A Parental Guide

By Miss Willow

A.k.a

XXxFluffy-Pink-Socks

A/N: I'm really glad that people haven't stopped reading my story since I decided to re-write and I'm overjoyed because I've actually gained reviewers and story alerters as well. OK, so in his review for last chapter, Logan asked if I was going to do an explanation. I think he was referring to why Hogwarts is participating in this project… if he wasn't, well, I'll explain it to you anyway because I've already had to explain to my beta…

Why have the ministry decided to start this project?

The ministry have started this project in a hope that by teaching students the values of marriage and the mistakes they can make and the high divorce rate in the wizarding world will decrease.

Why has Dumbledore let Hogwarts do this project?

You know, Dumbledore… he's always up for trying something new, especially something as amusing as this.

Why is it that only a few people in Hogwarts are taking part?

Because the ministry are only trying it out--nothing's official. (Yet.) If the project works for these students then the ministry will make it a compulsory lesson in all magical schools.

Hope that explains a few things. Anyway, thanks to all of my reviewers! Now on with the 3rd chapter…

-x-

I had long ago abandoned thoroughly reading through the rules, something I had done in a half protest at having to share dormitories with your partner. Boys and girls weren't allowed to share dormitories in the towers and for obvious reasons, so why did that rule only apply to the rest of Hogwarts and not us? It was ridiculous! For all that the teachers knew, I could be going back to my dormitory to have a major shag session with Sirius… of course, I'm not, I mean, please, I've just eaten… but I could and they wouldn't know about it. Surely they have a responsibility to delay teenage pregnancies, at least until we've left school anyway.

We found our new common room without too much difficulty (by not much, I mean it took us over half an hour to find it after Sirius 'accidentally' lost the directions and watched me in amusement as I screeched at him like a banshee) and after saying the password, Fiddlesticks, to the portrait of the Lord that guarded our common room, we were finally in our new common room.

"It's not… that bad," I managed to say, looking around and trying my hardest not to wince. It was nowhere near as nice as the Gryffindor Common Room; the carpet was a dull grey colour, the chairs were wooden and looked very uncomfortable and the only paintings on the walls were of raging cupids. "I s'pose these are the conditions that most newly weds find themselves in."

"C'mon, our dormitory's this way," Sirius said. He'd been looking around the room with disgust. He led the way up the staircase and pushed open the door of our dormitory. It was tiny. Two plain single beds, covered in paper-thin quilts had managed to be crammed into the room. But apart from them and a small mirror that hung on the wall that was all that our supposedly romantic master bedroom consisted of.

I sighed to myself. I bent down and began to push my bed over to the opposite side of the room from Sirius'.

"Erm what are you doing?" he said, once again sounding amused. Damn him! Wasn't it obvious?

"Isn't it obvious?" I voiced my thoughts, rolling my eyes at him, "That is your side of the room-" I jabbed my finger at him, "-this is my side of the room."

"But the door's on your side of the room…" Sirius declared, frowning at me.

"Tough luck," I muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.

"Fine," Sirius snapped, angrily. He pulled his bed further into his side of the room and then, to my utmost horror, took the mirror down from the wall.

"What are you doing?" He ignored me and instead hung the mirror in a place that was undoubtedly on his side of the room. "Does that look straight to you?" he asked, mock-thoughtfully, stepping back and looking at me with an expression that, if he wasn't such an arse and I didn't dislike him so much, would have made my heart skip a beat.

"No, it doesn't!" I said sulkily, folding my arms in a huffy way. I turned away from him to face my wall. I refused to look at him and his stupid smug smile for even a second longer. Honestly, he was so immature… "GIVE ME THAT MIRROR!" I lunged at him, planning to rugby tackle him but he was too quick and I ended up in a collapsed heap on the floor.

"Ok, ok…" I reasoned, as I got to my feet, "You can… use the door if I can use the mirror."

"Hmm," Sirius pondered. I glanced upwards hopefully. "I'll have to think about that. Give me a day or so."

I shrugged, "Alright but until then you aren't allowed to use the door!" I smirked. Oh my god, what was happening to me?! I'd only spent about an hour in his presence and already I was smirking like him. I wiped the smirk off my face quickly and settled on casting him dark looks from across the dormitory. Stupid arse.

-x-

"I can't cope with it!" Lily stammered through her loud sobbing. She'd been crying for god knows how long now. She still hadn't come to terms with having to marry James Potter and because of that, I had turned now into Lily Evan's very own and personal Agony Aunt. I was actually quite good at my job… perhaps I had found a career that I could achieve without being super intelligent… Anyway, so my job as agony aunt to Lily consisted of listening to her ranting and raving about James on a 24/7 basis, only interrupting to agree that James was definitely an unbelievably large arse and also meant that I had to be equipped with a minimum of three boxes of tissues at all times during the day. I'd even taken to keeping a spare box under my pillow just in case Lily had one of her bad moments and decided to come up to my dormitory at an ungodly hour to talk about it.

This was something I was truly thankful for, as I preferred to keep my constant feud with Sirius and my consoling of Lily separate. Speaking of Sirius… he pisses me off more than my mum, my dad and Brendan put together, which is NOT a good thing. I think he enjoys winding me up… I bet he gets some sort-of pervy kick out of it… well, we all cope with the misery that our relationships cause in different ways, annoying the hell out of me is probably his. He's taken to pushing our beds together every time I leave the room and then falling into a state of hysterics when I explode with anger. He knows he's getting to me… but I won't give in, oh no, I refuse to give him the satisfaction… we'll see who wins this battle.

"I'm sure, you'll grow used to James-" It just slipped out! I hadn't meant to call him James (personally I couldn't care less what I called him but Lily was insistent) but already Lily had begun crying again.

"I'm going to have to break up with my boyfriend," Lily sniffed, taking my offered tissue. She blew her nose. "B-b-because I'm m-m-"

"Marrying?"

"Yes, that's the word. I'M MARRYING POTTER!" She wailed and clung to me. I patted her on the head in a comforting way and hoped to god that someone would come and save me before both Lily and I drowned from her uncontrollable crying.

As if in answer to my prayers, the portrait hole opened and in walked Sirius and Potter. I glared over at them. I wish I didn't have faith in god. "Is she ok?" James asked in concern. He looked worry and I felt quite sorry for him but couldn't help but feel a bit angry that he wasn't comforting Lily. After all, I was working 24 hours a day 7 days a week here and for crap pay! Correction: NO pay… well, Lily had given me Alice's secret stash of chocolate frogs in thank you for consoling her; true true, Alice had taken them back a day later but the sentiment was still the same.

"'Course she is! She just felt like crying into my shoulder for the hell of it!" I snapped back, still patting the inconsolable Lily on the back.

"Must be PMS…" I heard Sirius mutter what I suppose he thought to be helpful. Ooh big mistake. Lily removed her head from my robes, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"What did you just say?" She said in a deathly whisper. I smirked at Sirius over Lily's head. The two boys were already backing away, back out of the portrait hole.

"Erm… I've left my Potions essay in the library… want to come and fetch it with me, James?"

"Er, yeah, I mean, if that's ok with Lily-" Wrong thing to say, James, wrong thing to say. I grabbed a nearby cushion and covered my ears as all the built up rage Lily had been feeling for the past few days was released.

"OK! OK WITH ME! WHY WOULDN'T IT BE DEAR HUSBAND OF MINE? OR SHOULD I CALL YOU HUBBY? OR WOULD YOU PREFER I CALL YOU SOMETHING ELSE! I HAVE A NAME FOR MYSELF ACTUALLY! LIKE OH WIFE WHO I AM NOT WORTHY TO SERVE-"

"Actually that's my name!" I cut in helpfully.

"Oh," Lily said in surprise, turning to face me, "really?"

"Yep. We decided it yesterday."

"Damn. Now I have to think of another name."

"Don't worry, it will come to you… mine just came out of nowhere…"

"Any ideas for what I could call myself?"

"Does that mean you're not angry with me anymore?" James enquired timidly. Maybe Lily would have let him off, maybe they would have lived happily ever after, maybe they would have had a son and called him Harry and maybe I would have grown a cauliflower out of my arse and called it Bob… maybe… how ever, none of these things happened, because James made the mistake of taking one step too many toward Lily and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Would you like white lilies or my would-have-been close, personal, cauliflower friend Bob at your funeral?" I said sweetly. James had enough time to give me a look of clear belief of my incurable insanity before Lily let out a war like scream, grabbed her copy of Pride and Prejudice and chased James out of the common room. Sirius looked at me. I looked at Sirius. We were both in hysterics for the rest of the night. Married life is interesting to say the least.

-x-

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