Chapter Four

Teyla sat on one of Atlantis' many balconies, watching the sun sink lower and lower in the sky. She had come out here to find some peace of mind, but though she was alone, her mind was far from peaceful.

She could not stop thinking about what had happened earlier, in Colonel Carter's office. She had known that John had not entirely come to terms with her pregnancy, but she never would have expected him to lose his temper in front of his superior officer.

Colonel Carter had been very shocked by John's outburst, and Teyla had been left feeling incredibly guilty. John had taken her news hard.

Should she have told him? He was so angry, Teyla felt as though he was never going to look at her again, let alone talk to her.

Earlier, when he had come to find her at her quarters, she had believed that everything would be alright; that John had accepted her pregnancy and understood. But their meeting with Colonel Carter had proven that this was not the case.

After John had left her office Colonel Carter had asked her to elaborate on what John had said, and Teyla had told her the whole story. The Colonel had been full of understanding and sympathy, and Teyla had been grateful for her kindness. Colonel Carter had agreed to keep her pregnancy quiet, but had advised her to tell Rodney and Ronon, as she would soon have to cut back her mission load.

Teyla had agreed. She would tell Rodney and Ronon – she wanted to – but not until she had straightened things out with John.

Teyla sighed. It was early evening now, and she was hungry. It was only this time of day that her nausea dissipated enough for her to eat a substantial meal and she knew her body needed food now more than ever.

She got up and left the balcony.

Her way to the commissary took her past the gym, a place that Teyla had been trying to avoid since her trip to the future. But she was so lost in her thoughts that she let her feet carry her through the city from memory, and she soon found herself in the corridor outside the gym.

She paused when she realised where she was, staring at the door of the gym. Then, very slowly, she looked to her left.

She had stopped right in front of the door to the room the future John had taken her into.

Teyla hesitated, but curiosity got the better of her and she swiped her hand over the control crystal on the wall. The door to the room slid open, and Teyla stepped inside.

As she had thought, the room was being used for storage. It was full of empty crates, which had obviously been used to transport things from Earth on the Daedalus, and had been discarded and forgotten.

The door closed behind Teyla but as there were no curtains on the windows evening sunlight still poured through the glass, highlighting the dust floating on the air. Teyla stepped in further. There were four doors leading off the room, and Teyla opened each of them one by one. One led to a bathroom. The other three led to plain rooms, each of which had crates in them. The largest of the three rooms had a door that led to a small balcony.

Teyla walked over to one of the windows in the main room. The windows were set back in the walls like the one in the gym, and so had window seats. Teyla leant one knee on the window seat and wiped some of the dust on the window away. The view was beautiful – you could see the entire East Pier.

Teyla was sure that these rooms had been used as living quarters when the Ancestors had lived in the city, and it made her so sad to see it now, being used for nothing more than storage. Especially as she had seen how it could be in the future, and how much of a home it had become.

Teyla did not think such a thing could happen now.

"Um, hi, Teyla."

Teyla's head snapped round so fast she almost broke her neck. John was standing in the open doorway, looking so tense she thought he was liable to snap at any moment.

"I, er, I was looking for you in the gym, and I saw the crystals were lit up for this room," he said, stepping into the room. The doors slid shut behind him.

"What are you doing in here?" He asked.

Teyla swallowed. "Exploring," she said. It was a rather simplified version of the truth, but she did not want to drive John away again. Perhaps at least their friendship could survive this mess.

John nodded. "It's funny, we're in the gym so much but I don't think I've ever been in here," he said, looking around the room. Looking at anything but her.

"It's quite a nice room, really, looks like it was living quarters once," John said, walking over to one of the doors and opening it. "Hey, look at this – this must be a bedroom… there's a balcony and everything… and an en-suite bathroom – this place is nice! Better not let Rodney see it or he'll be moved in like a shot…"

Teyla sat down on the window seat and watched silently as John moved around the room, giving his opinion on everything. She knew he was only talking so much because he was nervous, but she was afraid to say something first, even if it was to try and put him at ease. She did not know what he had come to tell her, and she did not want to unknowingly prevent him from saying it.

After a few minutes John stopped walking and turned to face her, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"I guess I should be apologising again," he said.

Teyla shook her head slightly and looked down.

"I, er, I'm sorry that I acted like I did in front of Sam," he said. "I'm kind of having trouble with the whole… time travel thing."

Teyla nodded, and decided she definitely was not going to tell him what had happened in this room.

"I understand," she said quietly.

John rocked on his heels. "I just… I want you to know that I'll do whatever I can to help," he said, very quickly. "With whatever you need. I mean, it's my kid too, even if, if…" His voice trailed off uncertainly.

Teyla knew exactly what he had been going to say, and her heart constricted painfully. "You do not feel that the child is really yours," she said.

John's ears went red. "It's not that… I…" he stammered.

Teyla smiled sadly. "It is alright John," she said. "I understand. Really."

For a moment John looked like he was going to argue, but the moment soon passed. "Right," he said. "Okay." He scuffed the floor with his boot and nodded to the door. "I'll… I'll see you later then," he said.

He turned to leave. Teyla watched his retreating back, her heart heavy. At least he had stayed calm. Perhaps things would be alright, eventually.

John paused as he raised his hand towards the control crystal and turned around again to face her.

"What happened?" He asked.

Teyla blinked. "Pardon?"

John looked straight at her. "When you were in the… how did it happen?" He asked. "Why did you… sleep with him?"

Teyla's eyes widened and she felt her face flush. "I… it just happened," she stammered. John had a steely glint in his eye, and Teyla knew he needed a fuller answer.

She swallowed nervously. "I was in the gym, and y-he came in and sat down next to me," she said. Her eyes closed briefly as she remembered the way John had smiled at her. "And you started talking to me –"

"It wasn't me." Teyla looked up at the hard tone of John's voice. He looked angry.

"Don't you see, Teyla, it wasn't me!" He exclaimed, taking a step towards her. "It was someone completely different, someone you'd never even met before, and you just slept with him!"

Teyla could not believe what she was hearing. "I –" she began, but John cut her off.

"Look, I'm sorry, I just can't get it out of my mind, okay?" He said, his voice rising in volume. "I know I've never… that we've never… I know I don't have a right to say anything, but I –"

Teyla was starting to get annoyed. How did he not understand? "John –" she tried again.

John shook his head. "I have to go," he said, turning around again.

"John, I thought it was you!" Teyla cried out, standing up. "Do you not understand? I thought that it was you!"

He really believed that she had known it was not him; that she had known what was happening and slept with him anyway!

John turned back to face her again, and Teyla glared at him.

"I thought it was you that sat down next to me, that it was you who was talking to me, and when he kissed me, I thought it was you! Do you think that I would have slept with any man that kissed me?" Teyla paused, her glare deepening. "Is that what you really think of me?"

John looked highly uncomfortable. "Teyla –"

This time Teyla cut him off.

"Have I ever given you any reason to think that of me?" She asked in disbelief. "When have I ever given you the impression that I would do such a thing?"

John was bright red and his eyes were wide with shock. "Teyla, I –"

Teyla's throat was thick with unshed tears. How could he think so little of her? "I have let very few men get close to me in my life, John, and I have never felt for them what I feel for you," she said, taking a step closer to him, rage making her hands tremble.

"Since the moment I met you I have been waiting for you to realise how much I love you!" Teyla took another step forward.

"Do you know how I felt when I realised it was not you I had given myself to? How much it hurt to spend time with you these past weeks, remembering how it had felt but knowing that you could not? How it feels to be carrying your child, but… but you not…" Tears sprang to Teyla's eyes, and she let her voice trail off.

She had to get out of the room before she started to cry. She did not want to see her lose more control than she already had.

Teyla hurried past John without looking at him, and swiped her hand over the control crystal. Nothing happened. She tried again, and still there was no effect.

For a moment, Teyla thought the door was broken. Then she glanced over at John and saw how still he was, and the look of concentration in his eyes.

"John, let me out," she said through gritted teeth.

John was staring at her. "Are you really in love with me?" He asked.

Teyla stared at him. "What?" She asked, flabbergasted. Then her memory caught up with her and she realised what she had said.

John took a step towards her. "Are you? Really?" He repeated.

Tears were threatening to fall from Teyla's eyes. "Let me out John," she said pleadingly, her throat constricting tightly as she forced back the sob trying to escape.

"Teyla…" John took another step towards Teyla, so that he was barely a foot away from her. Teyla instinctively raised her hands defensively, ready to push him back if she needed to, and he reached out and caught hold of her wrists.

Teyla gasped. It did not hurt, but it was a shock nonetheless.

John was staring at her, a fierce look in his eye. Teyla forced herself not to look away.

"I love you too," said John. Teyla's eyes widened and she shook her head, not daring to believe him.

John kept staring at her. "I do, I really do," he said. "That's why I've – look, I know I've been an idiot," he closed his eyes briefly, as if the memory caused him pain.

"All I could think about was you and me and how you'd experienced something that I hadn't and I kept wondering why we hadn't… I was so jealous."

Teyla gaped at him, barely able to breathe. "John –"

John inched in closer and rested his forehead against hers. His grip on her writs lessened but he didn't let go. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I'm really sorry."

Teyla stared at him. She could not believe this was happening. She could not believe that she could achieve such a happy ending.

Teyla twisted her wrists out of John's grasp. He lifted his forehead and, his face full of sadness, started to step back. Teyla placed her now free hands on his shoulders and kissed him.

It took John a moment to realise what was happening, but he soon responded to the kiss, his hands moving around her back and pulling her tighter against him. Teyla teased his lips open with her tongue and he groaned into her mouth as their tongues met for what she realised was the first time – from his point of view.

John backed Teyla up a couple of steps until she was flush against the door with his body pressing up against hers. Suddenly, without warning, the door began to slide open. They stumbled and broke apart.

Teyla looked up at John. His eyes were slightly glazed over and his hair was even more messy than usual. He smiled sheepishly.

"Whoops," he said. "I guess my concentration slipped."

Teyla raised an eyebrow. "Well, I hope that you get it back," she said. "You are going to need it."

John smirked as she took hold of his hand in his. "I am?" He asked.

Teyla smiled. "Yes," she affirmed, leading him out into the corridor. "I would hate for you to miss out on any… experiences."