Sorry that this chapter has taken so long. In the past two days we've had a violent thunderstorm each evening, that lasted until about nine. And yesterday we lost power! I can't win.

Chapter 18: Gaping Chasms

Jo had just made the extremely scary dash over the teeny tiny bridge of Khazad-dum and was rather hoping none of the Company fell off it. Because she was pretty sure they'd be falling for several days. And after falling to the deepest places of the world, they'd apparently end up on top of a mountain. According to Gandalf, anyway.

Gandalf had tried to bring up the rear of the group. But Iendil, for her lack of brain cells, actually realized that if Gandalf was the last one across the bridge, he would get the JOY of fighting the Balrog. Because we all know how FUN that can be…

So she pushed GANDALF the ages old WIZARD in front of her, rather roughly. "Age like before beauty, Dalfy." Z

If there wasn't a giant fiery demon on their tail, it was a pretty certain thing that Iendil would have been a pile of ash right about then.

She made it to about halfway across the bridge. Gandalf turned around and prepared to scold her.

Iendil folded her arms across her chest and stuck out her lower lip. She suddenly looked like a very obnoxious four-year-old who was denied their favorite dessert. "Gandalf! I want to fight the Balrog!" And with that extremely messed-up sentence, she slammed her foot onto the bridge. A mega-temper-tantrum-stomp, if you will.

Under such a Mary Sue force, no material can withstand. The bridge of Khazad-dum crumbled in the middle, leaving Gandalf and Iendil standing on the piece that still remained jutting out from the safe side.

Looking triumphant, Iendil turned to face the Balrog, prepared to spurt some battle-taunt nonsense.

She was immediately knocked over the edge with one swipe of the Balrog's fiery hand.

Her screaming didn't start for a good five minutes, seeing as how she's pretty slow on the uptake and all. The Balrog had paused in it's battle as if waiting for the sound. Only once her ear-splitting screaming began did he advance again towards Gandalf. It probably would have been a good idea for Gandalf to attack the demon while he was waiting, but then again…Gandalf was too busy gloating.

Jo was practically turning cartwheels over on the other side as she watched the daytime drama happening on the bridge.

Gandalf's fall proceeded per usual according to canon, which was sad, but also a good thing. Since he comes back even more kick-ass. He had the sympathy of the entire Fellowship, though.

Not because he was falling to his death while locked in a momentous struggle with a large fiery demon. No, because he had to share the same gaping chasm as Iendil. Her screaming could still be heard as the remainder of the group dashed out of Moria and into the blinding sunlight, leaving Jo to assume that her estimation of how long it took to hit bottom was right. As the others stumbled around, either fighting off tears or succumbing to them, Jo plopped down and tried to remember how long it took for Iendil to come back to life last time. Because in case the wench did return, she wanted to be prepared and not caught off guard. But, for the life of her, Jo could not remember the time frame. She had spent most of it in a state of naïve bliss, unaware of what awaited only days later. She suppressed a shudder and hoped that falling into a chasm took longer to revive from than goring yourself with your own sword. At that happy thought, she couldn't help but smile: both were fates she wouldn't wish on her worst enemy…but Iendil was a Sue, and that was an exception.

"Get them up. By nightfall these hills will be swarming with orcs."

And now we're going to…Lothlorien. As the Quest progressed, Jo found it harder and harder to live by the books, as her memory of them got a tad bit foggier with each place they went to. She was more or less living each day as it came. Especially since what she knew of the time frame could be easily screwed up by Iendil's complete disregard for canon.

The journey to Lorien didn't take long, but Jo found it quite dizzying to walk in the bright sunlight after days underground. She spent the first part of the day's walk stumbling into boulders and stumps. Arriving at Lorien was well worth it, though. The first step into the woods is like entering another world. Even though that wasn't the first time she's done such a thing…

But this time she didn't have an aggravating Mary Sue to contend with. However temporarily.

"Yoo hoo!!!!1"

Jo let out a most foul curse in elvish that she had learned from the twins during her stay in Rivendell. Legolas and Aragorn looked quite amused, despite the greenish tinge of nausea that adorned their faces.

Iendil suddenly came swooping down from the sky with a pair of pure white wings protruding from her back. She landed lightly on the ground in the midst of the group, her numerous skirts swirling around her.

Since the entire group was quite used to all the weird crap that Iendil does, it took them several seconds before they all had one massive, simultaneous double-take at the feathery objects on her back.

"WHAAT the heck are those?!" Jo screeched.

Iendil giggled. "Well, like, it like turns out that while I was falling, I like forgot that since I'm like amazing I can like fly! So I did and followed u all like here. Yay!!!1"

"WHY, VALAR, WHY???"

The meeting with Galadriel was…painful. It involved uncomfortable silence among the Company, and Galadriel trying to keep her poise while Iendil made Bambi eyes at her husband. Celeborn either did not notice, or was wishing veeerry hard for the creepy girl to go away.
Then they were lead to the clearing where they would sleep at night. Iendil had wandered off, but no one was complaining. Well, perhaps the Elves of Lorien, but they haven't had to deal with her for half as long as the rest of the members of the Quest.

Jo flopped down on her blankets with a heavy sigh. "I thought we had earned a few day's respite from Her Annoyingness, but I guess not."

"The Valar have a nasty sense of humor," Aragorn mused.

"Why, they probably don't want her in the Halls of Mandos anymore than we want her here!" Legolas muttered, shaking his head.

"I can't say that I really blame them," added Pippin, making a face.

Their complaints were interrupted by the sight of Iendil entering the clearing, decked out in a crazy outfit, with flowers glue in random places. She was attached to Haldir's arm, much to his dislike. They could practically see the vein twitching in his temple from across the clearing.

"My dear like friends," Iendil cooed. "I would like like you to like meet my betrothed, Haldir."

Boromir fell off the log on which he was perched. Aragorn and Legolas looked dumbfounded. "Haldir, is this true?!"

"Tee hee, of course like it is!" Iendil answered for him. But behind her, Haldir was furiously shaking his head. "We have like been betrothed since like we were children, but then I was like transported to like Earth by an evil like witch and I forgot like all about him! But now I'm baaack."

Haldir shuddered violently, and Iendil dragged him off to do who KNOWS what.

Jo stood there gaping, and she wasn't alone.

"…I think perhaps we should go see Lady Galadriel." Frodo sighed.

Even as a powerful Elven Lady, Galadriel was not faring much better than the rest of them.

"That's a nasty twitch you've developed, Lady Galadriel..." Jo said, amused. "So you've noticed..." she responded dryly.

"Noticed? More like known from experience…She has that effect on people."

"I was fine with her and the poor Marchwarden--he could stand to perhaps settle down. But when she started going after my husband..."
"Oh no she didn't."

"Oh, indeed she did."

"Whatta ho."

"I do not understand your terminology, but if you are commenting on her impropriety, I agree most whole-heartedly."

"The question is…" began Aragorn, "What are we going to DO about it…"

TBC…