AN: So, I think I'm starting to see a pattern here. The more and more I write in this story, the longer my chapters get. I guess that's a good thing. Anyways, thanks for the patience on this latest chapter. I know it's been a few days, but I really put a lot of effort into this. Hopefully it's satisfying for you guys. Reviews have gone down just a tad, but I think it's just because people are on vacation and it's not because I'm losing you guys with this story. I hope I'm not losing you guys with this story. The reviews that I did get for the last chapter were amazing, and the feedback was excellent. To the reviewers who give me detailed reviews, your words mean a lot to me. You let me know the areas that I'm doing well in, and I love hearing your insight and analysis on the issues that I bring up. Just about 100 percent of the time, you are absolutely right.
I hope you guys really like this one. Review!
Chapter 11: A Sign
Hyde opened his eyes to a stream of bright sunshine hitting him in the face. He quickly closed his lids, trying his best to wake up without being blinded. He quickly noticed that he wasn't on his cot, but instead laying on his back in a fluffy, comfortable bed. He also felt the hot weight of Jackie's naked body lying on top of him, her head resting on his chest and one of her legs wrapped around his own. Tingling pins began poking his arm as he realized that Jackie had been sleeping on it all night. He wondered how long his arm had been asleep but didn't care enough to move it so his blood flow could be normal again. His body was still craving her closeness, and he didn't have the heart to move her. He opened his eyes again, quickly moving his head so that the light didn't rape his pupils once more. His face came in contact with the top of Jackie's head and the scent of strawberries filled his nose. He always remembered Jackie smelling this way, and it was nice to know that that hadn't changed.
Hyde thought back to last night and how lucky he was that Jackie took him back. He promised her long ago that he would never cheat on her again, and not only did he break that promise, but he hurt in more ways than he thought he was capable of. He thought back to Eric explaining what happened in the hotel room, how he found Kelso in a towel and just stormed off to Vegas. Hyde imagined that he must have been pretty pissed, but he couldn't imagine being so pissed that he stayed with a stripper even after Jackie told him nothing happened. Since the nurse, he had learned to give Jackie the benefit of doubt on Kelso issues, but something about that night must have made him see red.
None of that mattered anymore. Jackie was slowly forgiving him, and she proved that last night when she gave him her body. From the very beginning when he and Jackie started fooling around on the basement couch, Hyde knew that sex meant a lot to Jackie. She didn't just do it with anyone and when she did it for the first time with someone, it meant something to her. Hyde had come to realize that it also meant something to him too. The first time they did it, it was a little while after everyone found out about their secret relationship. Jackie had been getting hell at school from her fellow cheerleaders and everyone doubted that they would even last. One night after a big football, she stormed into the basement wearing her cheerleading uniform with fire in her eyes. After making love right there on the basement couch, Hyde noticed her features calmed and she never again did she let what any of the assholes at school say get to her. Hyde soon realized that Jackie was trying to prove to herself that what they had was real. That night had made it very real for him as well. Sex was the only barrier that he had put up with her, and he knew once he let her knock it down, there was no turning back.
Last night was also more than just sex. Jackie was beginning to trust him again and she wanted him to trust her too. She took control and led the way, wanting him to follow her without question. Hyde had always had problems with people being in control of his life mostly because he had no control of what happened to him in his childhood. He never wanted anyone to get the best of him, not even Jackie. He knew that was always a problem with them. She'd say one thing, and he would argue just so he wouldn't be doing what she told him to. She would push, and he would push right back. She wanted him to show her his weaknesses, and he would hide even more. All of it was a power struggle in Hyde's mind, and in the end they had both lost. Lying on her plush bed that he never knew existed, underneath her body that had aged 2 years since the last he remembered touching it, Hyde wished once again that he could remember even the bad moments he had had with Jackie. Maybe then he could know what was the final strike for him was. What single incident had made him give up on them all together. He wasn't sure though if what he found out would change any of this.
Hyde felt the stirring of Jackie's waking body, her thighs tightening around his leg and her fingers stretching across his chest. He looked down at her face to see her eyelids fluttering open, her long lashes darkening her tired eyes. For a second, Hyde felt his breathing stop and his limbs tingle, and it wasn't from her laying on them. At that moment, Hyde knew that nothing could trump what he felt for her, not even memories.
"Good morning," Jackie whispered up at him, smiling slightly as she closed her eyes once more. She cuddled deeper into his body, hugging him close. Hyde leaned his head down and planted a kiss in her hair, staying just like that for a few more minutes, enjoying everything about her.
Mrs. Forman hummed as she turned another pancake. Her womanly hips wiggled around to the little tune she was singing as she delightfully made breakfast for her family. Her husband, Red, sat in his typical chair at the table, his back to the wall as he read the morning paper. Her son walked in from the door leading to the living room, a wide grin on his face lighting up the room for her.
"So I take it your date with Donna went well last night." Kitty said as she turned some sausage on the skillet.
"Oh, it went more than well." Eric replied, taking a seat across from his father at the table.
Red flopped his paper down on the table, laying his stern eyes on Eric. "Don't talk about that at the table."
Eric laughed, waving his hands in front of him, "No, no. Donna and I didn't go that far last night. We just had a really great time talking."
"Well that's wonderful, honey." Kitty said cheerfully, placing the plate of pancakes in the middle of the table where both Eric and Red began to dig in right away. "I'm so happy that you and Donna are really patching things up."
"But Mom, you just said the other day that I could find someone better."
"I was only saying that so you two wouldn't just repeat the same mistakes. You two have a tendency not to communicate very well." Kitty made her way back to the stove.
Eric opened his mouth wide, his jaw hanging in shock. "What do you mean? Donna and I have always talked about our problems. We just hadn't talked since I've been back from Africa, and I think that was bugging her."
Red plopped the syrup on the table setting his eyes on his son once more. "Look son, I've told you this before and I'll say it again. I am proud of you for becoming a man and making your own decisions with how you want to live your life, but the way you have treated that girl over the past few years has not been perfect. The only problems that you and Donna ever talked about were the little measly fights you would get into all the time. When you had big issues to handle, you just swept them under the rug and ignored them."
Eric sat shell shocked in his seat. "Well, we talked about a lot of that stuff last night."
Kitty came back over to the table with a plate of finished sausage. "And that's great, honey."
Hyde walked through the sliding glass door of the kitchen and took his place at the table. Eric quickly looked to him with a scowl. "Well I don't see why you guys are lecturing me about how I treated, Donna. You guys never talked to Hyde about ignoring his problems with Jackie when he stayed with that stripper."
Hyde shot a sneer in Eric's direction and Red quickly butted in. "Don't bring Steven's issues into this. Anything that I have or haven't said to Steven in the past is our business, just like what I have said to you is your business and mine. Now shut up and eat your breakfast."
Kitty made one final trip, setting the coffee pot down on the table. An awkward silence fell on the Forman family once Red spoke his final words. That usually tended to happen when Red settled an issue. The air hovering around them was always thick with silence. Hyde took off his sunglasses and hooked them to the front of his shirt. He forked a few pancakes and placed them on his plate, drenching them in syrup just like he liked.
"So how was your date with Donna?" Hyde asked once he set the syrup down. Eric's frowned expression quickly brightened at the mention.
"Great. She actually said she would call me sometime this morning so we can go out to lunch." Immediately the phone started ringing, and Eric quickly whipped his head in its direction. "Oh, crap, that's probably her."
He shot up from his seat on the table, his hand clumsily smacking Kitty's coffee mug over.
"Sorry, Mom." Eric called to her as he dashed to the other side of the room.
"Oh, drats." Kitty said as she too sat up from her chair.
But all of this was just background noise for Hyde. He focused in on the brown liquid that began to pool around the center plate. The dark liquid quickly lightened in color and cubes of ice floated along as the spill spread across the floor. Hyde looked up and he was no longer in the Forman's kitchen. He was in the lobby of Point Place's only movie theater. He watched as Jackie stared down on her soaked front, completely horrified at the sight of her brand new sweater now ruined. Fez looked on, his face hardly masking his guilt. Jackie looked up to her boyfriend and began shouting obscenities, stomping her feet until she took off into the bathroom where Fez quickly followed.
Hyde got up from his chair and stumbled his way out of the kitchen. One by one, memories began flooding his mind, all of them scattered and not in any particular chronological order. He clutched head, frightened that the racing thoughts wouldn't stop. The past two years zoomed by him in a flash, only the significant moments really having any kind of impact on him. He felt his back lean against the tail bed of the El Camino and he allowed his body to rest there until this moment of unwanted clarity passed. His heart pounded at some of the things he saw. Sam prancing around the basement, making a snide remark to Jackie while he just tried to ignore the pain in her eyes, Sam announcing their marriage as a breathless "Oh my god" slapped him across his ear and he felt the small body next to him run from the room, and then the worst the thing that squeezed his heart the most. Kelso wrapped in a white cotton towel, his eyes widening in surprise at the sight of Hyde, ice flying everywhere. However, Hyde was wrong earlier when he said he must have saw red. All he felt was the cold and clammy blanket of darkness descending upon him, his heart shattering into tiny, irreplaceable pieces. Hyde grabbed his face, gasping for air. He felt like he had just been sucker punched in the stomach. The hint of vomit climbed into his throat as he choked back the need of becoming sick right there in the Forman's driveway.
But before he could hit something to force himself back into reality, she appeared before him again, and Hyde quickly realized the Nick was right. His woman in white wasn't a dream at all, but a memory. Before him stood Jackie in a white wedding dress, lacy frills running up her shoulders and her skirt flaring in a perfect ring around her. Her veil sat on top of her head, right where her raven hair was pulled back in a fancy pony tail. She was looking down on the floor guiltily. Hyde felt his body being pulled to her as she met him half way, throwing her arms at her sides. He wasn't quite sure what she said. All he could tell was she was trying to explain herself as her sad eyes shimmered in the light of the department store.
And then Hyde said it.
"You're beautiful."
Hyde felt a comforting hand touch his shoulder. The warm fingers brought him back to reality, and he quickly realized that he was no longer holding his head. He was leaning up against the El Camino staring out into the street at nothing. He turned to find Mrs. Forman looking up at him with cautious eyes as Red also waited not too far behind her.
"Are you okay, Steven?"
Hyde gulped down an uncomfortable and tense ball that had formed in his throat. "I remember." He managed to squeeze out.
Kitty turned to Red whose eyebrows were crossed in confusion. Hyde waited for them to say something because he had no idea what to do next.
Kitty turned back around her eyes wide with shock. She was lost of words. She blinked a few times, trying to get her thoughts straight and finally she spoke.
"We have to see Dr. Swardson right now."
"But I don't have an appointment for a few more days…"
"I don't care." Kitty said, pushing him towards the Toyota. "Red, drive him to the doctor's office, and I'm going to call Dr. Swardson right away."
Hyde and Red stood outside of the doctor's office, waiting for Dr. Swardson to arrive. It had taken them a while to leave the house due to an argument about whether or not Hyde could go by himself or not. Hyde insisted that he didn't need Red to drive him, and Red argued that Kitty would drive him crazy for the next week if he let him go alone. Kitty had run out of the house, yelling to them to get a move on, that Dr. Swardson was going to leave his house early to meet them at his office.
Hyde and Red looked on as they saw Dr. Swardson's car swing into the empty parking lot, parking in his specially marked spot. Hyde noticed once he got out of the car that he was really dressed down from the other times he had seen him, and he quickly figured that he wasn't even near ready to be coming in this early, yet he still did. A chill crawled up Hyde's spine as he began wondering about the importance of his condition. Nick had always been very professional and laid back, and now to see him dressed in a wrinkled tee shirt and jeans while fumbling to get out of his car was a bit of a wakeup call.
"Is that your doctor?" Red leaned in and asked.
"Yeah."
Red scoffed. "He looks like a quack."
"Sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting." Nick said as he scrambled in his pocket to pull out his keys. "I wasn't exactly ready for this phone call."
"We could have come at another time, Nick." Hyde offered.
"No!" Nick held up a hand as he pushed the door open. "It's very important that we talk about this now. It's no burden on me. Trust me."
They walked into Nick's office. Red walked over to one of the couches in the waiting area, still eyeing Dr. Swardson warily. "I'll just wait for you here, Steven."
Hyde walked into the room he had only spent two sessions in. If he had to be honest, he thought he would be visiting this place more. He really wasn't expecting any of this to happen. Like everything in life, he just rolled with the punches, never letting optimism leading him into false hope.
Hyde sat down on the leather couch. He watched as Nick searched through his desk for the tape recorder. Hyde noticed the Magic 8 Ball sitting in the same place he had placed it last. He picked it up once more, now unsure of a question to ask. He decided to take a shot in the dark and see what the answer would be to the one thing that was bugging him the most about this whole memory recovery. Will all of this change things with Jackie and me? Hyde shook the ball and turned it on its side. The blue prism floated to the top revealing its answer.
Yes.
Hyde chuckled. Figures it would give him such a definite answer on that one.
Nick sat down in his chair across from Hyde, placing the tape recorder on the table. As he pulled out the microphone to set it down in a good spot, he pushed the record button. Nick sat back in his seat, sighing for a second trying to pull himself together.
"So, what was it that triggered this?" Nick finally asked relaxing into his typical psychiatrist sit that Hyde had come accustomed to.
"Uh, Eric spilled some coffee and it reminded me of a few weeks ago when my friends and I were all at the movies together. After that just everything came back to me at one time."
Nick's face brightened up. "Do you have a full grasp on where your memories go? Like if he had to put them on a timeline, you could?"
Hyde nodded his head. "Yeah, it's like I've never forgotten them. I guess that's kind of what is weird about all of this. I remember remembering, and then I remember not remembering, and now I remember again."
Nick adjusted his body in his chair, folding his hands in his lap. "So is there anything you remember that might have made you repress your memories. Like the crash for instance."
Hyde thought for a second, feeling his body instantly clam up when he remembered the night of the crash. He had been shit faced but he still remembered. He remembered all those hopeless and maligning thoughts that plagued him all night. For so long he just rotted away but chose to live through it without considering anything else other than he was doing what was best Jackie and him. It wasn't until Donna threw in his face the one thing he never wanted to hear. It opened the doors he had been struggling to hold shut for months, and he internally beat himself to a pulp that night. The scariest part of it was he began to wonder whether his collision was even much of an accident at all.
Hyde sighed. He figured that all of these things were supposed to be what you told a psychiatrist: doubts, fears, traumas, suicidal tendencies. But Hyde just wasn't that guy, and he never was going to be. This man needed to hear words and Hyde was never one for words. Nick might have been a cool guy who could give him timely advice, but Hyde figured that someone else needed to hear him talk first before this guy.
"I don't really remember the actual crash, just what happened before the crash. I was just really bummed about things, you know, life in general."
Hyde caught Nick's expectant stare. His neck grew warm around the collar of his shirt and he fidgeted in his seat.
"Look, I already told you, I'm not the kind of guy that talks about this stuff, okay? It's just not who I am. I know you're trying to help me or whatever, but I'm just not going to change."
Nick leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees. "Look Hyde. I've dealt with a lot of patients, a lot of them actually a lot more reserved than you, so I'm used to this. But there is a reason you repressed these memories, Hyde, and if you don't want to tell me things about your past and the things that have happened to you recently, that's okay. You have recovered from your memory loss, and that's more than excellent, but if you let me, I can help you with the why, but the only way to do that is if you talk to me."
Hyde pushed his back against the couch, wishing that the cushions could swallow him whole. It scared him just how tempting Nick's offer was. Hyde was certain that if he had met Nick under different circumstances, they would definitely be cool with each other, maybe even friends. But his throat sealed shut, preventing the words from being spoken. This was how it always happened. It was as if his throat had a filter and the only words that could get through were the ones that didn't hold emotion filled connotations.
"Look, I really appreciate it, but I think I'm going to be okay."
"You do?" Nick asked, raising a questioning eyebrow.
Hyde nodded. "Yeah, I'll just put it this way. I've finally gotten back what makes me happy, and I'm going to make sure it never leaves again."
Nick eyed Hyde suspiciously, but there was really nothing he could do. If Hyde refused treatment, then that's just how it was. "Well, I really hope things work out for you, Hyde."
Hyde stood up from the couch. "Just to let you know, I think it's really cool what you do. I used to not trust shrinks, but you really care about helping people."
Nick smiled. "Thanks, Hyde. Just remember you can always stop by and see me if you ever need anything. Even if you aren't having any troubles. It's my job to talk to people."
Hyde nodded his head. "I'll keep in touch." And for once, Hyde really felt as if he meant it.
Hyde walked towards the door, but Nick's voice stopped him. "Wait, Hyde. I have one last question."
Hyde turned around, folding his arms but not in the same defensive way from when he first entered Nick's office.
"That dream you were having, did it turn out to be a memory?"
Hyde stopped for a moment, feeling his heart race and tingles dancing across his ribs. "Yeah, it was."
"Do you see the importance of it now?"
Jackie smiling widely with her hands clapped together in glee entered Hyde's mind again. She was the first thing he saw when he woke up after his accident and the last thing he remembered this morning. What was more important than that was when he remembered Kelso in the towel as his chest ached with pain and his brain clouded over with darkness, remembering her in that wedding dress cleared the fog and finally shined some light on his thoughts. Instead of pain, he felt his chest balloon with an unnamable feeling, but it was the same feeling he had when her vision first came to him. She was his light at the end of the tunnel.
"Yeah, I have."
Hyde paced back and forth in Jackie's hallway, trying to will himself to have the courage to say what he needed to. His hands shook in anticipation as he tried to find the right words in his head. Part of him wanted to just let things flow without a plan on his part, something that he always defaulted to when it came to Jackie, but another part of him just wanted to be able to let go and say exactly what he wanted to say. It had been a few hours since he saw Nick, and he felt that everything had come full circle in his mind. The memory loss and Jackie in a wedding dress all meant something.
Pushing out a huge sigh, Hyde marched over to Jackie and Fez's door for the third time in the past 10 minutes. He knocked loudly, calming his exterior as he waited for someone to open the door. As always, Fez swung open the door and blocked Hyde's passage from getting in.
"What, are you Jackie's door man or something?" Hyde asked, giving Fez a glare.
Fez stood up straight, taking offense to Hyde's comment. "Hey! I've told you guys a hundred times that I don't appreciate the foreign, low paying job jokes." He folded his arms, squaring his eyes on Hyde. "I'll have you know, I am a very successful hair stylist down at…"
Hyde pushed passed Fez and snarled, "I got my memory back, you dink. I know you're just a shampoo boy."
Hyde didn't wait for Fez to answer as he lightly knocked on Jackie's bedroom door, entering once he heard her small and cheerful "Come in" from the other side. He cautiously peeked his body in, finding Jackie sitting on her bed, reading what appeared to be the ending of a book. She turned her gentle eyes on him momentarily, "Hi."
"Hi." Hyde responded, quietly closing the door behind him. He watched her for a second as she read. Her body was curled up next to her bedside lamp and her ankles were locked together. Taking in her form, Hyde was certain that this was exactly what he wanted.
Jackie found a good place to stop and placed her Nancy Drew bookmark in between the last few pages of Wuthering Heights. She sighed contently, assuring herself that she would give her boyfriend a few hello kisses, and relax with him on her bed as she finished the end of her book. She rolled off her bed and hopped over to Hyde. She reached her arms around his neck and stood on her tip toes to plant a kiss on his lips. He met her halfway, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her close to his body. Once the kiss was done, Jackie pulled away, shining her beautiful smile up at him. When Hyde half heartedly smiled back, Jackie immediately caught on that something was not right. White hot fear shot down Jackie's spine as the one thought she had chose to ignore since yesterday crossed her mind.
"Uh," Hyde stuttered slightly and scratched the back of his head. "I kind of have to talk to you about something."
Jackie stood in front of him, gulping a few times as she prayed that he wasn't going to tell her what she thought he was going to tell her.
"What is it, baby?"
Hyde carefully looked at her, noticing the worried expression on her face. Her eyes had darkened slightly and she was biting at her bottom lip, forgetting that it wasn't good for her lipstick. He concluded that she must have been thinking the same thoughts he had been for the past few days.
"I remember." He simply stated, hoping that further explanation was not needed.
Jackie's stomach hit the floor and her insides shook with fear. She could feel herself breaking out in a cold sweat as squeezed her fists together to stop the tiny shakes in her limbs. "No, no, no, no, NO!" She screamed, turning away from him and walking to the other side of the room.
"Jackie, what's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" Jackie shouted, trying her best to laugh off her tears. "I told myself that this wasn't the way to do it, but you had to pull me in like you always do. I knew that living in this little fantasy world where we just forget about what happened was a load of crap, but I fell for it anyways. I'm so stupid!"
"Jackie, you're not stupid." Hyde walked over to her and grabbed her arm. He felt her tense underneath his hold, but she didn't pull away. He took it as a good sign.
"Yes I am! Now we're back to where we were again."
"No we're not." Hyde's felt his voice beginning to rise the louder she got.
"How do you know?!" Jackie screamed, beginning to tug herself away from him.
"Because I want to be with you!" Hyde shouted. Jackie stopped pulling and stared up at him with frightened yet curious eyes. Hyde suddenly noticed his outburst and quieted his voice more. "Just because I remember, doesn't change anything that has happened between us this week. I meant it then, and I mean it now."
Jackie felt the tears she had been holding back spill over onto her cheeks, "Steven…" She began.
"Look Jackie," Hyde interrupted, letting go of her arm now that he was certain she would listen to him. "This whole week or so has been really weird for me, but today when it all came back, something clicked for me. It was something that I've known for a while now but just never let myself admit it."
Jackie wiped the tears from her face, curiosity quickly replacing her disappointment.
"You remember how I waited until the last minute to give you my answer to my ultimatum, and you weren't there to hear it?"
Jackie nodded. "Yes, and I'm sorry about…"
"No, don't be sorry. I waited until the last minute for a reason. I don't know if you've realized this about me yet Jackie, but I'm a fuck up, and I don't like having to take responsibility for my mistakes. It's the same reason I stayed with Sam. I just pushed it off from it being my choice and thought that everything that happened to us was for a reason. It's the same reason why I told you to have a nice trip. What was done was done, and I thought you had made up your mind about us."
Jackie just watched him as he unleashed on her. She had only seen him like this a few times, but it was never about their relationship issues. He always clammed up when they talked about their relationship and said as little as possible. Now it seemed as if he wasn't going to shut up.
"Here's the thing Jackie. I'm always looking for a "sign" to find the easy way out. Back then during the ultimatum, I knew exactly what I wanted but didn't want to admit anything because I knew if it all went to shit then I couldn't live with that. Hell, when Sam's husband showed up, I still looked for a sign to make the decision for me and I knew exactly what I wanted then too."
Hyde huffed as he paced in front of Jackie's bed. He didn't know that once he started talking he wouldn't be able to stop himself. He must have broken his filter by forcing this kind of initiation. He noticed Jackie was staring at him, her eyes filled with uncertainty and yearning for him to continue. There was no turning back now.
"Today, when all the memories came back to me, I found the sign I've been searching for all this time, and I'd be the stupidest person in the world to turn my back on it now."
Jackie felt like her heart was going to break through her sternum. She held her hand to her chest, feeling the organ pump blood rapidly through her body, preparing herself for his next words.
"I don't understand what you are trying to say, Steven."
Hyde sighed and slid his glasses off his face. He stared into her eyes for another moment, remembering his memory of her that his subconscious had clung to for so long.
"What I'm trying to say is… let's get married."
AN2: I know, I know. I'm evil for leaving it there, but I don't think I've given you guys a very good cliffhanger since Chapter 1. Leave a review letting me know what you thought of this update!