache howled.
"God dammit, will you shut up?"
"ARRRRGHHHH!"
xox
"Yes, um, I'm really sorry, and uh, I'll never do it again. It was a mistake! I swear! Please don't hurt me!"
xox
"Listen, my lawyer doesn't want me to say anything, but if you let us go free, you might just find that a thousand pounds has been donated to the Police Academy."
"That won't work, sir."
"You're right. I'm terribly sorry. I guess you don't want this." Draco casually exposed a check written out for five hundred pounds.
The policemen exchanged glances.
"IT'S MINE!"
"NO! I SAW IT FIRST!"
"Gentlemen, gentlemen… I can always write another…"
xox
"Yes. I have to say that- HOLY CRAP! A CROCODILE!" Voldemort screamed.
The men turned around. "Where?"
Nothing was there.
"Hey-wait. Where'd he go?"
The halls rang with echoes of maniacal laughter.
xox
"Yes. As soon as you let me go, I'm going to buy more hamburgers, hijack an airplane, and drop them all over New York City. "It's raining hamburgers!" they'll say. But when they eat them… they'll all die! Die!"
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Ten o'clock that night found four Death Eaters sharing a jail cell: Peter, who had wet his pants, Rodolphus, who was wearing a gag and sneering at the guard, Snape, who was officially on Britain's Top Ten Most Wanted Food Criminals list, and Voldemort, who was wearing a straightjacket.
They heard a very familiar voice coming from the main desk.
"Right. And you're positive they all can't leave until I post bail?" Draco asked the receptionist.
"Yes, sir. Until you post four thousand pounds, they'll stay there, awaiting trial."
Draco smirked. "Four thousand pounds? I don't believe I have that much. I guess they'll just have to stay there."
"BASTARD!" Voldemort screamed. "I SAW LUCIUS GIVE YOU MY CHECKBOOK THIS MORNING, YOU ARROGANT BRAT!"
Draco walked over to their cell, clucking his tongue. "Dear me, Voldemort, we shouldn't use that kind of language." He saw Voldemort reach for his wand, then slump when he realized the police had confiscated it. "Oh, they haven't given you your wand back? Really? I got mine back ages ago!"
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU-"
"Silencio.."
Voldemort soundlessly raged at the smirking teenager.
"Oh, dear me, it's midnight. I must be going. Hope you guys like bread and water- it's all you'll be getting for the next week!" Draco waved and Disapperated.
Voldemort pulled out a small tape recorder. "Note to self- When out of prison, work on wandless magic. Use to kill Draco."
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"Drakey, darling!" Narcissa cooed as her son appeared back at Malfoy Manor. "Mummy missed you! Darling, by any chance, do you know where Uncle Rodolphus is? Auntie Bella has bee going crazy with worry, dearest."
Draco smirked. "Haven't a clue."
A/N: Well? Did you like it? To convince you all to review, I have written another of my famous review scenes!
Draco: See, you're not going to get me to say that. It's self-incriminating.
Avada Cruimperio: I wouldn't exactly call it self-incriminating… but you're going to read it. Or else.
Draco: Or else what?
Dobby: Master Draco! Dobby has realized he is gay, and is in love with Master Draco! Mistress Avada has confirmed that the love is mutual. Master Draco, will you go out with Dobby?
Draco: All bloody right! I'll read it.
:Avada poofs Dobby away:
Draco: Ahem. When you review, it makes Avada happy. When she is happy, she writes more, also known as TORTURING US, THE EVIL BITCH!
Avada: Oh, Dobby!
Draco: I mean, I love it when she writes about us!
Avada: That's better.
Draco: So review, and you get faster and better updates! Makes everyone happy!
Avada: Amen to that.
Draco: Except me.
Avada: Dob-
Draco: Including me. I am happy when you review.
Avada: That's what I thought you said.