Disclaimer: I own all villainesses except for Shego.
I told Carchee I updated. She didn't care. That's how long it's been. Please R&R.
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Kim wandered down the hallways, ticked off. Who was Shego to tell her to shut up? She could say whatever she wanted to say whenever she wanted to say it. She was only trying to help. Now, to find Ron.
She peeked quickly into each door; enough to spot Ron and yet not evade her arch enemies' privacy. In the last room, she heard a voice.
"It's nothing against you personally." It was female. Kim flattened herself so she could see what was going on but they couldn't see her.
Tigress had pulled up a chair to face Ron, her tail flicking from side to side. Ron was tied to the chair with curtains she had pulled from the window. Ron didn't look her in the eye, his chin set in anger.
"Then why didn't you kidnap Kim?"
"She wasn't alone like she is now." Tigress's head turned to Kim.
Kim jerked back, but Tigress was quicker. She twisted Kim's arm behind her back before she could blink and forced her into the room, locking it behind them. Kim darted towards her, but a scratch from Tigress's claw sent her reeling back.
"I can't have you running out there to answer your Kimmunicator, now can I?" She purred.
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"Hey, Wade. What's up?" Metaphor, as group shape shifter, had been elected to pretend to be Kim. She had it down to the tone of Kim's confident voice, the relaxed posture, the pattern of the pajamas she had been wearing.
This preciseness wasn't a surprise to anyone. Mystique herself couldn't get down a person's demeanor, quirks, strengths, and flaws as well as Metaphor could.
"Kim, I've been trying to reach you for the last half hour. My global positioning device says you're inside of Drakken's lair."
"I am." Drakken, as though hearing his name, appeared in the hallway frame. He beckoned Shego with a finger.
She shook her head, motioning towards Metaphor.
"I need to talk to you about the buffoon!" He yelled.
"Was that Drakken?"
"Yeah." Metaphor shot Shego a help me look.
Shego looked between her and Drakken. With a helpless shrug to Metaphor, she walked towards Drakken.
"Where is he?!" Drakken thundered, storming towards Shego.
"Well…we've seem to have, um… misplaced him." Shego worded carefully.
"How could you loose the buffoon?!"
"We didn't loose him; he's just probably off with Kim somewhere making out!"
"Shego, I'm right here!" Metaphor reminded Shego. Shego, however, was too distracted with stalling to understand the hint.
"Metaphor, I'm busy!" Metaphor's eyes went wide. Wade's went wider.
"I'm going to have to call you back." She hung up and sprinted, Kimmunicator in hand.
"SHEGO, WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT?"
"YOU BLEW OUR COVER!" Drakken looked curiously at Metaphor, still in Kim's form.
"What cover?"
"The computer geek's been calling for a half-hour and neither Kim nor the buffoon have come back from wherever they are." Shego snapped.
"So you tried to convince the computer geek that everything was all right by having the shape shifter pretend to be Kim?"
"Yes, is that so hard for your pea-sized brain to comprehend?! It would've worked if you hadn't have come in here asking where the buffoon went!"
"So you're blaming me for loosing Kim Possible and the buffoon?"
"I'M BLAMING YOU FOR THE FACT THE POLICE ARE PROBABLY BEING CONTACTED AS WE SPEAK!" The lair went silent. Shego looked around. Villains and villainesses' eyes alike were wide with fear.
"You mean the fuzz are coming?" Motor Ed asked.
"You mean the fuzz are coming?" Mischief mocked him.
"We didn't do anything wrong. This time." War Hawk said.
"We've got two teenagers running around in the lair of two villains wanted in all 51 states."
"Drakken, there's only 50 states in the U.S." Gemini pointed out.
"I was counting Puerto Rico!" He took a deep breath, turning to Shego.
"Girls take second floor…?"
"…boys take first floor." They nodded and the two groups spread out.
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Kim relaxed. Nothing was happening. Nothing had been happening for a long time. If something was going to happen, it would've happened by now, right? She reasoned.
"Is she asleep?" Ron asked, jerking his head towards Tigress. Tigress's head was resting comfortably on the back of her chair, her arms comforting it. Her breathing was slow.
Kim untied the curtains. They landed softly to the ground. She crept towards the door and eased the doorknob.
"It's locked from the outside." Kim's head jerked to Tigress, who hadn't moved.
"How stupid do you think I am?" She muttered, flicking her tail irritably. Kim went back to her chair.
Shego probably hadn't even noticed they went missing, Kim thought bitterly.
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"Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask if she wants to stay awhile. And she will be loved, and she will be loved." Golden Arrow sang under her breath, testing each door as she passed by. They swung into dark empty rooms.
She gave a small sigh, wondering if any of the other girls had found them yet. A small lair would do nicely, but no, they had to get the biggest they could afford. She came to the end of the hallway and jiggled the doorknob…it didn't move. She squinted at it. It was locked from the outside. She turned the lock…
As soon as that was done, the door flew open. Golden Arrow flew back, pressing herself against the wall.
"Who's out there?" Tigress called. Golden Arrow stopped breathing, feeling her heart beat was enough to bring attention to herself.
If Tigress caught her… she didn't want to think about that. Tigress scented the air, glancing around for the longest time and finally closed it. Golden Arrow took off, knowing her best chance would be to get the Kimmunicator from Shego, give it to Kim, wait she wasn't even sure if Kim was in-
Golden Arrow was shoved inside of a closet. She stood only to have it closed in her face and locked.
"Show you to stick your nose into my business." Tigress hissed.
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Ron looked up as Tigress came back into the room.
"Where's Possible?"
"Where's who?"
"Possible."
"What's possible?"
"Kim."
"Kim who?"
"Kim Possible."
"What are we talking about?" Tigress let out a lion-like roar. Ron shrunk some in his seat.
"Just tell me where the redhead went!" Ron jerked his thumb out the window.
"She saw her chance." Tigress thought this over for a minute.
Where was Rufus when they needed a good distraction?
"Should I believe you?" She looked at him a long time, and then shrugged.
"You are a dumb blonde." She walked out of the room.
Wait a minute… He couldn't remember if he told Tigress the truth or not. Better go ask Kim to get the story right. He raced down the hall, and then heard footsteps behind him. He looked back.
Tigress shoved him into a closet.
"What the-?"
"Dumb blonde." He heard Tigress laugh and the closet door lock behind him.
At least his landing was soft, he thought, wondering how loud he'd have to yell and how long until someone would get him out.
"I think Tigress is having a thing with blondes and locking them in closets tonight." Ron looked down.
He was sitting on top of Golden Arrow. How incredibly awkward.
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"Head count!" Shego yelled. The villainesses gathered.
Artica, Metaphor, War Hawk, Mischief, herself…
"We're missing Golden Arrow." Artica said.
"Great." Shego leaned over the railing.
"WE'RE MISSING ANOTHER ONE!"
"WE FOUND ONE!" Was the response. The girls pounded down the stairs and into their room.
The villains were all gathered with Kim talking to Drakken.
"Where's Ron?" Shego asked, trying not to look like she really cared about Kim showing up.
"Still back in the room, I think."
"Did you see Golden Arrow?" War Hawk asked. Kim nodded.
"She distracted Tigress while I jumped out the window." Kim said. Shego rolled her eyes.
"What's Tigress doing here? She's supposed to be in Paris." Metaphor asked.
"I don't know, but she didn't want me to answer the Kimmunicator." The villainesses' eyes widened.
"Because she knew if one of us answered it, they would think you were in trouble. Brilliant yet elementary!" Mischief sounded like Sherlock Holmes, smoking on an invisible pipe.
Shego darted up the stairs.
"It would freeze the sun if SHE wasn't invited to ONE sleepover!" She yelled.
"Someone's ticked because her sleepover isn't perfect…" Drakken murmured.
A knock at the door made them stiffen.
"OPEN UP! IT'S THE POLICE!" The villains stiffened.
"Mischief?"
"It isn't me." Her voice sounded like a scared little girl's.
There was a groan and then a slam as the door was knocked off its hinges. A group of uniforms, helmets, nightsticks and shields.
"I know she's a hero, but was it necessary to call in the S.W.A.T. team?" Metaphor muttered.
The girls glanced down at themselves and blushed, moving shyly behind the boys. No self-respecting woman would want to be seen by a squad in ducky pajamas, or monkeys, or just plain pink. The boys, however, felt no shame. The cops were lucky to see them with their shirts on.
"WHERE IS MISS POSSIBLE?" They shouted.
"THERE IS NO NEED FOR YELLING!" Dementor yelled. Kim stepped forward.
"I'm fine, guys, false alarm." She put up her hands.
"WHERE IS THE BLONDE BOY?!" They asked instead.
"He's upstairs. I repeat, everything's okay." She motioned to the villains.
"If this was a kidnapping, they wouldn't be in their pajamas."
"WE KNOW YOU ARE SAYING THIS AGAINST YOUR WILL." The supposed leader turned to the squad.
"PLAN OMEGA ON THREE! ONE!" Kim backed up.
"Get back." She murmured, herding the girls to the sleeping bags.
"TWO!"
"Get down." The girls dropped into a crouch.
"Why are we-" War Hawk began.
"THREE!" The squad charged in.
"Get the pillows!" Kim yelled.
Nightsticks were exchanged for standard issue military pillows. The boys fell back screaming as they were hit upside the head.
"RETREAT!" Drakken signaled the boys.
"CHARGE!" Kim called to the girls. Mischief pulled something out of her overnight bag.
"And they mocked me when I bought the pillow numchucks…" She said like Zurg.
The battle became chaos, an explosion of war cries and cotton. The officers vastly outnumbered the villains and even if they teamed up to guard each other's backs, they were usually beaten into submission. The boys gave up long before the girls did, unable to get to their side in time to claim their weapons, which were confiscated by the officers.
"Kim, how did you know?" War Hawk managed to ask before she was clobbered. Kim helped her up.
"Ring Kimmunicator. Very handy to clear up sitches." She laughed until a hit to the stomach caused her to fall over.
Angry screaming and yelling brought the pillow fight to a halt. The girls ran into the boy's room. Kim came in just as Tigress and Shego fell over the railing of the second story.
Tigress pinned Shego to the ground as they landed. Shego tore at Tigress, but she refused to release. They hissed angrily at each other and Shego's flames ignited. Tigress didn't let go.
Kim stepped forward, but Metaphor held her back.
"Don't get in the middle of this."
"No one else is volunteering." Kim pushed at Tigress. Tigress looked up at her.
"Knock it off. Shego knew this was going to happen, this is why she didn't invite you."
"Don't you have something better to do than to right all the wrongs of the universe?" Shego growled. Tigress slashed at her pants, causing her to jump back. She raised her hand again to claw Shego's face…
…Motor Ed grabbed her hand.
"Seriously, no one likes a party pooper." He said. Tigress lifted her other hand.
This time, Drakken caught it.
"You're not on the guest list. Get out."
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The lights were out and everyone was in their sleeping bags. Kim stared up at the ceiling, trying to fall asleep. Most were asleep, exhausted by the pillow fight. The police had carted Tigress away and she was probably in a cell somewhere.
"Do you want a pat on the back?" Kim turned. Shego was staring up at the ceiling.
"What do you mean?"
"Isn't that what you want after being so heroic and stopping Tigress?"
"Shego…"
"If I wanted you to intervene, I would've screamed "help"." She hissed, and then took a deep breath.
"You're too proud to ask for help." The words slipped out before Kim could stop them. Shego turned to her and Kim could see the lines Tigress had scratched down her face.
"You never depend on someone else to help you out of a mess you made yourself."
"You're so independent!"
"You're so preachy!" They both groaned and looked back up at the ceiling.
Why Kim Possible and Shego Can't Get Along; An Autobiography by the Latter, Shego thought to herself. I liked her better when Electronique zapped her with that helmet, Kim thought to herself.
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"I spy something gray."
"It's the coat above your head. I spy something brown."
"It's the box of Christmas ornaments behind you. I spy something…"
"Okay, this is just retarded." Ron crossed his arms.
"It's better than just sitting here." Golden Arrow said, leaning against the clothes.
"You would've thought they'd find us by now." Ron said.
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Okay, couple of announcements. First, just to do a little self-advertising, I do have a YouTube account (LilMissPoison). I have two KP videos up, one about Shego and Drakken and one just about Drakken, if you'd like to check it out. Second, I'm going on vacation for three weeks so don't expect a quick update. Please review.