o0o

That evening, a knock at the door pulled Hermione from St. Malpedus's ScabellumPedumTuorum, another prize pilfered from Lucius's library. She was surprised to find her co-conspirators standing in the hallway. She ushered them in quietly, locked the door, and cast Muffilato. She was immediately concerned that Hannah didn't return her smile.

"To what do I owe the honour?"

Neville stepped forward. "We want to keep Snape."

Hermione's mouth opened to argue, but Harry held up his hand. "Let us finish, Hermione. When we started this- whatever this is- we all agreed that the best way to thumb our noses at the Ministry would be to force them to play by our rules, right?"

"We agreed that the only way to do that was to get rid of all of the teachers, Harry."

"Right," said Ron. "But we've changed our minds. I reckon if we manage to drive off all the teachers but one, it still proves our point and we're actually more likely to get our way because we've shown that we can complete N.E.W.T.s level courses if the teacher sticks around."

"And let's face it, Hermione," said Hannah, "Ever since we trained Snape not to insult us and lose his temper, classes have been absolutely amazing."

"We're learning Master-Level Potions and have practical Defence classes with one of the most powerful wizards alive, even if he is a Dark wizard," added Susan. "Even you have to admit that Snape's classes are good."

"Besides," said Ron, "We've been spending so much time working on Potions and Defence that we haven't got rid of a single teacher since Malfoy and Snape came. Maybe it's time to renew our efforts."

"And honestly, you don't seem to be working that hard to get rid of Malfoy," said Justin, gesturing at the book on her bed.

Hermione stood, stung. "Is that what you all think? That I've been going easy on Malfoy for his books?"

"Well, you've had a different stack every night," said Hannah. "What conclusion ought we to have drawn?"

"I stole this from Malfoy's classroom because he's hiding in the dungeons. I'd be very surprised if he bothers showing up for Charms tomorrow."

"Why?" asked Hannah.

"Because I convinced him that he'd develop a skin condition if he tried to get close to me. He won't be in a three metre radius with me for love or money."

Ron's eyes widened. "You did WHAT?"

"I might have also mentioned that it would cause him to develop bad fashion sense, too," she added, thoughtfully.

"And he believed you?" asked Susan, sceptically.

"The poultrygeist kept him up all weekend. I don't think he was in top mental form."

"That wasn't very nice," said Harry admiringly.

"Neither was he, for all that the attention was kind of flattering." Hermione paused for a moment as looks of comprehension and horror dawned on her classmates' faces. "Look, I'm fine. I just don't trust Malfoy, and I'd advise you all to give him a wide berth as much as possible."

"Do you think he'd try anything similar with us?" asked Hannah nervously.

"If he does, just hint at how much time you spend in close quarters with me."

"I always heard that Malfoy'd try to shag anything on two legs," said Justin, "and once he sets his sights on you, you're in trouble."

"Where did you hear that?" asked Hermione scornfully.

"Blaise Zabini."

Harry rolled his eyes. "And how would Blaise know anything abou- oh." Harry flushed scarlet.

Ron gulped. "Malfoy doesn't really fancy blokes, does he?"

Susan looked uneasy. "I overheard Pansy Parkinson talking about what used to go on at his parties. She had it from her mum."

Hermione was interested in spite of herself. "What sorts of things?"

"All sorts. Men with men, women with women, men with women with men, women with women with-"

"Were there ever centaurs at the parties?" asked Justin.

Harry stuck his fingers in his ears. "I'm not hearing this!" he announced loudly.

"All right, all right. If Malfoy ever tries to lure you down to his dungeon, and you'd rather not go, just claim that you and I had sex, since he believes my curse will turn him into a spotty fashion disaster. If the sort of thing Susan described is what he's used to, the excuse should work for all of you, no questions asked."

"You're not worried about your reputation?" asked Susan.

"What do I care what Malfoy thinks of my reputation? Besides, it's hardly an insult."

"You were insulted before," said Ron.

Hermione smacked him in the arm. "There's a bit of difference between using a story like that to protect one's own virtue and using it to pad one's own reputation."

"If it makes you feel any better, nobody believed me," said Ron. "Except for that one manky git who called me delusional when I later admitted that we were just friends. I think he even wrote a book about it right before it was all over. My brothers haven't let me live it down."

"Mental, that one," said Justin, shaking his head.

"But back to the subject of Snape," said Hermione. "I agree that he's much better now than he ever was, but all our other teachers, Malfoy excepted, have been experts in their field with strong teaching experience. What makes him so special?"

"Well," said Harry, "I've been thinking a bit about Snape. It seems to me that he's got the short end of the stick in a lot of ways. If we gave him this, he might have an easier time of things ahead. Kind of a vote of confidence."

"Why does he deserve a vote of confidence? Hasn't he always been awful to us? Didn't he betray everyone's trust? Didn't he kill the Headmaster?"

"Well, yeah," said Ron. "But he saved us loads of times before. That, and things as we know them don't quite add up."

"My aunt always used to tell us not to second-guess the Wizengamot because they see the evidence and we don't," added Susan. "There must have been something pretty compelling for them to have let him go, because he certainly doesn't have the money and influence that Lucius Malfoy does."

"Unless Lucius Malfoy was pulling strings for the both of them," Hermione pointed out. "I don't trust either of them."

"All you need to trust is that Snape will continue to give us interesting and useful classes," said Harry. "And we could always reconsider our stance if he gets up to his old tricks."

"It's not like we're asking you to marry the man," said Justin, "just don't actively try to drive him off."

"You can do whatever you want with Malfoy," said Hannah. "I, for one, will be happy to help get rid of him."

"Me too, especially if it means I can say Hermione shagged me!" exclaimed Ron happily.

"All right," said Hermione, delivering a solid punch to Ron's arm. "I'll think long and hard about Snape and promise not to deliberately antagonise him after tonight."

"It's after ten, Hermione. What are you planning to do to him between now and tomorrow morning?" asked Harry.

A loud cock crow was audible from outside the window, but the accompanying crashes were silenced with surprising rapidity.

The students looked at one another in confusion.

"What did he do to the poultrygeist?" asked Ron.

"Something obnoxiously brilliant, I'm sure," said Hermione with a sigh. "Why does he have to be so difficult?"

Ron patted her shoulder. "Think of it this way- now you'll have that much more time to devote to getting rid of the other teachers. Now, since we're covering Japanese Jumping Juniper this week in Herbology, I thought we might turn your Snape-training methods to higher plants."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Tell me more."

o0o

Several days later, Severus let himself into Lucius's room in the dungeon, where he found Lucius still fast asleep, sheets tangled about his legs and his head underneath a pillow. He cleared his throat.

"Go away." Lucius's voice muffled by the pillow.

"Get up. You missed Charms yesterday and you have to teach Runes today."

"I'm content to lie here and be miserable, no thanks to you. I am surprised at you, Severus, goading me into pursuing the girl when you knew perfectly well that she's dangerous!"

"I'm surprised it's taken you this long to figure that out, Lucius. You witnessed the curses she managed to land on Dolohov as thanks for what he did to her at the Department of Mysteries, after all."

"That's not what I meant," said Lucius impatiently. "You did know that the Dark Lord cursed her before he died."

"Yes. I brewed the Potion that restored her. And I'll thank you not to repeat that. I have a reputation to uphold."

"Then why the malicious lies of omission regarding the side effects?"

Severus frowned. "What side effects?"

"The sexually transmitted ones."

"Lucius, have you taken Stupidity Solution? The Dark Lord turned Miss Granger into a marble statue, a fairly common punishment in ancient Greece. Fortunately, the literature on the subject is relatively well preserved, albeit obscure, and I managed to restore her before she had weathered significantly. There are no lingering side effects."

Lucius looked curiously at his friend. "Are you quite sure?"

A smirk began to spread over Severus's face. "Would you care to relate the circumstances under which Miss Granger 'confessed' having received a magical disease of Venus from the Dark Lord?"

Lucius pulled the pillow over his head again.

Severus's smirk widened into a grin. "And, pray, what supposed side effects were awful enough to catapult you into an extended sulk? The threat of bad hair for the rest of your life?"

Lucius crushed the pillow with his hands. "She knew I hadn't the capacity for analytical thought," he complained. "It was most unsporting of her to use it against me."

"On the contrary, it was clever of her to exploit the weakness you foolishly exposed. Am I to take it, then, that Miss Granger repelled your advances?"

"Repelled is just the word," said Lucius, tossing the pillow off the bed for emphasis. He sat up on his elbow. "In retrospect, it was quite an extraordinary performance, if one can get over the indignity of having had the wool thoroughly pulled over one's eyes."

"You'll get over it," said Severus. "Your ego is nothing if not resilient."

"True," said Lucius amicably. "Especially now that my mind is pleasantly occupied with turning the tables today during Runes."

"I'll do my best to wear her down in Defence this morning. I must say, when all this is over, I may miss the melees at the beginning of class. It's a most invigorating way to start one's day."

"Don't do anything disfiguring, please," said Lucius. "It would be just like you to spoil my fun that way."

"A moment ago, you were prepared never to see her again because you thought she'd have a detrimental effect on your appearance."

"Ancient history, old friend."

"You really are the most shockingly shallow, fickle individual it has ever been my displeasure to know."

"And you really shouldn't be allowed to wander the halls all buttoned up like that," said Lucius, laying a finger on the top button of Severus's robe. "You might give the students ideas about ripping your clothes off. Or perhaps that's just me."

"A brave attempt, but you'll not distract me from my class. It starts five minutes from now, and I haven't forgotten our bet, Lucius. You're already behind from missing Charms. I'd win if they had to sack you, you know."

"As if the Ministry could find someone to take the post if I left it," said Lucius, slipping into a plain silk robe.

"It'd be me, most likely, and I've no desire to teach Runes."

"Even with your hard-won ten galleons to keep you warm at night?"

"Get stuffed, Lucius."

"Good day, Severus."

Lucius laughed heartily as Severus slammed the door behind him, and opened the wardrobe, running his fingers lightly over the exquisite textures of his clothes. In order to gain the advantage on Miss Granger, some reconnaissance would be required, preferably on someone who would be susceptible to his charms.

o0o