Chapter Two: Sue-icidal Thoughts

The walk to Rivendell was neither long nor strenuous. It was but a few miles over flat terrain, through sunlit forests filled with the singing of birds. It would have been quite beautiful and peaceful.

However, when Iendil decided to chime in (loudly), the birds fled to the skies. As would have Jo, if she could sprout wings on command. Iendil probably could, but her freakish Sue powers were beside the point.

After Jo threatened her with bodily harm if the music continued, Iendil stayed quiet for about .01 of a second. Oh, a new record! Then she began to regale Jo with tales of the harshness of her life back home. How all the boys in school loved her, and the girls were jealous and mean to her. After an hour of this, Jo was about five seconds from committing seppuku. But the odd pair suddenly cleared the trees around them and found themselves staring down into a valley. There, nestled in the trees, was the city of Rivendell.

Jo caught up her breath in her throat. Arda was truly a wonderful place overall, but if she had to choose one place to visit, it would be Imladris. Next to her, Iendil let out a squeal of glee and bounced up and down, clapping her hands together delightedly.

Only then did the full gravity of her situation hit Jo. She was in Middle-Earth…as a companion of a Mary Sue! The sacred canon that Sues seem to get grotesque enjoyment out of massacring was in danger, and she was the only one who could prevent this!

Well, it could also be prevented if the Elves on guard duty shot them as soon as they entered Rivendell, but Jo would really rather prefer to live. And as dark as times were, she seriously doubted that Elves would do anything of the like. And if they did, she always had Iendil for a shield.

Iendil took her hand to lead her into the city, and Jo winced. She was contaminated. Now she would start pining for hot males, lose half her IQ, and gain ridiculously and improbably beautiful features. They had not gone two feet into Imladris before a voice called out commandingly.

"Daro!"

Jo froze in her tracks, and tugged on Iendil's arm to stop her. "He told us to halt, moron."

"…I like knew that."

"Right."

"Man carel le?" came the voice again, "O man dôr túliel le?" The speaker revealed himself to be a tall Elf with golden blond hair and bright blue eyes. Jo guessed it was Glorfindel.

Jo was hard-pressed to recall the little Elvish she knew. She mentally berated herself for taking interest mainly in the insults. She couldn't very well tell The Glorfindel to 'go jump in Mount Doom'. She'd probably end up on the pointy end of a sword for that one. That would be pretty funny prank to pull on Iendil, though. She could see it now…

Jo: Hey, do you want to know how to profess your undying love for Glorfindel?

Iendil: Like, yeah!!!!1

Jo: (whispers in her ear)

Iendil: Hey, Glorfy! Labo vi Orodruin!!!

Glorfindel: (shoots her)

Jo: (laughs evilly)

Her thoughts were disturbed by Iendil maiming the Elvish language. Again.

"Sooieliadd. Ellen silvia amenn oh men the elbows!"

Glorfindel flinched backwards so violently that he nearly lost his balance and fell over. Jo put a hand over Iendil's mouth before she gave the Elf a coronary.

"Greetings, my lord." Jo said, bowing politely, one hand still covering her companion's mouth. "We have come seeking Imladris as a safe haven in the midst of our travels."

The Elf nodded. "And here you shall find one. But Lord Elrond requests a meeting with you, he had sensed your coming."

Jo wasn't really startled to find that she could both understand and speak Common Speech. Heck, she had just been deposited by an unknown force into a supposedly-fictional universe with Elves and orcs and flaming eyeballs. Stranger things have happened than her suddenly understanding a completely foreign language.

Glorfindel turned and began to walk towards one of the buildings. He beckoned them to follow.

Jo ignored Iendil squealing about how she would get to meet Elrond, and make funny Matrix jokes about him and his eyebrows. Jo, however, upon finally being introduced to Lord Elrond, had no intentions what so ever to EVER make fun of him. He was unbelievably intimidating, like how she pictured King Thranduil to be. But, that could have been because he was slightly suspicious of them and their strange manner of dress.

"Welcome to Imladris—"

"Mr. Anderson!" squealed Iendil suddenly, interrupting the Elf Lord in the middle of his sentence. If looks could kill, she would be dead two times over, since Jo was also quite indignant at her disrespect. And she was also a bit cranky. Because she realized that the way things were going, she would have one of two choices:

1. Go along with Iendil as she inevitably intrudes upon the Fellowship, and face many unknown dangers with a sickening Mary Sue, or…

2. NOT go on the mission of almost certain death (for her) and abandon the Fellowship and Arda to the horrors that a Sue can unleash.

Jo shifted restless as Iendil tried to seduce Elrond like she tried with Glorfindel. She had about as much success.

Which, for those who aren't sure, is absolutely none.

"What I am still unclear about," began Elrond, detaching Iendil from his arm like one who is swatting an annoying fly away (which is an insult to flies), "Is how you two young ladies came to be on a journey all by yourselves, so far from the settlements of Man, save Bree. What is your purpose for this traveling?" He arched and eyebrow and Iendil giggled. Jo discreetly sucker-punched her in the stomach. She knew Elrond saw, but the fact that he didn't say anything relieved her.

The thing she had been somewhat worried about was the effect that Iendil would have on the people in this world. Although Jo found her abominable, she was a female. Would the males end up simpering over her? But now it was clear, at least by Glorfindel and Elrond's examples, that this was not the case.

It certainly makes my job a lot easier if no one can stand her…Jo mused with a barely-concealed smirk.

Translations:

"What are you doing? What land do you come from?"

Thanks for all the awesome reviews!

CRC