A Parental Guide
By xXxFluffy-Pink-Socks
a.k.a Miss Willow
A/N: Sorry for the slow update but my computer recently crashed and I may need a new one. If I don't need a new one, all the files will probably have to be wiped from the system, so, as I don't trust floppy disks and memory sticks are too powerful for my computer, I spent an hour or so writing this chapter out into my notebook last night. Now I'm typing it back up. Dedication, eh?
-x-
We walked down the corridor, hand in hand, like romantic couples do… except Sirius and myself would have to be doing this for the next 24 fricking hours and, believe me, there was NOTHING romantic about it whatsoever.
"You are such an idiot," I heard Sirius mutter, "Do you know why?"
"No, but I have a feeling you're going to tell me," I said, rolling my eyes.
"What sort-of person has a shower in the evening?" This stopped me in my tracks, causing Sirius to stumble into me. He cursed loudly.
"Err, try normal people?"
"Normal people have showers in the morning!"
"Don't be ridiculous, if everyone did that then they'd all be late for class…" I trailed off. Suddenly everything made sense. "Ah. You see, I just thought it was a coincidence that I was ready for first period while everyone else was still in bed but now I know the real reason. The epidemic that has been sweeping across Hogwarts; the craze of the morning showers!"
Sirius caught my eye and laughed. I turned away, hiding my own smile. "Fancy taking that shower then? After all, why be punished for something we didn't do?" I raised my eyebrows at this and all Sirius could do was wink at me. The cheek of some people, eh?
"Ooh, yes, I'm just dying to become one of your tarts!" I squealed, clapping my hands in mocking joy. Pur-lease! I wasn't a blonde bimbo! I was a brunette!
"Nahh, c'mon Willow, you know you are the only one for me…" Sirius cooed, fluttering (yes, FLUTTERING) his eyelashes at me.
"What about that broom cupboard girl?" I asked, not budging from my stance of maturity. I was cool. Cool as a cucumber. I've never for the life of me figured out why people say that. I mean it's such a ridiculous thing to say! Since when were cucumbers cool? Sure, they sat in a fridge for hours on end, which had to be pretty chilly, but why would anyone want to compare themselves to a cold vegetable?
"Well, I wasn't planning on doing her again but if you want her to join in too, then that's fine with me." Sirius said in a suffering tone, acting like he was some heroic survivor of a world war, like it was a torture to be having sex in a shower with two women at once. Yeah right, I knew how guys minds worked; ok, so my brother was gay but my parents were at it like bunnies day and night and I'd learnt a lot about my dad's (and every man's) twisted fantasies from my mother's step-by-step recall of their latest shag the morning after. Woman on woman action; the dream of every man alive, according to my mother, who had, apparently, experienced such a thing first hand (as if I wasn't already scarred for life).
"McGonagall won't know if we finish cleaning the astronomy tower a few hours late," Sirius tried to persuade me (didn't he realise he was fighting a losing battle?!) by draping an arm around my shoulders and pushing me against the wall behind us. He really knew how to treat a girl; that was for sure. Saying that there was a part of me that couldn't help but feel… tempted? Gahh! I know! I hated myself for it! But it was solely because he was the hottest guy in school and because any other girl in Hogwarts would have died to find herself in my position.
"We should get going," My throat unstuck itself and I was about to wipe my now clammy hands on my robes when I realised that Sirius' hand was currently stuck to mine and therefore he could already feel all the discomfort I was really. Shit. I determined that I would avoid all unnecessary eye contact with him from now on.
"What's your hurry?" Sirius asked, moving to block my way, "We have the entire night to do whatever we want, wherever we want, HOWEVER we want-"
"Ok, too much detail!" I cut in, one hand clamped over my ear, the other hand still entwined with Sirius'. I tried to block my remaining ear with the undiscovered psychic powers of my mind; unsurprisingly, it didn't work. Being pinned against a wall by one Sirius Black, wearing only a white towel, was nothing something I enjoyed. Really.
"You know you want to, Rosa."
"No, I don't!"
"Then why are you blushing?"
"It's… a… condition," I said lamely. I couldn't even lie under pressure! What the hell was wrong with me!
"You look pretty when you blush. You turn the exact shade of my Gryffindor tie." Sirius said and I would have believed his sincerity if it weren't for the smirk that was playing on his lips. If Sirius thought I would be flattered by this comment then he was most definitely wrong; I groaned, my blush deepening, and tried my hardest to blend in with the stonewall. I tried to ignore the fact that I could see his very muscular chest through his white shirt and instead worked on making sure that my legs didn't crumple beneath me. Sirius bit his lip and I held my breath, wincing as he stepped closer.
You won't believe what happened next; what that bastard, Sirius Black, did next. He laughed. Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, he laughed. "Oh Merlin! I can't believe you fell for that!" He exclaimed and that Satan given, triumphant, annoying smirk finally showed. "You actually thought I fancied you, didn't you?"
"… No."
"Ok, sure you didn't… but that was an absolute classic," Sirius said, straightening up, his body moving away from mine and I tried not to feel disappointed. He looked at me in an amused way and began to laugh again, leading me in the direction of the astronomy tower. All I could do was let out a strange, high-pitched note from my mouth, my attempt at laughing along with him, as I tried to ignore my heart pounding inside of my chest and my shaking legs.
-x-
"Oh my god, what are you doing here?" I gawped at my brother, who was standing in front of me wearing a fur jacket (ten times too small after been purposely shrunk in the wash), a black shirt with jeans and a white top that looked suspiciously like the one I'd bought from Diagon Alley the week before.
"I could ask you the same thing," Brendan exclaimed, taking in my state of undress with horror in his green eyes. It was then that he noticed who was standing behind me. "ROSA-MARIA!" Brendan shouted. Looking furious, he whipped off his jacket and attempted to cover me up. We exchanged looks, before looking down at the item of clothing that failed to cover even part of my chest. Brendan glared at me, like it was somehow my fault, and grabbed my arm, pulling me behind him. Of course, Sirius was forced to follow.
"WHY ARE YOU HOLDING HANDS?!" Brendan shouted again. The expression of pure horror returned.
"Because we're madly in love and have been shagging in your dormitory whenever you are out," Sirius said, keeping a straight face. I glared at him, as Brendan started gasping for breath, seemingly unable to breath properly after hearing such scarring words.
"Relax! It's our punishment," I explained, shooting Sirius another filthy look, "McGonagall has joined us at the hand until this time tomorrow. It's to teach us a lesson."
"ZOMG!"
"Bloody drag queen…" Sirius muttered a little too loudly.
"SIRIUS!"
"BITCH!"
"BRENDAN!"
"WHAT?! HE STARTED IT!"
"How did you manage to get detention anyway?" I asked, quickly changing the topic.
"Throw Peeves a dozen sickles and he'll do anything," Brendan replied coolly, examining his polished fingernails with a critical look.
"What? You got detention on PURPOSE?" I almost fainted. This information was too much for my usually sensible and rational mind to handle. How could someone actually want to get detention!
"Yeah but it's no biggy," My brother replied, shrugging casually, "I wouldn't have done it if it weren't for them lot." He jerked his thumb behind him and there was a sudden roar as three people jumped out of the shadows, nearly giving me a heart attack. I'm ashamed to admit that I did scream and, yes, I did hide behind Sirius, who didn't so much as blink at the sudden surprise. He looked pityingly at me, shook his head and dragged me over to the new arrivals.
"Remus!" Sirius greeted, grinning from ear to ear at the sight of one of his best friends. Remus Lupin- the only slightly sensible Marauder who had more than an ounce of common sense. Remus grinned back at him.
"Rosa!" I screamed (again) and turned around to face Mary with my face the colour of a beetroot.
Then there was Peter. Poor Peter. He was the only person who hadn't got a warm welcome and he was now standing by himself, hovering toward the back of the room, probably wishing he hadn't come out of the shadows. Mary must have been thinking along the same lines as I was. "PETER!" She suddenly screamed, throwing herself at Peter and flinging her arms around his shoulders. A confused Peter looked at me as if to say 'is she like this all the time?'. I grinned sheepishly in reply.
"So, what are you lot doing here?" I asked no-one in particular.
"Well, she-" Brendan started, pointing vaguely in the direction of Mary, "- realised that you had disappeared from your dormitory and then Lily came and told us that you and Sirius had got a detention and weren't going to be able to make the dinner party. Mary then tried to persuade me to go with her and look for you two and leave Lily and James with some 'alone time'. I didn't want to go because I had just started doing my pedicure and frankly I couldn't really be arsed but then Mary pointed out that Alice and Frank wouldn't be at the dinner party, so I'd be acting like a third wheel, and that without you two there'd be no dinner and, well, that did it for me." Brendan finished his speech, after spending most of it staring over at Peter and Mary with a look that I knew all too well.
"Oh. My. God." I gasped loudly.
"What? How can anything be shocking to you when you're wearing a towel?!" Brendan said snappily, eyeing my clothing (or lack of) with distaste once again. I rolled my eyes at this and pulled him further away from the group, dropping my voice to a whisper so that Sirius wouldn't be able to eavesdrop.
"You like Peter!"
"Ew! God No! You give me no credit!" Brendan shuddered in exaggeration, "No, I like Mary, not him!"
That was it. I had all the proof I needed to now prove that I was in an alternate universe. A universe where Brendan was a cross-dresser but NOT gay, where a teacher tied me to the hand of a hot guy as punishment and where my feelings for Sirius were increasingly worrying me. "WHAT!" I hissed back at him. If the worst came to the worst, I'd have to use physical violence to get him back to normal. "Brendan, you've got to be kidding. You wear women's clothes, for heaven's sake!"
"And? Your point is?"
"No girl in their right mind would date you; not when you like to dress up as Barbie and have more fashion sense than half the female population put together!"
"Mary doesn't mind. She finds my make-up and my clothes… how did she put? Alluring." Brendan announced, looking smugly at me.
"God, you're worse than Sirius." That wiped the smile off Brendan's face. Before he could demand to know what I meant by my last comment, Mary, god bless her, came to my rescue.
"I think we should all start our detention," Mary declared, over the top of everyone's conversations. Everyone agreed (grudgingly) and everyone was divided into pairs and assigned to one of the three walls of the astronomy tower. Unfortunately for me, that meant being stuck with Sirius. We were both joined at hand and unable to separate, so Mary, rather bossily taking chare, decided it would be easier if we just worked on the same wall.
The astronomy tower, being in the highest turret of the castle, is the coldest room in Hogwarts. Now, that combined with my wet hair, my lack of clothing and Sirius' purposeful splashes of water in my direction meant that I was almost one hundred percent positive that I was going to keel over and die from the cold within the next twenty minutes or so.
"This is hell," I complained, slumping against the wall and giving up all hope of survival.
"Hey, Rosa, I'm cold, mind lending me your towel?" Sirius asked, smirking suggestively. The look on my face must have said it all… either that or Sirius had caught sight of Brendan, who was cleaning the wall next to ours, and looked like a sabre-toothed tiger, ready to pounce on Sirius for even daring to be within a metre of me in a towel.
I wrung my sponge out and peered into our bucket, wrinkling my nose. The water had turned a murky brown colour and green bubbles were popping on the surface. "Should we really be cleaning the wall with dirty water?" I said, looking at Sirius, after giving the bucket another reproachful glance. Sirius frowned and also looked at the bucket.
"Looks fine to me," He replied. I decided it was best not to say anything, picked up my sponge and began the wall again, this time edged away from Sirius as far as my arm would let me without snapping in two.
-x-
Please R&R!
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