Chapter Seven: We Have a Plan…But Not a Good One

Jo was roused very early the next morning to eat breakfast with the Council Members before they shut themselves in the terrace to talk. Jo was planning to enjoy a peaceful day, wandering around Imladris while Iendil made a fool of herself trying to impress the Council.

It seemed that Iendil had other plans. After being directed out of Arwen's chair for the fiftieth time by a slightly annoyed Erestor, she beamed idiotically at Elrond. "So like Elronny!!! Your gonna let me and Jo go to like the counsulate thingy, right?" She gave him her best Bambi eyes. And considering her eyes were already freakishly large, that was quite a sight.

Elrond looked like he wanted nothing more than to tell Iendil to shove it, but his Noble Elf Lord Manners prevented him from doing so. His teeth audibly grinding, he forced out a polite sentence. "Why, of course, milady."

Iendil grinned "beautifully" and latched on to Jo's arm. "Like did you hear that Jo!!! Elrond just like totally invited us to the Consulate!!"

Jo resisted the urge to beat her head against the table. Barely. "I do believe that I will have to respectfully decline, I—" she never finished her sentence, because Iendil began to whine and protest that she "like totally just HAD to go!"

Jo rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine." Just to shut you up, she added to herself.

Iendil bounced up from the table, adjusting her dress to show more cleavage. Jo shuddered. "I'm like gonna go get ready!!!1" Iendil cast a longing look at Aragorn—who choked on his drink—and then passed Legolas, running her hand lightly over his shoulder as she walked by. Now it was Legolas's turn to shudder.

As soon as Iendil flounced out of the dining hall in her ridiculous amount of multicolored skirts, there was a simultaneous sigh from everyone in the room. Elrond—ELROND—actually put his head down on the table, nearly upsetting his bowl. "My Council shall be ruined…" he groaned.

"Hey, I'll try to keep a leash and muzzle on her." Jo offered. All present blinked at her, not comprehending what she meant, so she made a fist and made a punching motion. Elladan and Elrohir grinned, remembering when she punched out Iendil several days ago. "But, anyway! We still need a plan."

"Indeed," sighed Glorfindel, furrowing his brow.

"Well, I figure it's like this—Aragorn is out of harm's way for now. Maybe if Arwen has a…word…with Iendil, that could, you know, 'reinforce' that too…But Legolas…You're on your own. You're just too pretty for your own good."

"My thanks, milady," the Elf responded dryly.

Elrond suddenly lifted his head. "I have an idea," he said, looking thoughtful. "If Iendil does not bother Aragorn because he is betrothed, perhaps…Lady Jo, perhaps you could pretend to be the Legolas's betrothed?"

Jo looked like a deer in headlights. "Oh, hell no! First of all, do you really think that would stop her for long?! She isn't exactly terrified of me! Two, are you trying to make me like her? You're creating a monster!!"

Elladan blinked at her. "What on Arda do you mean?"

"Oh, I can see it now! I mean, Fate has already proved that it has a personal vendetta against me, why not have some more fun?! It would start off as the mock-betrothal, but then—hey, what do you know, they're falling in love! Then I'm as bad as she is!"

Legolas looked greatly amused at this and Jo blushed, regretting what she had said. "Do you really find me that appealing?"

"No! Well…NO! Kiss my ass, Elf Boy!"

"Tsk tsk, language, melamin. I can't gradually fall in love with a girl that uses such bad language."

Ok, I'll play your game Fabio. "Well, you should learn to accept me for all my faults, Leggie," he winced at his pet name that was lovingly bestowed by Iendil. "And I'll let the fact go that my 'husband' is prettier and girlier than I am."

The table broke into laughter at the affronted look on Legolas's face.

"So, any other bright ideas?"

"I think we should stick with Ada's plan for now, until anyone thinks of anything else." Elrohir stated. Jo felt another blush coming on, but her inner purist beat back her inner fangirl with a two by four, and all was well again.

"Fine. But if she kills me in my sleep out of jealously, let the guilt hang on your heads!" Jo conceded. "And if I start getting weird, the plan is OFF!"

Jo stood beside Iendil just outside the terrace where the Council was to take place. She steeled herself for lots of idiocy on her companion's part, and hoped she could make it through without wringing Iendil's perfect neck.

Not that Legolas (or anyone, for that matter) would mind…

The one good thing about this whole movie-verse thing is that the Council will be shorter…Jo sighed.

Legolas skirted by them silently, avoiding being noticed by Iendil. That wouldn't really last, considering he had a part to play in the Council. And that they sat in a circle, and as dumb as Iendil was, she was definitely going to see him. Eventually.

Taking a deep breath, Jo walked out to the chairs and took a seat far to the side. She didn't want to interfere or be anywhere near Gandalf when he started spouting Black Speech. Unfortunately for her, Iendil wanted to sit right by Legolas, and dragged Jo with her. That was how she found herself sandwiched between an overly-caffeinated Mary Sue and an very pissed-off Dwarf.

It didn't improve the Dwarf's mood any when Iendil had insisted on dragging an extra chair over, ordering him to move so she could sit next to 'Leggie.' Jo turned to him and whispered, "I'm sorry for her behavior." I lowered my voice even more. "She's crazy."

He looked up at me and grinned. Have I mentioned I love Dwarves? Iendil would probably have a heart attack if I told her that. Hmmm…note to self…

"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle-Earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate--this one doom." Elrond began dramatically, gaining the rapt attention of everyone present. Except Iendil. She was busy trying to wiggle onto Legolas's lap discreetly. Jo jammed her foot down on the Sue's gown so that she was pulled back into her chair.

Elrond shot her the tiniest of grateful looks and continued. "Bring forth the Ring, Frodo."

The rest of the Council was a blur to Jo. She had to quietly intervene multiple times to prevent Iendil from disrupting. Her luck ran out when the Fellowship was forming, however.

"If by my life, or death, I can protect, I will. You have my sword."

"And my bow."

"And my ax."

"You carry the fates of us all little one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done."

"Hey! Mr. Frodo is not goin' anywhere without me!"

And so on. Jo was just enjoying watching fictional history being made, so she wasn't prepared for what happened after Merry and Pippin pledged themselves into the Fellowship as well.

Suddenly, she felt Iendil seize her wrist with surprising strength. Must be her freaky Sue powers, Jo guessed as she struggled against the grip.

Iendil took no notice, and dragged her forward. "We like would also like to join like the Fellowship."

Elrond looked shocked. The Fellowship looked shocked. The bystanders looked shocked. Legolas looked ill. Jo looked like she was going to commit homicide.

"WHAT??!!!" she shrieked like a harpy, making birds fly from the trees at the noise.

"You like haaaaave to come!!!1"

"I DON'T &$# THINK SO!"

"Pleeeeeeeeeaaaase?"

"Do you have a death wish, woman?"

"Like no, what does that have to do with this?"

"GAH!"

Not paying attention to Jo going insane, Iendil skipped off to start packing, leaving a very stunned council in her wake. She turned and questioned over her shoulder, "Like hey! What's the weather like in Mordor? Is it like hot? Should I bring like my bikini?"

"You do that…" Elrond replied weakly, not knowing what a bikini was, and not wanting to ever find out.

TBC….