Silent Tears
By Puzzler
Disclaimer – Thunderbirds is owned by Gerry Anderson and Working Title Films. I'm only borrowing them for fun.
Summary – After the death of their mother, the lives of the Tracy brothers change dramatically. How did they get through this traumatic time, and become the family of heroes we now know? Slightly AU.
A/N – I know John seems different in this chapter than the last one, but he realised that he had to be strong for his brothers, as this is what Lucille said to him before she died. I also know that it may seem that John acts older than 13 in this story, but he does have 4 younger brothers, and has probably had to grow up rather fast. Eventually, all of this may catch up to him. I hope you enjoy.
Note – writing in italics indicates a character's thoughts, and also anything written down eg, a letter.
A/N 2 – When I was stuck on a part of my last story, I decided to design a front cover for it as if it were to be published. I have now done this for this story as well. They are not brilliantly artistic, but if you would like to see any of them, then ask and I will do my best to send them in an email.
A BIG THANKYOU for all the reviews, and please enjoy this next chapter!
Silent TearsChapter 3 – Realisation
"No, she can't be…" Virgil said again, jumping to his feet, tears streaming down his face. "I know she…"
"Virgil, please…" Jeff begged his son, unable to stop himself crying as well. Jeff had known it would be hard to tell his younger sons of their mother's death…it had been hard enough to hear it himself, but there was nothing he could really do to help them. "We have to be strong, for her."
"NO! You're lying! She's not gone!" Virgil shouted and practically ran out the cabin door into the snow. Gordon, sitting on the other side of the room, almost looked ready to follow him out.
"I'll find him." John offered quietly, barely holding back tears himself, and getting down off the worktop he had been sitting on. He turned to his father. "They need you here."
There was a long silence after John left – Jeff, Scott and Gordon were all lost in their own thoughts. A few seconds later, the quiet was broken by a soft thump followed by muffled crying from the bedroom. Alan, who had been asleep when Jeff and John had come back, had dropped something out of his bed.
"Alan is never going to understand."
FABFAB
"Virgil! Virgil, come out if you can hear me!" John called, following the vague path Virgil had left in the snow.
"Go away John. I'm not listening to you."
"Virgil, please…" this time, there was no answer. "Look. I know you are upset, but I'm your brother. I want to help you."
"I want mum." Virgil said, slowly coming out from behind the shed that was hiding him.
"I know Virgil. I miss her too. We all do." John knelt down where Virgil had collapsed down into the snow, shivering from cold and loss. "It's not going to be easy, but she wanted us to carry on and not give up. Do you think you can do that?"
Virgil nodded, wiped away some of the tears on his face and started to stand up. She wanted us to carry on. "You sound like her John."
I do? John thought as he started to lead his brother back to their cabin. "Let's get back before you catch a cold."
They had been walking for about a minute before the silence was broken again "John, I don't think I can go on without her."
FABFAB
A week later – back at home
"Alan, you need to get to bed now." John said quietly, leading him back to his own bed in the room he shared with John. The others didn't know how he put up with sharing with Alan, but Scott, Virgil and Gordon all shared the larger room, and so didn't complain. Lucille had always said that it would bring them closer as a family if they shared rather than had separate rooms. John had already shared with both Virgil and Gordon at different points, and was now used to having one of his brothers with him.
"No, I want mummy to tell me a story." Alan cried, reluctantly climbing under the covers.
John looked down to the floor before looking back at Alan. "Mummy's not here anymore. Can I tell you a story instead?"
"OK." Alan said, lying down.
"Right. A long time ago, there was a little prince who was a long way from home…"
FABFAB
Jeff was walking down the hallway, desperately trying not to think about the dreams that had been plaguing him or how lonely it seemed in the house without Lucille around when he heard his eldest son's voice.
"Strange. I thought he'd gone to bed hours ago." Jeff murmured, heading towards the voice coming from Alan's bedroom.
"…now that all the evil people were gone, the little prince was able to return home to his family and live in peace."
Jeff pushed open the door to see John sitting on the edge of Alan's bed. "Alan couldn't sleep?"
"Oh, dad, I didn't hear you." John exclaimed, jumping up. He looked back down at Alan, checking he was still asleep. "No, he couldn't, he wanted mum to tell him a bedtime story. We've tried to tell him she's not coming back, but he's too young to understand…"
"I know. He keeps reminding us of what she was like, and we should be grateful for that."
"That reminds me of something else. The funeral on Sunday, Gordon and Virgil have asked if we might be able to say a few words…to say goodbye…"
"If you feel it will help…" Jeff stopped him from having to explain. "Then of course you can."
"Good. I'll tell them tomorrow. Good night dad."
FABFAB
Where is it? I'm sure it was here a few weeks ago. John thought, rummaging through a box from under his bed. It was the third box he had gone through that morning. Scott had offered to help him look earlier after he had told him about saying something at the funeral, but John had refused, thinking that this was something he didn't really want his brothers knowing about.
I know I left it around here somewhere. John added, putting the box back and thinking that maybe he had managed to lose it since his last birthday.
"Finally, found it." he exclaimed a few minutes later, pulling out a dusty book from the bottom of his wardrobe. It was a dark red leather book with a gold lock on one side, and the word 'Thoughts' written in gold on the front. Lucille had given it to John as a special diary for him to keep the year before, but he had never got round to starting it.
John sat down on his bed, and picked up the key that he had found in his desk drawer. The key fitted the small lock perfectly. He opened up to the second page, leaving one blank, and started writing:
I feel I have to have someone to talk to about what has happened to our family, so that's why I'm starting this diary.
In these pages is someone I can confide in. Someone I don't have to explain myself to. Able to tell my greatest secrets and fears. To be my friend in this dark time…
I know I cannot give in. I promised myself…I promised mum, that I would be strong for my brothers and help them through this.
It's just so hard. That bedtime story I read to Alan yesterday…what happened to our 'happily ever after'?
TBC…