Chapter 21

Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests

In years to come, Harry would never know how he had managed to make it through the next week and a half without a mental breakdown. Sirius wasn't talking to him, Remus was dying, Ron and Hermione wanted answers that Harry wasn't ready to provide, Remus was dying, the N.E.W.Ts had arrived, and—of course—Remus was dying. No matter what Harry had thrown himself into, his mind always returned to Remus' revelation.

How could it not?

It was only because of Remus' pleas that Harry attempted to take his N.E.W.T.s although his preparation location had changed to the Marauder Quarters. Ron and Hermione hadn't questioned the change but Harry could feel their curiosity growing with each passing day. It was hard to keep Remus' condition a secret but Harry knew that it would only distract them as much as it was distracting him. Hermione had enough on her plate and Ron couldn't afford to be distracted.

The N.E.W.T.s were spread out similar to the O.W.L.s except that the tests began earlier and ran later. Harry and Ron had lucked out for the first week, having exams every other day, unlike Hermione who had nearly a full schedule. It was one of those times that Harry was glad he hadn't overloaded on classes. He had no idea how Hermione was able to successfully keep half of the information straight but Harry did know from years of experience to never underestimate what Hermione could pull off.

The theoretical exam for Charms began early Monday morning, providing an extreme wakeup call to all of the seventh years to exactly how difficult the N.E.W.T.s would be. In addition to the regular exam questions, there were abstract questions that could be answered any number of ways. Ironically, those were the questions that Hermione couldn't stop talking about with a smile on her face, much to everyone else's annoyance since everyone wanted to push the five hour exam out of their minds.

The practical exam for Charms was even more intense. Right after lunch, the seventh years were called in groups of five for an hour long physical exam of spells ranging from Wingardium Leviosa to Expecto Patronum. Each spell was critiqued as well as the casting technique. Silent casting was obviously preferred but there was no penalty for vocalizing the more difficult spells. For those at the beginning of the alphabet, they lucked out by being called right away. Harry and Ron, on the other hand, had to wait several agonizing hours until it was their turn. By the time Harry heard his name called, he had run through nearly every spell he could remember…multiple times.

The exam itself, in Harry's opinion, was completely different from the practical exam. There were no abstract questions or short essays to write. It was just Harry and his wand. You either cast the spell or you didn't. There was no time to second guess yourself. All Harry had to do was what the elderly wizard standing in front of him told him and before he knew it, his exam was over. It had been a little awkward when he had been asked to cast his Patronus since everyone had stopped what they had been doing to watch Midnight, Moony and Prongs jump out of his wand but it could have been worse. The anomaly with Harry's Patronus wasn't exactly a secret.

By the time Ron was finished, dinner had already started. As they entered the Great Hall, a quick look around was all it took to notice Hermione's absence. It wasn't surprising since she had her Ancient Runes exam early in the morning. Harry would bet his Firebolt that she was reviewing with Remus. She had been ecstatic when Remus had offered his assistance even though he admitted that his knowledge of Ancient Runes was a little rusty.

Out of respect for Hermione and desire to avoid being hexed, Harry and Ron kept their distance from the Marauder Quarters for the night. It was hard to focus on seven years of Transfiguration when your brain was exhausted and overloaded but neither Harry nor Ron were talented enough in the subject to miss valuable time studying. Professor McGonagall had been extremely blunt on how demanding the both tests would be and, if the Charms exam was anything to go by, Harry knew he would probably need as much time as he could get.

The following morning seemed to creep up on all the seventh years. Those that had the Ancient Runes exam were out of their Common Rooms extremely early with the rest of the seventh years on their heals. For Harry and Ron, it was a rather long day studying everything they could about Transfiguration in the Marauder Quarters with Remus. Sirius was, once again, no where to be seen, annoying Harry beyond measure. It was understandable that Sirius was upset but he didn't have to ignore everyone around him like a child.

Sometimes Harry just had to wonder how old Sirius really was.

Hermione joined them after lunch looking frazzled but refused to talk about anything except for the next exam. Harry and Ron wisely decided to abide by her wishes. Both knew from experience how Hermione could get after an exam when she wasn't confident she answered every single question correctly.

The following day passed in a similar fashion to the first day of exams with one exception. When it was time for the practical exam, students were called in reverse order, throwing nearly everyone in a loop. Ron looked like he was about to be sick and Harry wasn't feeling much better. Instead of being in the last group, they were now in the first. Hermione lucked out by remaining in the third group but it was clear she didn't feel the same way. With her Arithmancy exam the following afternoon, she was only too eager to get Transfiguration over with to prepare for the next exam.

The moment Harry entered the room he forced himself to focus on nothing but the upcoming exam. He had already struggled through the theory exam. He couldn't afford to falter on the practical. Standing in front of the elderly witch, Harry took a deep breath and awaited his instructions. It seemed that it was only a blink of an eye before Harry was finished and ushered out through a door on the opposite side of the large room from where he entered. To his surprise, Ron was already waiting for him with a nervous look on his face.

"How did you do?" Ron asked softly.

Harry shrugged his shoulders. Thinking back to his blunders was really the last thing he wanted to do at the moment. "Hard to say," he said honestly. "It was certainly more difficult than Charms."

"Well, that's a given," Ron said bluntly. "I'll tell you one thing, though. I don't know where I'd be without Remus' help. He's really been a lifesaver."

"He's always been that way," Harry said softly. It took an enormous about of control for Harry to keep his voice steady instead of screaming in outrage. It was becoming more and more difficult to respect Remus' wishes and just stand by and watch someone Harry loved as a father slowly deteriorated. He wanted nothing more than to sneak up on Remus and give as much as possible, regardless of the consequences. To Harry, spending a few days asleep meant nothing if it could spare Remus even a mere moment of pain.

"You all right, Harry?" Ron asked cautiously, pulling Harry out of his thoughts. "You look like you've lost your best friend. Are you still upset about Sirius? He'll get over it. Just give him some time."

Harry snorted. He seriously doubted Sirius would just 'get over it'. Knowing what he knew now, Harry could only imagine what Sirius was going though. His best friend was dying and his godson was leaving for another country. Nearly Sirius' entire family was deserting him whether it was their own choice or not. Sirius' feelings were understandable. His behavior, however, was not. Instead of making the most of the time left, Sirius was avoiding everyone.

It was difficult to choose between sympathizing and wanting to strangle the man.

Harry and Ron went out of their way to give Hermione her space that night while they struggled to find the incentive to dive into Defense Against the Dark Arts. It wasn't because the entire D.A. had spend months learning Auror level spells. It wasn't because the stress and exhaustion was slowly creeping up on them. Ever since returning to Hogwarts, Defense had been a difficult subject for Harry. It was hard to enter the classroom and not see Kingsley teaching. In fact, every time Harry saw someone else at the post, it made Harry miss Kingsley all the more.

Funny how you have no idea how important people are until the time comes when you'll never see them again.

When the morning arrived, however, Harry and Ron had no choice but to dive headfirst into their Defense material. They had arrived at the Marauder Quarters early—early enough to see Sirius ignore them before leaving. Harry tried to ignore the pain in his chest as well as the anger and frustration pouring off of Sirius but it certainly wasn't easy. Perhaps he had underestimated how much he had hurt his godfather.

Perhaps his godfather no longer wanted anything to do with him.

Preparing for Defense Against the Dark Arts hadn't taken much time at all. Of course having Remus thoroughly questioning them on the important points helped and retouching on a few fundamentals also helped but that was as far as Remus went. He refused to do or say anything that would even remotely cross the line of cheating for which Harry was extremely grateful. He already received enough favoritism from strangers. He didn't need it from family too.

The theory exam itself couldn't have pointed out the vast degrees of learning amongst the seventh years. Harry, Hermione and Ron were among the first to finish with the members of the D.A. slowly following them. Unlike the Charms and Transfiguration exams, the abstract questions actually made some sort sense when the war was taken into consideration.

The practical exam would have transpired in similar fashion if they hadn't been called alphabetically. Once again Harry and Ron were in the final group forcing them to wait for hours with nothing to do but mentally run through every spell, hex, jinx and charm that could possibly be covered. By the time their names were called, Harry just wanted it to be over with while Ron looked extremely ill. Waiting was probably the worst part of the practical exams, allowing even the most confident to begin doubting their abilities.

The moment Harry stepped into the large room, a sense of foreboding filled him. He could feel the gazes of the five elderly witches and wizards following him with every step he took. He reached the farthest elderly wizard and waited as he felt the silencing wards flare to life around them like they had for every practical exam. Unlike the previous exams, however, the examiner approached Harry with an amused smile on his face.

"Mr. Potter," the wizard said brightly, "We have agreed that your participation in this exam is unnecessary with your accomplishments. If you would prefer—"

"—I would prefer to be treated like every other seventh year," Harry shortly as he enfolded his arms across his chest. I should have known normalcy was too much to ask for. "Shall we begin?"

The wizard nodded although the shifting of wrinkles around his mouth made it clear that he was fighting a frown. Harry bit back his irritation and fought to maintain his focus on the task at hand. His belief that the wizarding world knew nothing about him had just been confirmed. He understood that they believed he had earned a break but if he had wanted a break, he wouldn't have returned to Hogwarts just to take the N.E.W.T.s.

Just to prove a point, Harry made sure that he completed every requirement perfectly, even if it took longer than everyone else in his group. By the time he had finished, his examiner was smiling proudly at him. It took every drop of self control for Harry to leave the room without saying a word but somehow he managed. He hated that the thought had even entered his mind but he couldn't help think that leaving all of adoring public behind couldn't happen fast enough.

How bad of a person did that make him for putting peace of mind ahead of the cherished time he had left with friends and family?

"Potter."

Harry came to a halt the moment he entered the hallway and let out a frustrated sigh. Would this day ever end? Reluctantly, Harry turned and stood face to face with a tired and nervous Draco Malfoy, standing alone. Harry didn't know how to react. Ever since Malfoy had returned to Hogwarts, he had gone out of his way to avoid Harry and Harry had done the same. It was one thing to 'be forced' to help with the Dark Lord's demise but it was another to be on civil speaking terms with the one who put an end to the 'Slytherin Revolution'.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" Harry asked in a bored tone.

Malfoy's light grey eyes shifted from left to right before settling back on Harry's. "Actually, I was hoping you pass on a message to Black," he said softly. "My mother would like to speak to him about returning to the Black family."

Harry's eyes widened slightly. He didn't know that much about wizarding law but he knew enough to piece together what Malfoy was actually saying. Narcissa Malfoy wanted to dissolve her marriage to her husband and renounce any role the title of Mrs. Malfoy would have given her, basically making her son sole owner of the Malfoy holdings until Lucius Malfoy is released from prison—if that ever were to come.

"I'm afraid you'll have to find Sirius yourself, Malfoy," Harry said at last. "He and I aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment."

Malfoy scowled. "I would if I could find him," he shot back. "I even asked McGonagall for help. No one knows where he goes all day but it certainly isn't anywhere around Hogwarts. He leaves the grounds at the crack of dawn and doesn't return until after curfew."

Harry's eyes widened further. Remus had failed to mention that. Unless Remus doesn't know about it.It made Harry wonder. What in the world was Sirius up to? Did he spend the days drinking in some pub with a particular barmaid? Harry doubted it. Sirius had looked fine yesterday morning. Unless he was under a glamour but why would he mess with that?

"I'll keep an eye out for him," Harry said distantly, "but I suggest you do the same. Hopefully one of us will spot him."

Malfoy gave Harry a short nod before turning and briskly walking away. It was refreshing to see that some things would never change, including Malfoy's dependence on the public's opinion of him. It was something Harry would never pretend to understand. It was a mistake to rely on what others thought of you because there was bound to be someone who thought ill of you, no matter what you did.

A familiar hand rested on his shoulder, abruptly putting an end to any further thought of the 'Malfoy enigma'. "You all right, Harry?" Ron asked cautiously as waves of concern surrounded him. "He didn't try anything, did he?"

Harry shook his head. "Just Black family stuff," he said nonchalantly. "Ready for dinner?"

Ron grinned as they started their journey to the Great Hall. "Do you even need to ask? I'm always ready for food. Fancy a game of chess afterwards?"

Harry stared at Ron with a raised eyebrow. "You know we can't. We have to prepare for the Potions study session tomorrow with Remus. It's our weakest subject and I would prefer to not look like a complete idiot in front of our entire class."

"There are only eleven of us, Harry," Ron pointed out as they reached the Entrance Hall, the chatter around them increasing to a level that made it slightly difficult to hear. "Plus, we have all weekend with Remus to go through everything."

Harry let out a sigh as they walked past the opened large double doors into the Great Hall. Hermione was already at the Gryffindor table, eating with one hand while the other held a thick, worn book. It was a common sight ever since the N.E.W.T.s began and probably would continue until their final exam, Herbology, was completed on Tuesday. "No, we don't," Harry said firmly. "Remus needs a break before he wears himself out completely."

Ron came to an abrupt halt just behind Hermione as he stared at Harry curiously. Harry cast Ron a warning look before sitting in the open seat to Hermione's left, leaving Ron to take the seat to Hermione's right. It was impossible to miss the suspicious glance that Hermione shot Harry over her book but one could still try, right?

Wrong.

Hermione suddenly closed her book and turned to Harry with a determined look on her face. "I don't know why you can't tell us what's wrong with Remus," she said quickly. "We could help out, you know. Both of us have noticed how ill he's been looking and we know it has nothing to do with the full moon last week."

Harry bit back a retort as he took a long sip of pumpkin juice from his goblet. He was torn between wanting to spill everything and screaming at her. Didn't she realize that people were allowed to have privacy? Just because she wanted to know didn't mean she had a right to know.

"Lay off 'im, 'ermione," Ron said with a mouth full of food. At Hermione's scowl, Ron swallowed what he was eating and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Did you ever think that maybe Remus doesn't want anyone to know?"

Hermione quickly turned, staring pleadingly at Harry. "It isn't like that, is it Harry?" she asked nervously. "Why would it matter if we knew or not? It isn't like he's dying or anything, right?"

Harry cringed and suddenly found his nearly empty plate extremely interesting. Avoiding the topic was one thing. Outright lying however…

"No!" Hermione gasped in horror as a loud clink made their ears ring. Ron had dropped his fork. "Harry, please tell me it's not true!"

Harry slowly looked around to make sure no one was listening then discretely cast a privacy charm around them just to be safe. "Now you know why I didn't want you to know at least until after exams are finished," he said in a defeated tone. "Remus didn't even want me to know."

Ron was staring at Harry with a dumbfounded expression on his face, his mouth opening and closing before he seemed to snap out of shock and spoke. "But he's getting help, right? I mean, they're looking for a cure to whatever's wrong, aren't they?"

Harry hesitated as he tried to find the words to say to be honest but not to the point of being harsh. "Ron, there's no cure," he said carefully. "His body can't take the transformations like it used to. It's something that every werewolf goes through. The question is just when it'll happen."

Hermione buried her face in her hands while Ron closed his eyes and bowed his head. Waves of shock, disbelief and despair poured off of both of them so thickly that Harry nearly felt like he was being suffocated. Squeezing his eyes shut, Harry tried to push the waves away only to have them intensify. A painful gasp escaped his lips as he gripped the table tightly, hoping against hope that Ron and Hermione would get their emotions under control sooner rather than later.

"Oh!" Hermione gasped. "Oh Harry, I'm so sorry!"

The waves calmed slightly but they were still there, constantly teasing and taunting along with that pain that was repeatedly trying to invade his heart. "It's all right," Harry croaked. "I understand. Both of you love him too."

Hermione reached out and gave Harry's hand a reassuring squeeze. "It's just a shock," she admitted shakily. "We've known he's been ill for some time but he's always brushed it off as nothing serious." She let out a long, uneven breath. "How could we have been so blind?"

"Is there really nothing we can do?" Ron asked imploringly. "There has to be something if all werewolves go through it."

"Who would care about a dying werewolf with all of the discrimination against them in the wizarding world?" Hermione asked bitterly. "What about Sirius? Is he trying to find anything?" Harry cast Hermione and incredulous look, causing Hermione to flush slightly. "Oh, sorry Harry. I forgot you two weren't speaking. I just can't believe Remus is just going to give up. Does he really want to die?"

Harry had to admit that he had shared Hermione's opinion…at first but now, as he tried to defend Remus' decision he understood where Remus was coming from. This wasn't about what Sirius, Harry, Hermione, or anyone else wanted. This was about what Remus needed before his body gave into the strain it had been put under for so many years. Remus wasn't giving up. He didn't want to die but he also didn't want to spend what could be the rest of his life in a hospital. He wanted to spend it with his family.

"No, Hermione," Harry said at last. "He doesn't want to die. He just wants to live as much as he can for as long as his body will let him."

The weekend seemed to rush by one moment only to crawl the next. It had been difficult for Ron and Hermione to hide their knowledge of Remus' condition, especially during the two hour study session late Saturday morning. Hermione nearly let it slip multiple times when she kept trying to help out. Remus had maintained his usual calm presence but Harry could tell it was a façade by the waves of frustration pouring off of him. It had taken multiple firm nudges from both Harry and Ron to get her to eventually stop but it seemed to take a lot of effort on Hermione's part to remain silent.

After the session, Harry had managed to corner Remus about Sirius' alleged excursions only to find that Remus was just as surprised as Harry had been. Remus had assured Harry that he would find a way to pass on Malfoy's message and hinted that he would do some investigating of his own. It was obvious that Remus was a little unsettled that Sirius was now keeping secrets from him.

With the Potions theory exam early Monday morning, Harry, Ron and Hermione had little time to do anything other than last minute preparation. Potions had always been Harry's most difficult subject until he began his training with Madam Pomfrey last year and even then Harry had to work hard to keep everything straight. There were so many specifics to remember, so many reactions to avoid. It was enough to make anyone's head spin.

By the time the exam began, Harry was all too eager to never have anything to do with Potions again. With as small as the class was, it was easy to notice when someone became frustrated and when someone became excited. Unfortunately, those two emotions were most intense from the two seated next to Harry. Hermione could barely contain her joy as she quickly answered question after question, being among the first to finish. Ron, on the other hand, quickly gave into his frustrations, making the entire exam feel like torture. It was one exam that Harry couldn't wait to escape.

The practical exam was slightly easier. Each student was assigned to a table where they would work on their potions without the risk of a classmate spying on their work. This actually worked in Harry's favor, allowing him to focus on his potions instead of what was happening around him. Each student was given a list of three potions to make with the notice that no one's list was the same. Harry's list consisted of a common Sleeping Draught that he had actually made many times under Madam Pomfrey's watchful eye, the Draught of Living Death that he had made during his first lesson with Professor Slughorn and the Draught of Peace, a potion he had actually never made because he had been in a coma when the class had attempted it.

It was nearly half-way through the exam session before Harry started on the Draught of Peace. Luckily, Hermione had taken remarkable notes, giving Harry an idea of what the potion should look like but that was all he had. It'll just have to be enough. Harry worked diligently until he was informed that time had expired. He knew the potion hadn't turned out as well as the previous two but he had done what he could. That would just have to do.

With the most stressful exam finally completed, studying for Herbology suddenly didn't seem so consuming anymore. It helped that the majority of the material for Herbology had been covered in some shape or form in Potions. He would prepare as much as he could and do as well as he could manage. That would just have to do.

The following morning crept up on the seventh years just like they all had for the past week. Like everyone other day, Harry, Ron and Hermione were up insanely early like the majority of the seventh years to grab a quick breakfast before condemning themselves to five hours of Herbology. No one had much to say. It was obvious that everyone just wanted the N.E.W.T.s to be over with. Even Hermione was subdued which was saying a lot.

As they left the Great Hall, Harry noticed the owls starting to arrive with the morning post. It struck him as odd that it was coming so early and how much of it there was but he pushed it out of his mind to focus on his final exam he would ever take at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It was almost sad if you thought about it.

By now, everyone knew what to expect from the exam. There were no surprises, allowing the emotions to remain steady for the entire five hours…well, as steady as they could be. Harry tried his hardest to ignore the ticking of the clock and the examiner who announced how much time was left in half hour intervals. He answered question after question until the final word was written on the final abstract short answer question.

Handing in the exam, Harry could feel his body relax as the realization hit him. His Hogwarts education was completed. Despite everything he had gone through in the last seven years, he had still managed to finish something that everyone else at Hogwarts took for granted and he had done it without any special treatment whatsoever. Pride started to swell inside him as he left the large room. It was almost funny that completing an education felt even more gratifying than destroying one of the most dangerous Dark Lords in wizarding history.

It wasn't long before Ron joined him, looking and projecting just as much relief as what Harry was feeling. "Well, I'm pretty sure I passed that one," Ron said with a shrug. "Up for a bit of early lunch? I'm starving. I could eat an entire hippogriff."

Harry grinned. "Don't let Hagrid hear you say that," he said good-naturedly. "Shouldn't we wait for Hermione though?"

Ron shook his head. "She's already gone," he said with a shrug. "Don't know why she couldn't wait for us today. She doesn't have any more exams either."

Harry suddenly had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach as they began their journey to the Great Hall. "I hope she isn't in the library trying to find a way to help Remus," he said softly. "Remus needs us to support his choice, not second guess it."

"She just wants to help, Harry," Ron offered. "You know Hermione's just that way. Until she finds it in some book that there's no cure, she'll just assume that the right book hasn't been found yet."

Harry let out a sigh and nodded. He knew Ron was right. Hermione still put too much faith in the written word to realize that Remus probably knew more about werewolves than any book since he had actually experienced nearly a lifetime of being one. How long would it take for Hermione to realize that sometimes the answer couldn't be found in a book, especially with the way the Ministry tends to discriminate against magical creatures?

As they reached the Entrance Hall, Harry suddenly had the feeling that he was being watched. Glancing around, he noticed that he was indeed being watched…by everyone. Whispers broke out, making Harry wonder if he had been jinxed without knowing about it. Before he could even open his mouth to question the behavior, Hermione arrived with a panicked look on her face. Harry's thoughts immediately took a dive for the worst possibility. Had something happened to Remus?

Hermione shot a glare at those nearby before grabbing Harry by the arm and pulling him into the Great Hall with Ron on their heels. "I can't believe people," she muttered angrily as she pushed Harry into a chair at the Gryffindor table and slammed the 'Daily Prophet' down on the table. "I don't know how they found out Harry…"

Harry could only stare at the headline in disbelief. Savior Leaving. Harry Potter Chooses to Study Abroad for Healer Training.There, written for the entire wizarding world to see, were articles and editorials criticizing and evaluating Harry's decision for his own future. Several believed that he was abandoning the wizarding world when they needed him the most while 'specialists' commented on how this 'behavior shouldn't be surprising when past actions are taken into account'. They were evaluating his entire life like he was nothing more than a test subject!

"Mum's going to kill me," Ron moaned as he collapsed into the seat beside Harry.

"Ron!" Hermione hissed as she glanced around. "I think that's the least of our worries."

"Excuse me!" Ron exclaimed, horrified. "I tend to like breathing!"

"Stop being so dramatic," Hermione shot back. "We all know that your mother would never do anything to cause any permanent damage."

"Permanent!" Ron squawked. "You clearly don't know my mum as well as you think you do. I like my buttocks to be the same size, thank you very much."

Hermione shot Ron a withering glare before returning her attention to Harry. "Look on the bright side, Harry," she said gently. "At least they don't know where you're going and you'll be under an alias so there'll be no record of 'Harry Potter' where you'll be."

Harry let out a sigh and nodded as he buried his face in his hands. The point was that they would be looking for him although he didn't know why he didn't expect this. He should have known this was the reaction he would receive for making a choice in his best interest, not the wizarding world's. But they need to realize that my role is done. It is time to move on.

"Mr. Potter." Harry groaned and turned to see Professor McGonagall's stern gaze. Before any sound could escape his lips, she spoke again. "The Minister of Magic is here to see you. Come with me, please."

Harry wanted to scream. Could this day possibly get any worse? The only thing he knew was that he would receive no criticism from Scrimgeour. Hell, the man would probably throw me a going away party just to get rid of me sooner.