Happiness and Pain
"The Second Battle"
By Nessie
He is discouraged by the fact that too many people, dead and alive, burden him with their dependence and don't feel any remorse. Rukia says it's because those people believe in him. Ichigo thinks it's because they are too afraid not to.
But damned if he's allowed to be afraid. He has to be strong, always, even Zangetsu agrees with that. And then come the people who say to be strong he must also learn to accept defeat and be weak, but defeat has never been an option in his line of…he hesitates to call it work. Position, perhaps. Work is done to derive a sense of satisfaction. Rescuing those needing rescued is something he has no choice in.
Intimidation is taboo. Losing is crueler than the most heartless bully, and when he does it rips him up and leaves him bleeding, burning to do it again so he can do better.
Then again…when the moment comes, and he does do better, Ichigo remembers that the grief of the first battle can always be forgotten in the elation of the second.
That is why he prefers the bully over the sympathizer. The bully, at least, isn't afraid to expect nothing from him.