Chapter 1: Guilt
"How is she?" Fate asked the doctor in a worried tone, while looking at her dear childhood friend lying on a bed in one of the TSAB's medical rooms. "Her life is no longer at risk, if that's what you mean", the doctor answered while reading through his notes. "She won't, however, be waking for a while and considering the damage to her body, it is highly probable that she might never fully recover."
The doctor lifted his eyes from the notes, looking straight at Fate and Hayate, while saying this. Fate immediately turned pale upon hearing this and Hayate's face gained a pained look. "Is there nothing we can do?" Hayate's eyes pleaded the doctor, but he merely turned his head to avoid her gaze. "It's still too early to say..." He sighed and continued: "But the real problem here is that this whole incident was caused by the stress her body has accumulated over many years of reckless use of magic. In other words, her body could simply not keep up with the continuous stress. So when she tried using "Starlight Breaker", a spell that uses huge amounts of magical energy, her magic circulation system couldn't take it and went haywire causing the spell to backfire."
Both girls' faces darkened upon hearing this. "In the worst case scenario" continued the doctor, "she might never be able to walk, much less fly, again." This diagnosis made the two girls gulp loudly in shock. "But..." Fate started, "Flying is Nanoha's life!" Hayate continued. A looming silence enveloped the room.
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Vita quickly jumped up from the bench she had been sitting on, waiting, when the door to the medical room where Nanoha was currently being held opened. She rushed to Fate and Hayate, concern clearly showing in her eyes. "How is she? Is Nanoha going to be okay? She'll be okay, right? Right?!"
Fate and Hayate shared a pained look, but not wanting to worry Vita any more than necessary Hayate forced a brave smile on and said: "She'll be just fine. We all know how tough that girl is, don't we?" She gave Fate a meaningful glance. "Ah, yes, if it's Nanoha, then there's nothing to worry about. She wouldn't die from something like that."
Somehow, Vita knew they were just trying to comfort her, but she also wanted to believe that Nanoha would pull through, no matter what. And so she allowed herself to be dragged along by the other two, after taking but a quick peek into the room Nanoha was being held in. It was only a small peek, but even then it was almost enough to break her heart, seeing Nanoha in the condition she was in.
After lunch the three of them decided to rest in the lounge of the medical facility Nanoha was being treated at. No one word had been spoken during the lunch, and even now the atmosphere was far from relaxed. Suddenly, Vita started crying. "Sniff...It was...my fault...Sniff..." The other two were taken aback by her sudden breakdown. "Vita-chan, what are you saying? It wasn't your fault. You did all you could." "But...Sniff...I...I told her to do it. I...I never though something like this...Something like this...Waaaaah!"
Vita was now crying loudly, despite Hayate's best efforts to calm her down. It was turning into quite a scene, and people around the lounge were already giving them looks. Of course, it wasn't all that unusual to see people crying in the medical facility. After all, those that needed the special medical facility were more often than not in a life threatening condition, and not all lives could be saved, even with the advanced technology the TSAB possessed.
After a while Vita finally calmed down a little, but to avoid unneccesary commotion, Hayate thought it best to get Vita back to their quarters before she had a relapse. And since there was nothing the three of them could do for their dear friend at the moment even if they stayed, they left the facility for their own rooms in the personnel quarters.
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Later that night, Fate woke up from nightmare, tightly clutching the bedsheets with her hands, her whole body covered in sweat. She had had trouble falling asleep thinking of Nanoha, and the feelings of guilt she had been harboring since meeting Galder, the doctor in charge of Nanoha.
The doctor's words still rang on her ears, making her feel nauseous. "But the real problem here is, that this whole incident was caused by the stress her body has accumulated over many years of reckless use of magic" Fate tried to stop thinking, but the voice inside her head didn't go away. "You got her involved in all this. You! Because of you...Look at her now! You should be the one lying in that hospital bed, not her!
She tried to block her ears, but it was still there. She closed her eyes, only to find out that it made the voice even stronger. She couldn't rid herself of it, and what made it worse still was that Fate knew why. The reason it didn't leave her alone...was because she knew it was right. She had dragged Nanoha into this world, and now Nanoha was paying the price. The price of Fate's selfishness. "Oh god...I'm so sorry, Nanoha! So...sorry..." Tears trickled down her cheeks, but she didn't even notice them.
Unbeknownst to Fate, there was another person who couldn't sleep that night, also haunted by her feelings of guilt. After having seen the worn-out Vita to bed, Hayate had stayed up to work, but after few hours of no progress she finally gave up on work and went to bed. Only to find out she couldn't sleep.
She recalled the conversation with Nanoha's doctor, Galder, and his words: "In the worst case scenario, she might never be able to walk, much less fly, again." Hayate had known Nanoha for long enough to know she absolutely loved flying.
She recalled an occasion where she had been on a mission together with Fate and Nanoha, and after succesfully completing the mission they had spent some leisure time in the sky, enjoying the freedom to the bottom of their hearts. That day...Nanoha had looked so happy she was practically radiating. Hayate could still remember her smile from that time.
Normally, that memory would've made her smile no matter how much stress she was under, or how matter down she was feeling. This time, though, it brought tears to her eyes. For she knew it was her fault Nanoha had ended up like that. After all, the "Book of Darkness"-incident had forced Nanoha to push herself way behind her limits, all in order to save Hayate, her knights, and Earth, Nanoha's, as well as hers, home planet. Even if it hadn't been the only reason, and even Hayate in her guilt-consumed state realized it probably wasn't, there was no denying that the incident had had a major part to play in this tragedy.
That night Fate and Hayate were both unable to get any sleep from their guilt, and Vita, who had collapsed from physical and mental fatigue earlier, experienced that horrifying moment of Nanoha's fall, over and over again in her dreams. It was truly a night ruled by darkness. And that darkness would not simply vanish with the coming dawn.
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I sincerely apologize for anything that might seem a bit off. I was inspired to write this by StrikerS, and it's been a while since I watched A's so...
And if you do find such parts, feel free to inform me, and I'll see what I can do.
