IMPORTANT! FOR ALL OF THOSE WHO READ LIFE WAS PERFECT, THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF HOGSMEADE, OR BOTH!
Okay, so a lot of you are going to hate me for this, but... I've decided to end 2 of my stories. Yes, that's right. Not one, but two. As anyone with brains can guess, I'm keeping this story. Which leaves Life Was Perfect and The Wonderful Wizard Of Hogsmeade for the garbage man. "Why, Avada?" you might ask. "Why are you doing this?" Well, there are quite a few reasons. Number one, they've become extremely difficult for me to write. And it shows. Number two, they get very few reviews. I know I'm spoiled by the 300+-review success of MFBFTDE, but I can't help it. I'm ending the suffering of the "fans". Instead of waiting months for updates, they never have to wait! And, well, since the start of the 3rd season of the OC, making LWP AU, it's been difficult for me to remember that those things didn't happen in my story. And as for TWWOH, well, it's really aggravating to have to keep constantly referring to the Wizard of Oz script. And, have you ever tried to write 3 stories at once? If you can do it successfully, congratulations. I can't. BUT holds up finger I am going to be starting a new story (which I'm going to talk about next chapter since this AN is too long already). "What!" you say. "Didn't you just say that you can't handle writing more than one story at a time?" Well, I can't. You're right. So if I decide to do my new story (sorry, OC fans, it's Harry Potter), (WHICH I haven't made my mind up about, I have to do some more thinking) it won't be updated as fast as MFBFTDE, which will also go a bit slower, but that's OK. Anyways, I'm really sorry about all of this!
Selected review responses:
To everyone who commented on my Potter Puppet Pals obsession: I finally got to see Bothering Snape. It rocks. By the way, do you all know about the hidden scene in Trouble at Hogwarts? If you don't, I'll tell you. It's hilarious.
Ridddikulus3000: A shorter way of saying it? MFBFTDE.
I am a banana: I keep meaning to ask my French teacher how to say marshmallows rock, but alas, I keep forgetting. So, tu es genial pour réexaminer! That must suffice… Oh, and guimauves sont tres delicious, oui, oui.
ciararocks: By all means, feel free to keep reviewing.
LOTZAstuffINmyhead: Wow, that was… interesting. Not exactly sure what the Melbourne Cup is, though…
FanFictionFantom: You know, when you do the next story, I'll review every chapter. COUGH I'll love you forever if you write it COUGH
Hieirulesall: One question? LOL, that's ok. I'm not sure what Snape did to the poor kid, though. He didn't kill him… but I doubt he was happy. I think Wormtail made it out alive… but his jeans will never be the same…
AinoMinako: 'Tis okay. Keep reading!
Random A/N: Anyone watch Reunion? I do… no one else I know does… must gossip with fellow fans…
Disclaimer: I own nothing. But I did get some ages of the characters from Wikipedia.
Voldemort Goes On A Blind DateVoldemort was not the type of guy that hung around the dating scene. Most dates he had been on within the last forty years had ended abruptly when he tried to look deeply into the woman's eyes. Apparently, having red pupils is a big turn-off.
So when Rodolphus said he could set him up on a blind date with someone, Voldemort wasn't too optimistic about the whole idea.
"Rodolphus, listen to me. I'm seventy-three years old, wear no other color but black, I used to sleep with a stuffed hippo, I've got red eyes, and, oh yes, I'M THE EVILEST MAN ON THE PLANET!"
"So?" Ro asked.
"So, who would want to date me?"
"Trust me. She's right around your age, you might have actually gone to school with her, now that I think about it-"
"Rodolphus, I am not going on a date with Moaning Myrtle."
"Don't worry, she's alive. You'll like her. You've got a lot in common."
So here he was, at 6:45 on a Saturday night, wearing a burgundy sweater and some very nice khaki pants, and wearing sunglasses to hide the evidence of evilness in his eyes. He sighed, and apparated about a block away from Chez Fudge, the newest hot-spot for the best food in the Wizarding World. The former Minister of Magic had, after being sacked, decided to go into the cuisine business and had become an instant success.
Voldemort did one last appearance check, folded a black handkerchief with his initials (TMR) scratched out in Magic Marker and replaced with LVTMKAVITW (Lord Voldemort, the most kick-ass villain in the world), courtesy of Rodolphus Lestrange.
He rounded the corner to meet his date and saw…
"Minnie?" he asked in astonishment, taking off his sunglasses in hopes that they were impairing his vision.
"Tom?" replied an equally astounded Minerva McGonagall.
McGonagall had immediately turned a bright shade of red, but whether it was from anger or embarrassment, he couldn't tell. He had noticed her blushing and giggling at the sight of him back in their Hogwarts days when he was a fifth year and she a sixth, but then again, he had murdered countless numbers of her friends, co-workers, and loved ones back in the day….
So, obviously it was from embarrassment.
"How's it going, Minnie?" he asked conversationally, holding open the restaurant door for her.
"Peachy keen," she muttered. "And please don't call me Minnie."
"Right then…" he said, the conversation dying.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Voldemort casually checked McGonagall out and was disappointed to see that much had changed since Hogwarts. He remembered her at sixteen, and, man, she had been hot. Now, the thought of pursuing anything further than a friendship with her was rather disturbing.
"McGonagall, party of two, your table is ready," the loudspeaker announced. Voldemort stood up and he and Minerva began to follow the host.
"Why did you put it under my name?" she hissed on the way.
"Because," he hissed back, "how do you think it would go for me if they shouted "LORD VOLDEMORT, party of two"? They wouldn't show us the table, they'd show me a team of Aurors and a jail cell in Azkaban."
"Oh."
The host coughed loudly.
"Sorry," they both mumbled.
"Beatrice will be your server tonight. She'll be by in a few minutes."
Voldemort sat down. McGonagall waited, tapped her foot.
He looked up from the menu. "The chair doesn't bite, you know."
She rolled her eyes. "Thanks for pulling it out for me!" she said huffily.
"But I didn't," Voldemort said confusedly.
She sighed loudly and sat down.
They both intently studied the menus for a while, until the waitress came by and took their orders.
With the menus gone, there was nothing to do, but… talk.
"So," Voldemort asked awkwardly. "How's… Hogwarts?"
"It would be a lot better if your Death Eater hadn't MURDERED THE HEADMASTER!" McGonagall screeched.
Everyone in the restaurant stared at her.
Voldemort pulled his robes up over his nose in hopes of not being recognized.
When the dining public's eyes had been averted, he lowered his robes. "Would you rather it had been Draco? Let's see, current student killing old Albus, or former student. Take your pick, Minnie."
"Don't call me Minnie."
Voldemort looked down and noticed the soup had arrived. "So, Minn-er, Professor," he began, not sure as to how to refer to her. "Have you ever thought about getting contacts?"
McGonagall shuddered as he loudly slurped his minestrone. "No."
"Well," he said, trying to rest his arm on the table- but in doing so, landing it on the edge of the bowl, and as a result…
"My dress!" gasped a soup-covered McGonagall. "This cost forty-three Galleons! I saved up for seven years to buy it!"
"And you woulda thunk that being Deputy Headmistress all these years had some salary perks," Voldemort muttered.
McGonagall glared at him and muttered some spell under her breath that cleaned the soup up.
They ate (or slurped) in silence for a while, and a few minutes later, when Voldemort had loudly pushed his empty bowl away from him, he started the conversation again.
"So, have you been in touch with anyone from our school days lately?" he asked.
"The only ones I knew are dead," she replied coldly.
Voldemort winced. Okay, bad subject. "You know, the funniest thing happened to me the other day while I was driving-"
"Tom," McGonagall interrupted. "I think that this has been sufficiently awkward and I suggest that we end it, now."
"That's so rude!" Voldemort said loudly. "You think I was happy about seeing you here? But I tried to make the best of it! And I didn't kill you!"
"I ought to kill you, you worthless piece of scum!" McGonagall shouted, standing up.
"I'd like to see you try, you filthy Mudblood lover!" he screamed.
"Your robes are ugly!" she screeched.
"Your hair is the frizziest piece of crap I've ever seen!" he yelled.
"Go die!"
"Yeah, well… I bet the reason you're so upset about Snape killing Dumbledore is because you liked him!" Voldemort improvised on the spot.
"How dare you!" she cried, grabbing her salad that had just been placed on the table and dumping it over his head.
Voldemort stood there in shock, covered in salad, tomato slices dripping into his eyes.
She grabbed her coat and stormed out of the building, stopping at the entrance to yell, "And you have to pay the bill, you atrocious cretin!"
Voldemort brushed some dressing out of his face. "I'm… going to be going now," he muttered, disapparating with a crack.
Rodolphus was sitting on the couch, reading Bellatrix's copy of Witch Weekly. He looked up guiltily.
"Why must you be in here, waiting for me to get back every time I go somewhere?" Voldemort asked crossly.
"Because I like to stay up late on weekends and read articles on the best way not to mess up my freshly straightened hair while sleeping- I mean, never mind. So how was the date?" Rodolphus asked, hastily changing the subject.
"You set me up on a date with Minerva McGonagall! I can't believe you!" Voldemort shouted.
Rodolphus looked confused. "I didn't set you up with her…"
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Olive Hornby stood at the entrance to Chez Fudge, impatiently tapping her foot. "He said he'd be here at seven!"
A/N: Review skit time! Starring Avada Cruimperio and… Crabbe and Goyle! Yay!
Avada Cruimperio: Have you ever noticed that I'm exceedingly amazing?
Crabbe: What does that big word starting with "x" mean?
Avada: … none of the words I just said started with an "x"…
Goyle: Yeah, they did. Exunerate… or something like that…
Avada: Exceedingly?
Crabbe: Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
Avada: Exceedingly begins with an "E", Vincent.
Crabbe: But… but it sounds like an "x"…
Goyle: Actually, Vincent, not all letters referring to the letter "x" are what they seem. Exceedingly was a good example of one case, where an "ex" sounds like it's just an "x". Another would be where the letter "x" sounds like a "z", as in the word xenophile, which means a love of foreign things, or, contradictorily, xenophobia, which is a fear or hatred of foreign people.
-Everyone stares-
Goyle: I mean… Duh, what's a letter?
Avada: That's what I thought you said.
Crabbe: … is anyone gonna tell me what the big word with the "x" in it means?