A/N: An update!

And today is the one-year anniversary of my first chapter posting. Wow, I've been writing this for a year? It's surprising my brain hasn't turned to mush.

Happy Anniversary, Lord Voldemort!

"Goyle! For God's sake, do we have to go through this every time we have a party? You are seventeen years old, or something similar to that. 'Anniversary.' It's not that hard to spell. According to Avada's spell-check, she got it right the first time. Whydo I put you in charge of signage creation?" Voldemort slammed his checklist down on a table. "Dammit, at this rate, we are never going to be ready for the party. It's in an hour, people! Let's get moving!"

"No one even wants to have a party, so why are we?" Draco complained, lugging a package of balloons over by the buffet table.

"For the same reason we do anything: because Avada wants us to. Has she not drilled that into your head for the last three hundred and sixty-five days?"

"Well," Draco huffed, "I'm getting sick of it."

"As are we all," Voldemort muttered.

Snape strode into the room. "Must we throw an obnoxious shindig every time we have even the slightest occasion to celebrate?"

"Well, yes," said Voldemort. "That's what we do. It's our jobs."

"I always thought our jobs were to wreak havoc on innocent Muggles and/or Muggleborns, kill, torture, enslave, rob, steal, burgle, borrow without permission, and otherwise pilfer our weasly black guts out."

"Did someone say Weasley?" Draco asked. "Man, have you ever met Bill? He is like, the hottest thing with red hair."

Everyone rolled their eyes.

"Well," Voldemort continued, ignoring the youngest Malfoy, "that used to be our job. Man, I loved the seventies. But now, we're just kind of washouts. So, we work for Avada."

"Well, doesn't that just make my day," Snape muttered.
Voldemort turned his attention back to the party, and picked up his checklist. "Okay, well, we've got music, food, and decorations. I guess we're good. Everyone think Avada will approve?"

"Who cares?" asked Bellatrix.
"True," said Voldemort. "All right. The party's tonight. Everyone needs to be here at like, seven or something. I really don't care, but Avada probably will, and no one should incur her wrath tonight."

"Why?" Snape, who had much looked forward to just that, whined.

"Because we work for her."

"You know, I could always go back to the Order. Half of the world seems hell-bent on proving my innocence," Snape reminded the Dark Lord.

"My dear Severus, have you forgotten her leverage against you?" Voldemort asked.

"What leverage?"

Voldemort whispered one word: "Rainbow."

"Well, what are you standing around here for?" Snape screamed. "We have a party to perfect!"

Two hours later, the party was in full force, and the Death Eaters had prepared the setting as best as they could.

Most of the Dark Lord's minions were hanging out by the punch bowl, lapsed in a prolonged awkward silence that had been going on since Lucius had drunk ten cups of punch before realizing it was spiked, and had began to breakdance, crashed into a window, and was taken to St. Mungo's for cuts and alcohol poisoning.

Ro was now watching Peter throw up into a potted plant, when suddenly he noticed a girl across the way that wasn't Avada or Marissa.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked her suspiciously.

"Are you Ro?" she asked.

"That would be Mr. Lestrange."

Her eyes bugged. "WOW! It is you! Hi! I'm Hogwartsgirl52," she introduced herself, offering her hand.

He eyed her suspiciously. "That's a very unique name."

She rolled her eyes.

"So, um, what are you doing here?" he repeated.

"Well, if you must know, I'm crashing your party."

"You… can't do that," he said thickly.

"Well, I'm not really crashing it. I was invited."

"DRACO!" Rodolphus yelled. "Get over here."

"Actually-" she interjected.

Draco scurried over to his side. "Yes?"

"I told you not to invite anyone! We wanted as few as guests as possible, so the party would die early, and we could all go home."

"Well, I didn't invite her," Draco sniffed. "Honestly. Blame the gay guy for everything, why don't you? I always knew you were homophobic, but, honestly, Uncle Ro, this takes the cake. I'm deeply injured-"

"Oh, shut it," Ro snapped. "Lucius?"

Lucius wobbled over to him. "Hi, Mom!" he said, brightening at the sight of Rodolphus.

"It was-" she tried, but was cut off.

"No, it wasn't him, he's too drunk.

"Actually, Avada invited me," she said.

"I'm going to kill that godforsaken author!" he thundered.

"Oh, don't!" said a Greek girl to his right.

He turned. "Don't I know you?"

"Yeah, I'm Paroxysmal Lupine. Or Allie. You can pick," she said.

"You were a cheerleader at the dodgeball game."

She nodded.

"I wish I could have been there," a new voice sighed.

Rodolphus spun around to find another girl behind him.

"Banana?" she offered to him, holding one out.

"No," he said shortly.

"I'll take it," said Elfbrat18, accepting I am a Banana's proffered fruit,

"More of you?" Ro asked, desperately hoping Voldemort hadn't noticed the crowd of girls yet. "Why don't any boys read this story?"

"Boys read my story," said FanFictionFantom.

"I know you," Draco said. "You're the one that has to start her third Harry Potter parody."

"Speaking of not updating, where's Avada?" asked Sea4Shoes.

"She's not coming… is she?" Ro said.

"Oh, yes, I am," said Avada, who had just walked in the door.

Snape cursed.

"This is a really, really bad party," she said, walking around the room. "I wanted a band, a caterer, and professional decorations. Instead, I got Macnair on the piccolo, Wormtail's bundt cake, and a handmade sign by Goyle. Haven't you learned anything since Christmas?"

She looked up at his poster, which read "HAPPE 1 YEAR ANNEVIRSAREE 4 MAKING FREINDSHEP BRASELETS 4 DA DETH EADERS".

"That is painful to look at," she declared. "You're wizards. Fix it." And with that, she sat down on the floor and crossed her arms.

"Actually, I really don't think they'll be fixing anything," said ciararocks, known to Avada as The Beta, or, more simply, Lauren.

She turned. "Ah! Lauren! Glad you could make it!"

"I had to, didn't I?"

"Aw, that's so nice," Avada said.

"No, really. I have to shut you down."

Avada jumped up. "What?"

"This is a terrible plot. You can't just bring everyone who's ever reviewed your story into a chapter! That's practically breaking the laws of fiction."

Avada looked at the crowd. "I certainly hope that's not everyone who's ever reviewed my story."

"As a beta, and as a reader, it is my personal and professional duty to threaten you with bodily harm, should you post this chapter," Lauren continued, ignoring the author.

"But I like it," Avada protested.

"Yeah, well, you also liked Chapter 9, and we know what a success that one was," Lauren said dryly.

Avada scowled. "I can't be perfect all of the time, okay? No one can."

"I beg to differ," said Draco.

"As do I," agreed his father.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Draco, you're not as special as you may think."

Every female in the room except Bellatrix immediately shot him a look that clearly intended to convey a long and painful death.

"Draco is amazing," Avada corrected him.

"People love me," Draco agreed. "Everyone wants to touch my hair."

"Right," said Lucius. "Would anyone here care to touch Snape's locks?"

Everyone inadvertently took a step backwards.

"I thought so," said Lucius.

Lauren cleared her throat. "Right. Can we get back to me vetoing your chapter?"

"I'll make you a deal," Avada declared. "Let me post the chapter, and you can raid the Malfoy Mansion."

"Agreed," Lauren said quickly.

The reviewers glared at Avada ominously.

"As can all of you," she continued hurriedly.

"When?" asked CrystalButterfly.

"Now," Avada decided.

The reviewers stampeded out the door, Avada at their tails. "You don't know how to get there!" she called.

Voldemort stared at the fangirl-free space. "Finally."

"I had fun," Draco said defensively.

"Well, hooray for you," Snape said sarcastically.

"I've made a decision," Voldemort said. "We're not going to try to kill Potter anymore. Our new goal is to shut down Avada."

"I think you'll have better luck with Scarhead," Draco said.

"Actually, I really don't think you will," Rodolphus said. "Didn't you listen to what she said before the beta showed up?"

"You think I listen to her, ever?" Voldemort asked.

"She said that she was done appearing in our story, she figured that the reviewers would kill her if she made another self-insertion appearance."

Voldemort danced a jig. "LORD VOLDEMORT TRIUMPHS YET AGAIN!"

"So, when do we start the hunt for Harry?" asked Lucius.

"Tomorrow," Voldemort said. "Tonight, the party's over."

"Aw," said Lucius dejectedly.

"Cheer up," said Draco. "There'll be another anniversary party next year."

Voldemort fainted.

And… review skit.

DRACO: I decided that everyone is getting anniversary presents.

LUCIUS: COOL!

DRACO: For you, Dad, here's that new Well-Groomed Wizard conditioner you've been wanting. Aunt Bella, you can have this poison I found in my desk. Uncle Ro… you can share with Aunt Bella. Wormtail… hmm, you can have this birdhouse.

SNAPE: -cough-

DRACO: Snape, you can have one of my extra murses.

SNAPE: Murses?

DRACO: Murses. Plural of murse.

SNAPE: But what, pray tell, is a murse?

DRACO: It's a portmanteau.

LUCIUS: You got him a guy that works on a dock?

DRACO: No. A portmanteau is a combination of two words.

SNAPE: Well, I know that. But what is a murse a portmanteau of?

DRACO: Man, and purse.

SNAPE: So, you got me a handbag.

DRACO: Yes.

SNAPE: A woman's handbag.

DRACO: No, that's why it's called a murse.

SNAPE: Can you kill people with it?

DRACO: Well, you could stick it over their head until they die of suffocation, I suppose.

SNAPE: Oh, good. –eyetwinkle-

DRACO: Oh, crap.

If you review, I promise I won't let Snape suffocate Draco.

I love you all.

And much much thanks to those of you who entered the contest. I love y'all.