A Parental Guide
By Miss Willow
A.k.a
xXxFluffy-Pink-Socks
A/N: Thank you to…Sarah's Scribbles, Madpoet08, wishfuldreams11, Maraudess, x0xjames-galx0x, SerenityRose016, Jill BioSkop, Cassie93, Xx-I-Love-The-World-xX and bookworm2011 for reviewing the 6th chapter of A Parental Guide. I love you all!
Thanks again to Xx-I-Love-The-World-xX and Sarah's Scribbles, my wonderful beta and my ideas person. (-Insert smiley face that does not work on fan fiction here-)
Oh and, before I forget, some people like to have an actress/singer/celebrity to help them picture what original characters look like in a fan fiction. If you want to keep your own vision of the characters or don't think the celebrities fit then that is fine. If you would like to see what I think Rosa looks like, remove the spaces within this link… (I shall post Brendan's picture next chapter)
Rosa: htt p://i mg221.images hack.u s/img221/6114/hproooosaxu7.jpg
htt p://i mg266.images hack.u s/img266/9485/hprooosalk1.jpg
(Signatures made by myself)
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Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back.
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl.
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back,
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl.
Stupid Girls by Pink
-x-
"We're off to see the Wizard! The Wonderful Wizard of Oz! We hear he is a Whiz of a Wiz if ever a Wiz there was! If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was, the Wizard of Oz is one because, because, because, because, because, beca-" Sirius clapped his hand over my mouth.
"Must you sing that song?" He asked irritably. My smirk remained concealed behind his hand. I had been annoying him since we'd left the Three Broomsticks by singing songs from the Wizard of Oz at the top of my voice. He'd never actually seen the film (unbelievable, I know!) but I had a feeling that he was beginning to realise how truly annoying the soundtrack could be.
"Yes," My reply came out muffled but Sirius seemed to realise he was fighting a hopeless cause and stopped covering my mouth. I smiled and began singing again. Sirius groaned and clapped his hands over his ears.
"You know, if you didn't shout every song at the top of your voice, you wouldn't be all too bad at singing!" Sirius shouted over my screams of Somewhere Over The Rainbow.
"Where's the fun in that?" I shouted back. I suddenly caught sight of something at the end of the road. "HONEYDUKES!" I grabbed Sirius by the hand and rushed over to the shop window. I gazed longingly at the fizzing whizzbees that were flying in the display… they all looked so good… Sirius was standing beside me with an expression that would most probably have resembled my own. Ooh, one of the sour apple whizzbee was approaching me… it was staring at me through the glass that separated us… it was taunting me… I could almost hear its anguished cries of 'Eat me, Roooosa! Eaaaaat me!'
"Let's go inside the shop, instead of standing outside," Sirius suggested, quite intelligently for him.
I took a step back, "No, sorry, I can't."
"Why not?"
"I'm on a diet," I muttered, scowling. Sirius bit his lip, obviously trying not to laugh.
"Erm, what did you say?"
"I'm-on-a-diet!" I said through gritted teeth. Sirius fell into a fit of laughter. "What is so funny?!"
"You! On a diet! C'mon, Rosa, I've seen you at the Gryffindor table… you have enough food on your plate in one sitting to feed an army of hippogriffs!" Sirius said through his laughter. I glowered at him.
"I do not!" Sirius gave me a disbelieving look, "Ok, maybe I do but… that was the old Rosa, now I'm the new and improved Rosa!"
"I'll believe that when I see it," Sirius said.
"Well, you're seeing it! I've decided to go on a diet because if I don't I will turn into a gigantic ball of lard!" I said with as much determination as I could, considering that my eyes had returned to the Honeydukes' window display.
"There's nothing wrong with being curvy…"
"What did you just say?!"
"I called you curvy-" Sirius paused, noticing my expression, and did some fast thinking, "I mean, you have a lovely figure…"
"You called me curvy!"
"I didn't! It was that man over there!"
"No, it wasn't! Why did you call me fat?"
"Oi! You! Man over there!"
"I'm NOT fat!"
"Why did you call Rosa fat? Don't you walk away! See, Rosa, he is probably ashamed of what he did and realises that he was wrong…"
"I'm not fat, I'm not, I'm sure I'm not, oh my god I AM fat, I am fat, Nooo, I am fat…" I murmured in a hurried, anxious whisper. I wouldn't be long before my head to start twitching or one of my eyes to start blinking three times as fast as it usually did.
"Rosa! I didn't say you were fat!" Sirius exclaimed angrily, watching my nervous muttering with exasperation.
"YOU said I was curvy!" I replied indignantly.
"What's wrong with being curvy?"
"Curvy is just a kind word for fat," I huffed, folding my arms over my stomach and turning away from the shop window. "I'm size 10 for god's sake! I can't believe I didn't realise how fat I am…"
"Size 10?" Sirius stated in disbelief, "That's not fat!"
"Easy for you to say!" I retorted, "All the girls you dated were size 6! No wonder everyone thinks I'm fat! They heard about the project and you could tell that they were all thinking the same thing, 'God, she's so fat compared to those girls that the great Sirius Black dated.'"
"Look, I give up, Rosa. You're not fat. I've told you that. I didn't say you were fat. I said curvy. But I'm going into Honeydukes and if you don't want to, then, well, it doesn't bother me." Sirius glared at me, before storming through the door and into the sweet shop. The door slammed behind him. I couldn't give up; I couldn't give into my sugar addiction; I couldn't buy some fizzing whizzbees and it was all my mother's bloody fault! I glared to myself, just thinking about her. First she embarrassed me in front of a packed pub, in which there were probably more than two dozen Hogwarts' students, then she tried to make a move on Sirius, someone whom she assumed to be my boyfriend, and then she decided it was only fair to point out how I seemed to be piling on the pounds and that perhaps I should stay away from cupcakes for the rest of my life. Mothers could sometimes be a right pain in the arse.
I gave up in the end. Standing outside the largest sweet shop for miles around had been killing me and I decided that I would just go in and see why Sirius was taking so long… but I lost control of myself; it was like someone else had gained control of me; and before I knew what was happening, I had bought a box of 12 packets of fizzing whizzbees, three ice mice and four jumbo sized chocolate frogs. I left the shop, accompanied by Sirius, who had bought twice as much as I had, not sure whether to grin sheepishly to myself or to be angry because Sirius always turned out to be right.
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"Task No.1: It is customary for newly weds to have other couples around for dinner parties and the such, so that they can discuss work, married life and plans for the future. Starting on Saturday, every couple shall take it in turns to host a dinner party. The first couple to do so will be Mr. Black and Miss. Willow." Lily finished reading the note aloud, folded it up and slid it back into the white envelope it had been delivered in. "Any questions?"
"I have one!" Sirius raised his hand. I rolled my eyes. If there was a person who couldn't understand a perfectly simple concept from the remaining couples, it was always Sirius.
"Yes?" Lily asked, annoyed.
"Why do me and Rosa have to go first?" Not a bad question…
"I… I don't know." Lily said, pulling the letter out of the envelope and re-reading it.
"Well, that's a first, "James muttered under his breath, causing a few of the other people in the room to chuckle appreciatively. Lily's head jerked up and she glared at James, who shrunk away like a scolded schoolboy. I laughed. Sirius and James glared at me. Lily glared at them. God, it was like an endless circle…
There were only six couples out of the remaining twelve left; Sirius and myself, Alice and Frank, James and Lily, (not a surprise as everyone knew Gryffindors were stubborn) Bellatrix and Lucius, Narcissa and Rodolphus (again not a surprise as everyone knew Slytherins would rather die than let the Gryffindors win) and finally Brendan and Mary. I know! You can imagine my shock when McGonagall announced that there would be two latecomers joining us, as the loss of seven couples had been far too many and the ministry needed an even number of couples doing the project.
Brendan and Mary were an odd couple: partly because my brother was indeed a cross-dresser and assumed to be gay but also because they were the only couple, where the husband and wife weren't in the same house. An additional couple added to our mayhem had been stressful at first but everything had returned to normal now. Mary had settled in fine and Brendan… well, once he had learned to stay out of the way of Sirius and the Slytherins and instead hang around with Lily, Alice, Mary and myself, also fitted in perfectly.
"Is there any more information? Like rules for the dinner parties or a criteria that each dinner party must fall under?" Mary asked a confused-looking Lily, who was still scanning the letter frantically for an explanation of why Hogwarts had chosen the order of the couples to do the task the way they had.
"Ahh, yes," Lily replied, relaxing immediately, "It says that the dinner must be cooked by the students themselves down in the kitchens, with no help what so ever from the house elves, who are only there to supervise and make sure that the couple does not start a fire and burn down the school."
Mary nodded slowly, while Sirius looked at me in horror. Dammit. I had been hoping he could cook, as I, myself, was hopeless at anything domestic-related. I could kiss goodbye to any such thoughts. Sirius must have realised that I also could not cook because he buried his face in his arms and muttered something about us being doomed to failure. He was probably right. We were doomed; great, another thing to add to the list of things that Sirius Black was right about. Damn him!
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Please R&R!