A Parental Guide

By Miss Willow

A.k.a

xXxFluffy-Pink-Socks

A/N: Thank you to… Cassie93, Indigo Meow, Sarah's Scribbles, wishfuldreams11, Nicoley1170-LadyBlueMartini and madpoet8 for reviewing the 7th chapter of A Parental Guide. I love you all!

Thanks to Xx-I-Love-The-World-xX and Sarah's Scribbles, for editing and helping me with the ideas and plot for this story.

Sorry. This is quite a short chapter again but please do review. The reason for the shortness this time is because my mother recently went into hospital and I'm staying at my grandmother's, where I have no access to a computer.

-x-

"Does Miss Rosa require anything else?" The house elf stared up at me with an almost reproachful look in its large brown eyes. I silently shook my head. She, I could only guess that it was a girl, pushed the food she'd been searching for for the past half hour into my hands, smiled and returned to her duties. I watched her walk away, puzzled. How the house elves could manage to… well, be house elves was something that I could never understand.

I shifted the ingredients in my arms so that the teacup handle was no longer jutting into my side and slowly made my way over to the waiting work surface. I dropped the food onto the table, clumsily, even for me, and winced as the eggs fell and smashed on the immaculate, white floor. If it had been in my mother's kitchen, I wouldn't still be standing; I'd be dead and buried, five feet under the rose bush in our front garden, alongside Flipper, our long ago deceased family gold fish. But the house elves… they just took it all in their stride and if anything, they were apologetic to me. "There's no need to say sorry," I said, but the house elves didn't take any notice. They were still babbling their 'so sorry, miss Rosa's when Sirius arrived a good five minutes later.

"Oh my god, you've brain-washed them." Sirius exclaimed in mock-horror. He watched the house elves running around me, chanting their sorrys like they were Hell Marys, with an amused expression.

"You're so hilarious," I said sarcastically. I picked up some of the ingredients and shoved them into his chest. "YOU can start preparing the mashed potato."

"Did you know that you're bossier than my mother?" I made an indignant sound and stomped back over to my work surface. I began to chop the green beans with vigour, narrowly missing my fingers, cursing Sirius Black and his stupid ways under my breath.

"What are we making?" He couldn't keep his mouth shut, even for a second, could he?

"Sunday dinner," I replied, giving him a 'you're-so-dumb' look.

"But it's a Saturday," Sirius retorted.

"Your point is?"

"Well, you can hardly cook a Sunday dinner-"

"I repeat: Your point is?"

"Surely it would have to be a Saturday dinner then…"

"FINE!" I snapped, flinging my arm in the air. I shrieked and only just had time to move my fingers out of the way, as the knife flew from my hand and lodged itself firmly in the wooden table. "It's a SATURDAY dinner, that will be remarkably similar to a Sunday dinner and therefore common sense would require that it keep the same name but nooo! Why should we listen to common sense when we can listen to the great Sirius Black? I'm so sorry, Sirius, I didn't realise that you were the one who decided what we were cooking. In fact, I seem to remember you forfeiting that chance by making another of your smart remarks about how women belong in the kitchen and that cooking and cleaning are the sole reasons for our existence!"

"OK! OK!" Sirius shouted over my angry babbling. He reached past me and pulled the knife out of the table. He glared at me but stayed standing next to me, as he read through the recipe.

"You have to boil the potatoes for 20 minutes. Then you have to peel them and mush them up." I explained, my finger following the lines with the instructions for cooking the potatoes.

"Mush?" I picked up the fork and mimed mushing the imaginary potatoes.

"Why don't we use packet mash potato?"

"Because packet mash potato tastes like cardboard and looks like plastic." I said through gritted teeth. "Look, I told you! You lost the right to question me when you made that clever remark of yours! Just take the new potatoes, fill a saucepan with water, start to boil them and don't set the school on fire! It's not like to requires any of your limited brain power!"

"This is coming from the girl, who's last attempt at cooking ended with two people spending the night in St. Mungos!" Sirius said, crossing his arms and smirking at me.

"That- It- Not- Who told you about that?!"

"I have my sources…"

"I'm going to kill Brendan! It was his fault, not mine! I was only 9!"

"And yet, for some strange reason, your mother hasn't let you near a cooker since," Sirius remarked, a smug look on his face. He turned away from me, still smirking, his eyes back on the recipe book. His hair fell into his face and he did that annoying thing that I've seen James do so many times… he ran his fingers through his hair. I shuddered.

"You turn into James-" Thank goodness Lily wasn't there, "-more and more everyday."

Sirius didn't seem sure how to take this but his pea-sized brain eventually seemed to take it as a compliment. He smiled at me. I growled. He insulted me so often and half of the time, I couldn't think of any strikingly brilliant comment to say back, and when I DID insult him, he either misinterpreted it or came up with an even better insult to throw back. Maybe his brain wasn't so small… after all, something had to fill that overly large head of his.

-x-

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D BE SO STUPID!" I screamed at Sirius. He swore at me. I pushed past him and shoved a saucepan under the cold water tap.

"Rosa," Sirius was shouting as he tried to control the flames that were threatening to engulf the oven. Black clouds of smoke were billowing in the air; coughs were racking through my body, as I held a hand to my streaming eyes. It was Sirius' turn to push past me. He turned the tap off, grabbed a tea towel and threw it over the flames. The flames died down so fast that I would have doubted there had ever been an accident in the kitchen if I hadn't witnessed it myself.

"Putting water on fire would only have made it worse, you know," Sirius said angrily. That was it.

"There wouldn't have BEEN a fire if you'd been paying attention to your cooking!" I said back, equally as angry. We glared at each other. "Look, there's no point in arguing. We should be thinking about what we're going to do about this dinner we're supposed to be hosting."

"Well, you can think about it by yourself…" Sirius announced, whipping off his apron and throwing it down on the counter.

"Excuse me?" My ears had to be deceiving me. I gawped at Sirius, as he brushed past me and headed straight for the door. "Where are you going?!" My voice had gone all high-pitched in the panic of being left in a kitchen with only the crazy house elves for company.

"You heard, Rosa. I'm going. Sort the dinner out yourself." He called back over his shoulder.

"You can't do this!" I shouted after him.

"I think I just have…"

"Sirius! Come back! Sirius! SIRIUS!" My shouts were unheard, as Sirius rounded the corner and disappeared totally from view. Oh god. What was I going to do!

-x-

Please R&R!